Give her some slack Tony...

[MegaB]

Honestly, what she did wasn't nice and I think she did make a mistake. I really doubt she cheated...but perhaps she was attempted to. Sometimes when you are in a relationship, the other side of the grass seems greener and you want to feel the "attraction" from the opposite sex again. Isn't that why so many men cheat on women too? To feel the attraction again? I think your girlfriend fell into that trap when she met the brother of her friend. Perhaps the attraction was strong, and she wanted to "feel" being a sexually attractive woman again. This doesn't mean that she doesn't feel sexually attractive around you, but it's more on the line of "sexual tension" by the opposite sex that is lacking in comfortable relationships that she wanted to reexperience. This, of course, is a very hurtful thing for you to know. Perhaps the temptation for that stimulation was strong enough and she wanted to pursue it. She perhaps thought that she could pull it off without you knowing about it. However, once she realized that you found out about her lies, she snapped out of her "fantasy" affair and came back to reality. What was she throwing away for the "fantasy"? She was losing a great loving relationship and 10 months of her life. She wasn't going to throw it away and that's why she came back and told you that she loves YOU. She realized her mistake. She wasn't going to admit the attraction to this guy because it would hurt you. You have to understand this. I know it is difficult to trust people after you found out they lied to you, but if you try to understand that we are all vulnerable humans who make mistakes...hopefully you will be able to forgive her lies. I really doubt that she had an affair with this guy because if she did...she wouldn't have come over to your place the next day immediately. But she did...and that shows a lot about what was going through her mind. Hopefully you will be able to forgive her weakness and let it go. Try to give her another chance. I mean, if you love her, why not give it another try? If she does this again, then you can completely forget about it, but if this is her first mistake, then...try to forgive her. I mean, isn't that what you really want to do? And isn't that what love is all about?

 

Anyway, good luck!

[sore_eyes]

Responses would be a lot easier to read if people used the things they were taught in grade school: paragraphs. It's bloody tough on the old eyeballs to have to wade through a 234 line blurb. Duh.

Honestly, what she did wasn't nice and I think she did make a mistake. I really doubt she cheated...but perhaps she was attempted to. Sometimes when you are in a relationship, the other side of the grass seems greener and you want to feel the "attraction" from the opposite sex again. Isn't that why so many men cheat on women too? To feel the attraction again? I think your girlfriend fell into that trap when she met the brother of her friend. Perhaps the attraction was strong, and she wanted to "feel" being a sexually attractive woman again. This doesn't mean that she doesn't feel sexually attractive around you, but it's more on the line of "sexual tension" by the opposite sex that is lacking in comfortable relationships that she wanted to reexperience. This, of course, is a very hurtful thing for you to know. Perhaps the temptation for that stimulation was strong enough and she wanted to pursue it. She perhaps thought that she could pull it off without you knowing about it. However, once she realized that you found out about her lies, she snapped out of her "fantasy" affair and came back to reality. What was she throwing away for the "fantasy"? She was losing a great loving relationship and 10 months of her life. She wasn't going to throw it away and that's why she came back and told you that she loves YOU. She realized her mistake. She wasn't going to admit the attraction to this guy because it would hurt you. You have to understand this. I know it is difficult to trust people after you found out they lied to you, but if you try to understand that we are all vulnerable humans who make mistakes...hopefully you will be able to forgive her lies. I really doubt that she had an affair with this guy because if she did...she wouldn't have come over to your place the next day immediately. But she did...and that shows a lot about what was going through her mind. Hopefully you will be able to forgive her weakness and let it go. Try to give her another chance. I mean, if you love her, why not give it another try? If she does this again, then you can completely forget about it, but if this is her first mistake, then...try to forgive her. I mean, isn't that what you really want to do? And isn't that what love is all about? Anyway, good luck!

[Ace]

I agree with MegaB. You have no proof that she really did cheat on you. I know that I would be really sad over the situation, but I probably would have done the same thing. However, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. When you are in love and I think that she is with you too, she deserves a second chance. Just talk about it and she if she says anything more about the other guy. If you ask her about it and she says nothing went on then I would believe her.

 

ADAM

[beebuzzer]

True, he has no actual proof that she cheated. Yup. He didn't catch her boinking the friend's brother but jesus, all signs point to it. She's been lying through her teeth on numerous occasions, making up bulls*** excuses for having to stay over at this couple's place. and I mean really bulls*** ones. She was seen dirty dancing with this other guy, she lied and told her boyfriend that it was a "girls night out" but that wasn't true coz other men went. She lied about having to stay there coz the one friend was sad. She's a lying cow. If she lied about these things, what else did she lie about? Come on people. Don't be so naive. And Ace, you suggested that the boyfriend just ask her if anything happened and if she said "nothing" that he should just believe her. WHAT? That's got to be the most idiotic thing I've heard in weeks. She's lied through her teeth about many things but suddenly he can trust her to tell the truth?

 

Think about it. Of all the people out there who cheat and deny it when questioned. Wake up people.

 

I agree with MegaB. You have no proof that she really did cheat on you. I know that I would be really sad over the situation, but I probably would have done the same thing. However, I believe that everyone deserves a second chance. When you are in love and I think that she is with you too, she deserves a second chance. Just talk about it and she if she says anything more about the other guy. If you ask her about it and she says nothing went on then I would believe her. ADAM

[Laurynn]

Yeah the writing on the wall says she most likely cheated, but he doesn't know for sure and who knows if he'll ever know for sure. IMO, that doesn't matter. The point is, she told huge lies that caused him to lose trust for her, she disrespected him enormously. She hurt him a lot. She wasn't behaving like someone who loves and cares about their partner. Whether she cheated or not, the point is she lied consistently.

 

As cliche as this will sound, there are many more fish in the sea. Why waste your time with someone who doesn't respect you and lies? We all deserve better than that.

 

Laurynn

[Nic]

i agree - simply lying is bad enough. it shows a complete lack of disrespect for the other persons feelings.

 

if you're in a loving relationship, there should be no reason to lie about where you went the night before and who with etc.

 

i have a close friend who is in a relationship with a guy who lies all the time - from stupid petty things to where he was and he who he was with. he has been lying to her about a lot of things for over 1.5 yrs now. it's so terribly frustrating to watch her freak out over his whereabouts, check up on him all the time, question everything he says to her etc. the lack of trust she has for him and the continual lies has damaged her self-esteem and she is still with him. he has cheated on her and she is still with him. i want to strangle her and tell her to wake up because she is still with him. not a week goes by where she doesn't work herself up over their relationship. but no matter what anyone says to her (and about 10 of us all say the same thing), she sticks around for those short-lived high moments with him (about 30% of the time), while putting up with around 70% stress, anxiety, distrust etc. the longer she has stayed with him, the worse she has felt about herself, and the more he thinks he can get away with it - because she is letting him.

 

lies can be very damaging. sometimes love is not enough. sometimes love is not the best reason to stay with someone. sure, everyone lies occassionally, but when it's to the extent of really hurting someones feelings out of selfishness, that's when you should step back and take a look at what is more important - the love you have for this person who lies, or the love you have for yourself.

Yeah the writing on the wall says she most likely cheated, but he doesn't know for sure and who knows if he'll ever know for sure. IMO, that doesn't matter. The point is, she told huge lies that caused him to lose trust for her, she disrespected him enormously. She hurt him a lot. She wasn't behaving like someone who loves and cares about their partner. Whether she cheated or not, the point is she lied consistently. As cliche as this will sound, there are many more fish in the sea. Why waste your time with someone who doesn't respect you and lies? We all deserve better than that. Laurynn

[Ace]

I know that she lied and that wasn't very cool at all. BUT, if it were me and the position that I would be in, I WOULD try to talk to her and see how she acts. It is true that she lied through her teeth, but I would just talk to her and she how things go. I mean if she did something wrong and if she was a decent person she would tell you the truth, but I guess you never know anymore.

 

She was also very drunk at the time and people do stupid things that they would never have done otherwise. All I am saying is that I would have broke it up if I was him too, but I would have been willing to talk about it afterwards. I am not saying getting back together, but just talking about it.

 

Just my 2 cents.

 

Adam