Slept with guy, then find out he has gf, ended up lying for him and miscarried.

[Tourniquette]

Hey, all. New to this forum. I'm 23, on a break from college, the rest is in my profile, I guess.

 

This past summer, I got very drunk (unintentionally - mead and honey liqueur are a very potent combination) and slept with a guy, who really ought to have taken me back to my tent (it was a huge campsite) but didn't. Afterwards, I found out he had a girlfriend.

 

We exchanged numbers, etc, and when I called him as a friend for the first time, his girlfriend was there, and she called me back without his knowledge while he was out of the room on his phone and started screaming at me. She was hysterical and crying, and not knowing what else I could do, I lied and said we were only friends who had just met (ironically, I do call people I've just met to chat, and that includes guy friends). She believed me.

 

I felt terrible about lying. I have never lied about something so horrible before, and I told him not to put me in that position again.

 

Then I found out that the pregnancy tests I had taken were too early, and when I started an antibiotic, I had a miscarriage.

 

During the few months that have passed between when we met and now, they've broken up and gotten back together, and it seemed like he was going to get together with me. I haven't told him about the miscarriage, but he started ignoring me when I just wanted to talk or hang out as friends (we live in different states).

 

I feel terrible about lying to this girl. It hurts me more that she doesn't know, and he could be doing this all of the time. What should I do? My conscience is killing me.

[MelodyJ]

This guy you really don't know that well has caused you so much pain in such a short time, I am sorry for you, really. If you were that drunk, and he knew it and also had a gf, that kind of speaks for his character, doesn't it? Forget about him. Loser. Move on (you will find alot of that advice here). I understand the female bond most of us feel about cheating bf's, we all want to know, but she probably knows already, cause she kind of over reacted by screaming and crying on the phone don't you think? Sounds like she may have been thru it b4. But, maybe she needs a wake up call b4 he brings home a disease to her, obviously you two had used no birth control. So, it's up to you. Sounds like he doesn't want to talk to you anyway, so you are not losing anything. Do what you think is right.

[reservoirdog1]

Should you have lied to his GF? Objectively, probably not. But you were in a pretty crappy position. When you slept with the guy (who's an a**h***, BTW, so that's how I'll refer to him), you had no idea he had a GF. I guess it would have been best if you hadn't phoned a**h*** once you knew about his GF, but it's not really a moral failing on your part, since you say that your intentions after that were to just be friends, rather than continue to sleep with him.

 

And then, if you didn't expect his GF to answer, well, that's where the crappy position comes in. You probably had no idea what to say and spoke without thinking.

 

In any event, you should probably cut a**h*** out of your life. Realistically, how does it benefit you to keep him in it? You already know that he's willing to cheat and deceive people. If you feel that you must, then send her an anonymous letter telling her that a**h*** is a cheater. But whether you do that or not, I don't think you need to feel guilty about what happened. So please, cut yourself some slack, and move on.

[Mary3]

What a creeep !

 

Sorry you got into this situation .

 

I feel bad for her and for you.

 

He needs to get help for that uncontrollable urge to fuc * with 2 girls at once .

[Cupcake]

I think it was okay to lie about the relationship in order to spare the girlfriend anymore pain. Normally, when a person is in love, you can tell them the truth, that their partner is and a**h***, and it won't make any difference.

 

I did this once. The only thing that happened is, he lied to her about everything, she believed him, and he still wanted me to be friends, with sex on the side, ocasionally. Of course, I refused to do that. So he left me alone. He's still with her, but he cheats on her with anyone who is willing.

 

I guess another lesson learned is that a**h***s usually always have one woman who is faithful to them. And they will stay with that woman as long as she continues to be a doormat for them. Unfortunately, they don't usually change because they don't have a reason to.

[Tourniquette]

Thanks for the fast replies! I'm still torn as to whether it's better for the girl to know the truth or not--if *I* were her, I would want to know, but not everyone is like that.

 

What worries me is that I'm going to run into him again next summer (I was referring to Pennsic, that huge PA camping Renaissance Faire-type medieval village-tournament thing), because he sells stuff there. Also, he may harss me after I email her.

 

Which would be a first, because he can't condescend to even speak to me, and for no good reason. *wrings hands* I don't know, I don't know...I feel horriblr not telling her, though.

 

And thus goes the conversation inside my head, over and over again...

[SoleMate]

Your lies are not praiseworthy, but we all forgive you for them since they were in the heat of a stressful moment. The GF shouldn't expect high-quality information from people she verbally rips the head off of. If she really wants the truth, she's going to have to toughen up and listen when people are talking to her. Even if you documented this fling fully for her, she would probably still get hysterical and scream at you. So I hope I have convinced you that you have NO obligation to inform her.

 

Second point: Please don't put yourself in the same kind of situation again. Avoid this creep, naturally - but also be very careful about the whole camping/fair activity. Either don't go, or take some solid, protective friends with you - and avoid heavy drinking. Give yourself a limit - like two drinks per night - and STICK to it.

 

Take care of yourself, first and foremost.

[Cecelius]

Honestly, I would pretty much just leave it alone if I were you. Your's and his event is pretty distasteful, and you certainly didn't get a whole lot of joy out of it, he's proven to be hardly worth pursuing just as a friend (and frankly, I think that would be inappropriate in any event-- you may not have known he had a g/f (or that he's a jerk) but the fact is that what happened, happened and the two of you hanging out or corresponding frankly seems weird in any event).

 

He's basically proven he's not worth your time, why bother?

[EC]

F*ck that. If I was the GF I would want to know if my Bf's penis was in a nother chicks hole!! Hello. And then you had a miscarriage and he doesn't even know...he doesn't know the damage that he is doing.

 

I could guess you are not the first girl he's cheated with and definitely not the last.

 

If I were you I would tell the GF. She could catch an STD or AIDS and should go get checked but you need to give her a reason to. And not only that he's a jerk and she could do better.

 

And please don't tell me if they break up, that you would be with him!?! You don't need that.