i sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. poured my heart into it. things just got worst.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

yup it did. we broke up on valentines day. weeks later i sent her an email, telling her that she was wrong, i called her narcissistic. told her she has no loyalty to me. she responded by saying "babe, you still want me? i'm sorry, i haven't been myself for a while, there's definitely things i need to work on. i'm going to and want to be a better partner to you. i want you back baby.."

 

i didn't pour my heart out in the letter, begging her to come back, i actually put her down, and she came running back into my arms.

 

....and look how all of that turned out for you. If you have stayed No contact instead of being a pendulum of emotions towards her, who knows what would have happened? No matter what happened, the fact is you are here now. So...again....do not talk to her anymore.

[h0000]

NO point suggesting him anything. He wont listen he's just gonna whinge whinge whinge.

[Bandito]

And now look where you are -- in the exact same situation you were in before. You basically put a band-aid on a broken leg and expected it to heal. So no, it didn't work -- it just delayed the inevitable. You went back to the exact same relationship with the exact same outcome.

 

What you consider a success I consider an abject failure.

 

actually things were good when we got back together, fixed mistakes we both made, and our second honeymoon phase. the reason why we broke up this past time was a fight, over something stupid. then everything i did, started to add up. constant fighting over petty things. we took a break, and i made some mistakes and now i'm here.

[Simon Phoenix]

actually things were good when we got back together, fixed mistakes we both made, and our second honeymoon phase. the reason why we broke up this past time was a fight, over something stupid. then everything i did, started to add up. constant fighting over petty things. we took a break, and i made some mistakes and now i'm here.

 

They were good temporarily, and once the honeymoon ended, they went bad again. That's pretty typical. If for whatever reason you get back together again without taking any real space and making any real changes, then it will end again even faster than it ended this time.

 

So stop doing the same dumb sh*t and actually listen to people. Reconciliations that work have significant time apart -- usually 8-10 months at bare minimum. You tried a second shot, it failed, now it's time to try something different.

[h0000]

Then please keep sending her emails.

and guys, please,let him. He wont thank you for your advice but he will blame you and think he loses his chance because of what you guys tell him to do.

[Bandito]

They were good temporarily, and once the honeymoon ended, they went bad again. That's pretty typical. If for whatever reason you get back together again without taking any real space and making any real changes, then it will end again even faster than it ended this time.

 

So stop doing the same dumb sh*t and actually listen to people. Reconciliations that work have significant time apart -- usually 8-10 months at bare minimum. You tried a second shot, it failed, now it's time to try something different.

 

she told me the same exact thing... 10 months. i admit i f*cked up with her, rushing things, messing with other girls after the breakup. she told me if i just listened, we could have been back together already. said i'll get my chance in the future though, but she's pretty pissed at me right now and hurting.

Edited October 4, 2013 by Bandito

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

she told me the same exact thing... 10 months. i admit i f*cked up with her, rushing things, messing with other girls after the breakup. she told me if i just listened, we could have been back together already. said i'll get my chance in the future though, but she's pretty pissed at me right now and hurting.

 

HAHAHAHA I cant believe that you actually believe all of this. Not ONLY that, you feel that she is WORTH trying to keep.

 

The fact is, your ego is hurt. You are upset that she left you, not really the fact that you think she is the end all be all girl. She isnt. The fact that you are trying to justify her actions tells me this.

 

Let....it.....go. Honestly dude, you are looking VERY weak at this point.

[Bandito]

HAHAHAHA I cant believe that you actually believe all of this. Not ONLY that, you feel that she is WORTH trying to keep.

 

The fact is, your ego is hurt. You are upset that she left you, not really the fact that you think she is the end all be all girl. She isnt. The fact that you are trying to justify her actions tells me this.

 

Let....it.....go. Honestly dude, you are looking VERY weak at this point.

 

 

 

what can i say i'm a hopeless romantic, disillusioned by unrequited love.

[reddragon588]

she told me the same exact thing... 10 months. i admit i f*cked up with her, rushing things, messing with other girls after the breakup. she told me if i just listened, we could have been back together already. said i'll get my chance in the future though, but she's pretty pissed at me right now and hurting.

 

She's upset because SHE broke up with you, and YOU moved on? So basically... she doesn't want to be with you, and she also doesn't want you to be happy?

 

Did she say she broke up with you to "force a change" or "prove a point"? If she broke up with you for any other reason than because she was ready to move on, she broke up with you to MANIPULATE you.

 

You two are just plain incompatible, sorry to tell you.

[Bandito]

She's upset because SHE broke up with you, and YOU moved on? So basically... she doesn't want to be with you, and she also doesn't want you to be happy?

 

Did she say she broke up with you to "force a change" or "prove a point"? If she broke up with you for any other reason than because she was ready to move on, she broke up with you to MANIPULATE you.

 

You two are just plain incompatible, sorry to tell you.

 

she wanted me to prove myself after the breakup, try to win her heart, at that point i was already in NC and gave up trying, it was too late by the time i found out.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

what can i say i'm a hopeless romantic, disillusioned by unrequited love.

 

This really doesnt have anything to do with being a hopeless romantic. I think a large majority of us on here are (since we took the BU so hard to begin with)....this just has to do with you being a human being and being strong. You arent even willing to work on yourself here. You just want to wallow in self pity and have yet to come to terms that things are over. Until you want to TRY and make things better in your life, then none of us can actually help you.

 

Famous words of one Jerry Maguire: : Help me... help you. Help me, help you!!!!!

 

She is also shifting blame towards YOU...she doesnt want to look like the bad guy in this. You are falling for it HARD too. You are blaming yourself for this when she BROKE UP WITH YOU!!! Then telling you "Oh we'd be together again if it wasnt for you" hahah you s***ing me?!?!

[eric85]

I thought I was pathetic but you just don't know when to give up! You already wrote the letter and got in an arguement after so that should obviously tell you she doesn't give a **** or when you "spilled your heart out' it wouldnt have turned into an argument on the phone regardless of the topic. So with that said why the hell would you continue having hope? You gave it your best obviously and it didnt work so shes done, just like mine is done and the next mans is done. Don't you realize women know then can get another guy no problem and don't need you. You had your chance and you blew it somehow someway so get over it.

[LostOne1]

I thought I was pathetic but you just don't know when to give up! You already wrote the letter and got in an arguement after so that should obviously tell you she doesn't give a **** or when you "spilled your heart out' it wouldnt have turned into an argument on the phone regardless of the topic. So with that said why the hell would you continue having hope? You gave it your best obviously and it didnt work so shes done, just like mine is done and the next mans is done. Don't you realize women know then can get another guy no problem and don't need you. You had your chance and you blew it somehow someway so get over it.

Just give the guy some time.. he's at that phase where things don't make sense to him. Give him a few months to himself and sooner or later he will think with a calm mind.

[Simon Phoenix]

she told me the same exact thing... 10 months. i admit i f*cked up with her, rushing things, messing with other girls after the breakup. she told me if i just listened, we could have been back together already. said i'll get my chance in the future though, but she's pretty pissed at me right now and hurting.

 

I have some oceanfront property in Arizona that I'm looking to sell. You interested?

[Never Again]

Leave her alone dude... you've done what we all do at one point or another - you broke NC, and like 99% of people, it went sour. Now stay away from her.

 

And that 1% of the time when it doesn't go sour, it usually just plain hurts.

 

It may seem "fine", but it tears you up inside and just isn't worth it.

 

I refused to initiate contact with my ex after she dropped me, but I would respond when texted me. I wanted to act cheerful and convince her (and maybe myself) that things were okay and that I was happy. I probably came off as over eager - gave her an ego boost and made myself feel like crap because I was looking for signs where there weren't any.

 

If you need to express yourself, that's fine...but you need to be willing to do so with no expectations and free of emotion. If you're still in a fragile state, it's just not worth the pain.

[LostOne1]

she told me the same exact thing... 10 months. i admit i f*cked up with her, rushing things, messing with other girls after the breakup. she told me if i just listened, we could have been back together already. said i'll get my chance in the future though, but she's pretty pissed at me right now and hurting.

Bull Shyt!

 

My ex told me that crap, it was ONLY to ease her guilt of the BU and of cheating on me. That's HER way of THROWING the BLAME on YOU. She's trying to make it sound like you are the bad one or everything broke because of you.

 

The fact is SHE has to ALSO be included in some of the blame. It takes 2 to tango and she was the other party. Don't believe her if she says you could've gotten back together if you did so and so...

 

My ex did the same thing to make me feel like crap while she was cheating on me. It's her way of feeling GOOD about the decision she's made, so don't fall for that crap.

 

At this point your relationship is DONE. The sooner you accept it the faster the healing process starts.

[alex007]

Dude listen to what everyone one her is saying. Go NC... forget about her... their are plenty of other girls in the world. You just got attached to this one girl and have feelings for her while her feelings for you change. She really is not worth your time. Use this time to make your self better and look for someone else because the relationship you had did not work and if you got back together it wouldn't last anyways its just a waste of time because her heart is not in it.

 

Sending her an insulting letter will not do anything but fuel the fire, and if it worked last time chances are it was not that, that worked it was probably because she was lonely at the time or something like that.

 

1. NC/Move on

2. Work on your self and live your life.

3. Go to the gym

 

She knows she has you at her feet so she does not care. Show her you don't give a **** and are living your life, but don't do that to get her back do it to get someone else.

Edited October 4, 2013 by alex007

[Fufu]

after make-up sex, it seemed to calm her down, to the point we can both be reasonable, and talk our problems out.

 

If it really does work for long-term, then why are you in this sub-forum?

[reddragon588]

she wanted me to prove myself after the breakup, try to win her heart, at that point i was already in NC and gave up trying, it was too late by the time i found out.

 

Why do you need to prove yourself to her? She broke up with you. She's the one that lost you. She's the one who should be proving herself to you. What she's doing to you is extremely manipulative, immature and unhealthy.

[barky2]

I don't mean to be a smart ass but, you want us to believe...you put it down sooooo good, that she's on cloud nine and talk about all the relationships problems?

 

Why not just change your career and be in porn.

 

All kidding aside....u knock skins with her,you lay down,she's tired,you talk a little bit

 

Big deal

 

We all talk and cuddle after

 

But what's changed?

 

Try keeping your pants zipped and talk over a bottle of water.

 

See how she acts then,only then,you'll see her true intentions.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[JDPT]

There is a ubiquitous misconception that us dumpees feel the urge to "apologize" to dumpers for dumping us, did that make sense??

You have nothing to prove anything to but yourself. At the end of the day you are the one who would look at yourself in the mirror and know that this recovery journey will be along one but you will make it out of this and that's for sure.

[eric85]

Just give the guy some time.. he's at that phase where things don't make sense to him. Give him a few months to himself and sooner or later he will think with a calm mind.

 

 

I am at that same stage of things not making sense, I was just recently dumped by my fiancee of 4 yrs and children together. Was dumped out of nowhere so I know all about the not making sense phase however once you spill your heart to them and get rejected obviously anything after that is a waste of your time and going to bring on more emotional pain because your going to get rejected again. If she loved him, she would be with him, point blank. She will tell him whatever he wants to hear to A. not hurt his feelings and B. to keep him on the backburner in case she wants him around later when whatever she is currently interested in doesnt work out. Trust me my girl before the one that just dumped me was a lot similar to the one this guy is talking about and I learned a lot from that relationship.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This thread is dead. OP isn't coming back.

[Bandito]

This thread is dead. OP isn't coming back.

 

say's who?

[Bandito]

Tell us what you've learned from the thread.

 

i'm still taking it all in. i need to take a step back and reassess everything. i was watching 500 days of summer and theres a line that reached out to me..."Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again."