I'm a compulsive liar

[crissy]

How do I stop lying? I lie all of the time. And it's about the stupidest #####. I make up stuff to make my life look better than it really is. I make up friends and problems and good things too. The thing is that I actually start to believe this stuff. How do I stop the lies and how do I live my life truthfully?

[Nic]

every one lies once in awhile. but it is not good to always lie and deceive people. you have taken the first step in to stopping. you admit that you are tired of it.

 

try to remember that people subject to compulsive lying become suspicious and distrustful. the person lying, inturn, becomes more unruly and more dishonest. once the cycle of lying and distrust is in full swing, it is difficult to find a single way in which the cycle may be stopped. why don't you look at this like some one who is trying to quit smoking? it is impossible to stop all of a sudden. so why don't you stop gradually? every time you feel yourself lying to someone remind yourself that you don't want to hurt the person, or yourself. keep telling yourself that these people trust you, so you should be able to trust yourself not to lie. if you still can't stop, i would suggest you speak to a counsellor.

 

why do you think your life isn't as good as it could be? is there some reason that when you talk to people, you believe that they think your life isn't that great? it sounds like you really lack confidence in who you are. you're just as good as the next person, perhaps better. but no one will ever see this if you continue to lie.

 

continuing to lie will only alienate you. you have absolutely nothing to fear by being true to yourself and others. i can guarantee you that (if it hasn't already happened), you will be caught out big time in one of your lies oneday, and the lie you use to cover that up, won't go down well with anybody.

 

good luck. you can do it

 

How do I stop lying? I lie all of the time. And it's about the stupidest #####. I make up stuff to make my life look better than it really is. I make up friends and problems and good things too. The thing is that I actually start to believe this stuff. How do I stop the lies and how do I live my life truthfully?

[Tony T]

Don't be so down on yourself. I believe every word you have written.

 

It seems you lie so people will like you and become interested in you. Your self esteem is ZERO. You feel so bad about the person you are that you have to make up an entirely new person and set of details in order to feel you are interesting and worthy.

 

Your whole premise is based on twisted reasoning. The way you feel better about crissy is to work on her, like we all work on ourselves, to make yourself better in your eyes. Others don't make such harsh judgements about yourself as you do.

 

Do things like excersizing for your body, reading books for your mind, taking beauty courses to learn new ways of using make-up, etc. Do good, positive things that will result in improving yourself in areas you feel need it.

 

However, you will really arrive when you reach a point of self acceptance...that's loving yourself just like you are...and not really caring whether or not other people do. You will find that other people will love you a whole lot more if you come clean with them from the get-go and not try to be someone you are not.

 

Once you begin to really love yourself, you will no longer have the urgent need for the approval of others. You will realize just how unimportant the approval of others is. Oh, yes, it's nice if people like us...yes. But, if we don't like ourselves, all the love in the world from as many people as possible will count for nothing because we won't believe we are getting it...or worthy of it.

 

Forgive yourself you lying. Watch every word you say. And go out of your way to make things as absolutely truthful as possible...without saying things that will hurt other people, of course. Talk with the attitude that the most important thing to come out of what you say is being true to yourself...and the least important thing is impressing other people.

 

Even if people are very very impressed with your lies, they are only so for a few seconds and then their thoughts turn to other things. It's only you who are stuck with dealing with these lies 24 hours a day. They just aren't worth it...and neither are the people you are trying to gain the acceptance of by lying.

 

The great thing about telling the truth is that we start atracting true friends...people who love us for exactly who we are...and not for the lies we tell them we are. This is the greatest reward for telling the truth.

 

Again, don't be so terribly hard on yourself. That's part of the problem. When you start being more gentle with crissy, you will start being more truthful.

 

My guess is that somewhere during your youth you really didn't feel a part of the group so you thought you had to make stuff up to be accepted. Well, now you are grown up and we are all honest with each other here. And if someone doesn't like one or two things about us, they still love us.

[Jane]

I think the others have said it. Acknowledgement is half the problem gone. Insight is truly wonderful. You can do it if you wish and believe you can stop.

How do I stop lying? I lie all of the time. And it's about the stupidest #####. I make up stuff to make my life look better than it really is. I make up friends and problems and good things too. The thing is that I actually start to believe this stuff. How do I stop the lies and how do I live my life truthfully?