He told her he loves me

[shortee]

I don't know why she continues to ruin her husband's life like this by forcing him to stay in a loveless marriage. You don't love your husband. It's clear that you don't respect him either. Let him go so he can live his life and find someone that cares about him. Quit holding him hostage. It's not all about you. Your friend needs to know what a lowlife her husband is so she can move on and find someone as well. Or do you think she'd want to stay in her crappy marriage where her husband disrespects her.

 

Please think of someone other than yourself for once.

[ComingInHot]

rae, Why do you ate Your Best Friend so much?? I know you probably love her too, but mostly, your actions show how much you despise her.

-You've lied to her SO many times it's certifiable.

-You are betraying her in every way possible.

-You are manipulating her already distorted view of "the besty friendship" in order to continue getting what You want from her and Her H.

-You use her children as an extension of your family and link to Her & Her H.

 

Now take the above points and replace your best friend w/your H.

After that replace your H's name with Your Own.

 

I know you have a heart in there Rae. And for Heaven's sake, don't shut off more of your humanity than you already have as suggested by an earlier poster. You'll end up with nothing left inside you.

 

Why do you hate so many that you love?!?

[aliveagain]

Pull your head out of your ass girl. This serial cheater you believe you are in love with is taking you closer to the edge everyday. He intends to destroy your marriage so you have no choice but him. If you want your husband in your children's life after this all goes nuclear tell him without the others present. You are already down a very dark path with very few options left, your discovery is imminent. Stay away from these people, it sounds like you already made your decision to blow up your family, you are letting the psychopath control the outcome of your families future. Time to take control. I told myself I wouldn't post on your thread again because it's like talking to a brick wall, all you do is defend this looser who is stealing you from your husband and your fine with it. You worry more about his wife than your own children, you need some serious physiological help, I don't mean that to hurt you but to help you understand that until you deal with your FOO issues, no relationship will ever work out for you. He is not your knight in shinning armor. Do Not Attend Their Get Together, tell your husband the truth.

 

Just want to add that you already know his wife will never leave him(he knows this too, look at his history of cheating), your the only one that will lose everything, wake up.

Edited October 6, 2013 by aliveagain

[The Way I Am]

Actually, I think it's more likely that MM will tell Rae's husband in the delusion that they can all have a happy foursome or he can be with Rae in an open relationship where he'll be allowed to have sex with whoever he wants without a wife who gets angry about that. Then Rae will try to throw all blame on him to keep her marriage. MM's wife will forgive him without him needing to blame Rae. If MM's wife is willing to put up with his cheating and having feelings for her friend, the only thing left to be mad about is that something physical happened between her husband and friend. And she'll direct most if not all the blame for that at Rae for letting it happen.

 

MM isnt going to need to throw Rae under any bus. Rae's already laid down in the road hoping the bus will miss her there and refusing to do anything that could get her out of the path.

[rae_lana]

Prediction: The sh*t hits the fan during their get-together this weekend and Romeo - when faced with REALITY - will suddenly denounce all love he has for Rae. Like the sniveling little lying coward most cheating married men ARE, he'll immediate revert to save-his-ass mode, and run behind his wife's skirt and tell her all about how big, bad Rae coerced him into having an affair with her. Goodness, he didn't want any part of it but he was 'weak' and she took advantage of that, the evil sorceress!!

 

As happens with the overwhelming majority of these situations, the married man will end up begging his wife for forgiveness and another chance, and will make promises to do anything he can to get back into her good graces. The married woman, however, will probably not fare as well and end up separating and living on her own - without either man.

 

Jeez. I've seen this 2,000 times, so I won't be surprised if this makes 2,001 times.

 

Women come here for support and are constantly told they are not really loved by the man they are with and told he'll leave her for his wife in a heart beat if something happens.. You have no way to really known that, maybe it happens often but this situation is not like that.

[lollipopspot]

rae lana...I've been wondering how you're doing this weekend. Did you go away?

[rae_lana]

rae lana...I've been wondering how you're doing this weekend. Did you go away?

 

Yes, we went away and yes, we told both of our spouses last night that we had feelings for each other that went beyond friendship. Yes, both our spouses reacted with extreme anger. We did not confess to an affair, but said that we did tell them that we have been talking privately and deleting texts and they both assumed an affair for sure.. I can't explain it all right now. I feel numb and in shock still.

 

I'm alone right now, my husband has the kids at his parents house, and my friend left to her home town this morning to stay with family.

[Scott Thomas]

Women come here for support and are constantly told they are not really loved by the man they are with and told he'll leave her for his wife in a heart beat if something happens.. You have no way to really known that, maybe it happens often but this situation is not like that.

 

You do have a point. This is likely but other scenarios do exist. As for your particular situation, only time will tell.

[lollipopspot]

Well this is a virtual (hug) then.

 

I hope people stay away from the moralizing for now. It's been said, and we all get that. What I think you need is support in how to move forward as best you can and protect your children from whatever comes next.

[Scott Thomas]

Yes, we went away and yes, we told both of our spouses last night that we had feelings for each other that went beyond friendship. Yes, both our spouses reacted with extreme anger. We did not confess to an affair, but said that we did tell them that we have been talking privately and deleting texts and they both assumed an affair for sure.. I can't explain it all right now. I feel numb and in shock still.

 

I'm alone right now, my husband has the kids at his parents house, and my friend left to her home town this morning to stay with family.

 

We're here to support and help you. Part of this includes some harsh words. Considering everything that you're going through, these harsh words are probably the last thing you want to hear. However, like I wrote, we're here to help you. You need to stay strong for your children's sake.

 

Your spouses reacted with extreme anger-this is a completely natural and predictable consequence of your actions. The shock you feel is also natural. When you plan on confessing the physical aspects of the affair? As your betrayed spouses already suspect this, I would urge you to act pre-emptively and confess to ensure that your relationship with your husband, even encase of a divorce, is not permanently destroyed; you two would have to cooperate on issues pertaining to your children.

 

Maintain IC and talk with your friends. It is easy to lose hope when we falter. Keep posting updates and good luck!

[stillafool]

He sounds like a totally cAllous person.

 

Maybe but at least he was being honest which is more than I can say for Rae. Why didn't you tell her the truth?

[stillafool]

Just read your update Rae. Glad you did the right thing. Let the healing begin.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Good luck Rae. I am certain that was incredibly hard. Please be honest with everything. It will come out anyway - better to pull off the bandaid quickly.

[HopingAgain]

At least now everyone knows the truth, or the start of it anyway, and can decide for themselves accordingly.

 

I really hope you take some time to be alone, if you and your Husband choose to divorce. Going straight into a primary relationship with your MM would be very harmful for you emotionally.

[cif]

Yes, we went away and yes, we told both of our spouses last night that we had feelings for each other that went beyond friendship. Yes, both our spouses reacted with extreme anger. We did not confess to an affair, but said that we did tell them that we have been talking privately and deleting texts and they both assumed an affair for sure.. I can't explain it all right now. I feel numb and in shock still.

 

I'm alone right now, my husband has the kids at his parents house, and my friend left to her home town this morning to stay with family.

 

Take care of yourself. You've had a really rough past few months. Hopefully things will get better soon xo

[whichwayisup]

Yes, we went away and yes, we told both of our spouses last night that we had feelings for each other that went beyond friendship. Yes, both our spouses reacted with extreme anger. We did not confess to an affair, but said that we did tell them that we have been talking privately and deleting texts and they both assumed an affair for sure.. I can't explain it all right now. I feel numb and in shock still.

 

I'm alone right now, my husband has the kids at his parents house, and my friend left to her home town this morning to stay with family.

 

Why not? You both had the perfect opportunity to totally come clean, be honest, no more bullshi.t or lying/hiding and sneaking around. They BOTH suspected affair and hey, they are not stupid - they will put two and two together. You and him NEED to come clean and confess it all otherwise it's pointless to dribble out bits of the truth to ease your guilt.

 

I certainly hope you stay home alone, do some thinking. Please don't go running off to your MM.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry that my other post reads harshly.

 

You did good by telling the (partial) truth, so all I hope for is when your husband is ready to talk to you one on one, just be honest with him. He needs to hear why you allowed yourself to fall for someone else. Tell him your reasons, the reasons you explained here, that you and MM have similar pasts and have bonded because of your upbringings, how you two are cut from the same cloth etc... It'll hurt your H to hear, but better he knows how you truly feel rather than hiding it and going on like your A meant nothing. This MM I think you love and if it could all be arranged with a neat bow and a happy ending, you'd leave your H and be with MM instantly, as long as your H wasn't upset/hurt/pissed off and same goes with his wife..Your so called 'best friend/friend' as you say.

 

Sooner or later, you need to talk to her. She is going to feel betrayed by you, so own it all and apologize to her.

 

Stay strong, you can work through this.

[rae_lana]

Sorry that my other post reads harshly.

 

You did good by telling the (partial) truth, so all I hope for is when your husband is ready to talk to you one on one, just be honest with him. He needs to hear why you allowed yourself to fall for someone else. Tell him your reasons, the reasons you explained here, that you and MM have similar pasts and have bonded because of your upbringings, how you two are cut from the same cloth etc... It'll hurt your H to hear, but better he knows how you truly feel rather than hiding it and going on like your A meant nothing. This MM I think you love and if it could all be arranged with a neat bow and a happy ending, you'd leave your H and be with MM instantly, as long as your H wasn't upset/hurt/pissed off and same goes with his wife..Your so called 'best friend/friend' as you say.

 

Sooner or later, you need to talk to her. She is going to feel betrayed by you, so own it all and apologize to her.

 

Stay strong, you can work through this.

 

This didn't just happen because me and this other man are alike. It happened with him because of that.. It would not have been just any guy, I never thought I'd be in this position.

My husband knows exactly when I started falling out of love with him, exactly the time frame and it was before anything at all had ever happened with other other man, he even said so last night.. Asked if that's when things changed for me.

 

I didn't give a lot of specifics last night because neither of them were interested in that at all. They were mad and she was angry at him but just kept saying that it was ok, and we could all just make it better at first. Both my husband and her seemed to realize right away that it wasn't something small and that we were not telling them so that we could forget it happened..

 

They both knew he liked me, my husband did too I guess but they were both completely shocked at me.

 

No we didn't say, 'we had an affair', but we pretty much did..

It will be therapeutic to get it out msybe.. but I can't right now.

 

My husband already knows where he wants to live. I love him, but we both are better apart from each other. I'll try to answer anything he asks honestly if he wants to know but I will absolutely not just go offering this information .. It's graphic and will cause pain for no reason that's honestly how I feel.

 

My friend is hurt, and yes this might seem crazy to anyone else but has texted me today but not her husband. She said a few different things.. the first were angry, and then that she loved me and she could never hate me.

 

I only replied once, just saying I couldn't talk over texting and that I'm so sorry for letting this happen. She definitely knows it was physical.

 

I haven't talked to anyone all day. I've just been home alone. I've mostly slept.

[rae_lana]

And I do love him.

And he loves me and told me so last night he believes we should be together. I just asked for some time alone which really shouldn't be hard. Nobody is going to want anything to do with me I really feel like that..

 

Immediately after this happened she posted it to Facebook. Deleted it after but too late to matter I'm sure, and no I'm not blaming her for anything.

 

I don't have family and they were my friends. I have other friends but none that I'm not ashamed to see right now.

[Owl]

So what's your plan from here?

 

What are you going to do now?

 

My recommendations would be to go ahead and file for divorce. You want to free yourself up to be with MOM, so it's time to let your H go and start working on that.

 

I'd also suggest that you be ready to HONESTLY answer any/all questions from both your BH and his BW.

 

Stop holding things back...be honest, give them the full info, and free them up to be happy without you and MOM.

[underwater2010]

And I do love him.

And he loves me and told me so last night he believes we should be together. I just asked for some time alone which really shouldn't be hard. Nobody is going to want anything to do with me I really feel like that..

 

Immediately after this happened she posted it to Facebook. Deleted it after but too late to matter I'm sure, and no I'm not blaming her for anything.

 

I don't have family and they were my friends. I have other friends but none that I'm not ashamed to see right now.

Your "friend" has not even begun to realize the pain she is going to be in. Give her a few more days.

 

Also you owe her the truth. I realize that you don't want your marriage, but to continue to hide information from both of them will make things worse in the end.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Yes - it has only just begun. This will continue to play our and roll out over the next few days and weeks. Anger hasn't even really started to be shown yet - it will ebb and flow. Hang on and just ride through it - there is no other way.

[Scott Thomas]

Whatever the outcome, place your children's needs ahead of yours and your OM's. They are the innocent party here.

 

If your husband does ask if you had sex with the OM, tell him the truth. It's better if he finds out about this from you. Y

 

You may not want to hurt his feelings but imagine how he'll feel when he discovers that you two had sex but you pretended that this never happened. Even if he doesn't ask, do share this information before a divorce, as you predict it, is finalised.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

[ladydesigner]

Good luck (((rae-lana)))

 

As others have said this is just the beginning. I am 19 months out from DDay as a (BS) and there is still fallout.

 

Make sure you find a counselor to help you get through this. It's not an easy road.

[HopingAgain]

Everyone else has pretty much said it all. But I will add that you need to stop acting so rekomorseful and apologetic towards your friend. You know that you still have every intention of running off with her husband. So at least have the balls to let her know you are her adversary and still wanting to snatch her husband from under her nose!