Girlfriend broke up with me, wanting to get her a gift..

[thetinmansam]

It doesn't matter why. It doesn't. It could be any reason in the book. (Judging by your posts I'd say your controlling, needy, money-obsessed, savior duties changed her mind) But you wanna know what does matter? She chose!

 

Again, you put yourself in the Messiah role, and then play the victim. Stop it. Plenty of great guys get dumped. Being a good person, being good to her is not a auto-relationship touchdown. Being a good person is at the very least, the start of ... being a good person. You choose to be a good person, because it's who you are...not because you seek rewards from people.

 

She doesn't want to be with you. End of.

 

And, dude. You knew her for a few months, dated officially for 30 days, never had sex, gave her $2K in money and gifts, and you were already talking kids and future. That, to me, is pretty damn heavy. In the first 30 days you supposed to be getting to know each other. Personally. Physically. Romantically. Intimately. Rushing into conversations of this magnitude only cements the notion that you seek to control her, because you don't want to do the actual leg work of getting to know her. Or of earning her trust, her love. You rush to buy her 'stuff', to make her 'smile', but only to actually cheat the system.

 

And again, so what. Even if she did have those conversations with you...she didn't sign an oath. She didn't prick her thumb and in her own blood, sign away her future with you - a guy who she's known for a few months.

 

And even is she did all of that....guess what? She can change her mind. That's the effing beauty of being human. We can make up our minds, change them as we see fit. She wanted out. That's it.

 

Your post is so far off it's not even funny.. So I'll try to clarify some things.

 

-We've known each other for 7 months, and dated off and on for 6.

 

-I am not controlling at all, I have no clue where you people are getting this information from?

 

-I spent $2,000 because I can. There was no ulterior motives to it.. I wasn't trying to buy **** from her. I just wanted to see her smile after purchasing a nice gift. Most guys can't afford this, and hate on others when they see it happening.

 

-She's the one who brought up marriage, kids, etc. NOT ME! Not once did I mention anything of this nature, so again, you're wrong.

 

-And if as "humans" we can magically change our minds about moving on from something good in our lives, I have no faith in humanity.

[thetinmansam]

Stop trying to rationalize the irrational. Once a breakup happens, everything that was said prior to the break is null and void. It doesn't matter if you "get" why she dumped you -- if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it and she doesn't have to have a rational reason for doing it. And even if you did know the reason, it wouldn't help you one iota in getting her back.

 

And quit with the $1000 present idea. It's a douchey fu*king idea and makes you look like a tool.

 

Do you have any idea what this girl put me through? I really, really, really don't think you do..

 

I have spoken to several of her ex boyfriends, and do you know what every single god damn one of them told me?

 

THAT SHE DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO THEM..

 

Argued over random, petty stuff.

Pushed them away for no apparent reason.

Showed signs of jealousy when the guy wasn't doing anything to spawn such an act.

 

You people are so lost, and I honestly wish you'd stop trying to "rationalize" your detached advice by putting me down.

[thetinmansam]

You said earlier you don't live anywhere near the beach or even a lake or river, why are you buying a boat.

 

Seriously? The nearest lake is a couple hours away.. Could I not drive there with the boat? Could I not drive 800 miles to the ocean with the boat? Duh.

[mtnbiker3000]

OP - Why are you even here? You seem to have an answer for everything, and you aren't listening to anyone? What do you want?? Do you want someone to agree with you? Not happening...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I just keep looking on this thread and laughing.

[Simon Phoenix]

Do you have any idea what this girl put me through? I really, really, really don't think you do..

 

I have spoken to several of her ex boyfriends, and do you know what every single god damn one of them told me?

 

THAT SHE DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO THEM..

 

Argued over random, petty stuff.

Pushed them away for no apparent reason.

Showed signs of jealousy when the guy wasn't doing anything to spawn such an act.

 

You people are so lost, and I honestly wish you'd stop trying to "rationalize" your detached advice by putting me down.

 

Oh cry me a river. So if she dumped you the same way she dumped all her other boyfriends, in her mind I guess you didn't stand out. And there's nothing you can do to stop that. If that's all true (which I'm skeptical of because you seem to have no concept of accountability) then you should be glad to be rid of her.

 

But yeah, you come off as materialistic and shallow. If you want a woman to stick with you, then show women how you earned the money, don't show the women the actual money. The means you took to earn the money (ambition, ingenuity, passion) are attractive. Using that money to buy love is douchey.

 

You don't come off as a nice, selfless guy who is genuinely in love. You come off as a manipulative control freak with a victim complex who scapegoats the other person. You are the fake "Nice Guy" who gets stuck in the friend zone because you don't have anything to offer under the surface.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[thetinmansam]

Oh cry me a river. So if she dumped you the same way she dumped all her other boyfriends, in her mind I guess you didn't stand out. And there's nothing you can do to stop that. If that's all true (which I'm skeptical of because you seem to have no concept of accountability) then you should be glad to be rid of her.

 

But yeah, you come off as materialistic and shallow. If you want a woman to stick with you, then show women how you earned the money, don't show the women the actual money. The means you took to earn the money (ambition, ingenuity, passion) are attractive. Using that money to buy love is douchey.

 

You don't come off as a nice, selfless guy who is genuinely in love. You come off as a manipulative control freak with a victim complex who scapegoats the other person. You are the fake "Nice Guy" who gets stuck in the friend zone because you don't have anything to offer under the surface.

 

 

Look, I know you have something against me, I don't know what it is, but I can sort of understand, bro.

 

Here's the deal..

 

This girl has "mental" issues. She isn't normal. That's all there is to it.

 

Why do I continue to pursue? Because I feel I can save her, help her, improve her. And yes, I can.

 

I have a TON to offer this girl. Not just money, but love, security, support, and consistency.

 

She didn't push me away because I didn't stand out. She pushed me away because I'm "too good for her." Been told this a thousand times by her in the past, I just never took the note of the signs.

 

I'm one hell of a guy, and I am an AMAZING catch. Any girl would love to be with me.. I just got stuck up on the wrong one.

 

I would appreciate it if you would stop posting in my thread now, you aren't any help whatsoever.

[Philosoraptor]

Do you have any idea what this girl put me through? I really, really, really don't think you do..

 

I have spoken to several of her ex boyfriends, and do you know what every single god damn one of them told me?

 

THAT SHE DID THE SAME EXACT THING TO THEM..

 

Argued over random, petty stuff.

Pushed them away for no apparent reason.

Showed signs of jealousy when the guy wasn't doing anything to spawn such an act.

 

You people are so lost, and I honestly wish you'd stop trying to "rationalize" your detached advice by putting me down.

If she did all these things to not only you, but all the other guys in her past, why in the world do you think that you can change her?

 

I agree with the above, why continue to post here? You're not willing to listen or take any advice. You have severe insecurity issues, a white knight syndrome, and you haven't a clue what love truly is. It's why you continue to chase and try to fix someone who doesn't want to be with you and why you continue to argue, and defend yourself, with strangers on the internet who don't agree with your line of thinking. A secure person, who obviously had no interest in taking any advice, would just hit logout and never come back.

 

Your insecurity fuels your life; it's your driving force.

 

Look, I know you have something against me, I don't know what it is, but I can sort of understand, bro.

 

Here's the deal..

 

This girl has "mental" issues. She isn't normal. That's all there is to it.

 

Why do I continue to pursue? Because I feel I can save her, help her, improve her. And yes, I can.

 

I have a TON to offer this girl. Not just money, but love, security, support, and consistency.

 

She didn't push me away because I didn't stand out. She pushed me away because I'm "too good for her." Been told this a thousand times by her in the past, I just never took the note of the signs.

 

I'm one hell of a guy, and I am an AMAZING catch. Any girl would love to be with me.. I just got stuck up on the wrong one.

 

I would appreciate it if you would stop posting in my thread now, you aren't any help whatsoever.

I don't think anyone has anything against you...

 

You're trying to save someone who has no interest in being saved. You're trying to be with someone who has no interest in being with you. "You're too good for me" is simply a line used by people who have met someone decent but they don't feel a spark for. You might be a great guy, but you are lacking something that she needs and therefore she doesn't want to be with you.

 

You may be an amazing catch, but not for her.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Philosoraptor

[Sneaky]

I am just going to comment again and urge you to read what you wrote about her in this thread, you are not coming from a place of love.

 

You are clearly angry and that’s okay for a while. You feel like you put more into the relationship than she did and maybe you did. The thing is though; this does not mean that she owes you.

 

If you do love her then you need to start showing her respect; she can make her own decisions and she does not need you to “save” her. If she does not wish to be with you then being a good person means letting her go and hoping she finds happiness, no matter how difficult it is for you.

 

I hope things improve for you and that you will find peace with the situation.

[Antares]

My responses in bold:

 

Look, I know you have something against me, I don't know what it is, but I can sort of understand, bro.

 

Playing the victim, again.

 

Here's the deal..

 

This girl has "mental" issues. She isn't normal. That's all there is to it.

 

Just because she has 'mental' issues, doesn't mean she isn't 'normal'. I can sense the overt arrogance that you feel towards her and others in this thread. The whole 'I'm the best she ever had, I'm so good, I'm better than her exes". Why would you want to be with someone you look down upon so easily? I have an answer you're not going to like; begins with a C. (control). The reason why we say you seek to control her is because of this; you and her on not on equal grounds. You lord yourself over her, attempt to 'fix' her, give her insane amounts of money and lavish gifts, and do so to attain her love. Love is equal. It's a partnership. It's not ... "I'm wayyyyyy up here, with all the money in the world. Oh look at that. What a cute disfunctional girl. I think I'll fix her. And buy her lots of gifts. And then she'll love me. Sigh"

 

Why do I continue to pursue? Because I feel I can save her, help her, improve her. And yes, I can.

 

You pursue because you like being a white knight. Your gifts, your saving her, comes at a price. She must love you. Save her? NO YOU CANNOT. Get off your white horse. You are not here to save anyone. If she were falling off a building, sure. If a bus were about to hit her, definitely. Forcing yourself into her life to 'improve' her issues, to save her from her 'mental' disfunction. That's not love, my friend. That's control. That's...Gee, Look how amazing I am that I've decided to save this unnormal mentally deficient human being.

 

I have a TON to offer this girl. Not just money, but love, security, support, and consistency. (You should also add: Disrespect. Not listening to her. Ignoring her opinions. Diagnosing her mental health.)

 

And yet, she didn't WANT it. Doesn't she get a say in all of this? She's not your employee, despite all your troubles to make her one.

 

She didn't push me away because I didn't stand out. She pushed me away because I'm "too good for her." Been told this a thousand times by her in the past, I just never took the note of the signs.

 

Victim/Savior role, again. Listen. She knows herself better than you know her. When someone tells you this, you should just listen to them. And I believe you do in fact think you're better than her.

 

I'm one hell of a guy, and I am an AMAZING catch. Any girl would love to be with me.. I just got stuck up on the wrong one.

 

You might be an amazing catch, but she threw you back. You're stuck because you decided to be stuck. She isn't leading you on, forcing you to do anything really, she's not blackmailing you, or pushing herself into your life at ALL. You are stuck because you chose to be stuck. Just like she chose to NOT be stuck with you.

 

I would appreciate it if you would stop posting in my thread now, you aren't any help whatsoever.

 

He's more more help than you'll realize. No one is paying him, or any of us. We do this because we want you to realize the truth. It might hurt you to see this, but that's the reason your post has 8 pages of responses. You should be THANKING him for doing so. And yet, instead, you get incredibly defensive.

 

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Why would a smart, secure man think he could ever fix another human being.

 

Why would he want to?

 

Hun, you are as broken as she is. Use your money to help yourself to some therapy.

[reddragon588]

No one here is attacking you. What comes across as "attacks" is just people giving honest assessments. When someone says you are playing the victim, we aren't saying you're an awful person, were just pointing out something that is true. It's not because I think I'm better than you, or that you're weak, I'm just pointing out the truth to you. You could point out my flaws to me for days. But if you're not willing to listen to the truth, if you take honest advice and help and get defensive, you're in for a long and rough life. This will especially hurt you in relationships.

[mtnbiker3000]

I just don't understand why people come on here to ask for advice, then spend copious amounts of time and energy defending their position against said advice?

 

I have noticed it is usually young folks who do this. Maybe it's just the "I know it all" mentality. Hell, I had it as a young one

[Fufu]

now I'm starting to think if it's a troll or it's a ....... oh well

 

Maybe you should start by looking internally (yourself)

[reddragon588]

I just don't understand why people come on here to ask for advice, then spend copious amounts of time and energy defending their position against said advice?

 

I have noticed it is usually young folks who do this. Maybe it's just the "I know it all" mentality. Hell, I had it as a young one

 

Sometimes when people are looking for "advice" they're really just looking for people to affirm their actions. It stems from a lack of self confidence and a need to be validated. Truly seeking advice, listening to people when they tell you your flaws and what you're doing wrong, takes a lot of confidence and courage. It's much easier to just look for validation of your actions and get defensive when someone doesn't do that.

 

I've made that mistake for most of my life and have only recently realized it.

[mtnbiker3000]

Sometimes when people are looking for "advice" they're really just looking for people to affirm their actions. It stems from a lack of self confidence and a need to be validated. Truly seeking advice, listening to people when they tell you your flaws and what you're doing wrong, takes a lot of confidence and courage. It's much easier to just look for validation of your actions and get defensive when someone doesn't do that.

 

I've made that mistake for most of my life and have only recently realized it.

 

Very true!!

[Simon Phoenix]

Look, I know you have something against me, I don't know what it is, but I can sort of understand, bro.

 

Here's the deal..

 

This girl has "mental" issues. She isn't normal. That's all there is to it.

 

Why do I continue to pursue? Because I feel I can save her, help her, improve her. And yes, I can.

 

I have a TON to offer this girl. Not just money, but love, security, support, and consistency.

 

She didn't push me away because I didn't stand out. She pushed me away because I'm "too good for her." Been told this a thousand times by her in the past, I just never took the note of the signs.

 

I'm one hell of a guy, and I am an AMAZING catch. Any girl would love to be with me.. I just got stuck up on the wrong one.

 

I would appreciate it if you would stop posting in my thread now, you aren't any help whatsoever.

 

Look, I'm being blunt for a reason, because you need it. I have nothing against you -- I just feel like you are living in la-la land. You obviously have some things going for you in life, as you are successful in business. You just aren't channeling it and putting your best foot forward. And her telling you that you are "too good for her" is just a derivation of the "it's not you, it's me" method of breaking up. I wouldn't put too much stock into it. It doesn't mean you are not the right person, you are just not the right person for her. And a relationship should be not be about fixing. You are not a caseworker, nor should you be.