On a break with gf, GIGS? Thoughts?

[xUnknown]

This is my first post here and would love the input.

 

So I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years. I had asked for "a break" 2 months into our relationship because there was another girl that I've known my entire life who told me she loved me. My feelings of love came back and I was honest with my gf that I needed a break. I thought (and still feel) like breaks are BullSht and an easy way for you to break up with a person.

 

We had made plans to skype on a Sunday. We skyped, but her interest in conversation was lacking significantly. I knew Friday she had gone out with this guy she has started running with at work and a few others - how ever she did mention some bailed and "they" just got some drinks. I'm a pretty attractive guy (not to sound cocky), but that caught my attention and I asked her about it. She told me "I have nothing to worry about"...I brought up that I would like to talk more because I know we need to do that more (in a 3.5 hr LDR). I hate talking on phones but I said I will because we need to work on this. She said "yeah I'd like that"...no emotion, just kind of said it. She ordered 2 puzzles for us to do the following weekend when she drove up to visit.

 

Monday, things seemed off...my texts weren't responded to quickly - hours between when I would hear back. She asked about my day, told her I was happy because I was just given new responsibilities at work. Didn't even acknowledge what I had said. Tuesday, she said she wasn't feeling well, and hasn't been since lunch on Sunday. My thoughts were maybe this was the reason why shes been "off". I sent her flowers to her work on Wednesday with a nice message like, "hey beautiful, hope you're feeling better, looking forward to the weekend". Response: "Got the flowers. Thank you. They're real pretty"....that was it. Called her after work again, asking about the guy she was running with. She said he is just a friend and knows about me...he knows his boundaries. But, she mentioned that he told her he had a crush on her. Which I was not happy about at all that she was going to continue because guys don't care if you're in a relationship, they just want pu**y. She insisted if he tries to be anything more, she would end it. We've been together for 2 years and has never given me a reason to think she would cheat or lie about something like this. Thursday, things still seemed off...few texts here or there, no goodnight texts.

 

Friday, she came up to see me. I had all these plans for a romantic dinner, massage (cause I know she was stressed from just moving and her new job), and a picnic on Saturday - we never do things like that. I suggested a simple Soup and watch a movie because she was sick. We did. After the movie I asked her about what was going on....I prepared myself for the worst. I talked I'd say 70% of the conversation, about how we are a couple and need to work on our communication problems and work through it....I paused for her to agree, nothing...then I said "unless you feel like you need a break". She agreed thats what she needed. There was a lot going on with her moving to a new area, not having any friends, stress from work, and she felt that she had 2 lives, one with me where I (&our families live), and one where she just moved to. She said "I love you and I always will, I'm just not sure if I'm in love with you". We started our relationship by hooking up then fell into like & then love.

 

This all came out of left field. I knew we had problems with communicating but she didn't even give it a chance. I told her I think breaks are a bunch of ****, and she disagreed. She thought it is good to get some time and space to oneself. The next morning (she slept over b/c it was real late and wasn't going to send her on her way when she was sick), I asked her about if she wanted to take her Shower products with her that I just bought her with her, because I don't and won't use it. She insisted on keeping them there. She said we can do all the plans I had next time she comes up. I asked about my apartment key (I gave her 1 of 2 thinking the one worked for both), she said "I'll hold onto it and if she comes up when I'm at work to just keep the other unlocked.

 

I asked her about the pic of the flowers, knowing that was again a red flag b/c she would have posted it to FB, I even asked her to send me one....she said she didn't, when I called her out on it, she responded "so you were testing me" I said "yep" and she said she'll send one when she gets home. On the drive, she thanked me for a DVD I just bought her saying it was very sweet and unexpected. Then sent a pic of the flowers. The next morning sent a pic of her cat with pollin from the flowers on it (flowers clearly visible on her table in the middle of her apt) saying "next time maybe don't get lillies, hah, hope everything is going well with work" - I was working over the weekend. I responded something like, I'll keep that in mind, and thanks. (this is sunday)

 

She texted my mom tuesday saying she was "thinking about me a lot and missed me and hopes I understand why she needs this right now". Wed morning she texted me. 3 texts back and forth, nothign special...I then said something like good to hear from you, she responded "You can still text me if you need anything. If youre having a crappy day or anything. I'm not trying to throw this back in your face, but I know how your are feeling and I know it sucks. I'm always here for you." I just said, I know you are there for me and I'm here for you too. I had to call her the next day about the package that got returned to sender, it was an awkward goodbye on the phone - waiting to see who was going to say what next or if they were gonna say i love you or not. I texted her an hour and half later saying "I apologize for not saying I love you, I know you asked for your space and didn't want to complicate things, but know I should have said it. I love you and talk to you soon"--something like that.

 

Were back on NC. I feel like this is the only thing I can do to put the power back in my hands. She didn't specify how long this break was for. I asked her about marriage that night and she said "if we can work past our communication issues, absolutely". I agreed.

 

I don't know what to think of all this. She has to realize what she is missing. If she texts me or calls me, she's still dragging me a long, thus, making it easier for her to break up with me for good...not just "a break" or "time to herself". I asked and she made it clear, I just need space and time to think about things, I'm not breaking up, telling a lot of people or changing my FB relationship status because "I feel not a lot of people need to know" (her words).

 

Sex has been lacking for a few months now...I brought it up before, she said it isn't me and i mentioned how hurt I feel when she turns me down. I said it was the birth control, she agreed...I then brought it up after we talked and she said well yeah(in reference to why she needed a break and not "in" love with me) and I'm sure the BC had something to do with it.

 

Please let me know your thoughts, thank you for your time.

 

 

TL;DR:

 

GF of 2 years asked for "a break" and time to think. She just moved to new area, new job, no friends. "nerdy" running partner could be adding to things (shes kinda a nerd too in her field and almost positive her description is accurate). Says I love you and will love you till death, but don't know if Im in love. Texted mom after 2.5 days of NC. Texted me the 3rd day.

 

It has since been 8 days since we had "the talk".

Edited October 5, 2013 by xUnknown

[Fashiongal]

Ok so it doesn't sound like you have treated her that great by breaking up with her and getting involved with someone else. Obviously things didn't work out and you went back to her. You took her for granted and showed her that she will always be second best. That has to always linger in her mind and hurt her... There may or may not be anything going on with her running buddy but I think she is experiencing what it is like spending time with another guy, how he treats her, and life without you. She is going through a lot of changes. She seems to care a lot about you and really seems like a great girl at heart but it does seem like she is falling out of love. What triggered the lack of communication all of a sudden?

[xUnknown]

Ok so it doesn't sound like you have treated her that great by breaking up with her and getting involved with someone else. Obviously things didn't work out and you went back to her. You took her for granted and showed her that she will always be second best. That has to always linger in her mind and hurt her... There may or may not be anything going on with her running buddy but I think she is experiencing what it is like spending time with another guy, how he treats her, and life without you. She is going through a lot of changes. She seems to care a lot about you and really seems like a great girl at heart but it does seem like she is falling out of love. What triggered the lack of communication all of a sudden?

 

This was after we were just casually dating (were talking about 1yr 9m ago). I told her I had to think about things. I realized what I was missing by not being with her and we got back together. Since then things have been perfect, obviously up until now. We both agreed that we were the best thing that has happened to eachother, and believe me, we both meant it.

 

I have a feeling that it does have to do with her running buddy. I noticed today for the first time today he posted on her wall on FB then she replied fairly quickly (according to time stamps). I think she is getting this new attention from someone different and loves it. She is very self conscious about her weight and I've done everything I can do to help motivate her. I go to the gym daily and ask her to come along. When I asked her she said not it doesnt bug her, and motivates her to go....but she still never does. I think for the past 2 year, I've been the one giving her the attention she wanted/needed...now someone else is giving it to her and she doesnt know how to handle it. She his told me that there were no other guys, but I feel like this was a lie. I asked her if she told the guy she runs with about how she is feeling and she said yes, because she wanted a 3rd party opinion. But, this makes no sense...he told her what she wanted to hear because he had a crush on her. If she can't understand that she she truly is nieve.

 

I feel like after we got out of the honeymoon stage (which lasted about a year), things have been off. She is very passive aggressive towards me (she admitted it). She says we've become "complacent" and like a married couple. I agree...I know love changes after the sparks go away and thats what happened here. She says she was always tired and never felt like doing anything like going out to a bar and get drinks with friends...so we would just stay in for the night.

 

I always treated her right. I've only yelled (raised my voice) at her twice ever, so its not like I'm a very angry person or anything like that. Everyone I've talked to said we're perfect for each other and made a great couple.

[xUnknown]

Do you guys suggest that I call first, or wait it out..give her 2 weeks (this coming Friday or maybe on a Sunday), or 3 weeks? I'm in new territory here people. My thought is the sooner I end it the sooner she can realize what shes missing out on. After 2 happy years, I know she will. Our anniv is supposed to be the 28th of this month.