I can't stop masturbating and it's stopping me from having a relationship

[Frustratedlove]

So I'm 24 years old and I can't stop masturbating to save my life. It's a problem but I'm not sure how to fix it. I probably masturbate at least every other day. It used to be worse, when I still looked at porn I hwould jerk it multiple times a day. I did some research into the effects on the brain that porn has, and that was enough motivation to quit. But this other half of the addiction has been even tougher to quit. If I don't go more than 3 days without it I get irritable, edgy, and withdrawn. I have been lucky enough to be in a few relationships at this point, but I always withheld from them, and instead go home and fantasize about what I would have done, which is probably why these relationships always fizzled out. It's sick, I know, but I grew up in a home that was broken sexually, so I always felt really guilty about my desires or intentions. I'm finally ready to admit this is a problem, and probably one of the bigger ones in relation to my well-being and happiness. Has anyone else out there dealt with a similar problem? Any advice for a broken man that wants to change? I really don't want to grow old and alone

[Philosoraptor]

Well spanking the monkey every other day isn't some crazy addiction. Your big issue is you're choosing to take care of it yourself rather than attempting to be intimate with your partner.

 

There is no issue taking care of yourself while in a relationship, just learn to make the initimacy with your partner your first choice.

[pteromom]

Your problem isn't masturbating. EVERYONE does that.

 

Your problem is this:

 

I always felt really guilty about my desires or intentions

 

If you feel so guilty about wanting a girl that you are afraid to make a move, that can be very crippling.

 

You need to do whatever you can do to change your self-talk. To make yourself understand that sexuality and sexual feelings are perfectly normal and part of being human. To be able to express yourself sexually without feeling shame.

 

You can start by reading. There are countless articles online about sex and guilt - Google can get you started. There are books on overcoming guilt and shame and past abuse.

 

If you can't make headway on your own, contact a therapist. They can help you work through this.

 

You can have a healthy sexual relationship AND masturbate. They go together like cake and ice cream.

[Grumpybutfun]

Have you considered the porn is a coping mechanism to feeling uneasy or uncomfortable in a sexual relationship with someone else because of your family history?

What concerns me is what you wrote about growing up in a home that was broken sexually and that is something you need to explore. Therapy would be ideal but if that isn't an option, you need to check out some books on sexual abuse, healthy sexual functions, etc. It is a universal truth that some people have to spend countless hours in their adulthood undoing the neglect, abuse or misinformation gathered in their childhood.

You are going to be fine,

Grumps

[Frustratedlove]

Have you considered the porn is a coping mechanism to feeling uneasy or uncomfortable in a sexual relationship with someone else because of your family history?

 

No but it certainly makes sense. I was free to live out these desires through porn without the fear of rejection because of how inadequate I felt about myself sexually. But porn bad for you, really bad, I just wish I had done the research sooner. At this point I'm worried that I suffer from extreme narcissism

[Grumpybutfun]

Of course the fantasy in porn opens you up to sexual release but it is without any of the many benefits of skin to skin gratification which is far preferable to porn. Have you ever tried therapy for fear of rejection due to your family history? Have you read any books o this topic?

If you can keep yourself away from porn and work on the internal stuff, you can get through this and learn to have a healthy sex life with a partner. Masturbation isn't the problem here, since most men masturbate far more than what you have described, and it is considered healthy, but your reliance on porn as a coping mechanism and a crutch for your fear of rejection and intimacy is a real cause of concern.

Narcissists usually are too narcissist to realize they are narcissist so I think you can save yourself from that fate by getting help with your fear of rejection issues and working on coming to terms with your family history.

Best,

Grumps