maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 (edited) So apparently my husband has known for awhile, he's been stalking us because he knows intimate conversations he couldn't have possibly known, also he found out who his wife is, and where she worked. He went to her work today and told her about me and her husband and even had pictures(WTF). My mm is of course devastated, he says he wants to see if he can save his marriage, that we would reevaluate us, after the smoke settles, and I'm o.k. with that. I'm trying to get into my own place in the meantime(mm suggestions) because my marriage is irrepairable. My question is, am I safe to stay with my husband until arrangements are made? This morning when I left for work nothing seemed wrong or out of place, I had no idea until MM called me multiple times to warn me about what had happened.i'm scared to be at home with him until I can make arrangements. I contacted friends and family but apparently he has informed all of them as well, and everyone is reluctant to help. I'm feeling forced to stay with someone I don't want to be with... Edited October 3, 2013 by maybemine misspelled word 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 I assume you don't have kids together. Perhaps you should call and speak with your H on the phone...gauge his mood and if you feel safe. Can you stay with family and meet H in a neutral place to discuss what has transpired? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 But its not excessive the extremes my H went, to destroy MOM? He knew conversations, and had pictures....I am leaving him. I'm worried for me and my kids because obviously he's capable of beings scarier than I once thought. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 MOM I absolutely there for me. I just don't want to call him until he gets things settled at home and figures out what he wants to do. The excessive part i'm talking about on my BS is the fact that he knew private conversations between me and MOM and he had pictures of us, so he's been stalking us apparently and kept his cool to me for awhile and then dropped a bomb on MOM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 I personally do not think that his actions were excessive. What did you expect him to do when he found this out? But...you know him and if your gut is telling you that it is not safe for your children and you to be there, do not stay there. Why do think that he is scarier than you once thought? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Mm will not be there for her - she is on her own. At this point she needs to regroup and figure out what she wants to do without mm involved - he is in damage control right now and will not consider her at all in any of this - he will throw her under the bus. My advice is to be completely honest with your husband and figure out your own situation - forget about mm - he is cleaning up his own mess. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 MOM I absolutely there for me. I just don't want to call him until he gets things settled at home and figures out what he wants to do. The excessive part i'm talking about on my BS is the fact that he knew private conversations between me and MOM and he had pictures of us, so he's been stalking us apparently and kept his cool to me for awhile and then dropped a bomb on MOM. I don't really see that as stalking. You saying he didn't have the right to know? You sure weren't going to tell him. Listen, I was an OM and am lucky I didn't get my ass kicked; or worse. Your MOM is likewise lucky. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 and figures out what he wants to do. He's figured out what he wants to do and unfortunately you don't fit into those plans. Like someone else said, he's throwing you under the bus as we speak. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 He's scary because I feel like he's been stalking me. How else would he have pictures and know PERSONAL conversations we had when we were together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Where are your kids right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 He's scary because I feel like he's been stalking me. How else would he have pictures and know PERSONAL conversations we had when we were together. I don't blame you for being freaked out by this. Yes, yes...you cheated...no small deal, but stalky, covert stuff gets to me. You should feel worried for your safety...sounds like H has come off the hinges a bit. You need to figure out your kids, where to stay and you may as well start the divorce, in my opinion. Doesn't sound like you want to be with your H...I doubt his surveillance of you will cease. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 Lisalee MOM has children with his wife, he doesn't want to lose them. Were both going through this right now...he's talked to me all day, but he's told me that he needs to deal with his home life right now and we'll talk about us once things smooth out. I could call him but like I said he's dealing with his problem right now as well. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 I don't believe it's stalking, but I guess folks who have never been in your BS' place and felt what he feels won't understand. When you cheat, since you obviously didn't tell him the truth of the situation, he was forced to find out the truth on his own. Call it stalking if that makes you feel better. As for your safety, if you feel unsafe with him, find a hotel to stay at until further plans can be made. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 I don't blame you for being freaked out by this. Yes, yes...you cheated...no small deal, but stalky, covert stuff gets to me. You should feel worried for your safety...sounds like H has come off the hinges a bit. You need to figure out your kids, where to stay and you may as well start the divorce, in my opinion. Doesn't sound like you want to be with your H...I doubt his surveillance of you will cease. This was my point. yes I was wrong, but I feel like he went WAY overboard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 I guess I am confused. Considering your past posts, you have said that you two are very deeply in love. So if the woman who he is in love with and her children are possibly in danger... why not help her? So he has kids, I am assuming the children do not know what is going on? His BS can take care of the kids, I am assuming that is what she has been doing while he has been running around with you, anyway. The woman who he loves is concerned for her safety and he needs to deal with his home life? I didn't tell him I was scared...he's dealing with his own problems right now. He is worried about my safety he told me to get into a new place look at op. And he's a very good father and has always been there for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 I guess I am confused. Considering your past posts, you have said that you two are very deeply in love. So if the woman who he is in love with and her children are possibly in danger... why not help her? So he has kids, I am assuming the children do not know what is going on? His BS can take care of the kids, I am assuming that is what she has been doing while he has been running around with you, anyway. I never want him to give up his children for me...he's dealing with his home life because he doesn't want to lose his children. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Lisalee MOM has children with his wife, he doesn't want to lose them. Were both going through this right now...he's talked to me all day, but he's told me that he needs to deal with his home life right now and we'll talk about us once things smooth out. I could call him but like I said he's dealing with his problem right now as well. I'll talk to him about it tomorrow. You don't get it. MM has his own agenda - and the big picture is - his home life needs to be restored and you have been tossed aside. He will contact more when he won't get caught - how charming of him. Your husband has the right idea. Consequences for YOUR bad behavior - hurts, right? Your husband can't be as scary as your behavior is. If you're scared - leave- you'll be doing your family a favor by not being around them - as you obviously aren't an example of good behavior. YOU did this- not your H - he is only reacting to what YOU HAVE CREATED! Your MM may not contact at all - so be ready for silence if he intends to honor his wife's wishes. This is what it looks like when cheaters cheat - a tornado and the mess of the aftermath that YOU CAUSED. Look in the mirror and get honest. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 This was my point. yes I was wrong, but I feel like he went WAY overboard. No - he didn't go overboard - YOU DID. Get the facts straight. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Kudos to your husband! You cheated, f*****d up a marriage and now in your eyes your the victim! You miss are not a good planner... next time you want to live a double life plan it well and dont underestimate your partner to be stupid and take it while you walk all over him 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maybemine Posted October 3, 2013 Author Share Posted October 3, 2013 sorry I thought this was a support forum for OWOM..... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 So apparently my husband has known for awhile, he's been stalking us because he knows intimate conversations he couldn't have possibly known, also he found out who his wife is, and where she worked. He went to her work today and told her about me and her husband and even had pictures(WTF). My mm is of course devastated, he says he wants to see if he can save his marriage, that we would reevaluate us, after the smoke settles, and I'm o.k. with that. I'm trying to get into my own place in the meantime(mm suggestions) because my marriage is irrepairable. My question is, am I safe to stay with my husband until arrangements are made? This morning when I left for work nothing seemed wrong or out of place, I had no idea until MM called me multiple times to warn me about what had happened.i'm scared to be at home with him until I can make arrangements. I contacted friends and family but apparently he has informed all of them as well, and everyone is reluctant to help. I'm feeling forced to stay with someone I don't want to be with... Then go stay at hotel if you don't feel safe. Or go to your parents place. Talk to your mom and dad because they are your family. Own what you did, don't justify it to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 But its not excessive the extremes my H went, to destroy MOM? He knew conversations, and had pictures....I am leaving him. I'm worried for me and my kids because obviously he's capable of beings scarier than I once thought. No it isn't to the extreme. Your husband's world got turned upside down and he felt your MM's wife deserved to know the truth as well. Part of the fall out and consquences of having the A, people get hurt and react. Very doubtful he will do something to your kids as they are the innocent ones in all this and they are the ones who are going to suffer because you cheated. Don't blame your husband for this fall out, you created it. I know you're hurting too and things are a mess, but did you think you'd never get caught? Affairs are messy and cause a lot of pain - For everybody. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 MOM I absolutely there for me. I just don't want to call him until he gets things settled at home and figures out what he wants to do. The excessive part i'm talking about on my BS is the fact that he knew private conversations between me and MOM and he had pictures of us, so he's been stalking us apparently and kept his cool to me for awhile and then dropped a bomb on MOM. Don't count on that quite yet. You have no idea what is going on behind closed doors with his wife. For all you know he could have changed his mind after seeing his wife so upset and devastated. Maybe she will want to give him a chance, and he very well may cut you out of his life if he wants to have that second chance. Anything could happen so don't put all your eggs in his basket quite yet. It isn't excessive at all. Your H suspected you were having an A and he did some detective work. That's not illegal nor is it wrong of him to do.... So it upsets you that he kept his cool for so long, hid it from you, that he knew the truth? Yet you kept lying to him, having an A behind his back, pretending all was okay at home with him? I hope you see the irony in this. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 He's scary because I feel like he's been stalking me. How else would he have pictures and know PERSONAL conversations we had when we were together. He very well could have hired a PI. Anyway, does it really matter? you've been caught and now everybody knows the truth. That is a good thing. you can do as you please and your H can grieve this loss and find someone else who will love only him. sorry I thought this was a support forum for OWOM..... Most are helpful, even if it comes off harshly. Ignore the rude posts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Bottom line, if you feel unsafe- get out. Find a hotel, family member, friend, someone to stay with until you can secure further plans. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts