How long does it take for no contact to work?

[butterfly4me]

Hi everyone. I haven't spoken to my ex now since he left on Thanksgiving. I am just wondering, in most people's experience, how long does it take for your ex to call? We were together almost four years and have a child together! But, I think he wants me to beg him so that he can spit in my face, and I just won't let that happen. I am already a physical and emotional wreck. But, I just need to know how long it will take for them to call when you are playing the nc game. Please give any input!

Thanks a million

[alphamale]

No contact take 2 to 3 months to play out but it depends on the person on the receiving end of NC.

 

May take one month or up to 6 months. Depends, but I'd say about 2-3 months avg.

[morrigan]

Butterfly4me, didn't your ex take your child out of state without your permission? Correct me if I am wrong, but I am assuming you put up the other post on this forum.

 

This isn't just a breakup, it's about not allowing a mother contact with her child. I wouldn't give a rat's a$$ about talking this man--you should be demanding via the police that he return your child. Please seek police and legal assistance in regards to your child--I can't blame you for being a wreck at a terrible time like this.

 

Maybe my response is innapropriate for this thread (I apologize to the mods if it is), but the child, not this ex, should be the primary concern.

[moon]

In regards to No Contact. I started feeling better about no contact about a month after I started it. I even stopped e-mailing a friend of my ex boyfriends, who just wanted to keep checking up on me. I felt no contact meant no contact with him in anyway.

 

After a while (after no contact) you start to realize this guy (ex) has no idea what you are doing or thinking. At least for the first month you know he is thinking that you are miserable. He knows you must hurt (if you were dumped). But when you don't pick up the phone to call and at least a month goes by......what the hell does he know after that. That's how I look at it. I haven't gotten any phone calls from my ex. I haven't gotten any apologies at all. He dumped me a little over six weeks ago. Then he took up with somebody else. The way I see it, I can imagine him being able to carelessly stride into this new relationship for a few months (hey even I have done the rebound thing) but from my experience if he hasn't dealt with the ex (me) in the proper way and dealt with his feelings.....he's going to have a hard time really dealing with this new girl past the initial thrill of the beginning of the relationship.

 

So anyway, I think N/C just makes things easier on you. You start to realize that the guy doesn't have eyes in the back of his head and doesn't have any magical powers to know exactly what you are doing after some time passes. For all my ex knows I'm running off with my high school sweetheart (I just moved back to my hometown) and I couldn't care less about him (although there is no truth to that). He doesn't know one way or the other. So N/C works because it give you time to heal for one, but it also gives you the satisfaction of knowing that your ex has no way of knowing how or what you are feeling or doing anymore. I've cut him off!

 

When my ex and I broke up I moved in (at his recommendation) with a close friend of his. This guy was talking to my ex everyday. I didn't have to talk to my ex. I knew exactly what he was doing. It was this guy who continued to e-mail me after I'd left his house and town. But I realized I couldn't keep contact with that guy either. How embarrassing was it anyway, that my ex's close friend had to see me dealing with our break up. It was so painful to be dumped the way I was after four years of knowing my ex boyfriend. I was literally throwing up in the middle of the day, I wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep....I was miserable and my ex probably knows all about this now.

 

So anyway, no contact is not a ploy by me to try to lure my ex back....not in the slightest. It is so I can have the satisfaction of knowing my ex has NO CLUE what's going on with me. His imagination can run wild. I don't care. It puts me in a position of power---even though I feel so powerless. No I am not moving mountains right now. I haven't found my dream job in my new town, I am having other issues come up in my life.....but he doesn't know about this at all. Why give him the satisfaction of knowing he is STILL affecting me. Nope. I'd rather just leave him guessing and continuing with my own healing.

 

It just gets easier when you have no clue also what that other person is doing. I haven't got a clue what he's doing and it feels great. For all I know his new girlfriend broke his heart weeks after he broke mine. So N/C works for a number of different reasons. And if my ex does try to call me one day.... I have called ID and I won't pick up the phone (I hope). But having no contact just makes you feel stronger every day. So continue it if you can.