So, I told my child-hood friend I have feelings for her...

[Illin]

I've never attempted seeking advice in this form and I've never really had trouble communicating or getting with women. It's just, this situation is completely different and keeping everything in my head is making me go insane because I can't stop thinking about her.

 

I've been friends with her since she was born. I'm about a year and a half older than her. Our parents were friends and her mother would babysit me and mine would babysit her. So, we spent an immense amount of time together as children and have countless memories.

 

When we were younger (10-12?) she admitted she had feelings towards me, and I never really gave her the time of day. I had always been kind of a Don Juan, having my first "girlfriend" and first kiss in 1st grade and I just kind of saw her as a friend.

 

Anyways, jump forward to current time, we're both in our early 20's. We've periodically lost contact but always reconnected. I recently had a dream about her and decided to contact her after not talking for a few months. She was very excited because she had lost my phone number and was happy to talk to me.

 

We've continued to text back and forth every single day. I admitted to her that I think we might be soul mates because no matter who I've been with, or what's been going on in my life, I've always had dreams about her or thought about her. She admitted to me that she's had feelings for me for years, but that she currently has a boyfriend. I told her that I've just had these thoughts for a while now and I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting that I didn't ever say anything. She said she feels the same way, but that it's hard to leave a stable romance and "take a leap of faith".

 

At that point, I accepted that because I don't want to force anything on her or do anything to compromise her happiness. We set date and time to hang out and catch up, but proceeded to text every day up to then. We hung out after she got off work later in the evening (10pm?) and we just talked and enjoyed life for hours until it was 3am and we both had lost complete track of time. She went home after a semi-awkward goodbye that involved me and her staring into each other's eyes seemingly waiting for a kiss that we both knew couldn't happen at that point in time. When she got home she immediately texted me good night, we sent a couple joking texts back and forth referencing the discussions of the night before we both went to sleep preparing for a forced early work morning.

 

The next day, I texted her in the afternoon telling her that I had an amazing time. I said that just being with her makes the world seem sublime, and that I just wanted to cuddle up and pass out with her the night before. She said she felt the same way for years and never thought I felt the same way, and now that she knows I do, it's awesome.

 

Today, she picked her boyfriend up from the airport following his business trip to Europe. Our conversations have been a little more spaced and distant since then.

 

I just don't understand what she wants? She tells me she has all these feelings for me, but then she's with her boyfriend... I just don't know if she's just looking for some form of support when her wealthy boyfriend is gone on business trip? I don't know what I'm supposed to do, because if it was any other woman, I would simply cut all contacts and move on with my life, but I ****ing love this girl. We connect on everything and I could see us spending the rest of our lives together.

 

Please help me. Give me soooomething...

[Ronni_W]

Illin,

My guess is that she's experiencing similar feelings, inner conflict and turmoil, etc.

Only hers is worse because she is also having to deal with the fact that she's already in a relationship with a guy she really likes...maybe loves. And she's obviously made promises and commitments to him that my guess is she realizes she now has to reevaluate.

 

If all my guessing is even remotely close to accurate, then what she needs from you is your understanding, compassion, patience. Friendship (at this point).

 

Now also. If you ASK her, preferably not in text/written message, if she's having some emotional turmoil after spending the evening with you, then it'll be points in your favour. If she says 'yes' then ASK her what is the best way you can help, support her...and do exactly that.

 

Patience, patience, patience. A little bit of courage to have that honest conversation with her...and LOTS of patience on your part.

 

Very best of luck.

[Polak]

I'm gonna double up on Ronni W's post... patience is key here. Don't force anything or pressure her (and I know you aren't, no worries, I'm just saying.)

She evidently has conflicting emotions at this point in time. Having a boyfriend, (who we don't really know details about besides he's some rich businessman), yet realizing that her feelings for you still exist and flourish after all these years, is certainly cause for a bit of a stir. I totally expect something like that.

 

Ronni W is spot on though, an honest conversation will open up the "playing field" a bit more. Be natural, and things should flow perfectly. I'm actually glad to read about 2 people who have known each other their whole lives and are in love, it's something you don't often hear about. Best of luck, and... keep us updated!