i sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. poured my heart into it. things just got worst.

[Bandito]

And that's exactly where and why communication breaks down lol which is why relationships start to have problems and start to crumble. Trust is the foundation of any stable relationship - and you can not have trust without honesty - and that entails communication.

 

I would never advocate sending a letter if it was filled with venom and other assorted poisons designed to hurt and maim the other person - but if it's a mature honest letter - then neither party involved in the relationship should fear sending it - or receiving it.

 

When done properly and from the heart - it can be very healing and help both parties move forward in the direction of their choice - having made that decision with full knowledge of the facts - instead of "oh geez - I didn't know you felt that way..."

 

 

 

well the letter and my content is besides the point anyways, our phone conversation shifted to another subject and we got into an argument over something completely different than me pouring my heart out.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

And that's exactly where and why communication breaks down lol which is why relationships start to have problems and start to crumble. Trust is the foundation of any stable relationship - and you can not have trust without honesty - and that entails communication.

 

I would never advocate sending a letter if it was filled with venom and other assorted poisons designed to hurt and maim the other person - but if it's a mature honest letter - then neither party involved in the relationship should fear sending it - or receiving it.

 

When done properly and from the heart - it can be very healing and help both parties move forward in the direction of their choice - having made that decision with full knowledge of the facts - instead of "oh geez - I didn't know you felt that way..."

 

Again, she KNOWS everything. She isnt responding to any of it. She doesnt want to be with him anymore and has told him to stop. He writes another one now, he could say ANYTHING in it, and she WILL get mad OR not respond. Either way, she is indifferent. ANYTHING he says wont have something in her mind just "click" and be like "OHHHH YEAH I want to be with him" OR "Yeah, I should be nicer and give him closure"

 

AGAIN, closure comes from within. He doesnt need her to say anything, nor will she about it other than anger currently. He has already made himself look bad with the e-mail and subsequent phone call. He needs to let it go and heal.

[h0000]

that hurts hella more knowing that. for the record, she dumped me before and she came back on her knees begging me to accept her.

Arent you tired of this repetitive behavior?

Some people just love to go back to their ex..

I dont think there is such thing as "love of the life" .Sometimes people need to learn to let go. Stay strong you will be fine.

There are plenty younger women without kids ya know

[Bandito]

I know. But this could be the first day that you take charge of your life properly.

 

You were told repeatedly to not send a letter. You did. It backfired. It is clear that she's not interested in rekindling anything at the present time. I am not a clairvoyant, I can't predict the future. I can predict the now, though. Now is the time to start focusing on yourself, and a life, that doesn't include your ex.

 

true, no one can predict the future, but we can tell the present, and it says she doesn't want me.

 

i asked her if she still loved me, she said "i can't love anybody right now. i know you want to win my heart, and you will have that opportunity someday, just be a better you for now."

[Bandito]

Arent you tired of this repetitive behavior?

Some people just love to go back to their ex..

I dont think there is such thing as "love of the life" .Sometimes people need to learn to let go. Stay strong you will be fine.

There are plenty younger women without kids ya know

 

i would love to go back to my ex. out of all my years dating different women, this is the one who i want to end up with, had my eye on her since we were both kids for crying out loud. we're more compatible than you would think.

[Dying on the Vine]

I apologize - I wasn't referring to the content of your letter - I sent that in response to someone (I think it was aspiringguitarheroin) saying that people do advocate writing letters - but that they don't advocate actually sending them. I was not criticizing or commenting on the content of the letter that you sent her.

[h0000]

i would love to go back to my ex. out of all my years dating different women, this is the one who i want to end up with, had my eye on her since we were both kids for crying out loud. we're more compatible than you would think.

 

You think you are compatible but does she think so?..If you really are, then what are you guys arguing about?

and she sounds like she wants you to change a lot for her. If you changed then you might get a chance with her again. Or she might have found somebody else.

If you really want, change to be her dream man and do exactly what she wants you to do (get a engineering job maybe?) and see if she wants you back man. Good luck

[Fufu]

that hurts hella more knowing that. for the record, she dumped me before and she came back on her knees begging me to accept her.

 

wait a minute, so this broke up is not the 1st time with the same ex? Am I missing out something?

[LostOne1]

I'll say this again on LS.

 

There are SOOOO many girls out there? Why cry over just one? I mean she doesn't want you.. so screw her and move on. Find someone that DOES want you!

 

It's that simple!

[Bandito]

You think you are compatible but does she think so?..If you really are, then what are you guys arguing about?

and she sounds like she wants you to change a lot for her. If you changed then you might get a chance with her again. Or she might have found somebody else.

If you really want, change to be her dream man and do exactly what she wants you to do (get a engineering job maybe?) and see if she wants you back man. Good luck

 

we're both the same because we both have to be right, we both have anger problems and are constantly butting heads. our relationship was weird, we could be fighting at the top of our lungs, then 20 mins later we're having sex and everything is okay. it was like the only way to stop the tension was to get intimate.

[Bandito]

wait a minute, so this broke up is not the 1st time with the same ex? Am I missing out something?

 

same girl. she dumped me, one month later she comes begging me to take her back. we definitely had (or have) an off/on relationship.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

same girl. she dumped me, one month later she comes begging me to take her back. we definitely had (or have) an off/on relationship.

 

You dont have anything right now other than you and your feelings. You can make things better for yourself if you really want it.

[h0000]

we're both the same because we both have to be right, we both have anger problems and are constantly butting heads. our relationship was weird, we could be fighting at the top of our lungs, then 20 mins later we're having sex and everything is okay. it was like the only way to stop the tension was to get intimate.

 

well many couples are like that. We all have make up sex and we all think it's sweet. It's not something only you guys do. It certainly doesnt make her special cuz she can have sweet make up sex with you. You are quite immature.

How can things work if you both have anger problems and you both have to be right?

Compatible doesnt mean "you are the same kind of person".Two people who are abusive are the same person but that doesnt mean they are compatible.

This kind of relationship will come to an end eventually cuz its unhealthy. and eventually she will not find make up sex with you" hot" anymore.

[Fufu]

we're both the same because we both have to be right, we both have anger problems and are constantly butting heads. our relationship was weird, we could be fighting at the top of our lungs, then 20 mins later we're having sex and everything is okay. it was like the only way to stop the tension was to get intimate.

 

If solving tension is by going intimate, sorry dude to be very truthful to you, this is not the committed relationship you want to stay for life.

[Purepony]

Why the hell do these threads get so many replies its the same thing over and over insanity over and over again!!!

[Fufu]

And she dumped you before, and now she's doing it. Im very sure even if you guys get back together, she will probably do it over and over again.

 

You wanna start more threads here or have x number of pages in this thread over the same issue and same girl?

[Simon Phoenix]

I find that communicating my feelings via e-mail much easier to do some times - and to receive actually - bcuz it allows me to express myself accurately without the tears getting in the way and without all of my emotions muddling up my words as I search for the right ones to use.

 

What if you were to send her another e-mail (I know I know lol) explaining to her simply that you needed to say things to her clearly - without an argument and tears - and that writing it out gave you the time to find the right words to express yourself clearly to her - and that you didn't mean any offence by and you didn't mean to hurt her or upset her - then tell her that you understand that she needs time to think about things and that when and if she's ready to talk about it - then she can give you a call to talk about it.

 

What do you have to lose??? If you've already lost her - then there's no damage done by sending a second e-mail explaining to her why you e-mailed her and why you used the "written word" as your preferred method of communication when it comes to expressing your feelings for her. And then just gracefully bow out and give her the time to read and digest your words - and their meaning. And if she contacts you to discuss your e-mail - then that's great - and if she doesn't - then you're no further behind then you are right now. Giving her space after you send her the 2nd e-mail will be the hardest part - but you would need to stick to the "no contact" part and let her make the first move back to you - if that's what she chooses.

 

If the written word was inappropriate and held no power over love and the lovelorn - then the world would be completely devoid of Poetry and Love Stories!!!

 

Best of luck Hun!!!

 

I realize that I'm two pages behind, but one thousand times no to this advice. Just a terrible, terrible idea.

[Bandito]

If solving tension is by going intimate, sorry dude to be very truthful to you, this is not the committed relationship you want to stay for life.

 

after make-up sex, it seemed to calm her down, to the point we can both be reasonable, and talk our problems out.

[barky2]

Wow where to start.

 

OK first off,her getting "mad" that u communicated to her thru email is bs.

 

Yes bs.

 

Talk face to face?

 

It doesn't matter.

 

Right now she wants no part of it dude.

 

You've been given so much ****ty advice in this thread from gawkers and people who's hurting themselves,and your not listening to the people WHO SEE IT,WHOS BEEN THRU IT!

 

Stop contacting her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Who knows how long it's going to take for her to calm down or text you blah blah who gives a crap?!?!?

 

Live your freaking life and let that girl do the same!!

 

WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU SHE WILL

 

EVERYTIME YOU TEXT CALL EMAIL SHE GETS DISGUSTED AND PUSHES YOU AWAY!!!!

 

DONT YOU SEE THAT?

 

sorry for caps but for Christ sakes dude....you need a wakeup call.

 

Leave her alone and move on.

If she comes back deal with that freakin headache then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Wow where to start.

 

OK first off,her getting "mad" that u communicated to her thru email is bs.

 

Yes bs.

 

Talk face to face?

 

It doesn't matter.

 

Right now she wants no part of it dude.

 

You've been given so much ****ty advice in this thread from gawkers and people who's hurting themselves,and your not listening to the people WHO SEE IT,WHOS BEEN THRU IT!

 

Stop contacting her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Who knows how long it's going to take for her to calm down or text you blah blah who gives a crap?!?!?

 

Live your freaking life and let that girl do the same!!

 

WHEN SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU SHE WILL

 

EVERYTIME YOU TEXT CALL EMAIL SHE GETS DISGUSTED AND PUSHES YOU AWAY!!!!

 

DONT YOU SEE THAT?

 

sorry for caps but for Christ sakes dude....you need a wakeup call.

 

Leave her alone and move on.

If she comes back deal with that freakin headache then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Obviously a little later to this one from my post yesterday, but I'm glad Barky and others understand the situation.

[Bandito]

 

You've been given so much ****ty advice in this thread from gawkers and people who's hurting themselves,and your not listening to the people WHO SEE IT,WHOS BEEN THRU IT!

 

 

 

that true. yet some of their advice worked in getting my ex back before.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

that true. yet some of their advice worked in getting my ex back before.

 

 

Get ready for this: You cannot convince or persuade ANYONE to be with you. That's THEIR decision. She has made it clear that she does not want that with you, which obviously sucks man I understand, but you cannot try to wiggle your way in there. If she really wanted to be with you, she would.

 

Life would be SO much easier if this were a movie. They leave, you write some letter or stand outside a window holding a boombox, and that streak of love just floods them with emotion and BAM relationship fixed.......

 

The bubble is popped and were now back in 2013. None of that stuff works and only makes you look worse.

 

Time to move forward my friend. Life is too short to be dwelling on people who dont want you in their life.

Edited October 4, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[Bandito]

Did it? Really?

 

Get ready for this: You cannot convince or persuade ANYONE to be with you. That's THEIR decision. She has made it clear that she does not want that with you, which obviously sucks man I understand, but you cannot try to wiggle your way in there. If she really wanted to be with you, she would.

 

Life would be SO much easier if this were a movie. They leave, you write some letter or stand outside a window holding a boombox, and that streak of love just floods them with emotion and BAM relationship fixed.......

 

The bubble is popped and were now back in 2013. None of that stuff works and only makes you look worse.

 

Time to move forward my friend. Life is too short to be dwelling on people who dont want you in their life.

 

 

 

yup it did. we broke up on valentines day. weeks later i sent her an email, telling her that she was wrong, i called her narcissistic. told her she has no loyalty to me. she responded by saying "babe, you still want me? i'm sorry, i haven't been myself for a while, there's definitely things i need to work on. i'm going to and want to be a better partner to you. i want you back baby.."

 

i didn't pour my heart out in the letter, begging her to come back, i actually put her down, and she came running back into my arms.

[cavalier99]

I strongly advocate NC. Cav

[Simon Phoenix]

yup it did. we broke up on valentines day. weeks later i sent her an email, telling her that she was wrong, i called her narcissistic. told her she has no loyalty to me. she responded by saying "babe, you still want me? i'm sorry, i haven't been myself for a while, there's definitely things i need to work on. i'm going to and want to be a better partner to you. i want you back baby.."

 

i didn't pour my heart out in the letter, begging her to come back, i actually put her down, and she came running back into my arms.

 

And now look where you are -- in the exact same situation you were in before. You basically put a band-aid on a broken leg and expected it to heal. So no, it didn't work -- it just delayed the inevitable. You went back to the exact same relationship with the exact same outcome.

 

What you consider a success I consider an abject failure.