MassiveAtom Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 You know, This time of day metaphor is getting a little old aanyway, So I'm here typing. My STBXW is laying asleep(?) on her futon in the dining room. No kidding she right there, I can see her in the next room! I get to thinking, Why do I need to be angry? Is there anything about this moment or any other moment, for that matter, that either has past or hasn't happened yet, that I need to be angry about? Well, no. SO why drain all of my energy on being pissed off at another person who is obviously doing what her instincts and wisdom tell her is the best decision for her? because of something that I want? If so, I may be confused. When have we ever gotten what we want by being $H|TTY? Is it because of something that I need? Well, no. Ah, I know, it's fear of the change and the unknown! Well, not really, I consulted my legal team, run the figures and worked out my exit plan. SO I know all of the variables. I actually put this whole mess into MS Project! ) I gotta be a little nuts! I have a couple people working to set me up with someone, I want them to stop. How about because I still love her, and haven't resolved all of my feelings toward her yet? THAAAT"s a good one. But wait, Those are MY FEELINGS, so >I'M< creating this whole anger thing. K, that's just silly. I'll stop that now. SO I'm not angry anymore, just a little buzzed, I've had about half a 40oz, and Well, that's 20 ozs! So there was sunrise, then nightfall, now midnight where it all changes around. Somebody stop me, I'm trapped in a daylong metaphor!! Yah! this a helluva trip! mA Link to post Share on other sites
citygrrl Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 MA - I have to say that you are doing the right thing! Don't let your friends set you up if you are not ready...It will just mess with your mind. Also, it is not fair to the girl(s) you would be seeing, because they would just be replacements, or diversions to get your mind off of her. Doesn't work, usually, and then when you realize that getting together with someone was a mistake, it is too late, and if your face doesn't fall off from trying to PRETEND that you are having a decent time, your date may sense that something is wrong, and may take it personally - which is very unfair.. You can't move on if someone is still in your head... Give it time, and it will happen when you are ready and when you least expect it! You need time to heal first... As for the midnight thing - we work all day, or stay relatively busy, and when night comes and it is quiet, the thoughts start creeping in... I have found that alcohol only works to a degree, because sometimes it takes the pain away, and other times makes it worse. I get up much earlier in the morning than I used to, so that I fall asleep earlier, and don't really have the energy to think about him for too long before I fall asleep.. It seems to work pretty well. And watching comedy or funny movies helps, too. It's gotta be tough, though, since she is right there. You say that you have all of the financials mapped out on MS - How about mapping out some goals for yourself, too? Is there anything that you've ever wanted to do and just never got around to it? I signed up for Tai Kwon Do, and am going to try skydiving in the spring... and even though I am not over HIM yet, I have decided that I can either stay holed up in the house and be miserable, or I can make an attempt to be happy. They say happiness comes from within - in the worst case scenario, she does leave... but you still have a life to live. Maybe later on, in the big picture, this will all make sense. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and sometimes we don't find out the reason until much later. Maybe she will realize what she is losing before it is all over, and change her mind - anything is possible... Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted November 30, 2004 Share Posted November 30, 2004 I have problems with the midnight hour AND when I first wake up in the morning.... During the "midnight hour" I have been able to lose myself in silly novels that speak of true love and happy endings. I read to the point of exhaustion so that when I turn out the lights, I'm asleep before I have time to think (I'm already on my second novel in 2 weeks) Then when I wake up in the morning in a strange bed in a strange room, it hits me in the stomach like a ton of bricks.....I'm not home, my husband and daughter aren't here, we are separated, I ruined everything!...there's no novels and exhaustion to escape those thoughts....it's as if at that moment, it's happening all over again when the reality hits me as to where I am and what I am doing..... I can't imagine your agony of seeing the one you love and loved for all those years, sleeping there with divorce pending in your mind and your life......I'm so sorry for your pain!! Your definitely running the gaunlet of emotions associated with grief....you've had your mad times, hurt and then just plain sad.... citygrrl gave some excellent advice...some I am for sure taking... I hope you, citygrrl and many others have a painfree midnight hour from now on.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MassiveAtom Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 I was needing to talk to someone when I wrote this thread. I've always wanted to talk to my wife about intimate emotional matters, she flat out refused to talk with me about them because the intimate emotional content was most often, our marriage. It was sometimes critical, sometimes angry, sometimes sweet, and sometimes sad. That's why I got married you know. So the whole thing could be open and honest without worrying that when the trouble started, I'd be abandoned. Heck that 's what casual relationships are for. I've found typing out my thoughts on this forum is as good, if not better than journalling. Plus you get some feedback from the outside world. The encouraging words and compassion are priceless. Having the chance to reach out to others is invaluable as well. I've been thinking about dating, every so often I get the urge to go out and find the most available warm body, but I agree with you guys, That won't really help. I went out and bought a motorcycle, but the weather is turning here in Chicago. I 've been invited to a NYE party but I don't really feel like partying.I signed up for a Krav Maga class,(israeli martial arts) good for the anger workouts. I'm a very, well, lets just say I like the physical parts of relationships ALOT, so that part is going to make me crazy. But in all of this, what makes me angry is the whole child support/visitation thing. I can find another woman to keep comfy with, and sure I'll see my kids, but I won't have that Natural unit that I worked so hard to maintain. And then I HAVE to pay for someone else's inability to honor a commitment. It's SO unfair. But even that anger is slowly dissipating. It's like a fog being burned off by the morning sun. It's starting to hurt less, too. I find that the more I consciously forgive,the more compassionately I interact with my STBXW, the less it hurts - the stronger I feel. It's as if the more I love, the less it hurts. I don't know why, but it just seems to work out for me that way. Love you guys, mA Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 mA...I wish I'd found LS about 3 years ago....with all this great advice, I would have handle things much better the first time I had marriage problems and I may possibly not be in the mess I'm in...I give LS that much credit!! I know your writing gives you a release and as I've told you before, you write so well that it's really a pleasure to read your threads....I'm just sorry that some of them are so sad..... Link to post Share on other sites
anewlife Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 MA, Wow, I admire your courage to think before you act. You sound like you are going in the right direction towards what you want to accomplish. All I have to say is that your stbxw is a lucky woman and your children have one heck of a father. Keep up the posite thoughts and don't let this drown you! Everything happens for a reason and good things come to good people. Be hones and do the right thing and same will happen to you even if is not with her. I am a woman and feel the same way you do, I have been divorced twice now and I have been the better person in both relationships, it feels good when both parents agree to a settlement. I live my life they live there's and we don't get involved in each others business. Even thought it hurts so much just to think that everything you dreamed of is gone but it's ok cause better things will come to you. just believe in yourself and love yourself. I can tell you are a wonderful person just by you saying I love you guys. Good luck and I believe that you will be happier without her. Link to post Share on other sites
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