He keeps showing up, trying to stay strong!

[GainingStrength]

So, I posted the other day about finally ending things with MM... it took all of 12 hours of NC and not responding to texts before he showed up at my house. Regardless of how hard he tried, I told him that I was not interested in having a half assed relationship where crumbs are the most I could hope for. He askedme what he should do when he "needed" to call or text me. I told him, other than a situation where he drives his car into a ditch, has already called his Gf, parents, kids and 911 to no avail, I don't see any reason that he would actually "need" to call or text me. I told him that if he feels that strongly that he needs to be texting or calling me because he's sad or lonely or misses me, he should direct that attention elsewhere and call his girlfriend who he aparantly chooses to stay with.

 

I was SO proud of myself! Didn't answer any of his texts and he stopped... so I thought. Found out today that he called my babysitter (who is actually one of his employees) to ask when she was sitting for me this week because he wants to know when my date with another man is. Then about an hour ago, he showed up again, this time with a mutual friend who he sent in to try to get me to talk to him.

 

I stuck to my guns and refused to speak to him or even talk to the friend while he was there. I'm happy that I'm sticking to my word about NC, despite his attempts, but I have to admit that his persistance is wearing me down and playing some serious tricks on my mind.

 

What do you guys do when the person keeps showing up? It's only been since Saturday and he's already shown up three times despite living an hour and a half away! This is killing me and making it SO DAMN HARD to not cave. Secretly, I'm kind of glad to see that it's affecting him to the point that he would show up, it's very out of character for him, but at the same time, I need him to let me go so I can move on!

 

AHHH! this is making me crazy! How do you guys stay strong through situations like this?

[2sure]

He is displaying an alarming sense of entitlement. If he keeps showing up, that's going to become an issue for him.

[GainingStrength]

Thanks Red Wolverine. That's pretty much what I said teh last time that I spoke to him. I told him that he could call me when he was single and able to give me a commitment, but that I couldn't guarantee that at that point I would be available or willing to give him another chance. Said that if we both happen to find ourselves available and willing at the same time, that it might just be meant to be and that if it doesn't happen that way, we are both going to have to accept that. He asked for more time and for advise. I just told him to take actions with good intent and integrity and work with where the chips fall after that. Any other advice is not my place or concern anymore.

 

Nonetheless, it hurts like hell and takes every ounce of strength that I have to stay composed and not be overrun by emotions everytime he shows up.

[velvette]

Thanks Red Wolverine. That's pretty much what I said teh last time that I spoke to him. I told him that he could call me when he was single and able to give me a commitment, but that I couldn't guarantee that at that point I would be available or willing to give him another chance. Said that if we both happen to find ourselves available and willing at the same time, that it might just be meant to be and that if it doesn't happen that way, we are both going to have to accept that. He asked for more time and for advise. I just told him to take actions with good intent and integrity and work with where the chips fall after that. Any other advice is not my place or concern anymore.

 

Nonetheless, it hurts like hell and takes every ounce of strength that I have to stay composed and not be overrun by emotions everytime he shows up.

 

Why are you opening the door?

[GainingStrength]

Why are you opening the door?

 

Tonight, I was standing on my porch when he drove up... refused to see or speak to him.

 

The first time was while I was out to dinner with our friend... he heard I was there and came.

 

On Sunday, at my house, he sent me a text saying that he was there because he knows better than to ring my bell at night. I ignored it for a few minutes, but then my dogs started to bark and was afraid it was going to wake my kids up, so i went out, but still stuck to not giving in and laid everything out for him then and there.

[velvette]

I agree with Pierre and would start thinking about a restraining order.

[whichwayisup]

This guy is a stalker. He is also obsessed with the you. This is not love and I hope you don't see this as love.

 

Very true.

 

Time for you to (wo)man up and change your cell number. Tell the mutual friend goodbye and anybody else (babysitter and other friends, neighbours etc) NOT to give any information about you to him.

 

Call the police and file an RO. This is unwanted visits, harassment and it's not going to stop until YOU stop it. Call his common law wife, mom of his kids. Another way to make it stop.

 

The A is over and he is showing you freaky behaviour!

[Goodbye]

This isn't charming or affectionate in any way...I hope you realize this. Isn't this the same man, who just yesterday told his friend that YOU were chasing him? He sounds a bit too crazy for comfort.

 

Showing up with a friend? Is he twelve? And talking to your babysitter...NOT ok.

 

Tell him you will call the police if he shows up on your property. Do not open your door for him...you are encouraging it and you know that. You do. This behavior is NOT flattering. He isn't calling you telling you that after much thought he has decided to file for divorce. No....he is demanding a continuation of the affair on his terms. Crazy.

[thefooloftheyear]

This isn't charming or affectionate in any way...I hope you realize this. Isn't this the same man, who just yesterday told his friend that YOU were chasing him? He sounds a bit too crazy for comfort.

 

Showing up with a friend? Is he twelve? And talking to your babysitter...NOT ok.

 

Tell him you will call the police if he shows up on your property. Do not open your door for him...you are encouraging it and you know that. You do. This behavior is NOT flattering. He isn't calling you telling you that after much thought he has decided to file for divorce. No....he is demanding a continuation of the affair on his terms. Crazy.

 

I agree...

 

If he was a stand up guy, he'd respect your decision, tell you how he feels about you, and give you the space you desire..No matter which person ends it, its likely to be painful for the other(or both) parties involved. But to resort to the nonsense this guy is doing isnt attractive or "man like"...He is acting like a little boy. Im not sure I would go to the extreme route of a RO yet, but tell him in a stern manner that you dont want to continue with this nonsense.

 

The only proper way for this guy to handle it is to maintain his dignity and gracefully fade away. Im sure any OW will respect that more than any groveling or intimidation. Unfortunately, he already blew that chance to act in this manner. Hopefully he wakes up and realizes how stupid he is acting...

 

I wish you well..

 

TFY

Edited October 2, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[bentleychic]

I agree that a restraining order is necessary. I could understand his behavior (possibly wanting closure), to some extent, if you went NC cold turkey. However, you've laid it all ut on the table and he keeps coming back. Time to do something to make him accountable if he continues. Have you told his BS? That might be another option.

[GainingStrength]

No, I haven't told his GF and have no intention to. I'm pretty sure that she knows but hasn't quite admitted it to herself yet. There is really no way that she wouldn't know unless she's a complete moron, which I don't think she is. He would get home at 2 or 3 am completely covered in victoria secret love spell lotion, would spray his hat with my perfume before he leaves me so that it would smell like me when he wears it, he's even sprayed his truck with my perfume and taked home baked goods that I sell, which she is well aware of. I met her accidentally while she was working as a food vendor somewhere and as soon as his son and friend saw me and hugged me and said my name, her entire demeanor changed. He even went as far as to call me over while he was working with her and walk off with me. The affair has never really been hidden. Everyone of both of our employees and friends know and so do most of both of our families. There is no way she doesn't know about it. She's been heard telling perfect strangers that she can't stand him and hopes he gets hit by a truck, But she likes the money he brings in.

 

As far as a restraining order, I think that's going a little far. I just think that the initial NC and rejection has him scared because it's the first time I actually followed through on this. We work in close proximity so I'm going to have to see him around, but I've got a plan for avoiding him and don't really have any need to interact with him, I can go through one of our 'shared' employees if I need something from his place.

 

I had a talk with our friend this morning and told him that while I know he's concerned about mm and feels bad for him right now, it's hurting me just as bad for him to bring mm around me and try to get me to speak to him. He said he understood and apologized and promised to keep his relationship with him & me seperate and won't do it again.

 

I also spoke to my sitter and told her that if he asks about me at all, she should just tell him that she's no longer sitting for me. I told her that if she does tell him anything at all she will be fired from both babysitting for me as well as working at my bakery.

 

I'm going to give it until Sunday and hopefully he will have stopped showing up by then. If not, I'm going to tell him that I will leak the info that I know about his business and finances that he's been keeping from his GF, who is his accountant. If anything will drive fear into him, it's messing with his business and finances - His GF knows that and that exactly how she keeps him right where she wants him - by the wallet.

[crederer]

It got all "fatal attraction" up in here.

[Goodbye]

No, I haven't told his GF and have no intention to. I'm pretty sure that she knows but hasn't quite admitted it to herself yet. There is really no way that she wouldn't know unless she's a complete moron, which I don't think she is. He would get home at 2 or 3 am completely covered in victoria secret love spell lotion, would spray his hat with my perfume before he leaves me so that it would smell like me when he wears it, he's even sprayed his truck with my perfume and taked home baked goods that I sell, which she is well aware of. I met her accidentally while she was working as a food vendor somewhere and as soon as his son and friend saw me and hugged me and said my name, her entire demeanor changed. He even went as far as to call me over while he was working with her and walk off with me. The affair has never really been hidden. Everyone of both of our employees and friends know and so do most of both of our families. There is no way she doesn't know about it. She's been heard telling perfect strangers that she can't stand him and hopes he gets hit by a truck, But she likes the money he brings in.

 

As far as a restraining order, I think that's going a little far. I just think that the initial NC and rejection has him scared because it's the first time I actually followed through on this. We work in close proximity so I'm going to have to see him around, but I've got a plan for avoiding him and don't really have any need to interact with him, I can go through one of our 'shared' employees if I need something from his place.

 

I had a talk with our friend this morning and told him that while I know he's concerned about mm and feels bad for him right now, it's hurting me just as bad for him to bring mm around me and try to get me to speak to him. He said he understood and apologized and promised to keep his relationship with him & me seperate and won't do it again.

 

I also spoke to my sitter and told her that if he asks about me at all, she should just tell him that she's no longer sitting for me. I told her that if she does tell him anything at all she will be fired from both babysitting for me as well as working at my bakery.

 

I'm going to give it until Sunday and hopefully he will have stopped showing up by then. If not, I'm going to tell him that I will leak the info that I know about his business and finances that he's been keeping from his GF, who is his accountant. If anything will drive fear into him, it's messing with his business and finances - His GF knows that and that exactly how she keeps him right where she wants him - by the wallet.

 

 

 

It is amazing to me that you can lay down the law with your poor babysitter...threatening to axe her job, but you can't do so with the stalky taken man. Again, isn't he the same guy who said YOU were chasing him?