WrinkledForehead Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Its 3 days after he told her their R is over, and I figured I'd update. On Sunday he met with her per her request. It was a long discussion. She had a few things of his to give back. I obviously don't hear from him during these times, as the A is/was not spoken of (though she's asked him several times if there was someone else) and I have insecurities about it all. In my mind I pictured reconciliation, and I spent most of the day sick to my stomach. My surprise that it was quite the opposite. They talked of, and in more detail, the reasons he is leaving her, discussed splitting the finances they do share (phones), and a little on pets (she has his pets at her house since he travels on occasion). I obviously have some work to do regarding insecurities, but he's aware of their existence. He has been honest about when and how often they communicate and we discussed the decline in calls, and when it will fully end. He also discussed this in IC. Obviously there are details to work out. I implored of him today how he is, because I wanted to know if hes burying his emotions or dealing with them. He is dealing, but mostly on his own time and in IC. He mentioned slight moments of panic ("did I do the right thing?" "What if I made a terrible mistake?") but says they're brief, and he hasn't acted on them. He works from home, says his walls are driving him nuts even though she hasn't really been there often in the last 6 months. We talked about driving to the city this weekend for a night, where we could have a dinner (I don't go out much during the school year but after 6 weeks of nights at home with books, I'm ready!), escape the town. He mentioned that he may want to fly home and visit family for this weekend. We decided to discuss it a little later in the week, see where his head is. Its day to day. I'm focusing on me, and still. I have another job interview tomorrow, better opportunity than the first, so wish me luck for that, too. Should I get into therapy to deal with my insecurities? It's not something new; I experienced some while I was dating prior to him. It helps that he is willing to listen to them, cares about what's going on with me, helps in any way he can to alleviate them. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Therapy is good for the soul in my opinion. If you're unhappy , then go. Your insecurity may be your common sense screaming, or a pervasive part of your life . If you aren't sure, go talk it out. But really, considering the circumstances....you've been asking the right questions and holding up well under the scrutiny here! I hope he plans on either taking or giving her the pets, since that cannot remain a tie between them. As far as his going away for the weekend instead of spending it with you...that's probably normal, needed, and healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WrinkledForehead Posted October 2, 2013 Author Share Posted October 2, 2013 Therapy is good for the soul in my opinion. If you're unhappy , then go. Your insecurity may be your common sense screaming, or a pervasive part of your life . If you aren't sure, go talk it out. But really, considering the circumstances....you've been asking the right questions and holding up well under the scrutiny here! I hope he plans on either taking or giving her the pets, since that cannot remain a tie between them. As far as his going away for the weekend instead of spending it with you...that's probably normal, needed, and healthy. Not unhappy, no. I'm a very satisfied person. My day to day is usually excellent, albeit extremely stressful. I've been in therapy on and off throughout the years, more off than on in recent years. I had an excellent counselor in my early 20s who really helped me in amazing ways. I met with one last year (unrelated to the A, as I wasn't in it then) and found incompatibility. Right now its low priority, but I've thought for some time that I should go. I know its good for me. My days are intensely packed right now. I suppose when I'm ready and its necessary, I'll go. Perhaps I'll make finding a therapist something I spend a smaller amount of time on each week. Between 5 classes and their homework, two kids I'm raising alone, 1 part time job, and seeking another, any extra time is sparse. But I'm sure I'll fit it in if needed. I know the time would be good for him. From all the other places he mentioned going (with and without me) I'm sensing he just craved some reprieve. Me, too. I crave it, too. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Oh my you DO have a lot going on! Shopping therapists is torture, I know. I'd save and the time and money and go on that reprieve sometime soon. Im glad youre satisfied, that's a good place to be. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 This situation hasn't helped your insecurity issues, it probably has made it worse as having an A with someone kind of sets you up the roller coaster ride of emotions so no wonder you're feeling this way. Do find someone you can trust and open up to. Face your fears, insecurities and maybe once he is more settled, he can join you. The A dynamic has to end. I don't like that he has lied to her and not told her the real reason why they are splitting up. He has skirted around the main issue - Not to protect her, but to protect himself and his assets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 It's a bummer he's not willing to get totally honest. He wants to visit his family...and he should. He probably needs their support right now. But it's obvious he can't take you to meet his family - that sucks. How long before you become real in his life - his close circle of family and friends? I think the insecurities are there because he's been lying and is still lying as he's exiting. There's no way to make a lie(s) something pretty. No way to dress it up and make it ok. The lie supports a major character defect. You're still his secret - going to dinner can't fix that. He needs his family - he should go see them. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 (((Wrinkled))) it sounds like things are on the right track. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 What has changed that has you FULLY understanding he actually told her that it is over? Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 Does he normally spend weekends with her? Do you have any evidence (other than his word) that he broke up with her? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 How's the week been? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Yes, wondering, too. Was just thinking about you this morning. Link to post Share on other sites
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