I told him.....counseling or else

[memomma]

I gave my husband an ultimatum today.

We have went eight weeks without speaking to one another....his decision and pattern of the past. This time however instead of me being the peace-maker, I decided to see just how long he would go.

Who knows how long this would have drug on? I think eight weeks is a PRETTY long time to avoid talking with your spouse!

Anyway, I approached him yesterday and asked him if he realized it had been eight weeks since he stopped talking to me. He reminded me that I was "not talking to me either". This was the case as I had decided to test him and see how long the nonsense would continue without me initiating a reconciliation.....I always do that and I've gotten tired of it.

He told me the reason he stopped talking to him was because of the way I "treat him.....I never want to go anyplace with him, do anything with him or have him to be a part of my life." I really couldn't argue this because it has gotten to the point where I'm happier without him than spending time with him. We are never able to talk to one another and it seems like he is always criticizing me, my parenting skills and/or my children. Why would I choose to spend my time with someone like that?

I have asked him to go to counseling with me in the past numerous times and he has always said no. I see that we have major problems and refuse to settle for a marriage/life that is so unhappy and unfulfilling. I've never said the blame was entirely his and I've admitted I don't know everything nor think I do everything right.

So I asked him yesterday would he go to counseling with me in order to try to save our marriage. He said he didn't know. I asked him could he let me know by the evening. He said yes but yesterday came and went without another word exchanged between us. This morning I asked him what he had decided. He said he didn't know.

Finally I told him I was not going to beg him to go or to explain again the many reasons I feel we could benefit from marriage counseling. I told him if he did not go with me, I would file for divorce. I told him when my next appointment was and left it at that.

I hate feeling like a nag and a drill sergeant. I just see him taking no responsibility for where things have gotten and placing all the blame on me. I don't want to do this anymore.

[tiki]

Plan to leave if it doesn't work then. You gave him an ultimatum, you layed it out on the table...now if he doesn't pull through, then leave.

 

Be willing to go in with an open mind and know that it's not all his fault that the marriage has failed.

 

Before I left my husband of five years, I prepared a list. It was a list of wants, needs, things I could do better at, and things I loved that he did. I layed it out for him in black and white and made sure he understood. He did. He broke his promises within days. I left and never went back.

 

I still have that list. I use it as a guiding tool (for my future marriage) to remind me of what I really want. But give him a chance. And you straighten up your act too. It's not unilateral, it's bilateral. Both sides are involved and right now, anything is better than nothing.

 

Good luck.