Girlfriend broke up with me, wanting to get her a gift..

[Philosoraptor]

I guess that is true! She could have let me on for years, and broke my heart once it got even deeper, and I became more attached..

 

How much time would your recommend taking off before finding someone new?

I wouldn't find anything serious until you have fully accepted, let go, and moved on from this relationship.

 

Yes, still in school, and I already have all of my schooling paid for. I will regain my strength one day.. But I am deeply hurt over this whole situation to say the least.. And I'm scared to go out and find someone new, as it may happen again.

 

I love her.. I really do. Why can't she just love me?

Just be patient with yourself and find happiness in other areas of your life. Just let life happen naturally and in time you will cross someone you mesh well with.

[thetinmansam]

Ah I see.

 

But still...$2000 is greatly generous. People (even women) can and would take advantage of that..

 

It's okay to be hurt...it's understandable.

 

And don't be scared about finding someone new, just keep in mind next time around maybe, possibly, not to spend that much money on a women you begin to date that early.

 

My dear...you are infatuated...not in love.

 

At least that's MO.

 

Love is not leaving someone after they spend $2000 on them, and love isn't buying people things or giving them money just so they'd stick around and not leave..

 

Take some time to yourself and ponder and learn from this lesson.

 

You're gonna be fine (: stay strong.

 

 

Very, very good point! "Infatuated."

 

That makes a lot of sense But at the same time, if you're infatuation with something, are you willing to go to the ends of the Earth to acquire or keep it?

 

Are you willing to cut your left arm off to have a Bentley Continental GT for the rest of your life? Probably not. But I'd do it if I were guaranteed my ex for life..

 

Yeah, I'm a little crazy about her.. Hah.

[RiceaRoni]

And don't you feel this makes me "special?" And maybe a "great catch?" A lot of people told me I'm the real-life Forrest Gump, even though I'm not semi-retarded like he was :/

 

But from a relationship aspect, I am Forrest Gump.. I miss my Jenny..

 

IMO to me a great catch is a guy who has excellent personality traits that mesh well with mine...if he can make me laugh, take time out of his day to spend time with me, if we could go out and enjoy time together a day out on the town, if he's loyal, etc..those are qualities I personally see as a great catch.

 

Being generous is fine and can make you a great catch no doubt, but when you're that greatly generous and contribute as low as buying her emotions and wanting to buy and give her money just so she stays and to show her how much you care...you just can't do it...you can't buy people, you can't buy their feelings through money..

 

Being generous is not a problem, trust me, I'm not trying to put you down for that...it's when you resort to buying her things or giving money just so she'll stay..that's not good.

[RiceaRoni]

Very, very good point! "Infatuated."

 

That makes a lot of sense But at the same time, if you're infatuation with something, are you willing to go to the ends of the Earth to acquire or keep it?

 

Are you willing to cut your left arm off to have a Bentley Continental GT for the rest of your life? Probably not. But I'd do it if I were guaranteed my ex for life..

 

Yeah, I'm a little crazy about her.. Hah.

 

 

Uh yeah...maybe if it was the holy grail or fountain of youth I would..

 

but seeing it's a person who can't and doesn't want to return the same feelings you have...you're wasting your time, and can do so much better, and actually deserve someone willing to be able to reciprocate the same feelings you have for them...(without money)

Edited October 2, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[Jiminy Cricket]

[faithfully]

Darling you will find someone who will love and appreciate your kindness and generosity. you are hurting and you feel by showering her with that much money is gonna get her back. From a woman who is 27- she prob will be laughing behind you back with her friend. MISTAKE WE ALL MAKE IS TRY AND BUY LOVE AND I LEARNT THE HARD WAYYY WITH MY EX BOYFRIEND!!! This is why am on this site.

 

Use the money you were gonna give her and buy some nice clothes, go get drunk with it, donate to charity. get a gym membership, buy a nice car. Even go on hol,

[thetinmansam]

Uh yeah...maybe if it was the holy grail or fountain of youth I would..

 

but seeing it's a person who can't and doesn't want to return the same feelings you have...you're wasting your time, and can do so much better, and actually deserve someone willing to be able to reciprocate the same feelings you have for them...(without money)

 

You're right, I am wasting my time on this girl. But I honestly thought if I offered some "consistency" in her life she may change, and stay with me. Her family has a ton of issues, and she's FARRRRR from perfect - she told me a few times I was "too good for her."

 

That hurts so bad.. Knowing this person's self-esteem is so low they can't even let someone like me be in their life. God, why can't I just be with this girl? Sucks so bad!! Ahhhhhhh!

 

A lot of people have told me I deserve someone better, but the truth is, I don't. I have been depressed for over 7 years, and the only way I escape is through money.

 

I have tried working on myself, I really have. I am a semi-professional pool player, a professional thoroughbred horse racing handicapper and I own several businesses - but none of this means anything to me without my baby.

[reddragon588]

And don't you feel this makes me "special?" And maybe a "great catch?" A lot of people told me I'm the real-life Forrest Gump, even though I'm not semi-retarded like he was :/

 

But from a relationship aspect, I am Forrest Gump.. I miss my Jenny..

 

No, your personality makes you special and a great catch. You seem like a caring and kind person, let women fall in love with you for that.

 

If someone falls in love with you for your wallet, that is the kind of person you need to get as far away from as possible.

[organizedchaos]

And don't you feel this makes me "special?" And maybe a "great catch?" A lot of people told me I'm the real-life Forrest Gump, even though I'm not semi-retarded like he was :/

 

But from a relationship aspect, I am Forrest Gump.. I miss my Jenny..

 

No. It makes you a chump.

[organizedchaos]

I am a semi-professional pool player, a professional thoroughbred horse racing handicapper and I own several businesses - but none of this means anything to me without my baby.

 

All at the age of 22???

[thetinmansam]

All at the age of 22???

 

Yes. And why does it make me a chump? Because I truly want to love someone and give them things NOBODY else will, or has in the past?

 

The gifts I purchased for her were more than just "material" items, they were my way of showing how important she is to me.

[Scoot Scoot]

you guys should read The Five Love Languages it talks about how giving gifts is what some women want, to feel loved.

[CarrieT]

Yes. And why does it make me a chump? Because I truly want to love someone and give them things NOBODY else will, or has in the past?

No, but wanting to give someone $1,000 who doesn't want to be with you IS being a chump.

 

The gifts I purchased for her were more than just "material" items, they were my way of showing how important she is to me.

But $1,000 *IS* a material item. It won't show her how important she was, it will show her that you believe she can be $$bought$$.

 

Bad move. Don't do it.

[reddragon588]

Yes. And why does it make me a chump? Because I truly want to love someone and give them things NOBODY else will, or has in the past?

 

The gifts I purchased for her were more than just "material" items, they were my way of showing how important she is to me.

 

They were material items though. You can show love in ways that don't cost money, or at least not a lot. Did you ever call her just to say hi? Did you ever show up to cook her dinner? There are so many ways to show love besides just shallowly spending money on someone.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

1.) What is your true worth? Take $$ away and what is your worth? If you let money define you, you will have a hard time finding what you're really looking for in love and life.

 

2.) SHE....DOES...NOT...WANT...YOU. Gifts and money didn't make her stay. It won't make her come back.

 

What you need to do is do a little soul searching. You're young, caring and clearly very ambitious. Move on from your ex and focus on bettering yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Antares]

Her other ex boyfriends are pieces of trash (not lying here whatsoever..) and don't even compare to one of my arse cheeks. But hey, I heard she has a thing for inferior men who will eventually abuse her deceit her...

 

No, they cannot afford to splash her with money, and if they could, they certainly wouldn't do what I've done for her - I'd say it's quite rare to find a guy who has one stipulation after buying a $300 pair of sunglasses for his girlfriend (I just want you to smile when you wear them..)

 

She would argue with her ex boyfriends over the smallest of things (gave her a cell phone to use and she argued over the fact I added money to it.. lol) like she did me.. Would push them away for no apparent reason whatsoever, so this is definitely a "cycle" for her.

 

I guess you could call me a little "clingy," but it's not as weird as it may seem, as I basically just wanted to serve my beautiful girlfriend, not work my way towards an ulterior motive. This was a new experience for me, and I thoroughly enjoyed it, which is why it's so hard to let go.

 

Look, I know it's retarded to send someone a wad of cash, and it's probably not the greatest course of action to take for getting an ex back, but I just don't know what else to do.. I'm so lost without my girl.

 

 

Hey man. I don't know you and I don't want to judge, but I'm going offer up my impression here. This behavior isn't healthy.

 

1. You're playing the victim. Stop. Just because she doesn't want to be your gf doesn't mean she's the villain or that you're the victim. And just because you've given her wads of cash and doesn't want to be your gf, doesn't mean you're the victim in all of this.

 

2. You're playing the Martyr. Stop. Your job as BF isn't to save her from a life of ****ty BFs or from her life or from her troubles. That's a lot of pressure to put upon her. And that mixed with the huge financial investment you're making to her, scared her away. (Actually, the money was the cherry on top of the pile of issues she probably got scared off by) It would have scared anyone away. No one wants to be saved. If she wants to live out a cycle of jumping from **** hole bfs thats her choice. Acting like Superman and trying to buy her affections isn't going to save her. Stop acting like you are selfless in all of this. You did have ulterior motives.... you wanted to be her BF. Her protector. Her Superman. None of that is at all healthy.

 

3. You're treating her like a prostitute (even w/o sex, you're essentially buying her) Stop. Money doesn't equal a relationship. Throwing all that money around, what it equals is control. Not love. You wanted her to fall in love with you by manipulation, by control, by financial measure.

 

4. You expect a return on your 'good deeds', your 'gifts' and your investment. Stop. Doing good things for people we care about is a good quality to have. Giving people gifts and money is nice. Wanting to take care of those we love is admirable and healthy. But it's only nice when it's an actual GIFT. Expecting a payoff from those good deeds means that you're not actually doing a nice good deed. You're acting like this is a transaction. You feed the meter. You then expect to be loved. It's not gracious. It's not kind, or nice, or romantic. And now that she's gone and doesn't want to be involved with you...giving her more money is especially wrong.

 

Oh. And it is especially unhealthy to want to - in your own words - "serve" another person. Especially a person you only knew for a month. Especially someone who has now ran away. Relationships aren't about 'serving' another person. You put her on a giant pedestal and that usually creeps people up. People like being admired and loved. No one wants to be worshipped. (Maybe jokingly, maybe lovingly, but not for real)

 

I think it's time to look in the mirror. You were only together a month. That's like probation period. It's the getting to know you phase. And she didn't want anymore of you. Lavishing her with gifts is't going to work. You need to make emotional connections with people before that stuff works...otherwise you'll invite people to take advantage of your money and your love. And you'll get hurt.

[organizedchaos]

Makes me wonder if this story is actually real...

[Phoe]

If a man tried to send me wads of cash I'd be very turned off.

[mtnbiker3000]

OP - You're making many classic mistakes that will end up hurting you. Please, take the advice you are being given in this post. It will save you from learning the hard way. You are very defensive and constantly justifying your actions. Well, they are wrong and you are wrong for believing you are in the right. You are quite young, and no offense, but you don't know what the h.ell you are doing. Prove how smart and mature you are by understanding that the many folks on here advising you are much more experienced and knowledgeable about this than yourself. There's no shame in that. Doesn't mean you are stupid or weak. Just means you lack experience.

[thetinmansam]

Hey man. I don't know you and I don't want to judge, but I'm going offer up my impression here. This behavior isn't healthy.

 

1. You're playing the victim. Stop. Just because she doesn't want to be your gf doesn't mean she's the villain or that you're the victim. And just because you've given her wads of cash and doesn't want to be your gf, doesn't mean you're the victim in all of this.

 

2. You're playing the Martyr. Stop. Your job as BF isn't to save her from a life of ****ty BFs or from her life or from her troubles. That's a lot of pressure to put upon her. And that mixed with the huge financial investment you're making to her, scared her away. (Actually, the money was the cherry on top of the pile of issues she probably got scared off by) It would have scared anyone away. No one wants to be saved. If she wants to live out a cycle of jumping from **** hole bfs thats her choice. Acting like Superman and trying to buy her affections isn't going to save her. Stop acting like you are selfless in all of this. You did have ulterior motives.... you wanted to be her BF. Her protector. Her Superman. None of that is at all healthy.

 

3. You're treating her like a prostitute (even w/o sex, you're essentially buying her) Stop. Money doesn't equal a relationship. Throwing all that money around, what it equals is control. Not love. You wanted her to fall in love with you by manipulation, by control, by financial measure.

 

4. You expect a return on your 'good deeds', your 'gifts' and your investment. Stop. Doing good things for people we care about is a good quality to have. Giving people gifts and money is nice. Wanting to take care of those we love is admirable and healthy. But it's only nice when it's an actual GIFT. Expecting a payoff from those good deeds means that you're not actually doing a nice good deed. You're acting like this is a transaction. You feed the meter. You then expect to be loved. It's not gracious. It's not kind, or nice, or romantic. And now that she's gone and doesn't want to be involved with you...giving her more money is especially wrong.

 

Oh. And it is especially unhealthy to want to - in your own words - "serve" another person. Especially a person you only knew for a month. Especially someone who has now ran away. Relationships aren't about 'serving' another person. You put her on a giant pedestal and that usually creeps people up. People like being admired and loved. No one wants to be worshipped. (Maybe jokingly, maybe lovingly, but not for real)

 

I think it's time to look in the mirror. You were only together a month. That's like probation period. It's the getting to know you phase. And she didn't want anymore of you. Lavishing her with gifts is't going to work. You need to make emotional connections with people before that stuff works...otherwise you'll invite people to take advantage of your money and your love. And you'll get hurt.

 

 

Thank you for the long, detailed response I really enjoyed reading it, however, I would like to respond to a few points.

 

Firstly, I have certain standards that cause me to spend money on people, regardless of how much it costs, or how they react to it. It's just the way I live - by the dollar, and creating memories with the dollar. I mean, can't we all agree that it takes money to do just about anything anymore?

 

You want to watch a movie at home with your girlfriend.. Well guess what, you need to pay to rent that movie.. And pay your electric bill to power the television.

 

My ways of treating my girlfriend were extraordinary, yes, but as a female, would you rather have a guy take you to dinner and expect sex in return? Or spend $300 on a pair of sunglasses and ask you to smile? Please don't try to rationalize the first answer by saying "oh, but I would want to have sex with him instead of recognizing the romantic aspect of when he asked me to smile.."

 

Secondly, we have known each other for over 6 months, but got a little more serious in August, as she was afraid of commitment when we dated earlier this year. So it's safe to say the "probation period" has come and passed well before we got together last month.

 

Thirdly, I try to live my life doing the exact opposite of everyone else around me. What makes amazing people amazing? The fact they can invent their own world, without conforming to a certain "system" that works for everyone else.

 

Why should I have to simply "move on" from this girl? What do I not have that the next guy does? There is no "perfect match" for individuals in this world.. Else, we wouldn't go through trials and tribulations to try and make it work with that person.

 

My personal belief is this.. If two people are compatible, there IS a way to make it work. It doesn't matter if the other person falls out of love with that individual. If there's some type of will, there is a fu.cking way!

 

I made a promise to God, to her and to myself that I would NEVER give up on this girl. I'm sorry folks, but I don't break my promises. Not for anything.. Call me stubborn, but if I love someone, and I know there is an ounce of hope within them, I'm going to slowly pursue, and become to them, what they became to me - a saving grace.

Edited October 3, 2013 by thetinmansam

[reddragon588]

It's just the way I live - by the dollar, and creating memories with the dollar. I mean, can't we all agree that it takes money to do just about anything anymore?

 

No. The best day I've had in a long time was this past Sunday. I went on a hike in the morning with friends, then we went to the beach in the afternoon and went body surfing. Easily the best day I've had since my breakup. Although you could argue the gas I used to get there cost money (which was very negligible- only a few miles from my house), but I created memories by having a good time with friends.

 

You're too obsessed with the idea that money can buy you or others happiness.

[thetinmansam]

That is so freakin' weird.

 

 

 

Urgh, epic fail. And stalkery.

 

 

Weird because the only stipulation I had was she had to smile after I purchased the sunglasses? Do you know what she told me when I said that to her? She said: "Aww, that is the sweetest thing I've ever heard :)"

 

Stalker because I'm in love with a girl I can see spending the rest of my life with? Riiiiight. Just because I'm not some player who moves from girl to girl doesn't make me a stalker. There's more to this than meets the eye, I know it. There's something she's afraid of, and I'm not the one causing it.

[reddragon588]

Stalker because I'm in love with a girl I can see spending the rest of my life with?

 

You're in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Someone who doesn't want to spend the rest of the day with you, let alone the rest of her life.

 

This future you see between you guys- it's all in your head. There's no reality to it. It's in your imagination. Snap back to reality- she broke up with you. That is not what the love of your life does. You don't let someone go when you love them.

[thetinmansam]

No. The best day I've had in a long time was this past Sunday. I went on a hike in the morning with friends, then we went to the beach in the afternoon and went body surfing. Easily the best day I've had since my breakup. Although you could argue the gas I used to get there cost money (which was very negligible- only a few miles from my house), but I created memories by having a good time with friends.

 

You're too obsessed with the idea that money can buy you or others happiness.

 

Now, considering you live near a beach, you have things to do. I live in a city nowhere near a lake, let alone a beach. There are no mountain ranges here, and the parks are few to none. What could I possibly do without money in a city like this?

[reddragon588]

Now, considering you live near a beach, you have things to do. I live in a city nowhere near a lake, let alone a beach. There are no mountain ranges here, and the parks are few to none. What could I possibly do without money in a city like this?

 

I don't know man, I live here, not there. I'm sure there are plenty of fun things to do around there, you just haven't thought about or looked for them.