My b/f has suddenly turned into a christian and i'm not!

[chicksda]

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My boyfriend has been acting a little strange lately, hasn't been himself and has been confused about where is life was going.

 

A couple of weeks ago he asked me to marry him which came as a suprise but I said yes. He used to smoke alot of drugs (weed) and just recently got tricked into 'P'. That really mucked him up and he turned rock bottom. He spent the day off work and rang me a few times just to check if i was okay. He said he felt like something big was going to happen to me that night and advised he had been praying to god to help me.

 

I went over to his house that night and the 'big' thing that was going to happen was we almost broke up. He told me that if i didn't become a christian that we could no longer be together, even tho we've been together for 3 years and have had no problems what so ever in our relationship.

 

There was alot of tears and it ended up him on his knees begging me not to leave him. Which i didn't want to but i can't suddenly become a christian. I tryed asking him why he was doing this and he just told me that he'd found god again.

 

I asked him to leave the room and sat on his bed looking out the window in my desperate state. I don't beleive in god myself but i said in my head that if he was real i needed to see a sign otherwise we would of had to break up. Just after i said that my phone recevied a text message that made a big beep. it gave me such a fright as i didnt expect anything to happen. I don't know whether it was just a coincidence or 'something else'.

 

I don't know what to do, i love him but i get annoyed when he talks about god and what god told him to do today etc..

 

I wish he had never found 'god' it's wrecked everything!

I cant't break up with him i love him to much, just want things back to how they were.

 

Whats your advice on the matter??

[Pocky]

Hard situation to be in. I know if my husband suddenly turned Christian I'd have a hard time dealing with it. Much of why we're so compatible is because our religious opinions aren't in conflict. I consider religion to be a very personal decision and isn't something that should be forced upon another person.

 

What are his reasons for you being Christian other than just because he is? And if he truly is Christian shouldn't he understand that religion is something that should come from within and not something we just recite on a daily basis? Saying "I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian" every day doesn't make one a Christian. How has he become a Christian? How has he changed so that he feels justified in forcing his religion upon you?

[savethedrama4allama]

Spontaneous Christianity. Like spontaneous combustion, only scarier.

 

For me, this would raise some questions about his personality and identity. I am weary of people who "find god" and change their moral/belief system overnight.

[bluechocolate]

Does he want you to start attending church & saying prayers with him or would a simple baptism do & then you never speak of it again?

 

What does "becoming a Christian" actually mean to him? And how long has it been since he's found God again?

 

If this is a new thing for him he may just calm down & not be so frantic about it. In the meantime if neither one of you want to break up then suggest to him that this is a very personal decision & it will take you some time to think about. Don't put a dead-line on it. If he's not sure that he can marry you then delay the wedding. In time he may come to realise that your conversion isn't going to change the woman he was in love with last month.

 

i get annoyed when he talks about god and what god told him to do today etc..

 

I would find that annoying too. He doesn't need to affirm his belief like that - tell him to stop it if it really bugs you.

[morrigan]

Has he ever voiced concerns in the past about your different views on religion? I don't have a problem with my bf's differing beliefs, and vice versa.

 

Your boyfriend should see that there is a need for acceptance in Christianity--which means being respectful and tolerant of another person's private faith or lack of. Don't further any wedding plans, and don't cater to his ultimatum. He may get his head back on straight in a short period of time. He needs to go to some drug counseling/rehab if he has not done so already as well.

 

I agree about not believing the overnight born againers. I've known people who had serious drug problems who turned to religious faith as an aid during rehab, for some it was a sincere mental/emotional process that took time; for others it became a replacement addiction.

[ollydolly]

Remember that religion is a primitive version of psychology, and it can help people for that reason.

 

Finding God really means finding the higher part of the Self.

 

All religion is superstition. As long as people keep believing it they attribute their goodness to god's glory, and their evil to the devil's. Both good and evil come ONLY from mankind.

 

If there was a god and I were it - I would not want to be found by people because they would all argue about who knew me the best and in so-doing, never come to truly know themselves.

[indigo_moon]

What is "P"? (obviously some type of drug I'm not familiar with by that "name")

 

Is it possible he'd recently done drugs prior to you going over there and he was really paranoid and out of it from the drugs?

 

Sometimes when people "hit rock bottom" in life, they turn to God because they don't know where else to turn......

 

Sorry but I don't understand the whole situation...............did he tell you that God told him that YOU had to also become a Christian? Was he saying that God had spoken to him?

 

I think you mentioned him finding God "again".........what did you mean by this?

 

Does he have any history of mental illness?

 

What ages are you both?

 

Does he belong to a church?

 

Has he talked to you in the past about Christianity and wanting you to become one? Or did all of this just come out of the blue?

[HokeyReligions]

My husband is a Christian, I'm an agnostic. It can work.

 

Before rushing into marriage why not learn more about his religion? Sounds like he needs to learn more too and is exploring a bit. Maybe he should attend some bible studies and talk to the pastor of his church about it. If he does embrace Christianity he may put God before you. My husband does. My mother does. It doesn't bother me that I come in second or third. The more I've learned about Christianity and how worship varies from church to church the less intimidating it became. It's not God that changes - it is the unique and individual interpretations of God's words and mandates, and how each person behaves based on their own understanding and belief.

 

God doesn't have to come between a couple, in fact, if one believes in God it should help them be better people and work harder at a relationship---even if only one person in the relationship is a believer.

 

Don't be afraid of change. It's just another opportunity for you to learn and grow as a person and as a couple. That doesn't mean you have to accept Christianity as your foundation, but accept that it may be your boyfriends foundation.

 

Learn more about it by yourself and with your boyfriend. If he still wants you to change to satisfy his new beliefs, then maybe you should break it off with him. He won't be happy if you are not in the same religous boat with him, and you won't be sincere if you try to fake it -- that will probably just build up resentment.

 

Hopefully, as he learns more about the Christian God and Jesus his views and attitudes will change with you and you will become even closer.

[XNemesisX]

My (now) ex has also suddenly become Christian..but he goes through "phases" of being downright fanatical and lunatic and then phases of being normal, then phases of not being Christian really, etc.

 

Hokey,

I think you should talk to my ex or have you husband talk to him! Because he seems to set in his belief that a Christian dating/marrying a Non is some HUGE SIN!

 

He is being very adament with me that we will never get back together with me because I am not a Christian by his standards. Therefore, I will not change my "ways" Yeah, hes a hypocrite. I could talk all day about that.

 

He said that if a Christian marries a non-Christian then they are "unequally yolked" (?) and that a Christian should be considered a different species so being with a Non is like bestiality. He's told this to me off and on and said he only stayed with me for so long in the hope that I will start doing the religious thing.

 

Now, after I made one mistake (well by his standards) * I went on a DATE with someone after HE broke up with ME and told me he pretty much didn't give a rat's behind what I did* He is bashing me all to hell and back.

 

I will put the full story up on a new thread, because it is just downright bizarre and its a long story.

 

chicksda,

 

I would give it a little time. This may just be a phase he is going through. If not, then I really don't understand why him being Christian and you not should be such an issue. You love eachother and as long as you aren't running around doing "evil" things or cheating on him and such then what is the problem?

I don't understand why some Christians insist upon these things.

You can give it a try if you like but don't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or that you are not ready for. If he goes by the teachings of Christ, he will still be kind to you and he will try to witness to you even. If he leaves you in the dust, well in my book that is not too Christian-like. (like my ex telling me today that he will not associate with Non-christians at all anymore..I just think that is arrogant and prideful *cough* some more attributes the bible talks about as being bad!)

 

I have actually been surfing the net tonight for some scriptures for my EX. I think he needs to get off his high horse.

 

As long as your boyfriend is not acting fanatical to the point that he is being a self-righteous prick to you then let it be. Just don't let him drag you down in the mud to make himself feel "holier than thou" like some not so nice so-called Christians will do. We all know some people in that category of "Christian". They are frauds. These people are fakes and are USING religion to pull themselves up above other people in their twisted minds..

 

I'm not saying that your boyfriend is going to be like that, but watch out. Eventually it ended up happening to me. Then you might want to have him get his head examined..ok so this is bitter topic for me right now!

 

I don't know what to do, i love him but i get annoyed when he talks about god and what god told him to do today etc..

 

Ok...he does seem a little mentally off. Seriously, does he have any history of mental illness?

[chicksda]

Thank you all for your help, everything is back to normal now. Turns out he was still freakin out from the drugs and thought that god was talking to him and telling him to do all these things. He knows now how crazy he had gone and new that it wasn't god telling him to do things but effects from the drug he took. He does now read the bible though which he never used to but he doesn't try force me into readin it or talk to me about god which he knows i don't like. Goin through this has definatley made us stronger and in a funny way im kinda glad it happened as now we both know nothing can come between us, not even god! Thanks again 4 your feedback, most helpful.

[7on]

haha, tis a funny story indeed. But honestly I'd try and get him to give up the drugs.

 

Anyway, I don't believe conflicts in religion have anything to do with relationships. In fact I prayed to God practically everynight for me to find a special someone for me to spend my life with. Low and behold this girl want to get to know me better and stuff - and she's exactly what I'm looking for, except she's Agnostic. I doubt I could pray for a companion for a few years and finally a girl takes notice of me. I personally hope it works out, because I've never been much a fan of "the game." She's still deciding on whether she wants a relationship. I believe which is because of my "lack of interest in sex." I wish I could tell her how I feel, but I don't want to scare her off.

 

I'm sure God has a plan. He always does.