DDay today

[Goodbye]

sorry I thought this was a support forum for OWOM.....

 

 

I don't think you are going to get the support you need here. You should find and understanding friend or family member. The BS's are flocking your thread like flies to you-know-what because espionage is a much coveted thing here.

 

I think you need a therapist and a divorce attorney. I don't envy your position. Be safe.

[Purepony]

Where are the BS'?

 

Certainly not here hehe

[Journee]

Where are the BS'?

 

Everyone that disagrees with an AP is by default a BS.

 

 

OP, if you feel like you are in danger please go somewhere safe. Things can be sorted out in the morning.

 

This will likely be a mess for some time.

 

Did you and MM talk about what would happen when DDay hit?

[Mycatsnuggles]

Talk to your husband. He knows. You have children. I can see being frightened and panicking but your h appears to have remained calm to this point. If you are afraid meet in a coffee shop in public. Fix your own house, it's burning stop worrying about the neighbors.

 

Advice from an OW.

[2sunny]

sorry I thought this was a support forum for OWOM.....

 

You are getting truth about your situation.

 

It's just that it got more real today since your H decided to expose what is real about what you've been doing.

 

We are telling you what to expect - that's support.

[happy stillmore]

I dread the thought a human being is feeling so alone and scared. I also dread the thought of the BS's shock and pain. Everyone needs to remember each situation is different, just as the people in the situation are different. We can't always apply our situation to this situation.

 

OP,

Right now, you need to take some deep breaths and worry about your children. This is a moment in which you need to center yourself. Make decisions which are best for you and your children. Start living life honestly.

 

BSs,

You seem to outnumber the OW/OM in this forum. Yes, she is not perfect and this isn't a thing to take lightly. But please don't take this moment to take your revenge out on her. Let's work together to help this woman. I don't think your comments have helped OP. Isn't that the purpose of this forum. To help each other?

 

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

 

Mahatma Gandhi

[maybemine]

Everyone that disagrees with an AP is by default a BS.

 

 

OP, if you feel like you are in danger please go somewhere safe. Things can be sorted out in the morning.

 

This will likely be a mess for some time.

 

Did you and MM talk about what would happen when DDay hit?

No, we didn't think we'd get caught. We were extra cautious with code words and text. We both have children, we wanted our own secret happiness is all, not to hurt anyone. We couldn't have for seen this. He did say he's not mad that this happened....He knows I don't love/want my husband. I only stayed this long for the children.

[Purepony]

No, we didn't think we'd get caught. We were extra cautious with code words and text. We both have children, we wanted our own secret happiness is all, not to hurt anyone. We couldn't have for seen this. He did say he's not mad that this happened....He knows I don't love/want my husband. I only stayed this long for the children.

 

 

At leaset she was positive .. she didnt think shed get caught

[2sunny]

You've just blown two families to smithereens and all you're thinking about is how YOU feel?

 

 

I'm just shaking my head at the extent to your selfishness.

 

 

The OP hasn't stated she is in danger. Her H is angry - she didn't say he's violent.

[maybemine]

You've just blown two families to smithereens and all you're thinking about is how YOU feel?

 

 

I'm just shaking my head at the extent to your selfishness.

 

 

The OP hasn't stated she is in danger. Her H is angry - she didn't say he's violent.

It takes two to tango as MM use to tell me....I'm saying that if hBS was this calm and calculating knowing that I was cheating perhaps he's a fuse waiting to explode.

[2sunny]

It takes two to tango as MM use to tell me....I'm saying that if hBS was this calm and calculating knowing that I was cheating perhaps he's a fuse waiting to explode.

 

IF and PERHAPS is sheer speculation.

 

Stop deflecting - IF your H intended to harm you - he would have hunted you down by now. But he hasn't.

 

Are you always this dramatic in order to deflect your bad behavior?

 

Your H wasn't stalking - he was gathering evidence = big difference.

[Quiet Storm]

It doesn't mean your husband is crazy because he spied on you. Most infidelity sites encourage the betrayed spouse to expose the affair because most affairs do not survive the light of day. It is often recommended that evidence is gathered by voice activated recorders & keyloggers. The BS has a right to know the truth about their life.

 

Prepare yourself emotionally for the possibility that MM will distance himself from you. You two were in a fantasy bubble, so out of touch that you did not even consider getting caught. Now reality has come crashing down. Your MM is seeing the gravity of his actions.

[maybemine]

IF and PERHAPS is sheer speculation.

 

Stop deflecting - IF your H intended to harm you - he would have hunted you down by now. But he hasn't.

 

Are you always this dramatic in order to deflect your bad behavior?

 

Your H wasn't stalking - he was gathering evidence = big difference.

I'm sorry your own husband hurt you but you don't know anything about my situation or personality to make that assumption. Its not all about me....There is a man that cheated also. But I would absolutely own up to my part in the affair if I could but my husband has been M.I.A. since he exposed the affair. Should I be worried, possibly....I didn't even find out from my husband that this has happened. I only know what MOM has told me. Honestly I came here for support, I'm going through a rough time at the moment also. MOM was my best friend and confidant, and its possible that I have lost him in this also.....Sorry Bs's don't expect you to understand but our emotional affair was very deep.

[Mycatsnuggles]

Only you can honestly say how h's fuse is but he appears pretty calm considering he has not confronted you. Seems he is planning on what he wants to do with his future.

 

If you have true concerns call a domestic violence shelter and they can run through the risk scenarios with you and develop a safety plan. Evaluate your actual risk and react accordingly.

[2sunny]

I'm sorry your own husband hurt you but you don't know anything about my situation or personality to make that assumption. Its not all about me....There is a man that cheated also. But I would absolutely own up to my part in the affair if I could but my husband has been M.I.A. since he exposed the affair. Should I be worried, possibly....I didn't even find out from my husband that this has happened. I only know what MOM has told me. Honestly I came here for support, I'm going through a rough time at the moment also. MOM was my best friend and confidant, and its possible that I have lost him in this also.....Sorry Bs's don't expect you to understand but our emotional affair was very deep.

 

Let's not deflect further - about me, the OM and the neighbors cat...

 

Honesty and truth is what I support. Just trying to see if you can consider that?

 

Doesn't look like you need to be scared of your H - he's probably busy trying to cut off your access to money, changing the locks and filing D papers.

 

It doesn't really matter that MM had a deep connection - he is at home with his wife. That should tell you everything he won't say.

 

He may resume when he knows you will be less risky - but still his secret.

[2sunny]

Only you can honestly say how h's fuse is but he appears pretty calm considering he has not confronted you. Seems he is planning on what he wants to do with his future.

 

If you have true concerns call a domestic violence shelter and they can run through the risk scenarios with you and develop a safety plan. Evaluate your actual risk and react accordingly.

 

Domestic violence shelters are for battered women and/or kids... She isn't being abused!

[cif]

If she's scared of her H there's a reason. Stay safe OP.

[2sunny]

If she's scared of her H there's a reason. Stay safe OP.

 

Scared to face consequences of her bad behavior is much different than what position women are in that have been beaten and battered - do not equate this as the same!

 

He hasn't even threatened her with any words! Stop assuming!

[2sunny]

And since you haven't gone home to take care of your kids - that's deplorable and neglectful!

[2sunny]

I'm sorry your own husband hurt you but you don't know anything about my situation or personality to make that assumption. Its not all about me....There is a man that cheated also. But I would absolutely own up to my part in the affair if I could but my husband has been M.I.A. since he exposed the affair. Should I be worried, possibly....I didn't even find out from my husband that this has happened. I only know what MOM has told me. Honestly I came here for support, I'm going through a rough time at the moment also. MOM was my best friend and confidant, and its possible that I have lost him in this also.....Sorry Bs's don't expect you to understand but our emotional affair was very deep.

 

It's not helpful for you to make assumptions about me - my history... And I know about your situation - or enough to know what words you've typed out here.

[underwater2010]

If I were you I would be scared too. What is he going to next?

 

But to put it gently....you brought this on yourself. He was not stalking you....he was building his proof before he confronted. Something I wish I had done a little more of. You guys got caught with your pants down. Now its time to pull them up and face the music.

 

I agree with others that he is busy getting his ducks in a row. Step one collect any and all evidence. Step two is to blow it up...he has done that. Step three file for divorce and try to separate finances as possible.

 

I highly doubt he is going to do anything more to you. I suspect that he would have done it already.

 

Also, don't even consider that MOM is going to be your fallback. Right now he is busy saving his own butt. As far as him contacting you when things smooth over, remember that his BW is not clueless anymore and she will be keeping a close eye.

[maybemine]

And since you haven't gone home to take care of your kids - that's deplorable and neglectful!

I am at home with my children. It is him that hasn't came home....

[2sunny]

I am at home with my children. It is him that hasn't came home....

 

Ok, that's good to hear! Sorry I assumed based on your words.

 

Your H may not come home.

 

Have a plan to be safe. Lock the door while sleeping tonight. If he comes home and gets violent don't hesitate to call the police.

 

Do your kids know anything? How old are they?

[Grumpybutfun]

maybemine:

The most important thing right now is to take care of your children and make sure they feel loved. Regardless of any issues you and your husband are having, they are innocent and should be shielded from any of this drama.

Grumps

[maybemine]

Ok, that's good to hear! Sorry I assumed based on your words.

 

Your H may not come home.

 

Have a plan to be safe. Lock the door while sleeping tonight. If he comes home and gets violent don't hesitate to call the police.

 

Do your kids know anything? How old are they?

My kids don't know we just had a normal night, I didn't let on that anything is different or wrong. I told them daddy had to work late, there sleeping now.