i sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. poured my heart into it. things just got worst.

[Bandito]

so last week i sent an email to my ex. in it, i apologized for things i said and my behavior when we last got into our big arguement. i went on to tell her how much i still love her, and i want nothing more than to have a second chance..etc.

 

she sends me a text later on saying, "Hi.. I didn't respond right away because I don't know what to say.. I still don't know what to say. Please give me my own time and space to figure out my own feelings and thoughts..Usually when people pour their heart it isn't through email."

 

with her saying that i called her, she was upset that i sent her the email and didn't tell her in person. well things got out of hand and we got into another argument about other topics, blaming me for why the relationship didn't last, say's i can't take care of her, that i'm always acting out. that i'll never have her again and that she's in a lot of pain.

 

she said "forget you!" and hung up. haven't heard from her since.

 

i'm feeling so horrible right now. at first it seemed like she was interested at first, then she says we can never be together again. damn.

[reddragon588]

She's trying to shift all the blame to you, and is not willing to take any blame on herself. It takes two for a relationship to end, just like it takes two for a relationship to succeed.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

so last week i sent an email to my ex. in it, i apologized for things i said and my behavior when we last got into our big arguement. i went on to tell her how much i still love her, and i want nothing more than to have a second chance..etc.

 

she sends me a text later on saying, "Hi.. I didn't respond right away because I don't know what to say.. I still don't know what to say. Please give me my own time and space to figure out my own feelings and thoughts..Usually when people pour their heart it isn't through email."

 

with her saying that i called her, she was upset that i sent her the email and didn't tell her in person. well things got out of hand and we got into another argument about other topics, blaming me for why the relationship didn't last, say's i can't take care of her, that i'm always acting out. that i'll never have her again and that she's in a lot of pain.

 

she said "forget you!" and hung up. haven't heard from her since.

 

i'm feeling so horrible right now. at first it seemed like she was interested at first, then she says we can never be together again. damn.

 

Yeah....thats why a good deal of us say to refrain from sending ANY letter to an ex...text or otherwise. You made a mistake, but we've all done it.

 

Just go no contact and keep moving forward.

[Fufu]

What you had done by sending the e-mail is a past, don't dwell over it. Do remind yourself not to do this again.

 

I don't think she meant by why you did not tell her your feelings in person. Sometimes it just words (without much thoughts) when she replied you.

 

Have you considered NC? Having/Maintaining contact with your ex is not healthy and also it is very clearly shown she doesn't want to hear from you anymore. Why make yourself walk the spikes?

[Bandito]

i know i should do no contact, yet i wanted to have a talk with her, just when things are settled down, and she's not making irrational decisions like "you'll never have me."

[Fufu]

sorry i meant "I don't think she meant for real why you did not tell her your feelings in person."

[Fufu]

i know i should do no contact, yet i wanted to have a talk with her, just when things are settled down, and she's not making irrational decisions like "you'll never have me."

 

No one at this stage can have a proper talk. You tried to talk to her, but it ain't a success, it ended up a quarrel.

[Bandito]

No one at this stage can have a proper talk. You tried to talk to her, but it ain't a success, it ended up a quarrel.

 

i understand. i should just give her some space, and maybe i'll check up on her later on. i know that when we fought before, we'd go days without talking then would make up. i'm hoping she can be reasonable in a week or so.

[h0000]

what caused the breakup? who dumped who? whose fault is it?

[Fufu]

i understand. i should just give her some space, and maybe i'll check up on her later on. i know that when we fought before, we'd go days without talking then would make up. i'm hoping she can be reasonable in a week or so.

 

My suggestion: You wouldn't want to go back to check on her. Trust me on this. If she's ever ready, she will be the one contacting you.

 

And for woman, it won't just take a week or so to cool down (for most cases).

[Bandito]

what caused the breakup? who dumped who? whose fault is it?

 

she dumped me because i wasn't "the one." she says i have the potential to become the man she always dreamed of, but doesn't see it now.

[Bandito]

My suggestion: You wouldn't want to go back to check on her. Trust me on this. If she's ever ready, she will be the one contacting you.

 

And for woman, it won't just take a week or so to cool down (for most cases).

 

i see, so what would be a good time frame for women to get over an argument?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

i understand. i should just give her some space, and maybe i'll check up on her later on. i know that when we fought before, we'd go days without talking then would make up. i'm hoping she can be reasonable in a week or so.

 

Alright....I'm not calling you out here. BUT DUDE KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Quit having these notions of "I'll talk to her in a week." All you are doing now is looking VERY weak and needy. Sending the note was awful...calling was even worse. You contact her again, its just going to keep burying you in the hole. The relationship is DONE.

 

No contact MEANS NO CONTACT!!!!!! Not "Yeah, I wont contact her. I'll give it a week." NO....you contact her NEVER. Thats the point of it. TO MOVE ON!

[Bandito]

Alright....I'm not calling you out here. BUT DUDE KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Quit having these notions of "I'll talk to her in a week." All you are doing now is looking VERY weak and needy. Sending the note was awful...calling was even worse. You contact her again, its just going to keep burying you in the hole. The relationship is DONE.

 

No contact MEANS NO CONTACT!!!!!! Not "Yeah, I wont contact her. I'll give it a week." NO....you contact her NEVER. Thats the point of it. TO MOVE ON!

 

what should i do if she contacts me?

[h0000]

not the one because....? there gotta be some more specific reasons otherwise why would she be in lotta pain?

is therr something she accused that you did or didnt do? or some peronality traits of you thay she doesn't like?

[westjames111]

i know i should do no contact, yet i wanted to have a talk with her, just when things are settled down, and she's not making irrational decisions like "you'll never have me."

 

 

That will probably be 6 months or more. Keep on no contact.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

what should i do if she contacts me?

 

Don't respond. This isnt rocket science lol. It doesnt matter if she contacts you, the end results are still going to be the same. You want to stop feeling like crap? You want to stop coming on this site? Then you have to move forward.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

That will probably be 6 months or more. Keep on no contact.

 

Even is six months, she will have probably moved on. Probably with someone else (as you might as well). Dont take the six months as a set date to "okay, I'll talk to her then"

[Bandito]

not the one because....? there gotta be some more specific reasons otherwise why would she be in lotta pain?

is therr something she accused that you did or didnt do? or some peronality traits of you thay she doesn't like?

 

 

-her stupid best friend doesn't like me anymore.

-say's i haven't grown up.

-i lack communication.

-say's i can't take care of kids.

a lot of it is BS.

 

i have know idea why she's hurting, thats why i wanted to have a talk with her.

[Bandito]

Even is six months, she will have probably moved on. Probably with someone else (as you might as well). Dont take the six months as a set date to "okay, I'll talk to her then"

 

damn, i don't know who to listen to. all this different advice coming from all directions!

[Dying on the Vine]

I find that communicating my feelings via e-mail much easier to do some times - and to receive actually - bcuz it allows me to express myself accurately without the tears getting in the way and without all of my emotions muddling up my words as I search for the right ones to use.

 

What if you were to send her another e-mail (I know I know lol) explaining to her simply that you needed to say things to her clearly - without an argument and tears - and that writing it out gave you the time to find the right words to express yourself clearly to her - and that you didn't mean any offence by and you didn't mean to hurt her or upset her - then tell her that you understand that she needs time to think about things and that when and if she's ready to talk about it - then she can give you a call to talk about it.

 

What do you have to lose??? If you've already lost her - then there's no damage done by sending a second e-mail explaining to her why you e-mailed her and why you used the "written word" as your preferred method of communication when it comes to expressing your feelings for her. And then just gracefully bow out and give her the time to read and digest your words - and their meaning. And if she contacts you to discuss your e-mail - then that's great - and if she doesn't - then you're no further behind then you are right now. Giving her space after you send her the 2nd e-mail will be the hardest part - but you would need to stick to the "no contact" part and let her make the first move back to you - if that's what she chooses.

 

If the written word was inappropriate and held no power over love and the lovelorn - then the world would be completely devoid of Poetry and Love Stories!!!

 

Best of luck Hun!!!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

damn, i don't know who to listen to. all this different advice coming from all directions!

 

What different advice? The whole advice is go no contact. You are looking really desperate in her eyes. If there was ever really a chance of reconciliation (which is low anyways), you probably already killed that lol. This is why you dont contact them. You move forward with your life. Dont give it timelines like one week to talk, one month, one year, anything. Dont contact her.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I find that communicating my feelings via e-mail much easier to do some times - and to receive actually - bcuz it allows me to express myself accurately without the tears getting in the way and without all of my emotions muddling up my words as I search for the right ones to use.

 

What if you were to send her another e-mail (I know I know lol) explaining to her simply that you needed to say things to her clearly - without an argument and tears - and that writing it out gave you the time to find the right words to express yourself clearly to her - and that you didn't mean any offence by and you didn't mean to hurt her or upset her - then tell her that you understand that she needs time to think about things and that when and if she's ready to talk about it - then she can give you a call to talk about it.

 

What do you have to lose??? If you've already lost her - then there's no damage done by sending a second e-mail explaining to her why you e-mailed her and why you used the "written word" as your preferred method of communication when it comes to expressing your feelings for her. And then just gracefully bow out and give her the time to read and digest your words - and their meaning. And if she contacts you to discuss your e-mail - then that's great - and if she doesn't - then you're no further behind then you are right now. Giving her space after you send her the 2nd e-mail will be the hardest part - but you would need to stick to the "no contact" part and let her make the first move back to you - if that's what she chooses.

 

If the written word was inappropriate and held no power over love and the lovelorn - then the world would be completely devoid of Poetry and Love Stories!!!

 

Best of luck Hun!!!

 

And what good is ANY of this going to do??? Other than keeping him on the carousel of pain and hurt? Life isnt some rom-com here.

[Fufu]

i see, so what would be a good time frame for women to get over an argument?

 

Unable to give a good time frame, every woman works differently. Actually this is not a important factor.

 

Please move on and start NC, you really do need it. Your relationship has come to an end, do accept this first before thinking of something other things.

[h0000]

how old are you? are there her kids with her previous guy?

my ex ex has kids and the mother says that my ex ex can't take care of them.He didnt agree but its actually true: he hops from jobs to jobs .not financially stable and smokes weed on weekends with friends.I cant judge if you're grown up or not.

but seems you two argue lots and that could mean you aren't compatible.