i sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. poured my heart into it. things just got worst.

[Fufu]

sorry i meant Please move on and start NC, you really do need it. Your relationship has come to an end, do accept this first before thinking of some other things.

[Bandito]

I find that communicating my feelings via e-mail much easier to do some times - and to receive actually - bcuz it allows me to express myself accurately without the tears getting in the way and without all of my emotions muddling up my words as I search for the right ones to use.

 

What if you were to send her another e-mail (I know I know lol) explaining to her simply that you needed to say things to her clearly - without an argument and tears - and that writing it out gave you the time to find the right words to express yourself clearly to her - and that you didn't mean any offence by and you didn't mean to hurt her or upset her - then tell her that you understand that she needs time to think about things and that when and if she's ready to talk about it - then she can give you a call to talk about it.

 

What do you have to lose??? If you've already lost her - then there's no damage done by sending a second e-mail explaining to her why you e-mailed her and why you used the "written word" as your preferred method of communication when it comes to expressing your feelings for her. And then just gracefully bow out and give her the time to read and digest your words - and their meaning. And if she contacts you to discuss your e-mail - then that's great - and if she doesn't - then you're no further behind then you are right now. Giving her space after you send her the 2nd e-mail will be the hardest part - but you would need to stick to the "no contact" part and let her make the first move back to you - if that's what she chooses.

 

If the written word was inappropriate and held no power over love and the lovelorn - then the world would be completely devoid of Poetry and Love Stories!!!

 

Best of luck Hun!!!

 

 

 

thank you.

 

i feel the same exact way, if only my ex knew that i wanted to reach out to her through email because it is true about what you say, whenever we talk on the phone i get either emotional, can't think straight, or she talks over me and we end up fighting.

[Dying on the Vine]

It gives him the chance to say what he needs to say to her - it gives him some degree of closure before he bow's out and moves on. Everyone needs - and deserves some degree of closure. Even if the letter isn't fully for her - it's for him - for his heart - so he can have the closure he needs to move on by saying what he needs to say - get it out - and then move on. And everyone should have enough maturity and mutual respect to allow a former partner at least that much closure and peace at the end of a relationship.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

It gives him the chance to say what he needs to say to her - it gives him some degree of closure before he bow's out and moves on. Everyone needs - and deserves some degree of closure. Even if the letter isn't fully for her - it's for him - for his heart - so he can have the closure he needs to move on by saying what he needs to say - get it out - and then move on. And everyone should have enough maturity and mutual respect to allow a former partner at least that much closure and peace at the end of a relationship.

 

SHE KNOWS HOW HE FEELS! He wont stop talking to her. She knows 1000 percent what he wants and she doesnt want that. The OP doesnt understand this and keeps forcing the hand.

 

Closure doesnt come from other people IT COMES FROM WITHIN! The only thing he is doing by keep contacting her is opening wounds.

[h0000]

I feel if you keep fighting. .there must be some underlying issues that you havent noticed, , probably some big issues.

or maybe you didn't think/see them as big problems but to her they are.

[Bandito]

how old are you? are there her kids with her previous guy?

my ex ex has kids and the mother says that my ex ex can't take care of them.He didnt agree but its actually true: he hops from jobs to jobs .not financially stable and smokes weed on weekends with friends.I cant judge if you're grown up or not.

but seems you two argue lots and that could mean you aren't compatible.

 

i'm 25, my ex is 26. we would babysit each others nieces and nephews, and her nephew had an accident on my watch, and she blamed me.

 

i want to become a professional photographer, but she doesn't like my career choice.

[h0000]

instead of blaming everything on her or on you, I think it might be that you two are just not compatible or there are issues in the relationship that not both of you can work on together to solve..career can be a very big problem within relationships. may be she thinks photographer isnt a stable job and cannot guarantee steady income?

anyway before you contact her you should probably calm down and think if you should be together

[Bandito]

SHE KNOWS HOW HE FEELS! He wont stop talking to her. She knows 1000 percent what he wants and she doesnt want that. The OP doesnt understand this and keeps forcing the hand.

 

Closure doesnt come from other people IT COMES FROM WITHIN! The only thing he is doing by keep contacting her is opening wounds.

 

she didn't know how i felt before the letter. before i told her things like, "i'm losing all feelings for you. if we can't be together, i can't have you in my life. i'm going to be with a woman who knows how to love me. you're a pain in the ass. i have so much hatred towards you."

 

that how i use to be with her, that was what she thought i wanted. but i realized i was wrong for what i said, and told her my true feelings from the heart and apologized.

[Bandito]

instead of blaming everything on her or on you, I think it might be that you two are just not compatible or there are issues in the relationship that not both of you can work on together to solve..career can be a very big problem within relationships. may be she thinks photographer isnt a stable job and cannot guarantee steady income?

anyway before you contact her you should probably calm down and think if you should be together

 

it's not about the money, she said. she said it's not "brainy" like a being a teacher or engineer. don't get me wrong, i'm smart, but art is my way of expression. just i don't have a title for what i have to prove. you know?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

she didn't know how i felt before the letter. before i told her things like, "i'm losing all feelings for you. if we can't be together, i can't have you in my life. i'm going to be with a woman who knows how to love me. you're a pain in the ass. i have so much hatred towards you."

 

that how i use to be with her, that was what she thought i wanted. but i realized i was wrong for what i said, and told her my true feelings from the heart and apologized.

 

By your e-mail and calling, she obviously knows you want her back. She gets it I assure you. The fact that she got short and angry with you shows she doesnt want that either. She wants you to just....move right along.

 

Again....no contact. I dont know how many more times this needs to be stressed. Or...you can keep coming back on here and wondering why things arent getting better.

[Fufu]

thank you.

 

i feel the same exact way, if only my ex knew that i wanted to reach out to her through email because it is true about what you say, whenever we talk on the phone i get either emotional, can't think straight, or she talks over me and we end up fighting.

 

You had made a decision, go ahead and write another e-mail to her. But i thought you already poured out your feelings and apologise for the big argument?

 

When someone chose to leave a relationship, it's quite certain they don't really care what/how do you feel before the "letter"

 

I can only see 2 possible scenarios for sending another e-mail to her.

 

1. She will reply you and say the very same thing to give her space and doesn't want you to send her any emails anymore.

 

or

 

2. No reply at all.

 

 

I wish you good luck. Keep us posted on the outcome ^^

[Bandito]

fine, i'll go nc and forget about the love of my life forever.

[h0000]

it's not about the money, she said. she said it's not "brainy" like a being a teacher or engineer. don't get me wrong, i'm smart, but art is my way of expression. just i don't have a title for what i have to prove. you know?

 

doesn't matter why she doesn't like it. what matters is that she doesn't like it. ok just for example I don't wanna date tradies or musicians. I dont keed to explain why I dont need them to prove anything I just don't like it. maybe shes hardwired to admire engineers..no matter how weird it sounds it can happen.

and i think career may just be one of the many problems you guys have.

[Fufu]

fine, i'll go nc and forget about the love of my life forever.

 

Chill No one knows if she will be your love of your life. But I can tell you at this very moment, she is definitely not. Focus on present You can do it

[Bandito]

doesn't matter why she doesn't like it. what matters is that she doesn't like it. ok just for example I don't wanna date tradies or musicians. I dont keed to explain why I dont need them to prove anything I just don't like it. maybe shes hardwired to admire engineers..no matter how weird it sounds it can happen.

and i think career may just be one of the many problems you guys have.

 

it's a long story with her, it has something to do with her childhood, like she saw her parents struggle, and want's our kids to have a good life without stress or whatever.

[Dying on the Vine]

I knew I'd take a lot of hits for being an advocate of the written word and of writing your feelings out for her - but there is a reason that many Psychiatrists and Relationship Counsellors advocate that very technique.

 

It is important for you - and for her - that you be honest with her about your feelings - and in writing your feelings out - it gives you the time you need to choose the right words and express your feelings accurately. Once you've done that then you're on the right path to moving forward with your life - with a clear slate - and not feeling that you've left anything unsaid and unresolved. You won't be wondering "what if....".

 

Regrets generally aren't for the things we have done - but more for the things we didn't do when we had the chance. The things we wish we would have had the guts to do.

 

I'm not advocating that you emotionally stalk her via e-mail - but what I do fully understand - and advocate - is writing out your feelings for her - saying what you need to say - send it and then let it go. Start your life with a fresh clean slate knowing you were man enough to do what you had to do - and that at the end - she knew exactly what you felt for her and where she stands in your heart.

 

I believe that this will give you at least some form of closure so you can face your next relationship without any unresolved issues from your last relationship. People carry baggage into their next relationships bcuz they left things unsaid and issues unresolved - and they didn't write them out - pack them up - and ship them off.

 

I will always be an advocate of the written word - when it's used and done properly it can be very healing - for all parties involved.

 

But of course this is only my opinion - and you know what they say about opinions lol they're just like ***holes - everyone's got one - it just that some people have bigger ones.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

it's a long story with her, it has something to do with her childhood, like she saw her parents struggle, and want's our kids to have a good life without stress or whatever.

 

Doesnt matter. None of it really matters anymore. What matters is you. Thats what you need to focus on. YOU

[Bandito]

Don't throw a tantrum. Grow up. You're acting like you're the first person who had to walk away from the love of your life.

 

Walk a mile in my shoes. Walk a mile in anyone's shoes here. You're not special, none of us are. We've all experienced heartbreak, and we all got over it.

 

You're never going to have a chance with her if you continue to crush her to you. You have to give her space to breathe. You have to let her go. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Maybe you'll meet someone else. But I can tell you with certainty, that the more you try to remain in her life, the more you'll drive her away.

 

Lose the attitude.

 

 

 

wow you sound just like my ex. she said the same thing "stop acting like that. we need a chance to breath. when you let me go, then i'll know you're ready. who knows maybe i could come back, maybe you'll be with another girl...etc"

[h0000]

she dumped me because i wasn't "the one." she says i have the potential to become the man she always dreamed of, but doesn't see it now.

 

OK This is just an example:

Maybe she dreams of having a hot engineering guy who has lots of cool friends and a nice family and rich. Now you have all it takes to become that man she dreams of (you are hot enough smart enough cool enough) But instead of being hot and cool and rich, you want to be humble and passionate about art and down to earth.

She doesnt like it and she doesnt see your potential to become the man of her dream anymore.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I knew I'd take a lot of hits for being an advocate of the written word and of writing your feelings out for her - but there is a reason that many Psychiatrists and Relationship Counsellors advocate that very technique.

 

It is important for you - and for her - that you be honest with her about your feelings - and in writing your feelings out - it gives you the time you need to choose the right words and express your feelings accurately. Once you've done that then you're on the right path to moving forward with your life - with a clear slate - and not feeling that you've left anything unsaid and unresolved. You won't be wondering "what if....".

 

Regrets generally aren't for the things we have done - but more for the things we didn't do when we had the chance. The things we wish we would have had the guts to do.

 

I'm not advocating that you emotionally stalk her via e-mail - but what I do fully understand - and advocate - is writing out your feelings for her - saying what you need to say - send it and then let it go. Start your life with a fresh clean slate knowing you were man enough to do what you had to do - and that at the end - she knew exactly what you felt for her and where she stands in your heart.

 

I believe that this will give you at least some form of closure so you can face your next relationship without any unresolved issues from your last relationship. People carry baggage into their next relationships bcuz they left things unsaid and issues unresolved - and they didn't write them out - pack them up - and ship them off.

 

I will always be an advocate of the written word - when it's used and done properly it can be very healing - for all parties involved.

 

But of course this is only my opinion - and you know what they say about opinions lol they're just like ***holes - everyone's got one - it just that some people have bigger ones.

 

He wrote an e-mail already. He wrote "written word" or whatever you feel like calling it lol. She didnt like it. A "follow up" e-mail wont solve anything. IF anything, she will get MORE angry at him and say some hateful things. Do you think he wants that? Do you want that for him?

 

She broke up with him. That is what she wanted. If you made a decision and someone kept questioning why you did it, wouldnt that annoy you? That is pretty much what he is doing currently.

 

There doesnt need to be any healing between the two. IF that happens, it wont be for a long time,and both would be indifferent. All he is doing now is poking the bear with a stick. She knows what he wants and feels.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

wow you sound just like my ex. she said the same thing "stop acting like that. we need a chance to breath. when you let me go, then i'll know you're ready. who knows maybe i could come back, maybe you'll be with another girl...etc"

 

lol @ the bold part. She is trying to let you down gently so you don't end up hating her. Of course, when you keep forcing the hand, its going to frustrate her.

[Bandito]

lol @ the bold part. She is trying to let you down gently so you don't end up hating her. Of course, when you keep forcing the hand, its going to frustrate her.

 

so in a way she's lying to me, just so she could ease my pain??

[Dying on the Vine]

And that's exactly where and why communication breaks down lol which is why relationships start to have problems and start to crumble. Trust is the foundation of any stable relationship - and you can not have trust without honesty - and that entails communication.

 

I would never advocate sending a letter if it was filled with venom and other assorted poisons designed to hurt and maim the other person - but if it's a mature honest letter - then neither party involved in the relationship should fear sending it - or receiving it.

 

When done properly and from the heart - it can be very healing and help both parties move forward in the direction of their choice - having made that decision with full knowledge of the facts - instead of "oh geez - I didn't know you felt that way..."

[Bandito]

She was/is done with the relationship. But some people don't like to say those words. So they let it down easy. "Let me go, and maybe I'll come back." Translation: "I'm done, but I don't want you to think I'm a bitch. So I'll wax lyrical about how love is setting someone free and that you'll be the man that'll make someone very happy one day blah blah blah... but I'm done."

 

She is DONE. Now it is time for you to be done. NC. Permanently.

 

 

that hurts hella more knowing that. for the record, she dumped me before and she came back on her knees begging me to accept her.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

so in a way she's lying to me, just so she could ease my pain??

 

I dont think she is lying to you....she just feels bad for hurting you. Pretty common thing.