clia Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Yes OP, remember... in the end, it's all about the amount of $$$ he's willing to shell out on you! ;-) Are you still defending the guy who didn't offer to buy NMJ a cup of coffee on their fourth date? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Are you being sarcastic? Be secretive = games! Yes. I'm being sarcastic. I think games are stupid. I was young and I played them too but by the time I was 18 I knew better and when I stopped playing games I found much more satisfying relationships and stopped the self-inflicted drama and stress the games generate. It all boils down to "you hang up first." "No You hang up first".:sick:l 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atem Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Yes. I'm being sarcastic. I think games are stupid. I was young and I played them too but by the time I was 18 I knew better and when I stopped playing games I found much more satisfying relationships and stopped the self-inflicted drama and stress the games generate. It all boils down to "you hang up first." "No You hang up first".:sick:l You forgot to add: *click* "What? Damn bitch hung up on me...." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ConstantVoyager Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 In my experience, every day contact isn't normal after two or three dates, unless you've already known each other for a while or the dates moved very quickly. Honestly, I wish my boyfriend called/texted LESS often. We see each other often, so I don't see the point. I spend about 1/2 my nights with him, but when we're sleeping separately, I don't feel the need for a pre-bedtime call, but he does. I'm happy to talk to him, but I wouldn't mind it if he didn't call. Dating books are ridiculous and outdated. I asked my boyfriend out first, never paid any attention to who was calling whom more often or initiating more dates and it has all worked out very well. Been together a year, get along fantastically and there's no game playing. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Early stages you shouldn't be talking every day. I know personally I'm not comfortable with that because I feel like I'm imposing on her personal space and/or playing myself out. After about two to three weeks, if I'm still the only one initiating contact, she gets dropped. Life is too short to spend time on people who aren't over the moon about you. If she can actually go a week or more without hearing from me, we don't have to be together. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I need to talk to a guy I am interested in every day. It's easy for me to lose interest when that doesn't happen. Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 So I'm dating 2 guys at the moment, early stages, one is 2 dates and the other is 3 dates. I've kissed both of them on the dates and quite keen on both. But the problem is neither of them text me everyday, keep in mind that I never initiate the dates or first texts but always respond to them. (One of the guys doesn't even ever ask me how my day was, he only texts to arrange dates) If they are not texting me everyday, does this mean one or more of the following: - They are not that interested? - They are dating multiple girls? - They are keeping their options open? - Any other reasons....? Should I continue dating them or move on...? Uhhhh, excuse me love, where does it say the onus must be on the man to always contact first? Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Do people still say "keen"? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Despite what the men here say, in the very first stage of dating let the man come to you. Otherwise move on because a man that is very into you wont mind chasing you a bit and make excuses like "she needs to show interest too." Remember that. Ive met shy virgin men who were willing to put themselves out there for the girls they REALLY liked. Not for the ones they are lukewarm about. This is a good way to weed out men that aren't that into you. If you text guys first in the beginning too much, they assume you are desperate or string you along (most guys take what they can get) Yeah, but don't you think texting is lazy anyway? I mean, sure, if someone doesn't even text, then that's even lazier. But texting isn't exactly much effort either. I had this guy I was seeing, who kept texting me every day, multiple times a day, and he didn't put much/any effort into dating.. am I supposed to think that he is so into me now, because he kept on texting me? If someone is into you, they will do more than just text you -- that's not effort. That's honestly lazy communication. Sure, texting is good but not if you're going to try and have all your communication through it. I don't like conversations via text. My ex used to do it, this guy I recently was seeing did it, and plenty of guys do it, but in the end, they are not all that interested, I discover. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I need to talk to a guy I am interested in every day. It's easy for me to lose interest when that doesn't happen. Ugh, having to feel OBLIGATED to communicate daily when dating would be a drag to me. I really love the fact that my gf doesn't need daily communication, though it practically is. But I don't feel OBLIGATED, so feel more free to do it. DOes that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
Atem Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Despite what the men here say, in the very first stage of dating let the man come to you. Otherwise move on because a man that is very into you wont mind chasing you a bit and make excuses like "she needs to show interest too." Remember that. Ive met shy virgin men who were willing to put themselves out there for the girls they REALLY liked. Not for the ones they are lukewarm about. This is a good way to weed out men that aren't that into you. If you text guys first in the beginning too much, they assume you are desperate or string you along (most guys take what they can get) No no no - guys have to make the first step as in asking the girl out, suggesting date activities, etc. However, girls have to respond actively if they are interested as in shoot the occasional how are you text and initiate by themselves If there'd be zero contact if the guy does not keep "chasing", then there's no reason for him to continue. Sorry gals - we're in the 21st freakin' century. This is not some bull**** fantasy world where the guy's only purpose is to "sweep the woman off her feet". You have to do some sweeping back or the good guys will lose interest and move on... Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) Ugh, having to feel OBLIGATED to communicate daily when dating would be a drag to me. I really love the fact that my gf doesn't need daily communication, though it practically is. But I don't feel OBLIGATED, so feel more free to do it. DOes that make sense? Well, most people who need/expect it, don't say anything to the guy. So the guy doesn't feel obligated, really. In my case, with the 'ex', who wasn't interested in a relationship with me in the first place, I never told him I expected him to text me every day, nor did I give him sh*t if he didn't. But he still felt obligated to do it, because he knew most people would expect it. And it felt like a chore to him. But honestly, if a guy is interested, he'll do it and it won't feel like a chore. And the fact that he feels obligated to do it, doesn't mean the woman made him feel that way. At the end of the day, he's free not to text /call / ask me out. But if he doesn't want to, then I will only assume he is not interested, and also judge his behavior based on my needs and decide on whether it satisfies my needs. He shouldn't complain -- we all have our likes and dislikes. If he dislikes texting, others might like it and expect it. Anyway, this is what I really have an issue with: when people have their own preferences, but expect others not to have any. Dating is about seeing if we are compatible, if our preferences do not clash, etc. If they clash on a fundamental level like that, such as the frequency of communication, etc., then why waste time and try to make something work when it clearly won't. Edited October 5, 2013 by NoMoreJerks Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Just an aside, but as a non American I find your obsession with weird dating rules very strange. I have tried dating American guys before and there has always been a misunderstanding at some point when I did or said something which they interpreted based on your very strict seeming dating culture to mean something other than what I said. I am now dating a German guy and I love it. I say what I want when I feel it, he takes it at face value and does likewise. It's so nice and much more fun. I can't help the OP but surely it is best to be yourself. If you like the guys and are interested in them what is the harm in acting like that? I mean don't turn into a crazy woman but there is a big difference between crazy obsessed and initiating a text or asking them for another date... Don't you want to be able to date someone while being yourself. I just don't understand I guess, dating is not that complex, you go out if you like each other you keep going out until you decide not to or to take the relationship further etc. Americans seem to me to have really over complicated the situation. But maybe I am missing something. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Well, most people who need/expect it, don't say anything to the guy. So the guy doesn't feel obligated, really. In my case, with the 'ex', who wasn't interested in a relationship with me in the first place, I never told him I expected him to text me every day, nor did I give him sh*t if he didn't. But he still felt obligated to do it, because he knew most people would expect it. And it felt like a chore to him. But honestly, if a guy is interested, he'll do it and it won't feel like a chore. And the fact that he feels obligated to do it, doesn't mean the woman made him feel that way. At the end of the day, he's free not to text /call / ask me out. But if he doesn't want to, then I will only assume he is not interested, and also judge his behavior based on my needs and decide on whether it satisfies my needs. He shouldn't complain -- we all have our likes and dislikes. If he dislikes texting, others might like it and expect it. Anyway, this is what I really have an issue with: when people have their own preferences, but expect others not to have any. Dating is about seeing if we are compatible, if our preferences do not clash, etc. If they clash on a fundamental level like that, such as the frequency of communication, etc., then why waste time and try to make something work when it clearly won't. I hear you. My gf is NOT a daily communicator and that took some cleansing by fire to find that out. I thought girls liked to be communicated with daily and so did just that, but found out NOT ALL GIRLS are like that. I learned to accept AND rather enjoy that. But, I do hear you. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I hear you. My gf is NOT a daily communicator and that took some cleansing by fire to find that out. I thought girls liked to be communicated with daily and so did just that, but found out NOT ALL GIRLS are like that. I learned to accept AND rather enjoy that. But, I do hear you. How did you find out? Did she tell you?? How did she tell you? I have struggled with this, with guys who don't know a good balance. Some don't text me at all, and others blow up my phone with texts. Recently, a guy did the latter with me. I didn't know how to tell him that while I liked the texts every now and then, I didn't want to be in constant touch throughout the day, every day. Sheesh. If I didn't reply to his texts, he didn't get the hint - he kept sending me more. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Do people still say "keen"? If they are British or Australian, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 How did you find out? Did she tell you?? How did she tell you? I have struggled with this, with guys who don't know a good balance. Some don't text me at all, and others blow up my phone with texts. Recently, a guy did the latter with me. I didn't know how to tell him that while I liked the texts every now and then, I didn't want to be in constant touch throughout the day, every day. Sheesh. If I didn't reply to his texts, he didn't get the hint - he kept sending me more. lol. Well, I said that I started off communicating daily, but it was three texts max per day. Max! She is an extremely busy, independent woman who uses technology only b/c she has to. Not good at returning calls or texting in a reasonable time. She told me so. I was a bit shocked as I thought my daily communication was expected, but also I thought it was reasonable. In the end, she has made a greater effort to communicate better. TONS improved! TONS I say! So, in the end, we've met each other half way. I texted her this morning and haven't since then. I'm planning to go to bed w/o any further communication, but know we'll talk tomorrow some time. And that is fine! Anyway, she told me what she needed and she knew what I wanted. I respect her time and personality. She is who she is. Coming to and fully accepting her for who she is was the key! Understanding that her style of communication, as different as my own, was not an indication that she was not interested, rather, that she has different needs. Did I answer your question? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 (edited) ^ yeah you sorta did. I guess it's just harder to change the dynamics, though, when the guy got used to a certain way of doing things. i don't even know if this guy was doing it because he felt i wanted / expected it, or because HE is needy/expects that level of communication. I mean, it didn't stop at like 3 texts a day. In the past 2 weeks, we've exchanged 400 texts. Most of it because i felt obligated to answer him, since he mentioned something or asked me a question. I was kinda forced to reply, and wasn't sure how to tell him to back off a little bit on that front, without making him think I was losing interest in him (some people jump to conclusions). lol. Blah. When we went for like 3 days without seeing each other, he started texting me even more (I think he felt I was distancing myself from him and that's why I wasn't seeing him , even though i told him i had a deadline to meet, which i really did). He texted me late at night, to see if I was home (he texted about something else) -- if I would reply immediately/soon. If I hadn't, I guess he would've thought I was out on a date with some other guy. Man. Some people are just bizarre. Edited October 5, 2013 by NoMoreJerks Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 He sounds insecure, perhaps a little bit control-oriented? That would drive me nuts. Cute at first, but soon would get cumbersome and stifling. It sounds like YOU are willing to accept this b/c YOU really like him. But it also sounds like you'd welcome a change in communication style, frequency, right? Link to post Share on other sites
sickpuppy Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Just an aside, but as a non American I find your obsession with weird dating rules very strange. I have tried dating American guys before and there has always been a misunderstanding at some point when I did or said something which they interpreted based on your very strict seeming dating culture to mean something other than what I said. I am now dating a German guy and I love it. I say what I want when I feel it, he takes it at face value and does likewise. It's so nice and much more fun. I can't help the OP but surely it is best to be yourself. If you like the guys and are interested in them what is the harm in acting like that? I mean don't turn into a crazy woman but there is a big difference between crazy obsessed and initiating a text or asking them for another date... Don't you want to be able to date someone while being yourself. I just don't understand I guess, dating is not that complex, you go out if you like each other you keep going out until you decide not to or to take the relationship further etc. Americans seem to me to have really over complicated the situation. But maybe I am missing something. ^^^This^^^ I seriously don't understand how something so simple has gotten so complicated. Too many other people's "rules" as "advice", too much "Advice" on TV shows or in magazines etc. It just makes simple dating and having normal conversations completely confusing. Common sense is out the window these days or has become completely convoluted. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 He sounds insecure, perhaps a little bit control-oriented? That would drive me nuts. Cute at first, but soon would get cumbersome and stifling. It sounds like YOU are willing to accept this b/c YOU really like him. But it also sounds like you'd welcome a change in communication style, frequency, right? lol, no, I just didn't know how to let him down without shattering his ego. I have a hard time letting people down and looking out for my own interests. It has nothing to do with my level of like for the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 lol, no, I just didn't know how to let him down without shattering his ego. I have a hard time letting people down and looking out for my own interests. It has nothing to do with my level of like for the guy. OMG, NMJ, you need to learn to look out for yourself and assert YOUR needs and desires. Otherwise you are looking at relationships that will eat you up. Yeah, he'll be a little bummed, but if this constant communication is making you uncomfortable, you need to say something. He should be okay with that if he's really interested in you and respects your boundaries, right? Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 So how would you tell someone that? "Hey, I'm just texting you to ask you to text me less, because it's bothering me"? Oh well, bluntness is not my forte, I suppose .lol. I will try it in the future, if I face a situation like that again. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I don't know any men that "sweep women off their feet" ever. That only happened decades ago. Men have it good today. Women today are expected to pay like men (or else we are golddiggers) AND sleep with them early or else we are prude or they'll just f*** someone else. It gets worse. Some men ARE the golddiggers these days. True story. Shocking , but even more shocking is that we're shocked when we hear these sorts of stories, because we've been told time and again that "women are the golddiggers." Link to post Share on other sites
Adele0908 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 So I'm dating 2 guys at the moment, early stages, one is 2 dates and the other is 3 dates. I've kissed both of them on the dates and quite keen on both. But the problem is neither of them text me everyday, keep in mind that I never initiate the dates or first texts but always respond to them. (One of the guys doesn't even ever ask me how my day was, he only texts to arrange dates) If they are not texting me everyday, does this mean one or more of the following: - They are not that interested? - They are dating multiple girls? - They are keeping their options open? - Any other reasons....? Should I continue dating them or move on...? It doesn't mean anything. Don't worry about it and keep yourself busy. Have fun, focus on what you enjoy (friends, hobbies, etc) and you won't even notice anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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