waterwoman Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Seriously? Generally, it seems the vitriol is mostly pointed FROM the BS to the OW/OM on these forums. Not always, but more times than the reverse. (I know there are a few OW that participate in that type of post, but not most here.) I've been tempted a few times to respond in kind to the attitude, but I have absolutely positively no ill will to any BS except those that make it their mission to take out their anger on any OW/OM as if we are THEIR OW/OM. bentley - you are always kind in your approach x 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I don't think it's very difficult at all for an OW to be happy. The head in the clouds, delirious feeling from an affair usually lasts the duration of the affair. I can't say we ever did "head in the clouds". I'm far too reality-based for daydreaming, and for a great portion of the A I didn't even believe in love. I think some OW fit the "head in the clouds" scenario, others do not, and it's not a prerequisite that they do in order to be happy as an OW. It all depends on why they're in an A, and what he or not those needs are being met. If someone's R needs are being met by their R, then, typically, they're happy. "Head in clouds" has nothing to do with it. There are times though, when I chuckle mirthlessly reading this board and seeing the animosity towards BSs in general, particularly from the OW turned wives on the board. There really is no dividing line once you have experienced an affair from different angles and playing a different position. The titles all start to lose their meaning in the situation after awhile as you realize its ALL a part of the same mind****. It's so ironic to me that the women who clamor to become wives, not just OW to these MM show so much vitriol towards women in general whose shoes they could one day be filling as well. I can't speak about OW turned wives who feel animosity toward BS in general, but I can say from my own experience that becoming a W did not wipe clean my feelings about his xBW, and why should it? Her behaviour has not changed, and my response to her was based on her behaviour rather than her being his BW at the time. I honk most people are similar in that regard - we respond to people based on what they show us, rather than on some label given by others. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
uneek74 Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 MM and I were very happy for 8 exciting and adventurous years. We completed each other. We have no regrets! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 MM and I were very happy for 8 exciting and adventurous years. We completed each other. We have no regrets! First problem... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 (edited) EsI do wish the bs would stay on their own thread, and stop coming onto ours. Like, I'm not sleeping with YOUR husband. I'm not over on the infidelity forum baiting bs's. That said, I am generally happy in my affair. I find my ap and I are almost the same person - we finish each others sentences. We come from the same (very distinct) area. We get it. We laugh and laugh. I love how he is amazed by the fact that I like the same things he does - swimming, being outside, fishing. One time I touched an oak tree and said that's an oak tree and he was shocked that I could identify an oak tree. I love how he is so proud of me when I accomplish something. I wrote a book, and he carries it in his truck, along with the front page picture of me that was in the newspaper. I love how he does sweet things for me - like getting me mackeral lures because I said I love mackeral fishing. I love how he worries about me. Even when there is no reason to worry about me, he will tell me how he woke up at 4 a.m. worrying about this or that and how he could solve it. I love how he encourages me to make amends with my family. It was his encouragement and persistence that caused me to reunite with my son after a year of not talking, and my father after a year of the same. I love his smile and how he is so bowled over by our love. He tells me he has never been in love before - not even with his wife although he thought he was when he married her - and now he feels like a 15 year old. I love how he calls me sweetie and gets so excited when he talks to me. How he says "thanks for making my day" or "you make this old heart beat faster every time I talk to you". I love how he says he cannot get me out of his head. I love how he calls me sweetheart and princess and sunshine. I love how he is so gentle and compassionate - how he gives strangers money because he knows they need it. I love how I can absolutely lose it and say the most horrible things to him. Like the day he threw my wildflowers out, thinking they were weeds! He picked me more wildflowers and I make art out of flowers and he said to make art out of them and call the piece Number Two (which I did). I love his funny stories of the little things that happen each day. I love how he is a manly man. So now go ahead and attack me. I guess I'm ready for it. Edited October 8, 2013 by solostand 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 The question was are you happy in your affair? Yes, he makes me very happy. Being near him brings a sense of calmness and pleasure. Maybe it's just nice to have an escape from the world with another person who feels equally at peace with you. I don't analyze it, I understand what it. I just enjoy it. Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 Anecdotes from members about being happy the their R, if an OM/OW, are welcomed. Editorial comments and opinions not relevant to that topic are not and will be infracted and removed. Thanks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Summer Breeze Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 When I realized I was unhappy in my R with DMM I ended it. I could see it had been building a little bit at a time. I started to want more and when it started to affect me I gave him a choice and when he chose to stay home I wished him well and ended it. We were in a very good place and just back from a vacation. He never saw it coming. To be fair neither did I. For 2 years I was extremely happy in my R with him. I wouldn't stay in any R that didn't make me happy. Life is far too short and I deserve more than that. We are now almost a year into our new and improved R and I can say I have never been so happy. It wasn't how I thought thins would go but I'm happy it's how they did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 I wouldn't stay in any R that didn't make me happy. Life is far too short and I deserve more than that. Cosign. I also choose to be a happy person. I choose to be with people who add to my happiness. My R would have remained a brief fling if it were not that it brought so much value (including happiness, but much more than just that) to my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 The closeness, the intimacy (emotionally and physically) was an extreme experience of happiness for me. I never felt that way for a man before and the more I felt, the more I wanted. So the sadness of not being able to live the life with xMM began to outweigh the happiness. It was the hardest thing for me to say goodbye to a man I cherished. I miss the moments we shared together but do not miss the longing or dreaming of a future that was not certain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I believe that sometimes these relationships happen because both are craving the connection in their M. I know, no duh? Right? To finally experience that connection with someone is a feeling I am happy to have felt. It is bittersweet though, as it had to end when it became obvious that my xMM did not have the courage to take the leap of faith. I wish xMM would have divorced his wife but he "couldn't" do it. Are you with your AP? I know I did the best thing for me but I miss those moments we had together. I love completely. I love myself completely. I love him completely. It is for these reasons that I could not settle for a part-time relationship. It is ironic that the moments I felt the most alive in my life often were mixed among the times spent apart with us dreaming of our future together. Thus, not really living. I couldn't go on with the uncertainty anymore when I was certain in my heart of what I wanted. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 WTHF, I like your attitude. :)You seem to know what is best for you and that is the best we can hope for in this life. We have to know what we want and not settle if it is not what we want. Sadly, there are many who do not know what can be and settle for mediocre. UGH. I am thankful to know what I want now in a relationship and will not settle in all aspects of my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I was so happy. That's why I miss him so much. Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 theCharade, I am sorry too you are hurting. I can relate to your feelings. Bittersweet, to know and feel what happiness can be in a relationship and not have the ability to live it is heartbreaking. So many questions remain. One thing I tell myself is that at least we know what happiness can come from loving someone completely. Bravely loving someone without holding back. Love is actions. Actions speak louder than words. When the time is right, we will find ourselves in a relationship where we will not take the little things for granted as most in this world do. We will choose partners who look at love the same way as we do. I believe life can be magical if we choose to make it that way. We will get there some day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnMoon Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I'm happy. There have been moments of hurt and confusion but few and far between for the vast majority of the time.. I'm content and happy. Going on almost a year. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts