Boyfriend complains about work constantly...does nothing to change it

[agawaj]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half and recently moved in together. Since I met him he has been complaining about his job. At first it was hard for me to deal with because I am an Employment Conselor and for one-listen to people complain all day, and two-when people complain my job is to help them to find solutions.

 

I have suggested many solutions to my boyfriend when he complains, I have also just shut up and listened and let him gripe. I am just getting fed up. He is so stressed out, comes home in a bad mood and has made me second guess our relationship because I have thought he was mad at me when he was just mad about work.

 

So what do I do? I am trying to be supportive but it's really hard for me to have to listen to him complain all the time about his job. As I say, I am an Employment Counselor and have to listen to people complain, whine, cry all day...having to listen to it when I get home is really hard. BUt if I tell him that they I am going to look unsupportive. I also find it difficult that he doesn't do anything to change his situation. He just lets his boss walk all over him and doesn't stand up to the guy. I have offered to help him look for other jobs (since I am good at it-it's what I do for a living!!) but then he makes excuses. I don't know what to do. It's just draining. I know the counselor in me says I need to talk to him and be honest about my feelings, but again I don't want to be unsupportive. I am not all that good with relationship stuff, he's the first guy I have lived with.

[Philosoraptor]

I've dealt with complainers. Smack them with logic, it'll either make them see the point or shut them up.

 

"If you're not happy with your job then take some steps to find other employment. Complaining about your situation doesn't change a thing. I am done listening to this all day, so either do something to change your situation or accept it and stop complaining about it because it's not going to change anything anyways."

[lionoftheforum]

Change is hard. Avoiding it isn’t an excuse.

 

He's a man, not a woman. Men don't buckle under the feel-bad as easily as females do. Basically, you don’t have to worry about ego-hurt too much here. He also loves you. That means he trusts you. You do what you do for a living. Because of all of this, I doubt you will appear unsupportive.

 

You've helped... It really is up to him to change his situation. Let him know that you feel that you have helped and then position your help in a new direction... Don’t lend a supporting ear anymore. You already did that. No more talking. It's time for him to shut-up or do something about it. Complaining feels good, but it doesn’t solve anything. Actually, it just compiles bad feelings.

Edited October 2, 2013 by lionoftheforum

[willpower654]

What about suggesting to set him up with a co-worker to do a session of counselling for employment... So that he can still get the benefit of the counselling but you won't be the one to be 'advising' him?

[SameMistakes]

I definitely think you should tell him how you feel. You are a counselor, I'm sure you would do it in a way that would not be critical or unsupportive. He probably does not realize how draining it is. Tell him you want him to be happy.

 

If he turns it back around on you that you are unsupportive of him, then it's his way of manipulating the situation. I have had a friend and a coworker who both constantly complained about truly bad work situations but did nothing to try to fix it (didn't even pretend to look for other jobs). They were afraid of the responsibility of such a decision. It drove me crazy. Could this also be a red flag for how he deals with other things in his life?