BE HONEST: Did you deserved to be dump?

[Fufu]

I pondered about this for quite a period of time.

 

Conclusion:

 

I made my mistakes

I no longer care about him dumping me because I actually now thank my Ex for leaving me for I know i deserve someone who loves me for who I am.

[theonlyjuan]

Didn't deserve it but it was the right thing for both of us in the long term

[lauri]

I think the key here is that we learned valuable lessons in our past relationships. Sure we look at this negatively now, but ultimately when we turn around and look back with a clearer mind we see where thing went wrong. I loss confidence with my ex ( I'm normally super confident) bc of her leaving me in the dark while I was abroad. Losing confidence is a big no no if I wanna keep a girls interest levels high.

 

All I know is no matter what when I meet my next miss right I'll always be sure to never show that type of weakness again. If a girl is making me feel that way then its most likely that she isnt worth my time.

 

Seriously, if someone leaves me then its done. There's no coming back. When she realizes what she loss, I'll already be using the skills and mindset she taught me through ending it with me on another girl who's better suited for me.

[L1ght]

I pondered about this for quite a period of time.

 

Conclusion:

 

I made my mistakes

I no longer care about him dumping me because I actually now thank my Ex for leaving me for I know i deserve someone who loves me for who I am.

You're right. Time is the best healer and I pretty much feel the same way you do about the situation.

[Mariposa10]

The relationship was a toxic, codependent, mutually emotionally abusive relationship. It needed to end.

 

That said, I did not deserve to be strung along for months with her promising me how much she loved me and how much she adored me while she spent all of her time hanging out with her now-boyfriend.

 

I would have greatly preferred she just let me go instead of putting me through that and forcing me to end the relationship because she was too much of a coward to do it herself.

 

 

Why are some people so disgusting?!

[tinker683]

Why are some people so disgusting?!

 

I wish I could give you an easy answer as to why she did what she did.

 

I know that she was physically abused by her step father, I know that her mother died when she was 19 and she's STILL not over it at 35 years of age, her first husband neglected her, her 2nd to last boyfriend beat the snot out of her and the guy she was with before me was verbally and emotionally abusive.

 

How I didn't see this 10-car pile up coming from 50 miles away boggles me to this day.

 

In any event, I'd like to believe she did it because she was afraid of being abandoned, because she didn't want to be alone. I'd like to believe that she isn't a rotten person, that she's just running on broken software and while this does not excuse her actions...it does provide an explanation and more importantly it does serve to remind me that I was in way over my head, that this was going to happen one way or the other, and that I wasn't rejected because I'm an inferior person or unworthy of being loved.

 

Looking back on it now, I consider my relationship with her to be a harsh and brutal lesson on what I DON'T want in a relationship. In spite of what happened, I do care about her...and I do hope she's doing better now.

 

But she's out of my life completely now, and I work to keep her out of my life and that's worked out well for me.

 

Truthfully...I don't know. But I know it isn't really important anymore.

Edited October 4, 2013 by tinker683

[Brown-Eyez]

As our relationship progressed he started to get increasingly more dissatisfied with my interactions with him..

 

I didn't say things that he felt were caring enough

or

I said things that he felt were inconsiderate of his feelings

 

often it seem to me that I was like this really insensitive person (i had never thought i was that bad before!--but maybe i was and no one had ever called me on it..)

 

i never seem to get it right with him

 

now a couple months after the BU i'm still confused about it all

was i really so insensitive or

was he just way too sensitive or

was he just looking for a way out of something that he didn't want to go farther??

 

in the end, as you see i'm left with more questions

 

IF he had been willing to stick it out longer i still feel we had a chance (i was trying to be more considerate of him) uggh!!

 

..the only thing now, I'm slowly getting back out there and

i'm being mindful of considering the guy's feelings a whole lot more!!

[thishatteredsymphony]

I did not deserve to be treated the way I was after being dumped, nor the way I was strung along for months while my ex tried to have her cake and eat it too. Her bull**** excuses of being unable to choose are sad.

 

As far as deserving to be dumped, I would say that my actions earlier today as outlined in this thread here show that I had (or have) a lot of personal issues that were bubbling under the surface which I sorely need to work on. I didn't deserve to be dumped the way I was, but I needed to be in order to both show me my own faults and how wrong this relationship was all along.

 

She did me the biggest favor dumping me.

Edited October 4, 2013 by thishatteredsymphony

[all_cats_rgray]

Has anyone thought that they just don't have the feelings anymore!!??

 

I mean no one deserves the pain of a being dumped. But, really they just don't like you?

 

I was going through posts of this guy I dated. I tried so hard to like him.

 

EVERY thing I said to him was "things" you where suppose to say. I think back and all I feel is ashamed for leading him on.

 

HAS ANYONE THOUGHT THIS.

 

THAT THEY DON'T FEEL THINGS FOR YOU.

 

The question in the title is "Did you deserved to be dumped?"

 

Try to put yourself in their shoes.... your standing, looking at a "lover" a person you should want to be with. BUT, you have this nagging feeling of not wanting to be with them.

 

Now your back in your shoes....your standing, looking at someone that you love deeply and you want to spend time with. You have this nagging feeling you want to be with them.

 

The real title should be; Why do you want to be with this person?

 

Maybe, you didn't deserve it, but it was good it happen.

 

It was going to happen whether you deserved it or not.

 

I look back at a ex, and I feel nothing for them. So, does your ex.

[ponchsox]

No, but in hindsight she was doing me a favor.

[lindsay1990]

Thanks for responses. I think the better question, to eliminate the morally-charged term "deserved", would be:

 

"Dumpees: as your dumper, would you have dumped yourself?" (Not asking necessarily if it was for the best ultimately).

 

Also, in analysing the relationship in retrospect, can anybody here now say that there ex probably beat them to the punch?

 

 

It wasn't a question entirely for vindication but I think at a certain point, when we see the relationship clearer and clearer, many of us think it either wasn't that bad to be dumped or maybe it was.... I second previous poster in that "if you're in love there's no such thing as an absolute dumpable offense" though.

 

Just food for thought

[Mz_sassy_77]

No I didnt deserve to be dumped. My BF spent a few months before he actually did it complaining about me to every person he knew. Didnt even bring it up with me until it was the BU time.

 

During our relationship I paid for everything cos he was always broke, and I'd say still is and will be into the future, watched his kids for him when he had stuff on, helped him out with his housework, helped him move twice, lent him money when he was stuck, basically he did whatever he wanted cos I'm a pretty easy going person....Nope didnt deserve it.

 

But Im glad he did it now cos he's gonna be alone for a long time and when he does finally find someone I dont think they will put up with his **** for long. So that makes me happy to know.

[Salvatore85]

It's weird I guess, I didn't deserve it but I surely needed it. It's amazing what you'll put yourself through or allow someone to put you through when you're completely in love with them. Her dumping me sort of liberated me because she did for me what I was incapable of doing myself.

[Brown-Eyez]

...no, i didn't 'deserve' to be dumped..

i now get he couldn't give us a chance

 

i was (am?) sweet, funny, smart, sexy, understanding but also naive, insecure and an idiot sometimes..

 

but hey, who cares??

 

the world's not fair, there are no miracles, and truly, sh#t just happens

 

someday, somehow i just may find someone else that i clicked with the way i did with him

 

keep your fingers crossed for me..

[hotpotato]

I think ops boyfriend may have been pushing her to dump him. Maybe he doesnt want her back b/c he wanted to break up all along but couldn't doit himself.

 

No, I dont think I deserved to be dumped the way I have been. I have my faults and so did they. If you want to end something, no need to cheat.

[hotpotato]

BS .

 

If you really really like a person, you behave yourself. If you don't, then you don't really like them that much, in the first place. All the work in the world won't be able to fix that problem.

 

I mean honestly, if you really like a person, would you treat them like crap? Not call? Sleep around? Be unavailable emotionally? Disrespectful? Of course not.

 

Sure people do give up easily. But maybe it's better that they do, because they refuse to invest into something that is cold/warm. Save time until they meet someone that they really really like, where it's fire.

 

That's very simplistic...

Sometimes people have their own demons whether or not they are with someone they like.

 

To say, "If someone really likes you, they won't X" isn't as true as you make it sound, not by a longshot.

[Beautiful diamond]

Well after years of back and forth idk lol. So much wrong transpired its hard to say if I deserved it or not. I do know it was the best thing for me. Now I can be abstinent and happy

[Phoe]

No, I never deserved my dumpings.

 

It was usually that the guy did something bad to ME, and then tried to weasel his way out of it/not deal with it by just taking off.

[polger]

No, I was very supportive of my ex who struggled with depression and anxiety for 2 years. She then met a new guy and told me that she had chemistry with him like when we first started dating (after the honeymoon phase ended she became depressed). She use to tell me to fix her and look after her, I said I would help and support her all the way, but reminded her that she was the only person who could fix her own problems.

 

So now she is back in the honeymoon phase of a relationship having cheated on me and dumped me. The worst part is I went NC for 10 weeks and she contacts me sending me a picture of her and her new bf kissing and tells me how amazing her life is. I've blocked her from contacting me now.

 

I did not deserve what happened to me. Some people are just not who the seem or pretend to be. I deserve better than her. Her depression existed before we dated, but I did not know they were that severe.

[lauri]

I think this thread is good for us to do a little bit of self reflection in a NON bitter way. For me, I accept all my mistakes. I always have and always will - but thats not excusing what she did. I just don't think it'll make any sense for me to put any blame on the things she did to hurt me because that was all HER.

 

Just glad now I know what my mistakes were so I can move some mountains and do some amazing things for a girl who is really worth it in the future. We should all try to have a positive mentality for when it comes to what will come next. Sooner than later we will all be confident and in control of our emotions:).

[Bubberfly]

I don't feel I did. I'm a good person, he chose to make other people a priority over me.

The last few days (I'm in a new breakup situation here), I've felt pretty sorry for him. He doesn't really know what he's losing yet. No one in his life cared for or supported him the way I did/do. But it is what it is. It was his choice, and I'm moving on.

I'm hopeful I'll find someone who won't take advantage of my love the way he did.

[polger]

He doesn't really know what he's losing yet.

 

I know what you mean. My ex isn't very connected with her own emotions, she makes bad decisions and later regrets them. Some people are never satisfied with their hand, it's impossible to have a functional relationship with a person like that. It's even harder to accept it when his/her family say your he/she has made the biggest mistake of his/her life. I think it comes down to them not being ready to settle, they need to see if they can improve upon what they have.

[polger]

He doesn't really know what he's losing yet.

 

I know what you mean. My ex isn't very connected with her own emotions, she makes bad decisions and later regrets them. Some people are never satisfied with their hand, it's impossible to have a functional relationship with a person like that. It's even harder to accept it when his/her family say your he/she has made the biggest mistake of his/her life. I think it comes down to them not being ready to settle, they need to see if they can improve upon what they have.

[AllTooWell]

I don't think 'deserved' is the right term specifically. But I definitely think we had become co-dependant and needed to take a step back. Unfortunately neither of us really knew how to do that or how to even talk about it and a break up seemed logical at the time.