Been 2.5 years since breakup, still not over her

[ConfusedGuy88]

So my story can be seen here. Short version is that I was dumped by GF after a 4.5 year relationship for another guy.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/283260-dumped-gf-after-4-5-years-no-warning

 

Basically I never imagined it would be this hard to move on but I've been unable to. I've learned so much about myself these past 2.5 years and have learned how I could of made different decisions in my personal life and my relationship with the ex but I still can't let go of the feeling that I will always pay for my mistakes and for the decisions I never made when I was still with her. She never gave me a chance to make any changes or let me know anything was wrong until it was too late. I feel those types of changes only come with time and it's certainly been a while but it's just the worst when you learn how you should have been during the relationship but there is nothing you can do about it now. It's truly one of life's ironies.

 

I basically have done complete No Contact this entire time. She never tried to contact me and I never contacted her. Have not heard a word from her in 2.5 years but I know she is still with the guy she left me for. I really thought I would have been over her by now but I'm not even close. The way things ended so abruptly and how I never got closure has been weighing down on me. Our relationship just felt so right for so long that I can't grasp how quickly it became nothing. Today is her birthday and every year I have to hold myself back from sending a happy birthday note. It kills me. I figured I would post here instead.

 

I'm just in need of a little support from the great community here. With so many of you having gone through similar circumstances it's nice to get some input.

[mtnbiker3000]

Dude, time to move on. Do whatever you have to do! Seriously! How much more of your life are you going to WASTE!!! Not to be harsh, but it's time!!

[CptSaveAho]

Just a bad single day....

 

Go skydive and ask for the hottest tandum instructor they have

[Amelie1980]

Find a new gf.

 

Seriously....you're too young for this.

[h0000]

Get her back form her bf or move the F on. You are a man, stop moping like a girl.

[all_cats_rgray]

I'v been 1.5 from my 7 year dumped . Pretty much the same thing.

 

I always worry I'm be where you are at 2.5 years.

 

To all the people tell him... move on get over it.

 

Well, don't be so hard on him. Beating him up and making him look like some kind of loser cause he hasn't moved on is well wrong.

 

Companion, is what is in order for you. I feel you man.

 

And when you get overly romantic like this, you have to look at the big picture. Step BACK. Look at everything. The big picture is a girl f.u.c.k.ed you over. You, are the writer of the rest of the story. It could end in, you being crusted and devoted till hell freezes over.

 

OR, You can write the rest of the story as; You meet someone way better then her, and you live happy ever after.

 

You are the hero of the story. I KNOW it will happen. I have to believe. You have to believe.

 

I know it's been hard. And reading post such as suck it up, get over her... Well it make you feel like there is something wrong with you. BTW, there isn't. Broken Heart, syndrome is everywhere. I'v see people rant about their ex's five years later.

 

A few things I recommend.

 

You have to find what makes you feel whole and better without this person in your life. You know that saying married to your work. Find things that make you fell fulled. Fulfillment from other people is unhealthy.

 

You have to take it easy on yourself. You are looking at this relationship as if you did something wrong. If only she gave you a chance. People stick together through, cancer, cheating, lies,... lol, even murder. BUT she didn't even give you a chance. For whatever you think you did "wrong". SHE looks pretty pathetic from my perspective.

 

You have to stop romanticizing HER. By the way. I forgot to tell you. This person you have been pinning for, does not exist. She's kind of a c. u .n. t.

You are creating this amazing person/relationship you had. It's all in your head. Really when it come's down to it. The person/relationship you knew was s.h.i.t.

 

Dude, I feel you.

 

But one day, you will meet someone that will give you all herself to you. The good the bad, the ugly. She will stick with you. She will NOT LEAVE YOU. And you will understand that whatever this little. .c...u..n..t. was doing with you was wrong. She was not worth it.

 

Sorry for my language.

 

Power on.

Edited October 2, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[cif]

Do you think her being with the other guy has anything to do with it? Maybe like a kind of rejection and that's what's holding you back?

[polger]

It's not easy to move on sometimes but you have to. You need to get on with your life, you will find somebody who is a better partner for you if you get back out there. I was told that there is many ones not the one, and all your ex's are not ones. Your ex is somebody who you tried to make it work with and it the relationship wasn't right for at least one of you. Would you want to be with her if she was going to be miserable? Trust me, I was with my ex for 2 years and she was miserable for most of it (she had other issues). Being with somebody who is not happy with themselves projects onto you and your relationship, some love is an addictive type of torture. Things will never be the same again if you did get back together, there would be major trust issues to overcome. The fact is, if she left you for another guy then she is not worth another moment. She may not have cheated on you, but she betrayed you emotionally by allowing herself to fall for somebody else. She should have told you straight away that she was having feeling for another person and cut that person off. After 4.5 years of a relationship you think she would have treated you with more respect, Instead she acted selfishly and jumped ship. She ran from her problems and is probably still running running from them. Just disconnect yourself and try to look at it like it's your friends situation.

[im_thedude]

Go schedule some therapy sessions. You need to move on.

 

I say this as a man two months removed from a three-year relationship. My ex is already dating another man. This was the longest, most painful two months of my entire adult life. I am entirely frustrated with being sad and am trying very hard to close the book on these feelings. You need to try too.

 

Your last two and a half years probably saw lots of good times, but if you're still not over it completely, it's time to be proactive and nip this in the bud. Talk to a therapist - pour your heart out to them. Engage in new things, and obsess over new people and hobbies. Time heals all wounds, but you have to knowingly fill that time with new, fun experiences.

[h0000]

I believe the OP cant move on because deep down he doesnt want to! He still allows himself to think about things he could have done when they were together. He still allows himself to obsess over "closure" and let it weigh on him.He still allows himself to think about his ex and their good times.

Im sorry but after 2.5 years it's just pathetic. He allows himself to waste 2.5 years!

And I'm sure she isnt that great. She isnt goddess and Im sure there are plenty of guys who wont be interested in her at all.

[all_cats_rgray]

Your pathetic, for calling a STRANGER pathetic.

 

It's trolling for a reason.

 

Yes, it sad. But it happens a **** load of times.

 

The OP, need see someone, hey it happens.

 

It's better then becoming a unfeeling cool sob like most people in the world.

 

So he care's for someone that doesn't deserve it more then he should.

 

Yes, OP should get professional help.

 

But really, at lest he's being honest. At lest you can tell he's has a lot of love to give.

 

(gender stereotype, if he was a girl saying I can't get over my long term relationship. People would no be so hard on him) Suck it up, be a man. ..pff.

[h0000]

I didnt say he is pathetic. I said the whole 2.5 year moping is pathetic. He should wake up and realize he is doing a pathetic thing (and eventually it's gonna make him look like a loser.Imagine if 5 years later he's still like this! Would any girl find it attractive that a guy still misses a 5 yr ago relationship?) He is better than that. He has lots of love and he should give himself some first.

yeah.. probably seek some professional help too. It is sad. It is sad that many people are fat too. But most of the time( except for medical reasons) it's their own fault. They whinge about being fat but they they dont do anything about it. Or dont try hard enough.

Its not gender stereotype. If my girl friends whinge about a 2.5 yr ago relationship I would say the same thing to her.

Im sure he's heard enough nice comforting words. Didnt really help him to wake up I guess?

Maybe I am a harsh person.

Edited October 2, 2013 by h0000

[reddragon588]

The first girlfriend I had took me almost 3 years to get over. Which is pretty sad because we only went on a few dates and were barely together more than a month.

 

It's true that you can't say "I'm over it" and just be over it. It has to be natural, for sure.

 

But, you can say, "I'm ready to be over it." And that will speed up the natural process of getting over it.

 

I don't think you've told yourself you're ready to be over it. I also don't think you've thought about what she did wrong. You sound like you're still trying to shoulder all the blame. This is a woman that left you for another man- it sounds to me like it's mostly her fault!

 

I also can say that if you know she's still with her bf, you're not in full NC. I couldn't tell you a single thing that has happened in my ex's life in the last 6 weeks since I finally went complete and total NC.

 

You can do this bro! It takes effort and a desire to feel better. Maybe consider therapy- it takes a stronger person to ask for help than to try to trudge through this alone.

[cif]

Hi again, just a question... if your ex came back to you would you want her?

 

There are some relationships that cannot be forgotten very easily, good or bad. Even decades down the line. This is why you see people searching on fb for exes years, marriages and kids later.

[UltimaWeapon]

Hey man I know exactly what you are going through. I also was in a 4.5 year relationship that ended because she left me for someone else. That destroyed me mentally and physically because the guy was not better then me in anyway. She jumped ship and that was it. She tried to come back two times claiming she was confused but I realized there was no fixing what was already done. My point here is..i was single for 2 years until I found another girl who I was only with for 3 months. I can safetly say until you are with someone else do you truly know if you are over your ex. and I mean physically and mentally over your ex. It took me 2 years to find someone who I felt something for again. It took me 2 years to be ready to be with someone again after all the damage my ex caused. But what I am trying to say is. You should have used this time to better yourself. I went from 120 pounds to 165 pounds in those 2 years. I gained a considerable amount of muscle and this was my therapy in overcoming my loss. I felt less of a man because of her, she broke me down completley and I made a promise to myself that I would change physically and never be who I was again. I never took the blame for the relationship ending because she was the one who ended up leaving me for someone else and who was cheating on me behind my back - emotionally if not physically at the time. You need to take your life into your own hands and tell yourself you will find someone better and be patient. I am in the same situation again- the girl who showed me I can love again ended it with me because she couldnt be with me due to family reasons ( religion, etc)- we are from the same country and speak the same language but her parents would never accept me due to differences in religion and that is one of the hardest things I had to learn to accept- because I have no control over it!

 

I am back at square 1 now. its been about 7 months since my break up with my other ex happened and I have been in this situation before. I still haven't fully healed from it. I still think about it from time to time but that is how life is. I can't control it and you need to learn to accept what happened and move on the best you can. It takes time and a new person to show you..that you can forget about her.

 

Good Luck