btyoung21 Posted October 2, 2013 Share Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) Folks, I keep this as short as I can. Me and my ex were living together for 3 years. I was in a successful career and she was in-and-out of jobs. The relationship was also pretty one-sided towards my end. We would always go out with my friends and not hers. I was a pretty demanding boyfriend, in retrospect. Fast forward 3 years, she got accepted into medical school. Hooray for her but not for me!!! We found ourselves spending less and less time with each other. I kept fighting her about it, complaining that I miss and need her. This fighting went on from June to August of this year. Things came to a head in August 30. We fought about her not being able to spend the weekend of me because of exams, the she finally broke it off. She told me I was always selfish, unsupportive and never compromised with her wants/needs. She was so tired of catering to me, and its time she focuses on herself first. I cried, begged, pleaded and did everything to get her back. I was an emotional wreck but she seemed fine. After advise from Thora-Tiki, I gave NC a chance. I started NC Aug 25 and broke it just a while ago.. I brought dinner to her place (surprise) and things just started to piece together. She asked me why she'll give me a chance. Told her that being away from each other was good, I learned how to evolve and be a better man. And that she only deserves the best from me. We agreed to hang out next week again, but we are limiting it to once a week since we're not back together anyway. I lost weight and got back to my old form. Being buff and fit definitely brings that swagger back, Lord knows looks are always a factor too!!!! I'll keep improving on that aspect. Old me: Selfish, always complaining, inconsiderate, brash, irritable, selfish New me: Confident, patient, understanding and willing to sacrifice my own wants for the other Let's see what happens, but no other way but up for me!!! I also wanna send a shout-out to Thora-Tiki for helping me thru this dark time! The master of Reconnection!! Edited October 2, 2013 by btyoung21 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 So you have completely changed in 1 month? Link to post Share on other sites
StyleOnEm Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Yeah you definitely need to give her space -- Med school requires A LOT of time and focus on her part. Keep in mind she could potentially be building a life for YOU AND HER to enjoy for the rest of your lives. Don't get in the way of that by being selfish. Support her by understanding her education is priority 1. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) ForeverHopeful1: It would be naive and foolish for me to say that I have changed my whole persona and attitude in just 1.5 months. But I'm 60% on my way, it's a work-in-progress and won't be easy. There is so much clarity now, about what was wrong with me and how I handled the relationship. These things will be valuable moving forward with her. Right now, I am just very thankful to have another chance and this time I'll be the best I can be (whatever happens). StyleOnEm: Cool username!! What you say is true, she always said that being a successful doctor is also for our future family (not just herself). So yes, I'll keep this in mind. I have to be more patient and understanding with regards to her schedule, it will be crazy! A lot lonely weekends, but I am prepared. Thanks so much for the reminder!! I'll keep your words always in my mind. I recently returned to practicing jiujitsu again, something I stopped a 2 years ago. This will keep my weekends busy and physique in good shape. Mantra: Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Edited October 3, 2013 by btyoung21 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Yeah, I think you are jumping the gun a bit. Maybe you have changed a bit, but it takes two to change for a reconciliation to work. The odds of this sticking after such a short NC aren't good. Odds are one or both of you will revert to old habits and the same problems that caused the break will resurface. I hope I'm wrong though -- best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Hi Simon! Thank you for reminding me of such a crucial point. I will always keep that in mind, your advise is much appreciated. I'll slow it down just a bit more, let's play it safer. I'll be alone this whole weekend, time for reflection and 'me-time' for both of us. Yeah, I think you are jumping the gun a bit. Maybe you have changed a bit, but it takes two to change for a reconciliation to work. The odds of this sticking after such a short NC aren't good. Odds are one or both of you will revert to old habits and the same problems that caused the break will resurface. I hope I'm wrong though -- best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
sniperz Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Folks, I keep this as short as I can. Me and my ex were living together for 3 years. I was in a successful career and she was in-and-out of jobs. The relationship was also pretty one-sided towards my end. We would always go out with my friends and not hers. I was a pretty demanding boyfriend, in retrospect. Fast forward 3 years, she got accepted into medical school. Hooray for her but not for me!!! We found ourselves spending less and less time with each other. I kept fighting her about it, complaining that I miss and need her. This fighting went on from June to August of this year. Things came to a head in August 30. We fought about her not being able to spend the weekend of me because of exams, the she finally broke it off. She told me I was always selfish, unsupportive and never compromised with her wants/needs. She was so tired of catering to me, and its time she focuses on herself first. I cried, begged, pleaded and did everything to get her back. I was an emotional wreck but she seemed fine. After advise from Thora-Tiki, I gave NC a chance. I started NC Aug 25 and broke it just a while ago.. I brought dinner to her place (surprise) and things just started to piece together. She asked me why she'll give me a chance. Told her that being away from each other was good, I learned how to evolve and be a better man. And that she only deserves the best from me. We agreed to hang out next week again, but we are limiting it to once a week since we're not back together anyway. I lost weight and got back to my old form. Being buff and fit definitely brings that swagger back, Lord knows looks are always a factor too!!!! I'll keep improving on that aspect. Old me: Selfish, always complaining, inconsiderate, brash, irritable, selfish New me: Confident, patient, understanding and willing to sacrifice my own wants for the other Let's see what happens, but no other way but up for me!!! I also wanna send a shout-out to Thora-Tiki for helping me thru this dark time! The master of Reconnection!! Good news for you. I'm also on my way to the new me but with the same feelings of who I am at least. Keep it up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) Um, your situation is identical to mine in a couple of ways. It's made me anxious at first, now eager to speak with you for some perspective. Is there any way I can contact you? Lol, I will beg and plead if necessary. Consider this a sign of sorts.. haha. Yeah, relationship insanity. Don't want to post more details than I have here for identity measures. Edited October 4, 2013 by HorseLuck Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 Horseluck, I can give you my e-mail address? Is there a PM feature on Loveshack? Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/loveshack-org-questions-comments/373984-consolidated-question-information-thread-private-messages Private Msgs option has requirements. If you're not comfortable posting, I'll check back here tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) I'm okay with posting here. Just shoot me your questions, share your story! Look forward to hearing from you. Edited October 4, 2013 by btyoung21 Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 October 3 Evening Update: She texted me last night asking if I wanted to help with homework. We agreed to meet at a Starbucks near her place (around 35 km from my place). I offered to go to her, since I have a 24/7 car service anyway. The traffic was god awful and I got there at around 9:00 PM. It was a lighter and more casual encounter, the heaviness from the air was gone. We could talk, laugh and be more engaging. We downed a couple of coffee cups while finishing her paper and called it a night at 12:00 AM. Also worth noting, I gave her medicine that she used to regularly take for her allergies. She noted how I remember the smallest things, it was sweet. Finally, she rode in my car and I dropped her off at the med school apartment building. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodnight. A pretty successful evening if you ask me. Link to post Share on other sites
HorseLuck Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I'm okay with posting here. Just shoot me your questions, share your story! Look forward to hearing from you. Here's my e-mail, not hijacking your thread. PinkSeaDane@yahoo Just identify yourself. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 Horseluck, E-mailed you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author btyoung21 Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 (edited) Just some things I learned while being away for 2 months from my ex: -Accept that the relationship is over. Don't try to fool yourself that he/she didn't mean to leave you. There was something wrong about the relationship and that's why it ended. -Learn to start living alone. This means doing activities and going about your week without him/her. Find things to do alone or with friends. -Don't try to prematurely reach out to the other person. Give significant time and space for things to settle down. Reaching out too soon may lead to further worsening of the situation. -Reflect and meditate. The relationship ended because something was wrong with it. Sometimes these factors are not so obvious from the onset, it will take time for both parties to realize what really went wrong. -Heal. Once you've accepted the loss and grieved over it, it's time to accept the painful truth that things really are over. You have to now move on with your career, family and friends without that person. -Reconnect? You're now living life normally, healing and getting better as a person. Do you still love him/her? Do you think you can be a better partner this time around? Have you evolved into a person that he/she would want to be with? These are the questions you should ask yourself before trying again. -Important notes when reconnecting: Do not beg or look desperate, don't ring her phone like crazy, always smile, hit the gym and lose some weight, upgrade your wardrobe, get a facial. In conclusion, you have to look and feel like a winner. I am meeting her in a few hours for a quick dinner and a stroll downtown, a pretty cool Sunday for me. Greetings from Manila! Ben Edited October 6, 2013 by btyoung21 Link to post Share on other sites
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