LilGirlandOW Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Lady, thats rough to hear. Although MM speaks ill of BS to me, at times. He doesn't speak badly of me to her, I know through our interactions he says alot of good things about me.... why she started calling me his "little girlfriend", in a jealous bugging way. He brags about my work, personality, awards, etc very openly... its one of the main red flags that have spurred others questioning if he had feelings for me in the start when I was his assistant. When I first met BS it was one of the first things she told me was how much MM adores and talks about me. That being said... it would be hard for him to say I'm some crazy raptor now after all that. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Even if it is doctors orders, taking the keys and hiding them? That is treating a person as a child. Uh huh... Could be that he is acting like a spoiled child. If he was trying to drive while taking medication that makes him a risk to anyone else, he shouldn't be driving. He could hurt himself, someone else or be arrested. Sounds to me like she cares about him and is looking out for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 This is a troll thread right? Just the fact that the title is using demonizing but a thread about how much the poster hates the wife just doesn't line up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Lady, thats rough to hear. Although MM speaks ill of BS to me, at times. He doesn't speak badly of me to her, I know through our interactions he says alot of good things about me.... why she started calling me his "little girlfriend", in a jealous bugging way. He brags about my work, personality, awards, etc very openly... its one of the main red flags that have spurred others questioning if he had feelings for me in the start when I was his assistant. When I first met BS it was one of the first things she told me was how much MM adores and talks about me. That being said... it would be hard for him to say I'm some crazy raptor now after all that. Lol. There was almost certainly a time in his life when he was just as complimentary to her and about her as well. What you should be concerned about is his capability to turn on someone he has or has had such an intimate connection to. What happens once you fall from grace in his eyes or when or if he tires of you? Will he have the integrity to be honest with you or will he just slam you to others behind your back? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 This is a troll thread right? Just the fact that the title is using demonizing but a thread about how much the poster hates the wife just doesn't line up. I actually had that thought too but who knows? Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction! Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 And again, when does the fantasy cross over into reality? Anyone can fantasize about a fulfilling love connection, etc. etc., but reality is sleeping on that couch (or in the bed probably) every night. If wishes were horses, we all would ride. The reality is he is in love with the OW, who's not all full of bitching and animosity. Not saying it's right. So he cake eats. BS still can get off on bossing him around, and the OW can get off on the chemistry and connection. You could look at it as win/win Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Lady, thats rough to hear. Although MM speaks ill of BS to me, at times. He doesn't speak badly of me to her, I know through our interactions he says alot of good things about me.... why she started calling me his "little girlfriend", in a jealous bugging way. He brags about my work, personality, awards, etc very openly... its one of the main red flags that have spurred others questioning if he had feelings for me in the start when I was his assistant. When I first met BS it was one of the first things she told me was how much MM adores and talks about me. That being said... it would be hard for him to say I'm some crazy raptor now after all that. Lol. I understand where you are at LilGirlandOW and it's great that he doesn't talk about you. If your MM is anything like my WH then be careful (as in guard your heart). My WH told MOW so many wonderful things about how she worked hard for him and was great at this and great at that (she worked for him). He tells a different story today. Just guard your heart I know you love your MM. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 It's werid someone not having a problem with someone not following the doctor's orders. Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 The reality is he is in love with the OW, who's not all full of bitching and animosity. Not saying it's right. So he cake eats. BS still can get off on bossing him around, and the OW can get off on the chemistry and connection. You could look at it as win/win Again, only words to back up the claims. Its sad that that is enough for you and that you don't want, no , require, something more concrete than just words and stolen moments that the wife doesn't even know about and if she does know, doesn't care about because she knows it won't amount to anything more concrete or result in any loss to her. No it is not right for a MM to cakeeat and want it ALL while he barely leaves the OW with enough crumbs not to starve. But if its all an OW requires, chemistry and connection, than what else can she expect? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 The reality is he is in love with the OW, who's not all full of bitching and animosity. Not saying it's right. So he cake eats. BS still can get off on bossing him around, and the OW can get off on the chemistry and connection. You could look at it as win/win Yeah but you ladies are getting the best part. I don't like bossing my WH around. I actually don't do it, I end up doing everything myself that's the problem. That's why on DDay#4 I was like common it's time for you (WH) to let me go find someone to love me. He didn't like that so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Yeah but you ladies are getting the best part. I don't like bossing my WH around. I actually don't do it, I end up doing everything myself that's the problem. That's why on DDay#4 I was like common it's time for you (WH) to let me go find someone to love me. He didn't like that so much. I used to think like that before experiencing both sides of the coin. The OW gets a lot of hot air, basically hard **** and bubblegum. Sorry to be crass, but that's just how it is. When reality hits these men run so fast you can see their behinds smoking. A wife gets a lot of the chemistry and fun stuff too, not all the time because life tends to get in the way, but she does get that and all the other very important stuff like commitment and security and a concrete life together and not just when the MM can get away. Plus all the other usual societal bonuses that are afforded to a wife and thats not even including legal protections. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 This is a troll thread right? Just the fact that the title is using demonizing but a thread about how much the poster hates the wife just doesn't line up. No its a real thing, I think its also a method some WS use to gaslight and gain sympathy from the AP. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 This is a troll thread right? Just the fact that the title is using demonizing but a thread about how much the poster hates the wife just doesn't line up. Yes, it is. But it actually turned into a decent discussion (probably not the OP's intent, but you win some, you lose some). It needs a little more practice, I think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 There was almost certainly a time in his life when he was just as complimentary to her and about her as well. What you should be concerned about is his capability to turn on someone he has or has had such an intimate connection to. What happens once you fall from grace in his eyes or when or if he tires of you? Will he have the integrity to be honest with you or will he just slam you to others behind your back? Yep. This is why I always pump dates for info about their exes. It gets him talking and tells me exactly how he's going to talk about/treat me when we break up or when he tires of me. Leopards and spots, ya know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I used to think like that before experiencing both sides of the coin. The OW gets a lot of hot air, basically hard **** and bubblegum. Sorry to be crass, but that's just how it is. When reality hits these men run so fast you can see their behinds smoking. A wife gets a lot of the chemistry and fun stuff too, not all the time because life tends to get in the way, but she does get that and all the other very important stuff like commitment and security and a concrete life together and not just when the MM can get away. Plus all the other usual societal bonuses that are afforded to a wife and thats not even including legal protections. A WS has no committment, security or concrete anything in their tool belt, heck most of them dont even wear a tool belt, they cashed them in for a magic top hat with a cute little bunny inside Maybe they once did, that all flew out the window when they cheated on you! I would never, ever stay with a WS, gross. No matter how cowardly and pathetically he begged and pleaded, no matter what assets and history we shared, if I were a BS and my WS was telling another woman how much he loves her and only her for the last year, 2 years, 5 years. That would be it for me. Hell if I found out MM was in any way romantic with BS I'd say cya. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Yes, it is. But it actually turned into a decent discussion (probably not the OP's intent, but you win some, you lose some). It needs a little more practice, I think. It is not a troll, its a confusing association of feelings for a person you dont know well, but have these strong ill feelings towards by proxy. Its confusing. Like stokholm syndrome, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 (edited) A WS has no committment, security or concrete anything in their tool belt, heck most of them dont even wear a tool belt, they cashed them in for a magic top hat with a cute little bunny inside Maybe they once did, that all flew out the window when they cheated on you! I would never, ever stay with a WS, gross. No matter how cowardly and pathetically he begged and pleaded, no matter what assets and history we shared, if I were a BS and my WS was telling another woman how much he loves her and only her for the last year, 2 years, 5 years. That would be it for me. Hell if I found out MM was in any way romantic with BS I'd say cya. You'd never stay with a WS, yet you're still married to a man who has put his hands on you (amongst other things & in front of WS who did nothing, mind you)... so what's the difference here? Why haven't you divorced this man and yet you would without a doubt leave a WS? I also like how you say gross, but you ARE in a relationship with a WS.... (You don't know for a fact whether he's romantic with his wife, doesn't matter if you've seen them together before, relationships change all the time.) I don't quite understand why that isn't gross, but staying with someone who cheated on you is. Edited October 4, 2013 by sweet_pea edited to leave out the snark haha 8 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 You posted just yesterday that he was too sick to even get up off the couch and isn't supposed to be driving. So I'd wager to bet that she was just looking out for her husband.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Seperated from my xH thanks, had he ever cheated on me we'd have been seperated that instant them too. Had he fallen out of love with me and in love with another woman, it would be lights out for him, I wouldn't waste my breath appeasing him and rug sweeping with some MC. It is gross cause imho a BS that takes back a WS thats in love with another woman is grossly broken and needs the validation of simply being somebodys wife over finding a good man for herself who will love and never cheat on her. They are out there, my xH was farrrrr from perfect, but faithful 100% of the time, never sneaky, if he ran out somewhere he would want me with him, not texting the OW re: where to meet while scuffling out the door like a sewer rodent. Link to post Share on other sites
RainDown Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I used to think like that before experiencing both sides of the coin. The OW gets a lot of hot air, basically hard **** and bubblegum. Sorry to be crass, but that's just how it is. When reality hits these men run so fast you can see their behinds smoking. A wife gets a lot of the chemistry and fun stuff too, not all the time because life tends to get in the way, but she does get that and all the other very important stuff like commitment and security and a concrete life together and not just when the MM can get away. Plus all the other usual societal bonuses that are afforded to a wife and thats not even including legal protections. Well, what is MM supposed to do? He can't very well say, "Look, I'm married and basically bored. You're hot and I want to have hot sex with you and spice my life up a bit. You make me feel excited and alive. But, I'm not leaving my wife for you, or anyone, and if she finds out about us you have to go under the bus. Sorry." Oh yeah, women would be all over that. MM HAVE to lie to get what they want from the OW and from the wife both. Neither OW or wife would tolerate the truth of the situation (usually). Honestly, married people who want something on the side don't have any choice but to lie, to all their partners (yes, MM/MW cheat on OW/OM as well as the BS in many cases). I think that one should tread very carefully around anyone who has proven themselves to have loyalty problems. You can have some hot fun with them, sure; but never forget what you're dealing with. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Yep. This is why I always pump dates for info about their exes. It gets him talking and tells me exactly how he's going to talk about/treat me when we break up or when he tires of me. Leopards and spots, ya know. Exactly! It really is an issue of character when a man does that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 You'd never stay with a WS, yet you're still married to a man who has put his hands on you (amongst other things & in front of WS who did nothing, mind you)... so what's the difference here? Why haven't you divorced this man and yet you would without a doubt leave a WS? I also like how you say gross, but you ARE in a relationship with a WS.... (You don't know for a fact whether he's romantic with his wife, doesn't matter if you've seen them together before, relationships change all the time.) I don't quite understand why that isn't gross, but staying with someone who cheated on you is. I'll be honest, I can't wrap my mind around that train of thought, either. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Yeah but you ladies are getting the best part. I don't like bossing my WH around. I actually don't do it, I end up doing everything myself that's the problem. That's why on DDay#4 I was like common it's time for you (WH) to let me go find someone to love me. He didn't like that so much. I'd say both get a raw deal. I think lots of OW pontificate about the romance and the chemistry and the sexy secret aspect of the A to try and convince themselves that what they're getting is quality. I don't know a single woman on this earth who wouldn't want to walk down the street and hold hands with the man they love. To integrate their lives, their friends, their families. To be out having a date night with him on a Friday night -- in public -- instead of sitting at home alone while he's with his BS, or settling for sex or some other inside-the-house activity. I think very few As allow the kind of real life, public, day-to-day relationship moments you crave when you love someone and want to world to see/know/feel it. That said, I obviously can't imagine a single woman on this earth who would want to deal with the man she loves and vowed to spend her life with engaging in that sort of relationship with someone else. I have never been married and have never been an OW, so I have no dog in this fight whatsoever... but from the outside, both positions look pretty sad to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 A WS has no committment, security or concrete anything in their tool belt, heck most of them dont even wear a tool belt, they cashed them in for a magic top hat with a cute little bunny inside Maybe they once did, that all flew out the window when they cheated on you! I would never, ever stay with a WS, gross. No matter how cowardly and pathetically he begged and pleaded, no matter what assets and history we shared, if I were a BS and my WS was telling another woman how much he loves her and only her for the last year, 2 years, 5 years. That would be it for me. Hell if I found out MM was in any way romantic with BS I'd say cya. And this again is where it pays to have experience and not just hearsay. In these scenarios 9/10 the BS has all that and sometimes more. It's not a matter of once did, it still is, and for however longer it wil last only the married parties know that, not the person outside looking in. I guess opinions vary on whats gross, knowingly settling for a man who asks you to sneak around because he doesn't want to lose what he's got is gross and insulting, not to mention gross because an OW has no way to know if he's sleeping with his wife unless shes installed a webcam in his house (and then theres always the car!) lol. Seriously though, EVERY woman says they would never deal with the life of a BS, but any woman who has dealt with being an OW has already settled for way LESS than any BS usually ever will. That's just the nuts and bolts of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 I'll be honest, I can't wrap my mind around that train of thought, either. Its a really simple track the trains on, my xH was lacking in what I expect of my H, so I left him, had he cheated on me, I would have left him too. I dont tolerate cheating or beating on me, no matter how pathetically they come scurrying back with some woe'st me story, how much they would want to "talk it out". I'm not a old washed up troll, I know I could find a good husband, nobody said MM and I will end up in M. With that being said, he hasn't betrayed my trust. Link to post Share on other sites
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