tiki Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 I'm sad. I hate the thought of leaving him for a week. His father and I have joint custody, so he'll be staying with my mother for 1/2 the time. I am also sending our new family pet, the bunny, "Starz" and I think that will soothe him some. Anywya, my mom keeps him for me a couple days a week and they are VERY close. He even spends the night over there often and he loves them sooo much. He understands that fiance and I will be getting married soon. He keeps telling me that HE is going to marry me. I keep saying, ahhh, that's sweet, but when you get old, you'll want to marry your love, not your momma! So the transition will be hard once we get back, after being gone 8 days. He will see me off to the airport and will be at the airport with my mom to pick us up too. My mom is really the greatest, huh? So after being gone for what will seem like forever, he and I will be married. Then he "officially" moves in, and his daughter does too. He has her a little during the week and every other weekend. This will traumatize my son I'm afraid? But I feel like I'm doing all I can. My fiance has been a major part of my life for one year now and his daughter has been too. We took things slow and did it the right way. Fiance has began to bring his things over and I have explained to my son that we will share a room. My son is 4. He remembers life none other than what it is now. He has no memory of fiance joining our lives. He has always known him to be there. So in all actuality, I think he will adapt well. I told him that I had to miss his Christmas Party at his school. I think I broke his heart. I told him that I'd be in Hawaii getting married to Keith. He says, "No momma, please come". I was just there for his Thanksgiving dinner at the school. Anyway, his father works that day and will be unable to attend, but I'm sure my mom will go with. Why am I worried? Am I cracking up?! I leave in 11 days. I'm excited. Am I bad for leaving the continental US to marry without my son?! Guess there's nothing I can do now....but he couldn't be there for the honeymoon anyway. Sorry guys, I'm just ranting. Any advice? I thought about making a chain that counts down to the days that we leave and having the kids tear off a link one day at a time. This way they get more of a mental picture of a timeframe. But now we're only 11 days out. Ok, I'm stopping. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 I wish I had time to answer you post with a longer message! It touched my heart as I can understand your feelings very well. I got married this year and one the happiest moments was to see my daughter dressed as a little bride having fun with her friends around. We got pictures of us three, aw beautiful. Though she was older than your son. She was 6. 4 years they don’t really remember things. I remember every time I had to travel I had the same guilty feeling. Happy and sad. My mom is really the greatest, huh? No my mom is the best! You know what, now when I look back I was wrong to worry! I won’t be at these places again in my life. Life consists of short segments of time and we need to learn to enjoy it! There were couple of canceled trips because of the same feeling…and now when I ask my daughter if she remember me leaving or if she was upset or …nope she doesn’t. Well just go and enjoy your wedding. Seeing mom happy is what your boy wants most. A nice toy will compensate it all! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 Any good parent is going to feel the way you do, excited yet guilty and worried. Are you a bad parent for going anyway? No! Moms and dads have to keep themselves happy to be any use to their children. This is what you wanted for your wedding, and your son will be just fine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tiki Posted December 1, 2004 Author Share Posted December 1, 2004 Aww, you guys are too sweet. I guess I'll just call him a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
izzybelle Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 tiki, congrats on everything going so well for you! i know it's hard to think about leaving, i hate even going away for a few days and when i travel now, even if my kids are at my ex's, they still get anxious about me being away, and they're 11&13. it's just one of those "parent" things! one thing i used to do, but don't so much anymore, is that in addition to calling, i'd leave them little notes letting them know that i was thinking about them. leaving little cards, a "treat" of some sort that my mom (who also watches my kids for me if i'm gone for a few days), that she can give to them every day was kind of fun. and of course they still, sometimes, expect a present when i get back! my kids both have email and IM names now so i can also be in touch with them that way when i travel since my computer is always with me. i always stay in touch with them when i can. when my ex travels he very much treats it as out of sight out of mind and won't call, and i know that bothers them. he's getting married next spring and i know they won't hear from him the whole time he's on his honeymoon and even though i know they're old enough to understand that it's time for him to spend with his new wife, i know they're concerned (as am I) that his marriage will push them further out of his life. so kudos to you for handling this in a caring, adult way! kids are such a special gift and i know it's possible for us to get caught up in our lives and not pay as much attention to how things will impact them. but it sounds like you've got everything under control and have handled everything very much with your son in mind. it sounds like you've done a great job in getting him ready for all of this! the time will probably pass much more quickly for you than for him but i know you know he'll make it through with your's and your mom's support. congrats and good luck and i have no doubt that from what you've said about your situation that your son will come through all of this knowing that he's loved very much even when you're not there! izzy Link to post Share on other sites
Author tiki Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Thanks so much. Your words of encouragement help! Last night we made the chain link and let the kids break them off. We have 10 days left, as of today. We have a special color at the end of the chain link to represent our last two days together - the weekend - which we intend to be very special for them. The cards are a great idea! I even have some of those that you put in their lunch box. I will do that! Thanks again, soooo much. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I feel the same way now. I will go for two weeks to Europe in April: one week to conference and one week to see hubbie!!!!But I feel sad about leaving my daughter with my mom. She is so sweet. Always tells me that she misses me at school. I will miss the Easter. Then I have few more shorter trips. Link to post Share on other sites
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