Mo_Do Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 How long do you guys message a match on Tinder? And how do you segue into asking for a number/moving to texting/asking to meet? I feel like it's a delicate balance...ask too soon and risk coming off as wanting a hookup...ask too late and they lose interest. Not RIGHT away - but not days later either. Maximum time is 24 hours... Regarding getting her number, I've gotten 4 numbers so far, most are within 48 hours of messaging. I got one 3 days ago in 15 minutes...lol Actually "I" didn't get it, she asked for mine.
Mo_Do Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I also suffer from building myself up as the most amazing person in the world through text but fall so flat in person because I'm pretty awkward. Something I've definitely gotta work on! Don't rush to meet up then - wind out the process and let her get to know you, the real you. I know that is difficult with a tool like this, that is meant to be speedy.
hasaquestion Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) How long do you guys message a match on Tinder? And how do you segue into asking for a number/moving to texting/asking to meet? I feel like it's a delicate balance...ask too soon and risk coming off as wanting a hookup...ask too late and they lose interest. Not for long. The point of messaging your match is to get their phone number and ask to meet up with you. Obviously you don't want to be rude but get to the point. Staging some drawn out conversation about the usual subjects (what do you do, what are your hobbies, etc.) is really lame. Chit chat a bit and make them laugh and if they swiped you because they were interested, that's all the reason they'll need to get coffee or something. If you're middle aged and want to really get to know someone? I guess you can do it. But if you're younger its not really productive. There's not much you can learn about someone in text. Edited March 8, 2014 by hasaquestion
SoonMyFriend Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I have to say, the biggest thing that I hate about OLD is the messaging back & forth and all of the rest of it. I just want to meet the person so I can see if there's any chemistry or attraction! I am not a patient person. So I would say, I agree with the above, if I were on Tinder I'd expect a match to msg me within a day. If we match and we go longer than that I will assume you aren't interested.
Marks Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Haha, well I guess I goofed then... I matched with a really cute girl yesterday and she actually messaged back! But...even though we had a little convo going, I ended up getting tired last night (long day at work) and didn't respond back to her last message until today. I tried messaging her back asking if she wanted to move to texting, but she hasn't responded. It shows she was active hours after I sent her the message, so I don't think she'll respond at this point. Oh well, not a huge loss I suppose since the conversation was pretty much one-sided (I was asking all the questions)...but damn, she was pretty darn cute. I have to say, the biggest thing that I hate about OLD is the messaging back & forth and all of the rest of it. I just want to meet the person so I can see if there's any chemistry or attraction! I am not a patient person. Yeah, same here. I really hate the messaging part because it feels so drawn out, especially since you don't really know if you'll actually have chemistry in person. Sometimes it feels like such a waste of time.
SoonMyFriend Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah, same here. I really hate the messaging part because it feels so drawn out, especially since you don't really know if you'll actually have chemistry in person. Sometimes it feels like such a waste of time. Especially since most of the stuff you end up chatting about in these messages is really what should be the first date conversation! I also don't like the build up. You can spend so much time chatting online and then you meet in person and it can get so awkward because either you have nothing to make small talk about because you've already been over it, or you get there and realize the person is not coming as advertised. C'est la vie with OLD.
Eclypse Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 When women enjoy their sexual freedom, they tend to be labelled "sluts". Plenty of threads have been here (and been locked) where some men have talked about not wanting women who have had friends with benefits situations, or engaged in one night stands. Those same men tend to be the ones to tell everyone that men need to spread their seed, and that women should just get used to that. I've also never had a good experience when approaching a man - they tend to think a woman is desperate if she's doing the asking. Not about Tinder, but it took me a little to get used to my current girlfriends past. She's had sex with a lot more people than me, including a one night stand while overseas backpacking, and drunken makeouts with more guys than she can remember. I've only kissed girls I already knew, and only a handful at that, and had sex with 2 people. Her and my ex (of 4 years). I guess a part of me was worried she didn't place much value on relationships and just wanted sex with lots of people. I've accepted now that she's with me though and isn't going to leave me.
Marks Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So I forgot to mention this earlier, but I actually did end up getting a match on Tinder that looked promising. We had messaged back and forth on the app for a few days and then we moved to text, after which I asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she'd be interested, so we had planned on the week after. Anyway, the next week rolled around and she ended up canceling on me because she said she was busy with school. At that point I figured she just didn't want to meet with me, so I let it be. Fast forward two weeks, I decided to shoot her another text asking how things were with her. To my surprise she responded pretty enthusiastically, and I worked things up to where I asked if she'd still be down to meet. She said that she'd still be interested, so again we ended up planning on meeting the week after. This time around though she threw in the possibility it might not happen by saying, "I don't know what will happen between now and then, but let's plan on it." The way I really should have read that last line was, "I'm telling you we're gonna meet, but I'm almost positive I'm gonna flake." Why? Because of course last night she tells me she's busy again and can't make it. I'm willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but twice in a row isn't scoring points with me, so I'm not pushing this one anymore. Of course, she's still texting me about other stuff...so I'm getting the impression that what she really wants is a texting buddy. Ugh.
365daysgone Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So I forgot to mention this earlier, but I actually did end up getting a match on Tinder that looked promising. We had messaged back and forth on the app for a few days and then we moved to text, after which I asked if she wanted to meet up. She said she'd be interested, so we had planned on the week after. Anyway, the next week rolled around and she ended up canceling on me because she said she was busy with school. At that point I figured she just didn't want to meet with me, so I let it be. Fast forward two weeks, I decided to shoot her another text asking how things were with her. To my surprise she responded pretty enthusiastically, and I worked things up to where I asked if she'd still be down to meet. She said that she'd still be interested, so again we ended up planning on meeting the week after. This time around though she threw in the possibility it might not happen by saying, "I don't know what will happen between now and then, but let's plan on it." The way I really should have read that last line was, "I'm telling you we're gonna meet, but I'm almost positive I'm gonna flake." Why? Because of course last night she tells me she's busy again and can't make it. I'm willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but twice in a row isn't scoring points with me, so I'm not pushing this one anymore. Of course, she's still texting me about other stuff...so I'm getting the impression that what she really wants is a texting buddy. Ugh. The vast majority of these girls just want the attention. If she flakes once, let her go. You're better than that. She doesn't deserve a second chance. Especially not if she cancelled THE NIGHT BEFORE and then no communication for 2 weeks. These girls love this app cause it's an ego booster. Sooooo pathetic in my opinion!
Mo_Do Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 The vast majority of these girls just want the attention. If she flakes once, let her go. You're better than that. She doesn't deserve a second chance. Especially not if she cancelled THE NIGHT BEFORE and then no communication for 2 weeks. These girls love this app cause it's an ego booster. Sooooo pathetic in my opinion! Pretty much described it to a T. I deleted mine a couple days ago, too much BS. I mean, if you like messaging strangers and getting high off matches from them, go ahead. I think overall in 3 weeks I got around 30-40 matches, chatted with over a dozen and went on 3 dates. My best advice for anyone using it is to listen to your gut! If it seems too good to be true, it is. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but the person above described it. The girls are there for the attention - this is why all my matches would fizzle out after a few hours of back and forth messaging. Match made, they see you are real (messaging) and then onto the next. I am guilty of it too! Also, it would probably haunt me forever if I got into a LTR with a girl that I met on a "hook up" app. lol
nadinefleur Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) I get a lot of matches on tinder, but more than half of the guys that I match with don't message me. Whats up with that? If they liked the look of my pics why get my hopes up? I'm not going to message the guy first, as I believe the guy should message first. I'm not on there for the attention though, and wouldn't ignore a guy if he messaged me.. after all I swiped on him for a reason. I have a question though. I came across my friend's ex-boyfriend on there, they had only broken up 24 hours before I saw him so I don't know how long he had been using it for. But my friend thinks they are going to get back together and is holding onto hope so bad. I don't want to tell her that he's on tinder because it will absolutely devastate her. But I'm thinking maybe I should because other people might see him on there, and also I want her to realise that he will meet new girls and will probably hook up with them, and that he's not at home pining over her. But I don't want to add to the pain she is already going through. What should I do?? Also, does anyone notice that you sometimes come across the same person more than once?? Is that because the person has 'liked' you and you haven't liked them, so then they appear again? Edited March 14, 2014 by nadinefleur
organizedchaos Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I get a lot of matches on tinder, but more than half of the guys that I match with don't message me. Whats up with that? If they liked the look of my pics why get my hopes up? I'm not going to message the guy first, as I believe the guy should message first. I'm not on there for the attention though, and wouldn't ignore a guy if he messaged me.. after all I swiped on him for a reason. I have a question though. I came across my friend's ex-boyfriend on there, they had only broken up 24 hours before I saw him so I don't know how long he had been using it for. But my friend thinks they are going to get back together and is holding onto hope so bad. I don't want to tell her that he's on tinder because it will absolutely devastate her. But I'm thinking maybe I should because other people might see him on there, and also I want her to realise that he will meet new girls and will probably hook up with them, and that he's not at home pining over her. But I don't want to add to the pain she is already going through. What should I do?? Also, does anyone notice that you sometimes come across the same person more than once?? Is that because the person has 'liked' you and you haven't liked them, so then they appear again? Some people just swipe left on everyone and then decide who to talk to after a match. I don't do it that way. I only swipe left on someone I'm interested in. Tell her to get on tinder to help get her mind off him. Then when she sees his profile, she'll know. I think if you delete your profile and then deactivate it, it resets everything for them and it's like starting all over again from scratch.
nadinefleur Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Some people just swipe left on everyone and then decide who to talk to after a match. I don't do it that way. I only swipe left on someone I'm interested in. Tell her to get on tinder to help get her mind off him. Then when she sees his profile, she'll know. I think if you delete your profile and then deactivate it, it resets everything for them and it's like starting all over again from scratch. Yeah I told her to join and she said no way, thats so disrespectful and insensitive so soon after their break up
organizedchaos Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 Yeah I told her to join and she said no way, thats so disrespectful and insensitive so soon after their break up well then maybe you should tell her to give her a hard dose of reality so she stops clinging on to hope.
kaylan Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 A woman in her late 20's matched with me on Tinder last week.(I'm 43) I sent her a first message 2 days after our match. 2 days later....still no reply....so I sent her a message about how shes just like most of the woman on there that are obviously not serious and just want attention. Of course I instantly get a reply Funny how you ALWAYS get a reply when they feel insulted. Anyways....she proceeds to tell me how I'm too old for her.... I tell her...YOU clicked on my pic genius....WHY did you click on me in the first place?? Are you ready to hear THE funniest, dumbest excuse ever??? She said..."the phone was far away when I clicked it, I couldnt see you" After laughing for a good 2 mins....I replied...."How F'n long are your arms???? If you clicked on my pic, it had to be no further than arms length" Of course she has no reply to that....(typical woman avoiding any responsibility for her actions) She does tell me "Youre like 50 miles away too" Again....I remind her..."YOU clicked on my pic....maybe use your brain next time" She then tells me how she can get guys anytime she wants....and doesnt need Tinder. She says she uses it only as "entertainment" and will never meet anyone from it. LOL that whole interaction with her is classic Why are you this upset by it? Dont let this make you angry dude. Tinder isnt that serious. Guess what, I sometimes block pretty women after we start talking because I find out they are too far from me (the tinder GPS is not accurate). Or sometimes I dont even message a chick, or reply right away because Im busy with a couple of other girls. I dont bite off more than I can chew...because I dont wanna mix up conversations. And plus, if by some stroke of luck I have more than a couple dates lined up in a weeks span, I would reeeeallly stretch myself thin. You have to assume these women have options and that they have busy lives. Dont take it personally. If you dont get a reply, then shes not feeling you for whatever reason, and it is what it is.
BradJacobs Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 I have a question though. I came across my friend's ex-boyfriend on there, they had only broken up 24 hours before I saw him so I don't know how long he had been using it for. But my friend thinks they are going to get back together and is holding onto hope so bad. I don't want to tell her that he's on tinder because it will absolutely devastate her. But I'm thinking maybe I should because other people might see him on there, and also I want her to realise that he will meet new girls and will probably hook up with them, and that he's not at home pining over her. But I don't want to add to the pain she is already going through. What should I do?? The moment I broke up with my girlfriend I was downloading tinder. He is moving on. She should do the same. 1
365daysgone Posted March 16, 2014 Posted March 16, 2014 I find this app hilarious. It's basically a waiting game. Wait until the GIRL is horny and then they will message you. If they message late at night, they are horny. If they message on the weekend, they are likely horny. lol
hasaquestion Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Welp. Just finished texting a girl who swiped me right me on the app today. -20 y/o -She goes to a college about a 1 hour drive from me. Lives much closer but has conservative parents so she can't do much -All her pictures on Tinder are her face only (she has a very nice face) -She dropped a lot of hints (calling me "prince charming", suggesting I visit her at school, said I'm "realllly good looking", saying "sweet dreams") How would you go about asking for a more illustrative picture without being too obvious?
kaylan Posted March 17, 2014 Posted March 17, 2014 Welp. Just finished texting a girl who swiped me right me on the app today. -20 y/o -She goes to a college about a 1 hour drive from me. Lives much closer but has conservative parents so she can't do much -All her pictures on Tinder are her face only (she has a very nice face) -She dropped a lot of hints (calling me "prince charming", suggesting I visit her at school, said I'm "realllly good looking", saying "sweet dreams") How would you go about asking for a more illustrative picture without being too obvious? I just straight up ask if she has other pics, or I suggest we add each other on fb after talking a little bit. There are more pics on fb. Or I simple take a quick photo of myself, send it, and then ask them to respond in kind.
BradJacobs Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I find this app hilarious. It's basically a waiting game. Wait until the GIRL is horny and then they will message you. If they message late at night, they are horny. If they message on the weekend, they are likely horny. lol Yeah but it's low hanging fruit. Just get as many swipe rights on doable randoms as you can and let it take care of itself. I am loving this app. 1
PJKino Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My profile has been up for a few months now and not one match i must be hideous 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 Yeah but it's low hanging fruit. Just get as many swipe rights on doable randoms as you can and let it take care of itself. I am loving this app. Yeah? I'm hating it. Everyday I use it my self esteem gets lower and lower....
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 My profile has been up for a few months now and not one match i must be hideous I got some matches. They were bots though. I'll be honest, I fell for it the first time. But I caught on quickly...
Marks Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 (edited) I get a lot of matches on tinder, but more than half of the guys that I match with don't message me. Whats up with that? If they liked the look of my pics why get my hopes up? More than half of women I match with don't message me back when I message them first...what's up with that? lol It goes both ways. And no, I don't just say "hi" or wink at them or ask them something inappropriate. I usually ask them some question regarding their picture or their little description. I think that either a) they swiped right "just cuz" or b) are having conversations with other guys so they're not going to be bothered by me. But like mentioned earlier, a lot of guys will just swipe right on every girl, and only after matching make a determination whether the girl is worth messaging. Frankly, that strategy makes sense because it's a lot less time consuming (don't have to browse through each girl's pictures) for the average guy who probably isn't going to match with most girls. I employ this to some extent as well--I swipe right more often than not, only swiping left if the girl is just completely not my type. I'd imagine that Tinder probably has similar characteristics to OLD when it comes to guys vs. girls experiences. Girls probably get waaaay more matches than guys because the guys are swiping right far more frequently than the girls (akin to guys having to send out tons of messages just to get a handful of replies). Whereas the girls can be a lot more careful with who they pick. Edited March 18, 2014 by Marks
PJKino Posted March 18, 2014 Posted March 18, 2014 I got some matches. They were bots though. I'll be honest, I fell for it the first time. But I caught on quickly... same here i got a match and so excited that a girl was actually attracted to me then i realized her miles away from me kept changing and realized it was bot
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