solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Is this common? I despise my APs wife, and I don't even know her. I met her once, but she didn't know I was sleeping with her husband. Today he called me from his truck, which he was driving for the first time since surgery, but he had to be home by 1:15 because his wife was out and she won't let him drive since his surgery. He didn't want her to catch him. He said she would take the keys away if she caught him driving. I said WTF? Is she your mommy or what? I know I am seeing her through the filter of the affair bubble. But I really don't like her. He doesn't seem to like her much either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unicorn farts Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I would venture a guess that she is concerned for her husband's health and insisting that he follow his surgeon's orders. 23 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 It's possible it's doctors orders or he's on pain meds and not supposed to drive. I know my MM went through that after surgery. (Not the threats from the wife and if she'd told mine that, I know she'd be doing it in his best interest b/c she was worried about him.) No demonizing the wife here. She's a good person, he still cares about her and doesn't say an ill word about her. I don't have an unkind word to say about her, either. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 And it isn't even a joint truck - it is his personal truck. She has an SUV of her own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 It's possible it's doctors orders or he's on pain meds and not supposed to drive. I know my MM went through that after surgery. (Not the threats from the wife and if she'd told mine that, I know she'd be doing it in his best interest b/c she was worried about him.) No demonizing the wife here. She's a good person, he still cares about her and doesn't say an ill word about her. I don't have an unkind word to say about her, either. Even if it is doctors orders, taking the keys and hiding them? That is treating a person as a child. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Sorry, but who are you to hate her? She might be married to a cake-eating POS, but he is still her husband and she is still his wife, not you. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 Sorry, but who are you to hate her? She might be married to a cake-eating POS, but he is still her husband and she is still his wife, not you. Oh, there have been lots of other incidents where she has been controlling and treating him like a child. And who am I to hate her? A person who has a right to her feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Even if it is doctors orders, taking the keys and hiding them? That is treating a person as a child. If he's being an idiot and driving while on mind altering pain meds (and thereby risking his life and the ones around him), then she has to do what she has to do to keep him safe. 16 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Even if it is doctors orders, taking the keys and hiding them? That is treating a person as a child. Perhaps she knows he is immature and irresponsible and is trying to save him and others he can potentially harm with his stubbornness.. Being on pain meds and being told not to drive should be adhered to. He can take a taxi or call up a friend if need be. But I guess he does not care if he is not fit to drive and causes harm to another because he is on meds. It is his world!!! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) Except he is not on pain meds anymore. And the doctor did not tell him not to drive. She just doesn't think he should. Edited October 4, 2013 by solostand 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I know I am seeing her through the filter of the affair bubble. But I really don't like her. He doesn't seem to like her much either. Why does he say he's still married to her, if he doesn't like her? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
unicorn farts Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Everyone but you can see that she's concerned for his health, but he's managed to portray it to you like he's some kind of victim. If he was YOUR husband, I'm sure you would be angry at him for risking his health and safety after surgery ... but instead, you're angry at that mean old wife for forcing him to follow doctor's orders and inconveniencing you when he has to cut a phone call short. smh. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
legalgirl Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I think as the OW many of us hear all the bad about the W. I know in the past I have. For me I don't hate her, because I don't know her. I only know what he tells me. And as I have told him before if she's so bad then leave!!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Oh, there have been lots of other incidents where she has been controlling and treating him like a child. And who am I to hate her? A person who has a right to her feelings. If it is on doctor's orders he needs to listen. It does not seem your MM has good judgement and she knos it. Isn't he the same man who was flaunting you around in the hospital where many know him and even kissed you in front of them? Meanwhile his wife is there taking care of him and worrying about him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 money. She said she would leave him with his shoelaces if he ever divorced her. He has considered it many times (long before me). I think he'll probably leave her though. He has left her before (not for a woman) but went back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Why does he say he's still married to her, if he doesn't like her? Because he becomes a poor victim. He finds a person who enables him,hates a wife she never met,talks carp about her but he stays put and eats cake. Meanwhile, instead of focusing on why he is still married. OP can focus on how horrible the wife is because he says so. There are two sides to every story. I am sure if you heard her side, you would agree with her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 4, 2013 Author Share Posted October 4, 2013 Everyone but you can see that she's concerned for his health, but he's managed to portray it to you like he's some kind of victim. If he was YOUR husband, I'm sure you would be angry at him for risking his health and safety after surgery ... but instead, you're angry at that mean old wife for forcing him to follow doctor's orders and inconveniencing you when he has to cut a phone call short. smh. Oh come on that's not true. He has a cell phone he just got out of the truck and continued talking to me. And I have been married before and I would encourage my husband to be careful, but I certainly wouldn't ground him or hide his car keys. Unless he was drunk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 money. She said she would leave him with his shoelaces if he ever divorced her. He has considered it many times (long before me). I think he'll probably leave her though. He has left her before (not for a woman) but went back. He obviously must love his shoelaces because he is doing all he can to get caught. Anyway, if they have assets, they split them. I think he should leave his wife, then you can have him and all his baggage full time. Not an insult. Just the truth! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Remember that he has an agenda. It's in his best interest if you hate his wife. Think about it- most single men would never want the woman he loves to know that they were bossed around by a woman. It makes them look weak, conflict avoidant, childish & whipped. Most men minimize this part of themselves because it's unattractive. But for some reason, married guys always showcase this trait. I wonder why? What would be the motivation for him to show you his weakness? What would be the reason for him to share that he wants her to think he's following her "rules"? He wants your sympathy. If you think he's weak, he'll have the perfect excuse as to why he has to stay married. He's letting you know that keeping her happy & not mad at him is his priority. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Is this common? I despise my APs wife, and I don't even know her. I met her once, but she didn't know I was sleeping with her husband. Why do you despise her if you don't even know her? I'm pretty sure the only reason you hate her is because of what Married Man tells you, and as we know, it could be true or it could very likely be exaggerated/lies. It's sad, but probably true for a lot of affairs. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 solostand the MOW thought the same thing about me. I would ask WH to come home early because he was never spending time with me anymore (because of the A really) and he would complain to her that I made him come home. She thought I was his mean mommie too. I get so tired of reading how us BS's make our WS's do things. We cannot make them do anything. They are big boys not children. I think he is painting his BS badly to you because he is a coward and cannot just say he has to stay home for his health reasons. I would be taking care of my H too if he had just had surgery. That is what a wife does. The choice to demonize her is on you. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I think as the OW many of us hear all the bad about the W. I know in the past I have. For me I don't hate her, because I don't know her. I only know what he tells me. And as I have told him before if she's so bad then leave!!!!! Mine is not like this, thankfully. I'd seriously have to think hard to remember if he's ever said a cross word about her and, even then, I doubt I could come up with one. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Is this common? I despise my APs wife, and I don't even know her. I met her once, but she didn't know I was sleeping with her husband. Today he called me from his truck, which he was driving for the first time since surgery, but he had to be home by 1:15 because his wife was out and she won't let him drive since his surgery. He didn't want her to catch him. He said she would take the keys away if she caught him driving. I said WTF? Is she your mommy or what? I know I am seeing her through the filter of the affair bubble. But I really don't like her. He doesn't seem to like her much either. re: the bolded...yes, there is definitely a problem here. The problem is we have a grown man acting like a child. If he feels he should be able to drive, then why doesn't he just tell her that? She can't really take his keys away either, especially so since it is his truck as you say. My husband would laugh in my face if I ever tried to do that. Maybe she acts like his "mommy" because he acts like a child. Is this really the type of guy you want? One who has to sneak around to get away from mommy? Wait, he already does sneak around...to be with you. Why is this attractive? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Is this common? I despise my APs wife, and I don't even know her. I met her once, but she didn't know I was sleeping with her husband. Today he called me from his truck, which he was driving for the first time since surgery, but he had to be home by 1:15 because his wife was out and she won't let him drive since his surgery. He didn't want her to catch him. He said she would take the keys away if she caught him driving. I said WTF? Is she your mommy or what? I know I am seeing her through the filter of the affair bubble. But I really don't like her. He doesn't seem to like her much either. Hmmm, maybe it's HIM you don't like... As you are getting a good idea now that he enjoys her "mothering" him - yet he defies her like a little child. It shows more about HIM than it does her! Why not state the obvious and say you don't like HIS babyish behavior? And he lies and is sneaky! Are those the qualities you SEEK out in a partner? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 What makes you so certain? Because there is a reason he is afraid to be seen driving. The reason is probably because it is against doctor's orders. I have to say I find it ironic how someone can claim the wife is so controlling and acting like his mother. when it seems MM does as he pleases anyway. He seems to do whatever he wants and does not seem to care about what the wife thinks. Just an immature man. If he is letting his wife boss him around, it would be a surprise as he seems very bold! It was stated he left her once before. but probably came back for his own agenda. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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