You'd think this would be over by now, wouldn't you?

[ConfusedOne4]

So, same person (see previous threads).

 

I don't get this guy. He says he wants nothing to do with me, yet he makes multiple indirect comments on facebook to our mutual friends, knowing I'll see them, since they'd be made on threads I commented on and will get a notification.

 

There is a friend of his I wanted to be friends with because they live by me. He didn't like that (yeah, I can get why, a little).

 

So, I change my relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship" then a few hours later I get a long message from him insulting me and saying how the people are his friends not mine and how I need to back off. So we had it out and were yelling at each other over the span of maybe 4 hours.

 

I know I should stop responding, so I am feeding his stupidity. But, I don't get this guy.

 

He wants me out of his life, yet he refuses to give me my dues back for a club that he is on e-board for and he is forcing me out of it. The dues aren't a lot, but it's the principle of the matter.

 

He is also refusing to answer my question that I want answered, so I get closure. Instead he just insults me more. And he makes up the dumbest defenses for what he is doing and people who are involving themselves and intentionally putting themselves in the middle believe him and are taking his side (I'm going to avoid trusting those people now).

 

 

Any input?

[coolheadal]

A little more history details of you two and what brought you do this point?

[ConfusedOne4]

We were good friends. We had all our classes together (in law school). We pretty much went everywhere together and studied together.

 

I ended up having feelings for him. We discussed it and agreed to be friends. We had a couple of arguments over it because he pretty much wanted me to get over it, literally overnight (which obviously can't happen). He was the first guy I've liked in 3 years, since the previous person I was interested did something bad (not rape bad, but enough that I wouldn't elaborate). So, this guy is the first one I actually liked liked and first guy I've trusted. He knew all of that.

 

Summer of our 1L year ends and everything is great. We weren't arguing over stupid crap anymore and I felt good about where we were. I still had feelings for him, but I was okay about where we were and I was pretty much ready to try and start talking to other guys.

 

September of 2012 -- I'm talking to a guy. He comes out of no where and tries to break up the conversation. I shove him out of (verbally). He is annoyed on the car ride home, but I'm confused about what happened and wanted to discuss it with my friends, before I confront him.

-- I end up not confronting him right away. Me and him had a conversation about my friend who was mad that a guy that liked her (but she didn't like) was moving on. He pretty much said she wanted the guy as back up and that's why she is annoyed.

--- That makes me think about the event in September, but I still say nothing.

 

December (after finals). I text him about us needing to talk. I tell him I know he doesn't want me as a back-up. And I know we're just friends, but I want to know what happened. He claimed that I "swooped in" and stopped another girl from talking to the guy I was talking to.

-- The only other girls talking to the guy all had boyfriends. And I went to the bathroom and came back, but the only girl talking to the guy was a girl who had a boyfriend. This makes me think he made up the whole story.

-- So we argued about that and we didn't talk for a few days.

-- In the interim, I joked with one of his friends, who I've met a few times, asking if he knew anyone cute and brown (desi/indian) and I end up taking it back, since his response seemed like he was confused.

 

January 2013 -- We're back in school. He walks by me and doesn't talk to me. I text him that night and we have it out. He yells at me and calls me desperate for asking his friend that question. And he says he just doesn't want to be around me.

 

I don't see what I did wrong with asking him what his deal was. I've always been honest with him about things that have been going on and when we have issues we talk/argue it out and we always make up and get closer than we were before.

 

I got frustrated around March and cursed him out really badly (so I get him being mad about that). I was no hold back and just let everything I've ever wanted to say to him out, since he hated expressing his feelings and hated when I was honest with him (I eventually was selectively honest with him).

 

NOW,

It's October 2013. He is still pissed at me. His friends started being nice to me, so I thought I was cool with them at least, while all he did was stare at me (according to my friend who came with me for company). He denies it, when someone we both know called him out on it.

 

 

 

It's so much drama, it's pathetic. I gave up and saving the friendship. I just wanted closure all this time. His disgusting messages last night I'm going to take as my closure.

 

BUT, I would just like some input on trying to figure this out. I don't want to make the same mistakes with other guys (if it was really things I'm doing wrong, which he claims), OR if it's just him, I'd like to know that.

-- I'm not sure about anything anymore.

[Tayla]

As my granddaddy would say...Chil'd sometimes by not striking the match , you save yourself from getting burnt.

 

Is it possible that you can maintain restraint and regroup your actions into more positive causes? As was convey, the actions up to this point have resulted in negative reprecussions....so learn from what didn't work ...

[ConfusedOne4]

I get that. And I get that my constant reactions just made things worse. And, I have a lot going on now (with school work), so I'm going to focus all my energy on that and graduating, to avoid reacting to him and just being selfish and focusing on me.

 

------

 

But, from what I wrote, do any of you see that I did anything wrong, pre- the arguing back and forth.

 

I want to not make this mistake with anyone else I like in the future, so I want to know what I did wrong, if anything.

 

 

All my friends that know me know that I grew up in a bubble, so as a 25 year old, I don't know everything that I should know as a 25 year old. And, I didn't experience the same things as normal 25 year olds have experienced.

 

So, from this post, and what you can see in the previous posts about this guy, I'm really looking to see besides my stupidity with reacting and telling him how I felt about him, when I shouldn't have....is there anything that I did wrong that you can point out, so I'm conscious of it when the next guy comes around?

 

I know for sure, I wouldn't tell any guy how I feel anymore, and just let them come to me and say it first. But, is there anything else I should not do. (Yes, I know, no more fighting back and forth, just let it die when it dies -- Besides this)

[whichwayisup]

OMG, delete and block him already!

 

This guy is purposely being a d!ckhead and he doesn't give a crap that this is bothering you. He is a total jerk!

 

Stop thinking so much and let it go. Cut him out of your life and ask your mutual friends to please respect your wishes and not to talk about him to you, on or offline.

[ConfusedOne4]

I can tell he is being a jerk on purpose. I'm taking this last attack from him as my closure. I've blocked him from being able to text or call me (I hope I did it correctly). He has been deleted off my facebook, since around March. I can't block him because of club posts, but I'll definitely block him after graduation, since there wouldn't be need to see anything after that.

 

But, I'd like some input on what I'm doing wrong. I know for future reference, don't react to this crap and just cut those people out when they act like that.

 

Were any of my actions at the beginning wrong? I know I should've never told him how I felt, and I don't plan on ever telling a guy how I feel again, unless he makes the first move.

 

Is there anything else?

I want to know to better myself. I feel like my friends are sugarcoating a little, so they wouldn't tell me much. They've been a great support with the way he has been treating me and they've been helping me with the moving on process.

[love1336x]

Why not block him on facebook?

Silent will always hurt more than communicating.

[Ronni_W]

But, I'd like some input on what I'm doing wrong. ... Were any of my actions at the beginning wrong? ...

I want to know to better myself.

I think this guy/relationship is not a good one from which to try to figure out life-long relationship lessons...not about what is beneficial/appropriate to do or to NOT do. Basically, don't try to learn good/positive stuff from negative situations or emotionally selfish and/or lazy people.

 

For relationships, and life in general, figure out what YOU value and want from your relationships and who YOU want to be and what you want to give in your relationships...and then be true to you and don't settle for anything less than what you value and deserve from your partner and friends.

 

Qualities like: self-respect, kindness, honesty, understanding, acceptance, willingness to acknowledge mistakes and make proper apology/amends, ability and courage to have difficult conversations, to express own likes and dislikes, ability and willingness to forgive...after due apologies and amends.

[ConfusedOne4]

Qualities like: self-respect, kindness, honesty, understanding, acceptance, willingness to acknowledge mistakes and make proper apology/amends, ability and courage to have difficult conversations, to express own likes and dislikes, ability and willingness to forgive...after due apologies and amends.

 

^^

I've actually tried all of those things with him. I've apologized even when I was right just to save our friendship. I've always let him say I'm wrong every time and let him win pretty much every argument.

[Ronni_W]

^^

I've actually tried all of those things with him. I've apologized even when I was right just to save our friendship. I've always let him say I'm wrong every time and let him win pretty much every argument.

Giving in or merely catering to others' unreasonable or selfish demands/requirements is NOT what I was talking about

 

And I also wasn't making reference to this over-and-done-with relationship. Just generally offering things for you to consider for your future relationships...which I thought you were looking for suggestions for areas for your own growth/improvement for the future. (Not that you necessarily need to improve anything, just I thought that was your question.)

[ConfusedOne4]

Ronnie_W,

 

That is definitely what I wanted. I was just saying I've always tried doing all those things.

 

I know for sure I will lean to give up on things that aren't worth fighting for. These last 10 months weren't worth all this pain. The entire friendship wasn't even worth much, since I always had to give into what he wanted. He never met me half way with anything.

 

AND GOOD NEWS EVERYONE...

I finally blocked him on facebook and I blocked him from texting or calling me. I foresee him blocking me on G-Mail, once he finds out that I did that, but aww well. (He already unfollowed me on Twitter & deleted me from Linkedin, after I took him off Facebook for complaining about all my quote posts being about him...lol)

I also blocked all his friends who don't go to school with us, I blocked his siblings (brother & sister) and cousin (one of them), and I limited all the other people who were always on his side, when he was doing so many worse things to me than I ever did to him. This is all on Facebook.

 

I want to be so done with this crap.... :-/

[spiderowl]

Just totally ignore the guy. Whatever his motives for his behaviour, he can always accuse you of starting it if you are engaging with him in some way. If you are totally ignoring him - not sending him messages or making sure he can see yours - and instead make a new set of friends (if possible), he won't have any excuse for his behaviour.

 

As long as you are responding to his behaviour (and he is responding to yours) you can both blame each other. If you really do want this resolved, forget the guy and move on.

Edited October 8, 2013 by spiderowl

[mea_M]

Honestly delete this guy from your life and thoughts. Time to re focus and channel your energy in another direction. Be firm and stay strong.

 

Mea:)

[coolheadal]

Thanks for that history background. Yes time to think of THE NOW! Enough is enough and your new intent to move on. Don't have any further contact with guy as your already blocked him out of FB also do it on your cell phone, email everything you had shared together. Start out fresh now.. I wish you the best!

[ConfusedOne4]

Thanks for the input everyone.

 

He is officially blocked from:

(1) contacting me on facebook

(2) via gchat

(3) via text

(4) via calls

 

I also blocked his brother, sister, one of his cousins, his club friends (except the people who know nothing about this and have still been nice to me, I kept those people, including one guy I've known since college).

 

I tried ending the contact with 2 of his friends amicably.

-- The guy was nice and just explained how he felt. I apologized for how he felt. And wished him well. And we ended there.

-- The girl decided to insist on how I was wrong and how I was doing the same thing to her by e-mail. I simply replied to her when she messaged me. I did do one out of emotion because the jerk decided to start attacking me via fb (which is the one I'm using for closure), but I'm sure she wouldn't hear it. I even apologized when she reacted to the e-mail (after I cooled down the following day).

---- I doubt she wants to end amicably and she wants to continue believe his half told story, which is fine. I just told her pretty much, you don't know the whole story, and I'm not going to tell you the rest. He is your friend, so you must side with him. End of that. I called out the other people for being unprofessional, since they refused to respond and told her I would like to thank you for being as professional as possible with this good luck with everything again and goodbye......Hopefully she doesn't respond. I feel like she wants to get in the last word, like the jerk did.

 

 

I've also limited all his close friends from our school on Facebook. If I delete them, then that will cause me more drama in my life because those people love to find something to complain about.

 

 

 

I also ended up having a text fight with this girl I go to school with because I find out she was telling him EVERYTHING I SAID!! And when I was like what then tell me what he told you. She was like "well now if I tell you, then it would be the same thing I did to you and I can't do that..." -_____- She even had the audacity to say she would treat me the same way he did, if she was called out for what he did. she also said how I was acting like I was entitled for her to go tell the jerk to give me my dues back (they were making it uncomfortable, so I was like give me my dues back and I will stop going. They were giving me the run around on getting my dues back. It wasn't a lot of money, but it was the principle).

 

^^^^

Is it just me, or is that a disgusting mindset????

I straight up told him when I called him out for cockblocking I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE ME AND I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT ME AS A BACK UP!!! But, seriously, what happened that night?