He SWORE he wouldnt say anything, and then he did!

[sweetpea01]

I'm sort of pissed off at my bf right now, and I want to know if I am overreacting. Here's what happened. A couple months ago, I was out with his best friend (Jon) a couple girls, and this guy (Mike). Jon, Mike, and my bf are all friends and snowboarding buddies. My bf was out of town that weekend. On that night, Mike and I are sitting and are talking about relationships, etc, and he asks me about my bf, to which I reply, yes, we're still together. He's like, oh wow, its been a long time. Cool. A few minutes later in mid sentence he leans in to kiss me. I was like, woah...and I leaned back, and without making it too awkward, just sorta brushed off the whole thing. It was weird, but oh well, I didnt want to make it a huge deal. Afterall, I said no, and that's that. A couple weeks later, during a fight with my bf I said something like, don't ever doubt me, I'm so faithful, I wouldnt ever be tempted...and I told him how his friend almost kissed me and that I didnt consider it. Okay...BIG mistake. Girls, your bf's will hate this!!! I made him swear to me he wouldnt go and try to avenge me or anything, and that it was just something that happened, and to please not make a big deal. I wasn't defending Mike, but I didn't want to create a huge mess. He gives me his word it will stay between us. And he's been my bf for 2 yrs, so of course his word means a lot to me. Last nite I find out that he went and told his friends, who told Mike, who claims it never happened. And his friends asked my bf if I was sure, and that maybe we were just dancing close and I misinterpreted it. So, I felt like a complete idiot...like I went off and made some huge deal over it, and made my bf go and fight off the guy, which SO wasnt the case. He tells me that it became his business, but I told him that when he gives me his word, he needs to stick to it. I said, if I vent to you, I'm just asking you to listen, not to try to fix everything! So I'm totally annoyed that he disregarded his promise to me, and he tells me I am waaay overreacting. What do you think?

 

SweetPea

[The_Analyzer]

He broke his word, but if its something you feel you can handle then stay if its a big deal that he broke it then move on. Next time don't make him promise anything. Its kinda like a child, if you tell them no don't do it chances are, they will.

 

 

_______________________

 

"Don't argue with me, you wont win"

[Cecelius]

Personally I think you ought to have spoken to your b/f about it at the time that it happened. There is a conspiratorial air when something like that goes down and he doesn't hear about it (and his "friend" wasn't going to say anything about it).

 

As to not making a big thing out of it, this is a pal of his. I think your b/f's mistake was in promising not to do anything about it -- when your friend makes a move on your girl, your friend needs some correcting.

[GirlDown]

well, there's definitely points for honesty coming to you. it might have been a bigger mess if you hadn't told your boyfriend first and then it got back to him from someone else.

 

 

however, i would certainly imagine it would be difficult to hide how i felt if one of my friends had kissed my boyfriend. even if i said i wouldn't say anything, it would come out anyway because i would no longer be friends with that person, and she would eventually figure out why. either way, your boyfriend's friend should have known better.

 

i know you're upset with him right now for betraying your trust, but his friend did him an even bigger betrayal by what he did. magnify your anger at your boyfriend by at least 10, and you've got your boyfriend's anger toward his friend.

 

if it were me, i think i would say to you " i understand your point of not wanting to make a huge mess, but you didn't make the mess, my friend did. how can you expect me NOT to say something?!"

 

love is complicated; anger is nearly impossible to hide.

 

i hope everything works out. and remember that if anyone gets mad at you, you are not the one who did anything wrong. you wouldn't have had anything to tell your boyfriend if this hadn't happened in the first place. good luck.

[Proto]

I'm sorry, but if one of my friends tried to make a move on my girlfriend, my girlfriend would tell me about it immediately and would want me to make sure that I get the situation taken care of...NOT make me promise not to make "a big deal" out of it! What the hell??

 

Telling him what happened was good. Not letting him be a grown-ass man and handle the situation accordingly was not, PERIOD. After you told him what happened the issue goes to your boyfriend and his friend, you're done with it.

 

 

You should've just let him be a man and solve the situation, regardless of how he would solve it. But I do give you props for mentioning it to him and being honest.

[sweetpea01]

I told my bf not to make a big deal, but it was with the best of intentions. I just personally thought Mike was a piece of s**t after that, and I didnt want my bf wasting even a second of his time thinking about that guy. I just didnt want them to end up fighting. I wasnt trying to not let him be a man or anything...but he doesnt have to fight another guy to prove to me he loves me. So to me, confronting all of it wasn't necessary. I can see how a guy might think it's the necessary step. But, in my head, I made a mental note that his friend is sketchy, adn to keep my distance, and I told my bf, and I thought that that was enough. I didn' t think anyone needed to be confronted. A difference of opinion I guess.

 

 

SweetPea

[Devildog]

Psychologically, a man has to confront someone that has made an attempt to interfere with his relationship. If he doesn't it gives other guys a signal that he isn't going to defend his girlfriend, wife, etc. It makes him look like a sissy that can't even stick up for his SO and he loses a lot of credibility and respect. And other guys will have less concern or fear of trying the same thing.

 

He needed to do it and you should not hold it against him. Whether women think it is right or just testosterone overload is irrelevant. That is just how it works in the world of men.

[GirlDown]

i don't know that it's just a male issue...

 

myself and most other women i know would confront some tramp in friend's clothing trying to shmooze our boyfriends.

[sweetpea01]

Hi guys,

Thanks for the input. It's amazing, I was thinking about it so differently...I really did think it was just testosterone overload. But true, I'd kick some a** if anyone came near my bf, and would probably be pissed off at him if he didn't tell me, and then let me hang out with her not knowing all along what she tried. I guess my issue was more with the idea of him not keeping his promise to me, but I see now that in this situation I guess that was a lot to ask...and definitely a forgivable reason to break a promise.

 

Thanks again guys!

 

Sweetpea

[Bibanul]

hun, you have to read men are from mars, women are from venus! there is a great section about how a man assumes you want him to FIX things when you open up to him where as women just want to be LISTENED to and understood. It gives you a few pointers on how to deal with the controversial issue and avoid arduments and fights due to misunderstandings.

[Spectre]

If my gf tells me some guy kissed her, and to NOT make a big deal out of it? it tells me shes hiding something or trying to protect the kid, which would just make me wanna beat his ass even more

 

You have no right to be mad, why? you didnt even tell him about it right away..then when you do you try to parent him into not making a big deal over it...why? why would it effect you in any way? you said it yourself his friends a piece of sh*t, and if he's kissing his friends girl, then he IS, why would you care if he gets his ass beat or if they stop being friends? he shouldnt be friends with those type of people anyways

[magda]

Telling him about it to prove something in the middle of a fight, is not the same as "venting".

 

I think it's perfectly understandable that he would get mad that his friend tried to make a move on you. I think you should try to understand from his perspective. As awkward as it's going to be now for you to face Mike in the future, it would've been 100 times worse for your boyfriend to face this guy Mike without saying anything.

 

Just one of those things..

[danny_m]

I'de beat the guys ass, how disrespectfull to try and kiss your friends girl, he probably wanted more than kissing as well. what a scum bag, thats the worst kind iof disrespect.

 

I commend you for being the type of chick to not feel pressured or not know how to say no, good for you for not letting his lips touch yours. All girls should be like you.