compulsivedancer Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 (edited) You know, people always say it's a numbers game, but I think that's actually the wrong way to look at it. I have a pretty good idea what kinds of guys I like and will find compatible (I value intelligent guys, and prefer a tinge of nerdiness in the mix). So I take my time and actually look closely at profiles. Instead of playing the numbers, I took my time and chose guys I might actually want to meet. I'm not very sporty, so if he has a picture of him surfing, a picture of him skiing, a picture of him playing football and a picture of him drinking beer at a baseball game, I'm not going to swipe right no matter how cute he is. He's just not going to be w good match for me. Likewise, if every photo is of him with a beer in his hand at a club, with his arm around a girl, not going to happen. The best photos are photos that show you and your personality, and that look like you (I don't wear makeup frequently, so at least half of my photos were makeup-free). I was drawn to guys with slightly quirky pics (a guy in a funny Halloween costume, for example). Also, make sure you have a couple possible conversation topics in your profile (eg. I travel, write, love football, have a dog the size of a bear, etc). I screen them at the beginning. Then when I was matched, I took another look at the profile to see who they were before I started talking to them. Then if he messaged me, I would chat a bit and see if he was interesting to talk to. If so, I'd suggest a meeting. I think a lot of people just swipe at a glance, so if they are matching with you, then later unmatching, there might be something turning them off at a closer look. Make sure picture #4 isn't a photo of you flipping off the camera. Also, if you don't message her within a day or two of a match, she might unmatch you. Edited July 26, 2015 by compulsivedancer Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 i've been using for Tinder for close to year. Till date, I have + 1,000 matches. I barely reply anyone. I swipe right and left for fun, or out of boresome. Very once in a while when I'm bored (really bored), I may reply back if the guy looks really good and is able strike a good conversion with me. So it's not YOU. Its unlucky for you to match with people like me. We just dont like to reply that much. We're on Tinder because we are bored, not because we are intensively looking for something. You sound like an egotist, getting validation from strangers online. How sad. It's people like you that have made Tinder so diabolical in recent times, especially for men just looking to find a decent girl to start dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Candygirljane Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) i've been using for Tinder for close to year. Till date, I have + 1,000 matches. I barely reply anyone. I swipe right and left for fun, or out of boresome. Very once in a while when I'm bored (really bored), I may reply back if the guy looks really good and is able strike a good conversion with me. So it's not YOU. Its unlucky for you to match with people like me. We just dont like to reply that much. We're on Tinder because we are bored, not because we are intensively looking for something. Yea, that's true. I don't use the app too often. Unless I feel really bored. I got 100+ matches in about 1 month. I did reply to some of them (some people including myself just lost interest so quickly, I don't even know why) I haven't met anyone form the app. I got matched with a guy few days ago and we planed a date on Tues. A good hot guy but no expectations, just wanna see what happens and how Tinder works. Edited July 27, 2015 by Candygirljane Link to post Share on other sites
sb6052 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) I've actually managed to meet up with six girls over the last half year or so. I had like around 200 total matches (maybe another 15 or so that deleted me or I deleted), while being fairly selective, but out of those only talked to a much smaller amount. So it's basically a numbers game; you gotta keep trying and eventually some will statistically show interest. I message about a quarter of the matches, or occasionally get messaged by a few. Of those that I message maybe half respond (I've been working on more interesting opening lines), but out of those only a third maybe lead to any meaningful conversation or exchange, and out of those, even less lead to an actual date. And of those six I met in dates, only two worked out to anything longer term than a first or second date. It is frustrating because with online, especially something like this as opposed to match.com, people can easily drop you and move past to something else because options are endless.. or so they seem. So don't get too invested in it. (I still remember this one time I matched with a really cool girl who was pretty much just my type, into a degree of nerdiness, and we connected on many levels, talking almost nonstop for two days, and then suddenly randomly over a misunderstood joke on my part, where I neglected to add an emote to show sarcasm, she just deleted me...) I've noticed after last Christmas it suddenly became a lot harder to get matches. Up until then I used to casually use it and got matches every five girls or so, and it wasn't uncommon for a girl to message me first. I was told there was a huge influx of guys joining the app around that time. Then it got a little better for a while afterward, but has become difficult again because of the limited likes thing that they added recently. Now everyone is super selective. I even tried swiping right on everyone regardless of their appearance just to test it out, and I even got swiped left/rejected by some fat or ugly chicks who I wouldn't give a second glance to in real life lol, and who would normally go out of their way to get with me. Funny how it works. My friends all have the same experience pretty much. What I don't get it is who some of these girls think they're kidding? Even if they do match with a super good looking guy that they save their likes for, what are the odds that that guy is going to want to do anything with someone as disgusting as them haha? Let's be real. So the app has gotten rather dysfunctional lately, imo. I think it is mostly used for just ego-boosting on the part of girls, unfortunately. Edited July 28, 2015 by sb6052 Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 ^^ Women definitely have the upper hand online. That's why average looking girls become "hot" online and many guys date down. So take your rejection with a grain of salt because it's not a true reflection of real life. Link to post Share on other sites
walkingonair Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Over the past month I have been trying out Tinder. Over that time I have had several matches and have messaged quite a few girls. Great you might think. However I have got a grand total of zero replies from my messages, let alone dates . A couple of girls have disappeared entirely soon after I have messaged them, suggesting to me that they blocked me. My conclusion is that either most people on it are either swiping right somewhat randomly or are just using it to boost their ego. On the other more traditional online dating sites I have used, for all their flaws, at least when you get favorited or liked and then message them, in my experience you do usually get a reply back. Ladies and gentlemen, have any of you had better experiences of Tinder, or have your experiences been a similar disappointment? Because most girls on that site think that guys just want to hook up,You should state in your profile that you're not here for a hook up. Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 There are quality girls on there that are looking for something meaningful. Tinder is not a waste of time. You're only looking for one person so if you keep failing, keep on trying. Deleting Tinder is one of the dumbest things a guy could do. It's just another way to limit your options. Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 (edited) Because most girls on that site think that guys just want to hook up,You should state in your profile that you're not here for a hook up. Stating that you're 'not here to hook up' is pretty much the equivalent of claiming to be a 'nice guy.' It's not going to help your case. If she's attracted to you and you know how to send the right messages she will go out with you. Then you can make your intentions known through your actions. All you really have to do is refrain from inviting her back to your place and you're good to go. Edited July 29, 2015 by Jame22 Link to post Share on other sites
DC77 Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I personally didn't like Tinder. It was shallow and usually produced invites for hookups. In fact, I don't remember finding one guy that was decent enough to go on a date with and by that I mean didn't make a sexual advance either subtly or disgustingly. And I do agree it may be an ego boost. It's designed almost like a slot machine or other form of gambling game that can trigger excitement of winning a 'match.' It's actually very clever. And addictive to one friend of mine. On the otherhand, it did work out for a friend. First guy she went on a date with they were together for a year. I've found better quality people that are more interested in relationships on sites you have to pay for. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 I've actually managed to meet up with six girls over the last half year or so. I had like around 200 total matches (maybe another 15 or so that deleted me or I deleted), while being fairly selective, but out of those only talked to a much smaller amount. So it's basically a numbers game; you gotta keep trying and eventually some will statistically show interest. I message about a quarter of the matches, or occasionally get messaged by a few. Of those that I message maybe half respond (I've been working on more interesting opening lines), but out of those only a third maybe lead to any meaningful conversation or exchange, and out of those, even less lead to an actual date. And of those six I met in dates, only two worked out to anything longer term than a first or second date. It is frustrating because with online, especially something like this as opposed to match.com, people can easily drop you and move past to something else because options are endless.. or so they seem. So don't get too invested in it. (I still remember this one time I matched with a really cool girl who was pretty much just my type, into a degree of nerdiness, and we connected on many levels, talking almost nonstop for two days, and then suddenly randomly over a misunderstood joke on my part, where I neglected to add an emote to show sarcasm, she just deleted me...) I've noticed after last Christmas it suddenly became a lot harder to get matches. Up until then I used to casually use it and got matches every five girls or so, and it wasn't uncommon for a girl to message me first. I was told there was a huge influx of guys joining the app around that time. Then it got a little better for a while afterward, but has become difficult again because of the limited likes thing that they added recently. Now everyone is super selective. I even tried swiping right on everyone regardless of their appearance just to test it out, and I even got swiped left/rejected by some fat or ugly chicks who I wouldn't give a second glance to in real life lol, and who would normally go out of their way to get with me. Funny how it works. My friends all have the same experience pretty much. What I don't get it is who some of these girls think they're kidding? Even if they do match with a super good looking guy that they save their likes for, what are the odds that that guy is going to want to do anything with someone as disgusting as them haha? Let's be real. So the app has gotten rather dysfunctional lately, imo. I think it is mostly used for just ego-boosting on the part of girls, unfortunately. So out of curiousity, why do you only message a quarter of them? Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Using Tinder with the expectation of a date/relationship developing is not smart. It's designed to be a casual hookup app, to find people in your immediate vicinity to play around with right now. True, many people don't use it that way, but you have to expect that they do. It's fun, it's mindless, it's not serious. That said, I swiped to every good looking guy who didn't have some creepy narrative in his profile. In the course of a few days, I had something like 300 matches and 250 messages. So I responded to the most compelling from the cutest guys. Unlike Phoe, I don't have time nor the desire to respond to EVERYONE. Link to post Share on other sites
NVO Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Tried it, never had one match. Can't be that ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
bluestealth Posted July 29, 2015 Share Posted July 29, 2015 Overall I'd say it's a waste of time, especially since I always run out of profiles to view (small area) and 95% of my matches are with fake profiles wanting me to sign up for an adult dating site. It's really out of hand. I've never met anyone from it, but somehow I matched with a girl who has to be one of the hottest on there (think a young Pamela Anderson). She's real but I couldn't get her to talk with me and she probably accidentally swiped right on me, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Unlike Phoe, I don't have time nor the desire to respond to EVERYONE. I'd never expect anyone or everyone to do it the way I did it. People should do OLD the way that works for them. The way I did it works logically for how my overall experience went. The way you did it works logically for how your experience went. 2 different experiences, 2 different ways of working with that. All I'm doing in this thread is making it known that a different kind of experience does exist. Link to post Share on other sites
sb6052 Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 So out of curiousity, why do you only message a quarter of them? Hmm, I don't know really. I guess I realized I wasn't that into some of them after matching with them and looking at their profile/pics more in depth. And others just seemed unrealistic and a waste of time and effort to message. I know it's kind of a defeatist, pessimistic attitude. Maybe a small part of it was I was afraid to get no response from some of them. And I felt I would get tired of using the same lines for each girl I matched with.The best idea to expand your possibilities is to message all of them, though. Link to post Share on other sites
impatiently_patient Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 (edited) I'd never expect anyone or everyone to do it the way I did it. People should do OLD the way that works for them. I would love to know how it could work for me. Edited August 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Philosopher Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 I'd never expect anyone or everyone to do it the way I did it. People should do OLD the way that works for them. The way I did it works logically for how my overall experience went. The way you did it works logically for how your experience went. 2 different experiences, 2 different ways of working with that. All I'm doing in this thread is making it known that a different kind of experience does exist. I agree with this, you should try whatever form of dating works best for you. For some people Tinder may work very well and they may find getting dates from it easy, for others however, like me Tinder may prove fruitless. For others traditional online dating sites may work better, for others it could be meetup groups that work best. For me I find that traditional online dating sites such as OkCupid and Match have worked best, in that I am able to get dates reasonably easily from them (about one a month if I am trying) . Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 This is a pretty depressing (albeit realistic) read about Tinder and the modern dating age. Basically, we are over-saturated with options, and no one wants a relationship anymore. Thoughts? Tinder and Hookup-Culture Promotion | Vanity Fair Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 We are over-saturated with bad options, and many can't find a real relationship anymore. The picture at the start isn't a good depiction of real life. Maybe it happens very rarely but when was the last time you were at a bar or club and literally everyone was starring at their phone. Tinder and POF is just addictive, many people are on there without the intention of even meeting someone through it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I feel that people are so worried about dating and they try to make it work with people that they should have never tried to date. Then you are not available and miss your true matches, IMO. I prefer relationships to dating. And I'm way to lazy to read that article 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I really think the reason the guys say that is cause they're not getting the women they want so they just look for sex. And the girls say that cause they can't get the guys to commit. Otherwise they'd say "oh well I'm only matching with ugly and mediocre chicks" or "these guys don't call back after sex" nobody's gonna admit that. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I agree completely. More options mean less effort, less patience, less giving a crap. When you're rich, money becomes meaningless because you have so much. Same applies with dating options. They become meaningless because there is always another one lined up. Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 Yeah, I'm not a fan of this new disposable dating scene. Makes it nearly impossible to find a quality partner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I will say that my Tinder matches are sub par on looks. I'm not a beautiful man, but swiping right or left on a pic is just selling me short. I go out to find women most of the time. I can find more attractive girls that are interested in me in person, so it makes a lot of girls on Tinder not worth my time. So IF I were more of an ******* and with lower standards, I would bang a lot of girls from tinder that I wouldn't date. So I think Jay's comments have some merit. Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 I really think the reason the guys say that is cause they're not getting the women they want so they just look for sex. And the girls say that cause they can't get the guys to commit. Otherwise they'd say "oh well I'm only matching with ugly and mediocre chicks" or "these guys don't call back after sex" nobody's gonna admit that. Well put. I have that problem, and there is no way I'd ever tell my boys that it's because I'm matching or getting replies from girls that just aren't attractive enough for me to make a gf. When you're rich, money becomes meaningless because you have so much. Same applies with dating options. They become meaningless because there is always another one lined up. You're assuming that the options are good options, or at least just as good as the old-fashioned type options. Link to post Share on other sites
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