thewrongonee Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Hello loveshack! I'm currently in the dating stage of my relationship with a girl ive been seeing. We do all the silly stuff as in making out, getting physical ( no sex) but not official yet, too early to be one and its complicated. The girl ive been seeing is coming off a 7 year relationship, she moved to Canada and does not see them ever working out their relationship. She ended it, and ofcourse the boy is not ready to let go.This is where ive come in, ive been through this process before and i know how she feels, she wants to move on but told me she needs time. The problem is, we have a real good relationship and it keeps getting stronger, but the ex keeps bugging her by calling her, asking her friends to talk to her about them. Every time this happens, she gets real emotional and tells me that its hard for her and i feel like we start from stage 1 all over again.
Author thewrongonee Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 My only solution that i have come up with are: Tell her to give us time and space, ( dont talk for a while). This will probably help her get her emotions back. Or just go cold turkey and just tell her i cant be in a half relationship. Lastly, just give her time and see how things pan out.
Ronni_W Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 , she gets real emotional and tells me that its hard for her and i feel like we start from stage 1 all over again. It feels like that to you because you're making it all about you instead of just being okay with -- and helping her feel okay about -- her changing, sometimes conflicting emotions. You could also just listen and offer comfort, support, friendship, hugs, hand-holding...if you don't know exactly what will help her to feel comforted, supported, then ask her. Tell her things will get easier and be okay sooner than later. Be her friend when she needs that...it will make your relationship even stronger. Leaving her by herself to deal with things on her own will only help her see that she doesn't need you, that you're useless when it comes to facing life's more difficult situations and sad/conflicting emotions. How are you going to help, support her when she's going through other normal/inevitable life disappointments, losses? Dumping her for having problems that use up some of her emotions and/or takes all her attention away from you is...??? Do you want to be that guy?
Author thewrongonee Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 It feels like that to you because you're making it all about you instead of just being okay with -- and helping her feel okay about -- her changing, sometimes conflicting emotions. You could also just listen and offer comfort, support, friendship, hugs, hand-holding...if you don't know exactly what will help her to feel comforted, supported, then ask her. Tell her things will get easier and be okay sooner than later. Be her friend when she needs that...it will make your relationship even stronger. Leaving her by herself to deal with things on her own will only help her see that she doesn't need you, that you're useless when it comes to facing life's more difficult situations and sad/conflicting emotions. How are you going to help, support her when she's going through other normal/inevitable life disappointments, losses? Dumping her for having problems that use up some of her emotions and/or takes all her attention away from you is...??? Do you want to be that guy? I want to be there for her, every step of the way. She knows that and she even says she has feeling for me and she can trust me now. She just feels guilty because of her ex, hes emotionally unstable right now. He cant stop messaging her, making it extremely hard for her to move on. I know for a fact, shes ready to move on but this hurdle is hard. We finally get to a strong stage, then all of a sudden this incident ( her ex calling, crying) gets to her and she feels bad for moving on.
deathandtaxes Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I want to be there for her, every step of the way. She knows that and she even says she has feeling for me and she can trust me now. She just feels guilty because of her ex, hes emotionally unstable right now. He cant stop messaging her, making it extremely hard for her to move on. I know for a fact, shes ready to move on but this hurdle is hard. We finally get to a strong stage, then all of a sudden this incident ( her ex calling, crying) gets to her and she feels bad for moving on. Are you prepared to be the rebound? She won't ever be over him if she takes his calls or talks with her friends when he asks them to. Her taking his calls tells me she's not trying to get over him. Worse, she's not making herself emotionally available to you.
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