Demonizing the wife

[Ruffian1]

No you are right, I am sorry for the rant . . . I think I had too much coffee today

[Got it]

Oh, I KNOW this, and you KNOW this - but my parents didn't know it, and yours didn't either. For whatever reason, some people are MORE fearful of the one parent home than anything else. Read the statistics I posted, these are the sorts of things exMM would express concern about. He honestly believed that by staying, he was avoiding these things - that the repurcussions for his children would be LESS if they were raised in a "bad" two parent home vs a "good" one parent home. I disagree with it, and told him as much ( as I tell anyone who says that they are staying for the children), but like I said, I get it, I understand WHY people make these choices.

 

I understand that, then you look at this home and you start focusing on how to make it better. It is about quality not quantity. Those stats are frightening but you don't sit on your laurels and say, well I will stick around and just coast on through the years.

 

I agree, fathers are vitally important. Good, healthy, well adjusted fathers. Same with mothers. Get your sh%t together.

 

I have gotten off topic, and really been on a roll right now. I completely understand infidelity is awful, I do. But there are other things you can do that will impact your kids just as much. So with my father's rage and issues, coming out that years and years prior my mom had an affair is really just a blip on the radar. It didn't have this impact that is discussed here. None of us cared by that point, honestly. We didn't have this Cleaver image that was broken apart with the knowledge. We APPLAUDED a divorce. We assumed that they just enjoyed being miserable together and got something out of that. For it to finally happen was a relief. Because I promise you, if they had stayed the same, they would have seen far less of us as adults due to things. They are better, happier, nicer people having divorced.

[Got it]

The purpose of alimony is to avoid any UNFAIR economic consequences of a divorce, even after property is divided and child support awarded. Yeah, I am sure most husband say it is unfair the THEM.

That’s is why it is handled by the legal system.

For example, suppose two individuals who married in 1985 agree in 1995 to divorce. At the time of the divorce, the husband earns $63,000 a year, after seven years at a large company where the top pay for his specialty is $80,000. When the couple married, he was in graduate school and the wife was earning $22,000. The wife worked for three more years, supporting the husband while he completed his coursework and graduated.

When their first child was born, they agreed that the wife would care for the child at home. At the time of divorce, the wife had been working full-time for one year since the couple's children had entered school. She was earning $23,000 a year and would have custody.

A judge in this case would probably award child support and would divide marital property equally between the couple. But it might not seem fair to the judge to allow the husband to leave the marriage with the sole possession of the couple's most valuable asset—his earning potential—when the wife contributed to his education by supporting him.

Unlike the family's home or station wagon, the husband's earning power has not yet reached its full value. It seems especially unfair for the wife not to receive a share of it since after helping the husband attain his education she agreed to forfeit her earning power to invest time in the family. The several years she spent out of the workforce continue to handicap her earnings. Alimony is the only means available to the court to avoid a potentially unjust division of assets.

Alimony is not awarded as a punishment, especially in states that have adopted no-fault divorce laws—that is, laws providing that neither spouse has to prove wrongdoing on the part of the other.

Yeah and women are sued for alimony too, state laws specifying the gender of the paying spouse and of the receiving spouse have been ruled unconstitutional. I totally agree with that. Yup, there are men who use women for money too.

Each state legislature sets its own policy regarding whether and when alimony may be awarded. Then again it could be the luck of what judge you get and if he had a fight with his W that day.

The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act, which many states use as a model, recommends that courts consider the following factors: the financial condition of the person requesting alimony; the time the recipient would need for education or job training; the standard of living the couple had during the marriage; the length of the marriage; the age, physical condition, and emotional state of the person requesting alimony; and the ability of the other person to support the recipient and still support himself or herself. Alimony usually ends when the recipient remarries. Rightfully so I think. This is where you guy friend probably got the amount he pays calculated from.

Despite the modern alimony laws in the all 50 states, lawmakers in some jurisdictions continued to propose legislation that would abolish it. In 1999 several Iowa legislators proposed a bill to abolish alimony, arguing that alimony laws provide incentive to get divorced. The bill never passed.

Years ago, alimony was not adopted in the court to punish a husband; it had its roots in protecting the vulnerable spouse, the Wife. Could it be abused, most certainly, but I don’t believe the courts routinely abuse it. Not now days. Divorce is a business transaction in the legal system.

 

Did he have a long term marriage? Did his wife work the whole time? Obviously she did not remarry? At what age did they divorce? Did he remarry?

Yeah, that’s life,alright.

 

Absolutely. Alimony has its purpose and it is about evening the financial inequality. Just as there is abuse in alimony there is abuse in dead beat parents.

 

I would say with the person that comment you cited for your post, that person should really have their divorce agreement reevaluated. You can challenge it though there are some states that do allow lifetime alimony. Pays to know your state laws. Same goes for infidelity laws. Better not be in North Carolina and look for a little something something on the side. Gonna hit you harder.

 

I would say that women REALLY need to look at their financial well being prior to marriage. Men will make career decisions that are best for their career, move states, change work places, ask for raises, far more than women will. Women need to learn to be more outspoken and more . . . well selfish about their careers and plan to have one. It is a very vulnerable state to play to be a volunteer part time and not invest in your education or career. There are many positions that allow for flexible hours, remote work, etc. that can allow juggling the two. It sucks that one can't plan to be a stay at home, develop the home, the kids, and the family, but that has gone the way of the dodo bird. You do that and you are looking at a resume that shows Admin Assistant 20 years ago, some hit or miss work and trying to find someone to hire you or crash coursing college classes and raising a family before your alimony runs out. And this is only as good as your ex pays out which far too many women have dealt with men who didn't pay their alimony or child support, try and chase them around through the Courts to get it and still allow them visitation, etc. because otherwise is illegal.

[Got it]

Dang, that's pretty harsh.

 

More women than men are graduating from college these days.

According to the Census Bureau, 685,000 men and 916,000 women graduated from college in 2009 (the latest year for which statistics have been published). That means 25 percent fewer men received college degrees than women.

 

In every year since 1985, according to the Census Bureau, women have outnumbered men in graduating from college, with women dramatically expanding their advantage over men in receiving college diplomas to the 25 percent advantage they achieved in 2009. , President Obama said Title IX helped America ensure what he called “equal education.”

 

I am sure there are women who act like that . . then they immedaitely become the dopey, ignorant and pregnant and barefoot housewife with no options . . .but not as many as in the past. They can't, they have a degree, lol.

 

First he was being facetious. Two, graduating college and having a career are two separate things. One can have an undergrad degree and still be dopey, ignorant and pregnant.

 

Women tend to get degrees in the soft sciences, English, Art, History, etc that do not equate as well with jobs. Men show to have a higher number o degrees in Math, Sciences, etc. There has been a push with the younger generations to close the gap.

 

My father taught me that in undergrad school, if you are going to grad school you major in what you like, if you aren't you major in what will make money.

[Ruffian1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GorillaTheater On topic: demonizing the wife is wrong. If you're doing it, knock it off. Thanks.

 

 

Bump -

[William]

I'll check with our other moderator and see whether this thread which has gone off-topic and, upon my quick review, has postings which violate our civility and respect guidelines, gets a review and reinstatement or is permanently closed. Thanks for your participation.