BruisedBNBroken Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 KG's "Back to square one" thread had me thinking. When you in no uncertain terms tell someone never to contact you again, etc, what is it that goes through their selfish brains that actually translates to, I'm going to now contact them every few days, try to be cute, and see if they will respond? After a 6 month series of starts and stops and intense lows and highs, I finally (or so I thought) sent a very clear and consise "do not ever contact me again" email. That lasted exactly 5 days for my xAP. And then the texting every other day ensued. I can't block him for a variety of reasons. I held NC sternly for 2 weeks, deleting every text and ignoring the calls. The most recent text yesterday got me so angry that I called him in a stupid weak angry moment to tell at him for being such a selfish a$$ and did he lose his reading comprehension skills? His response was to try to be all coy and funny and saying he knows I didn't really mean it blah blah blah. And now of course I have zero credibility because in his mind, I didn't mean it since I eventually caved and called him. This whole process stinks. So now what? I feel really stupid sending another NC email, which he will just get and laugh at and think oh ha ha she doesn't mean it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 It sticks when you actually want to let go and have the desire to move on. Until then NC is just lying to yourself and putting distance in hopes that the desire to move on actually comes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 KG's "Back to square one" thread had me thinking. When you in no uncertain terms tell someone never to contact you again, etc, what is it that goes through their selfish brains that actually translates to, I'm going to now contact them every few days, try to be cute, and see if they will respond? Some people refuse to let go for many reasons, maybe they hold out hope that the A will start up again, or a friendship can happen, or they need a 'fix' to feed their addiction, so any kind of contact is better than none. Anyway, all you can do now is just ignore and not react. Silence is golden, so much said but with no words. He can interpret your silence any way he desires. You can stay in NC. Continue to just delete his texts, don't bother reading them. If he calls, hang up on him. Calls again, hang up on him. The less you react, the better off you will be. As time goes on he will realize that you are not interested and hopefully he'll finally leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Well the good news is, he is such a pest that it should re-affirm what a jerk he is. Hate will help you get over him. Just ignore. You lose when you give him attention. Negative attention is better than none at all. My ex is still sending bread crumbs via internet. Not engaging. I'm at the point now where getting over her is the challenge. As in a contest. I feel better every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 NC stuck on my end...as in I now have the ability to remain completely silent to him, when I gave up. After many fits and starts, I lost hope that any of his promises were genuine. Once I realized there was NOTHING more I could do to have him in my life in a way that was healthy for me, I let go. Yes, he has broken NC, but I remain silent. No longer do I debate and re-read his emails, they are all the same. At one point I was like and addict, had to restrain myself from responding. But once hope was permanently damaged, NC became quite easy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 Only totally ignoring them will do the trick. Eventually they'll scurry back to their snake den and slither on to make someone else's life miserable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 it sticks when you stop contacting him at all. no more emails.... phone calls..... NOTHING 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted October 3, 2013 Share Posted October 3, 2013 It sticks when the pain of continuing for even one more minute outweighs the pain of silence. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
artdet Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 There is only one way for NC to work, that one person in the relationship never look back, no matter what the other person do. The tricky thing is in an affair most people walk away because of circumstances, not because they stop loving/lusting each other, and it's hard to never look back at something unfinished. Sometimes you have to create the end, even if the end is not here yet. Create friction, create ugliness in the relationship, create unattractiveness in yourself and your AP. Let your AP see your worst side, bring out their worst side. Crush the fantasy and destroy all the good. All it takes is for one of you to say that's enough. And, if this happen before any DDay, before the BS and the kids get permanently damaged, before your AP dumbs you for the next new rush, consider yourself very lucky because it is really a mercy kill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Thomas Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 What makes NC Stick? A. The desire to adhere to NC regardless of your emotions. B. A BS standing over you with her/his bags packed and ready to leave if you fail to maintain NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BruisedBNBroken Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 It sticks when you actually want to let go and have the desire to move on. Until then NC is just lying to yourself and putting distance in hopes that the desire to move on actually comes. This is exactly where I've been stuck. I think I was using NC for distance and hoping the actual desire to move on. All the while checking my phone for texts and emails. I needed to actually want to move on. I got there today. I have deleted and blocked xAPs number, we have no social media connections. The only thing I can't block is work email but we rarely communicated that way. There comes a point where the pain of communicating is so bad, that letting go almost feels like a relief. Right this minute, I am at that place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SarahJames Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 There comes a point where the pain of communicating is so bad, that letting go almost feels like a relief. YES. Completely know that feeling...I felt that feeling a few days ago. The communicating felt so bad that when I finally ended it, it felt like a HUGE relief. But now, it's loneliness and staring at my phone waiting for an e-mail. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 What makes NC stick? Respect for yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ConcreteHeart Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 For me NC was always implied but was never really stated outright. He kept saying that we were friends and that I could contact him anytime, leaving the door open for confusion. So I would take him at this word and contact him only to be ignored. I would text and he would respond in one word answers or smilie faces. This left me wondering if I was crazy and imagining things. I thought that I wasn't really listening to what he was saying and that I was the one that kept chasing. So, I decided to have that "final conversation" where he admitted that it he didn't love me and never did. That was the push I needed to let go. Do I still think of him everyday? Many times a day? Absolutely, but I am not acting on those thoughts anymore. I no longer have the desire to lay my heart out there to be crush repeatedly but someone who never cared about me to begin with. A hard pill...but necessary one to swallow. Link to post Share on other sites
Mamma Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Ignore,ignore,ignore!You dont read it,you delete it!Until he gets the message. Link to post Share on other sites
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