were we more than friends? I'm tired wondering

[BleuRoses]

Hey! so I'm new here, but I really wanted to ask about something that has been bothering me for a while. (note: everyone involved is in their early 20s) I'll start from the beginning:

A few months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and things didn't end so smoothly (I wouldn't add this unless it were incredibly important to understanding my mental state, but after I broke up with him, he attempted suicide twice and I couldn't help but blame myself). I broke up with him because I realized I wasn't in love with him anymore but also because I had developed feelings for one of my good friends.

After my breakup, my friend and I were hanging out every day. He was wonderful to talk to and spend time with. He made me feel nervous and excited; feelings I hadn't felt towards anyone in a very long time, and so I fell for him even more.

The thing is he has a girlfriend and did before my breakup. She absolutely hates me and he has told me on more than one occasion that she is incredibly jealous of me. After a while, I couldn't help notice that he spent more time with me than with her and he just seemed happier around me (not frustrated and annoyed like he always was with her). All of my friends said they noticed that he and I had some sort of connection but they were just as confused as I was as to what was really going on.

I couldn't tell whether or not he liked me (a lot to do with self confidence issues and depression, especially after the rough breakup) so I tried to distance myself from him as much as possible and date other guys. And then our relationship started to change. He too became more distant but it felt forced. People, strangers even, would still make comments thinking that we were dating (even when his girlfriend was around), and one night he even tried to hold my hand in front of a group of our friends.

I was so confused and emotionally distraught that one night I told him I liked him but didn't really explain things further. He never admitted to ever liking me or not liking me. Actually, I can't remember much of the conversation because I was incredibly drunk, which is also probably why the conversation didn't really resolve anything.. poor decision.

After that night I cut off almost all contact with him because it started to hurt to be around him, and I knew I seriously needed to improve my mental state alone. I liked him too much and it was obvious he wasn't going to leave her despite how unhappy they are.

I cut off ties hoping my feelings for him would go away but it's been over a month now and while I'm doing better, I still can't help but wonder if we could have had something had I not given him basically every sign that I didn't want a relationship with him (I didn't really mean to do this but as I said, I was a wreck after the breakup). I obviously wasn't ready for anything more at the time, but has that bridge been burned? Does the fact that he never broke up with his girlfriend mean that he never had feelings for me?

All I want is to understand what went on between us these past few months and to be able to be friends with him again without letting my feelings get in the way. And if that's not possible, then I just want to finally be able to get over him. Advice please and thank you

[sunrise24]

Hi BleuRoses. Welcome to LoveShack.

 

You needed your time & space to recover from your breakup, however you felt would work best; this was an important part of taking care of yourself.

 

It sounds like he has been letting his relationship with his girlfriend override his feelings for you.

As long as he continues to be with his girlfriend, there's nothing romantic that can happen between you two. He needs to make up his mind as to whether he will follow his heart or stay "safe" within the bubble of an apparently unfulfilling relationship.

 

Feel free to ask any further questions or clarifying comments you may have.

Edited October 4, 2013 by sunrise24