I have an STD

[callie]

I feel like such a bitch. I found out about a year ago that I have an STD. I'm not going to say what it is but it is an STD that you can't get rid of. It's something that I'll have for the rest of my life and that sucks. I don't even know who I got it from. Anyway, my gyno told me that as long as I used a condomn I couldn't give it to anyone.

 

So, I met this guy and we hooked up. I didn't plan on pursuing a relationship with him so we f***ed with a condomn. I didn't tell him about the STD the first time. We continued to have sex(with a condomn) about five times and I still didn't tell him. Then, we had sex without a condomn and there was no way I could tell him. So now, I really love the guy and I still have this and I'm afraid that when he goes to the doctor he'll find out he has something. Do I tell him that he got it from me or do I lie and wait for him to tell me and then pretend that he gave it to me? The thing is that he knows a friend of mine who knows about what I have and she's f***ed him and I'm afraid that she'll get it to and know that I f***ed him. It's just a huge ordeal and I don't know what to do.

[Laurynn]

First of all, I'm guessing that you have Genital Herpes (type 2 Herpes). The only other one you could have that's non-curable is Genital warts (human papilloma virus) but judging by the panic in your post, I'm guessing still that it's Herpes.

 

First of all....Herpes (and Warts) are two of the MOST common non-curable STDs out there. Lots of innocent people contract this just as lots of people who sleep around contract this.

 

Remember how devastated you were when you were told you had this? I'm sure you were extremely upset.

 

Your doctor was completely WRONG in telling you that you were 'safe' as long as you wore a condom while having sex.

 

I strongly advise you to go to one of the best Herpes Forums on the Net: http://www.racoon.com/herpes/

 

Go to the General Forum there....and you can ask questions and learn about this STD.

 

I'm not faulting you for having had sex with him, with a condom and NOT having told him...because you were going by what your doctor told you (or that's what you say)........but to have sex WITHOUT a condom was extremely irresponsible and disrespectful.

 

Telling someone you have Herpes feels like a total nightmare.....you are embarassed, you worry that they'll leave you, you worry that they'll be pissed and go and tell people........BUT, *YOU* have no right to withhold information that could very well affect their health, and cause them to have something that they'll have for the rest of your life.

 

YOU MUST find the decency and courage to sit down and tell him. It's not definite that he'll have contracted it....BUT, he can go to his doctor and start on some Herpes medications that will help to PREVENT him from getting it.....or at least if he does get it, these medications will help the severity of his FIRST Outbreak to be much less severe.

 

If you really *DO* love him like you say you do, you will love him enough to tell him. That's the bottom line.

 

To not tell him, and if he gets it, to accuse HIM of giving it to you....that is truly HORRIBLE, cowardly, mean, UNloving, dishonest and nasty.

 

You need to tell him NOW. Especially due to the fact that he's had sex with a friend of yours. She could very well be at risk TOO.....and she should know so that she can be tested.....or else, she may inadvertantly go on to spread this to someone else, and so on and so on and so on.

 

Now, about the condom. Genital Herpes is NOT restricted simply to the penis and/or vagina. The Herpes Virus can also be on the scrotum, inner thighs, ANYWHERE around the penis or vagina. So you see, a condom only protects the penis........that's why it does not provide 100% safety in the case of Herpes.

 

As well, there is also something called "Asymptomatic Shedding".....A lot of people believe, and are told by MISinformed doctors, that you are free to have sex, and are NOT at risk of spreading it to someone UNLESs you're having an outbreak (blisters, sores, etc). UNTRUE. Studies have been done that PROVE without a doubt, that a person may STILL spread/shed the virus even if they aren't have an active outbreak. It's been found that the risk of the degree of asymptomatic shedding correlates with the number of outbreaks that person has. The risk is somewhere like 3%. So if you're someone who has 12 outbreaks a year, you have a higher risk of asymptomatically shedding herpes to someone than if you're someone who has only ONE outbreak a year. But again, the risk is still there.

 

This doesn't mean you are screwed for life and will never be able to have a normal sex life.........but you have to take precautions and be INFORMED on the risks.

 

You also must TELL your partners, WAY before you have sex with them, that you have this. To not tell them, seriously...it's immoral.

 

Please go to the Herpes forum that I told you about.......and read there, and ask questions.

 

and PLEASE...sit down and tell your boyfriend...NOW. If you really do love him, you owe it to him to be honest. I know it will be hard.......but out of respect for his health, and the health of his future partners, he has a RIGHT TO KNOW.

 

laurynn

[Deejette]

Please tell him. Your conscience will bother you for the rest of your life if you don't. At least he can be checked and if he is lucky, he will be OK. It was wrong to have sex without the condom but you can still save the situation by never doing it again and always being up front with the guy about your disease.

 

First of all, I'm guessing that you have Genital Herpes (type 2 Herpes). The only other one you could have that's non-curable is Genital warts (human papilloma virus) but judging by the panic in your post, I'm guessing still that it's Herpes. First of all....Herpes (and Warts) are two of the MOST common non-curable STDs out there. Lots of innocent people contract this just as lots of people who sleep around contract this.

 

Remember how devastated you were when you were told you had this? I'm sure you were extremely upset. Your doctor was completely WRONG in telling you that you were 'safe' as long as you wore a condom while having sex. I strongly advise you to go to one of the best Herpes Forums on the Net: http://www.racoon.com/herpes/

 

Go to the General Forum there....and you can ask questions and learn about this STD. I'm not faulting you for having had sex with him, with a condom and NOT having told him...because you were going by what your doctor told you (or that's what you say)........but to have sex WITHOUT a condom was extremely irresponsible and disrespectful.

 

Telling someone you have Herpes feels like a total nightmare.....you are embarassed, you worry that they'll leave you, you worry that they'll be pissed and go and tell people........BUT, *YOU* have no right to withhold information that could very well affect their health, and cause them to have something that they'll have for the rest of your life. YOU MUST find the decency and courage to sit down and tell him. It's not definite that he'll have contracted it....BUT, he can go to his doctor and start on some Herpes medications that will help to PREVENT him from getting it.....or at least if he does get it, these medications will help the severity of his FIRST Outbreak to be much less severe. If you really *DO* love him like you say you do, you will love him enough to tell him. That's the bottom line. To not tell him, and if he gets it, to accuse HIM of giving it to you....that is truly HORRIBLE, cowardly, mean, UNloving, dishonest and nasty.

 

You need to tell him NOW. Especially due to the fact that he's had sex with a friend of yours. She could very well be at risk TOO.....and she should know so that she can be tested.....or else, she may inadvertantly go on to spread this to someone else, and so on and so on and so on.

 

Now, about the condom. Genital Herpes is NOT restricted simply to the penis and/or vagina. The Herpes Virus can also be on the scrotum, inner thighs, ANYWHERE around the penis or vagina. So you see, a condom only protects the penis........that's why it does not provide 100% safety in the case of Herpes. As well, there is also something called "Asymptomatic Shedding".....A lot of people believe, and are told by MISinformed doctors, that you are free to have sex, and are NOT at risk of spreading it to someone UNLESs you're having an outbreak (blisters, sores, etc). UNTRUE. Studies have been done that PROVE without a doubt, that a person may STILL spread/shed the virus even if they aren't have an active outbreak. It's been found that the risk of the degree of asymptomatic shedding correlates with the number of outbreaks that person has. The risk is somewhere like 3%. So if you're someone who has 12 outbreaks a year, you have a higher risk of asymptomatically shedding herpes to someone than if you're someone who has only ONE outbreak a year. But again, the risk is still there. This doesn't mean you are screwed for life and will never be able to have a normal sex life.........but you have to take precautions and be INFORMED on the risks. You also must TELL your partners, WAY before you have sex with them, that you have this. To not tell them, seriously...it's immoral. Please go to the Herpes forum that I told you about.......and read there, and ask questions.

 

and PLEASE...sit down and tell your boyfriend...NOW. If you really do love him, you owe it to him to be honest. I know it will be hard.......but out of respect for his health, and the health of his future partners, he has a RIGHT TO KNOW. laurynn

[sges]

and if all the talk about unfairness and immorality and disrespect of not telling your man isn't enough to get you to tell him (i understand how extremely hard and terrifying it must be...), think about this: if you do love him and have any desire to be with him still, you have to tell him. it will come between you and you will lose him. and it won't be a pretty end. do it for both of you. no matter what happens, it's the only way he'll respect you in the end.

Please tell him. Your conscience will bother you for the rest of your life if you don't. At least he can be checked and if he is lucky, he will be OK. It was wrong to have sex without the condom but you can still save the situation by never doing it again and always being up front with the guy about your disease.