BJ Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 Hi all. I just spent thanksgiving with my ex girlfriend and her family. I met her at her apartment and drove to her family's house. She had told me the night before that she did not want me to get my hopes up because her feelings for me have changed. When we got there it was good to see everyone and it felt like old times. She was hugging me kissing me and laying with me. we took pictures together and had a nice time. I did shed one or two small tears in front of her but was quick to try and hide them. So we are leaving and as i am saying goodbye we had one big long hug and long kiss just with our lips pressed together. I asked her what now. And she replied back that she will call me. I have yet to hear from her even though it has only been a few days. I had a nice suprise i had given her that morning as well that she loved and could not believe. Her mom and everyone kept saying how cute we looked etc. the Mom told me that we looked happy and i told her that it was probably just an act. Her mom said it is not just an act. she said she knows her daughter well enough to know that she was not putting on an act. so my question to all of you is what does all of this mean? I love her and miss her so much. that night i also said that i love her and that i know she loves me and she said that she did. Please help me to understand her. Link to post Share on other sites
Universe Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 She told you not to get your hopes up. So don't. Overall it sounds like you had a good showing. I wouldn't let her see your tears again. That will definitely not work. She seems to know how you feel. SO you don't need to tell her. Just show her by being yourself and being confident and being there for her. Kissing, hugging, and lying together? She's obviously confused. Either that or she's sadistic. She probably just needs some time. How did you guys break up? How long ago? and how long were you together? Her actions to seem pretty confusing. But she did tell you not to get your hopes up. So I would ignore the fact that she was so affectionate for the time being. It's hard to say what you should do. Why doesn't she want to get back together? Has she told you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 The hugging, kissing and other stuff can be explained, its just the fact you had a relationship and some of the feelings will still be there and it will just seem natural. As she said you shouldn't get your hopes up, at the moment I'd stick with trying to create these good feelings when your together. You need to get her to feel good when she's around you and once you get enough of these good feelings then its quite likely that something might start back up. You should treat it like a friendship at this stage. I think less kissing and less telling her that you love her since those will be counter productive, she needs to decide what she wants before she needs of those. Link to post Share on other sites
BJ Posted November 29, 2004 Share Posted November 29, 2004 we were together for 4 1/2 years. But duirng the time i lived in florida for 8 months which she still is mad at me for. even though we were not officialy together when i lived there we still talked and saw each other a couple of times, and i never cheated on her not even to this day. we always had a long distance relationship of about 70 miles. we broke up in mid september a week after her father said he no longer wanted anything to do with her or the family. basically she watched the father hurt the mother for years not physicaly just emotionaly. she is determined not to be her mother. i guess on some level i remind her of her father in the fact that for a while i always did what i wanted, but i was young and stupid. the point is I miss her so very much have made a lot of changes and even have taken a job to be near her. I just feel that it is all to late. I wish I knew what she was thinking. does she want to move on or is she just so confused she does not know what to do. i keep telling her to take her space and keep thinking about us and she says she is. has she written it off and says these things to be polite or is there hope somewhere in all of this. what should i do now just wait for her to call i guess. i want her back so bad it hurts so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I think you need to start thinking that it might be over, if you start the healing process now then things will get easier. You cant change the way someone thinks or feels, if you did then they wouldn't be the same person you've fallen in love with. You told her to take space but think about us? That seems a bit manipulative, she should be taking this time to sort her life out, it sounds like its a bit hectic. You've made changes for her? That isn't right, you should be making changes to suit you, not to accomodate someone else. If they truly loved you then they would be supportive of any decisions you've made. You've told her how you felt and she knows that, telling her again or in some other way may only push her away further. I suggest you start trying to occupy yourself with something, take up a hobby, go to the gym, work extra hours if you can or hang about with friends. Focus on your life and do some self improvement. Whatever you do, don't beg or cry for her to come back to you. Do you really want a relationship with someone whose with you out of pity or guilt? Link to post Share on other sites
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