Played me for a sucker

[SeventhBase]

Hello, fellow anons. I'm not really seeking much advice - just venting and possibly receiving some criticism/flack/praise.

 

Recently, I relocated to a foreign country to start a new life and possibly find a wife and settle down. What I did NOT expect, however, was to fall in love the first weekend I was here. A month ago, the very first Friday night during a gathering with some of my friends, a very pretty girl came up to me... and started speaking a language that I knew (which was neither English nor the language of the land)! I struck up a conversation with her in this language, gave her some flirty comments... and she was all reciprocating and giggly! The second time I met her at such a gathering, she was all dolled up, standing out from the rest of the crowd as well dressed. We hit it off some more, then after we parted ways ALL of my friends were basically teasing me about the two of us.

 

The next time we met, she was accompanying two other guys, some other foreigners that I had expected were coming to stay with us. But it was that night that I REALLY hit it off with her, exchanging smiles, laughter, pleasant feelings and eventually numbers! I never had such great chemistry with a girl EVER in my life!! Stuff like this is too good to be true, right?

 

It was.

 

She continued to come to these gatherings, sometimes bringing her father and nephew along. But then she started to get pretty cozy with the other foreigner, and of course that sparked feelings of jealousy with me. And it didn't help that he was returning her flirts. (Eventually, he told me that he had a GF/potential fiancee waiting for him back home, whom he would return to after three weeks)

 

But I'll never forget that night when she suddenly flipped the switch on me.

 

Some of us friends (including the aforementioned other foreigner) were chatting together at this gathering. She was all googly-eyed at me during the beginning, but as the conversation verged towards life goals, I started to express my disappointment (silently). At that point, I could feel something was different. When we all hit the town later, she couldn't wait to shake me off her tail. She was noticeably colder, for sure. And because I was a desperate idiot, I stupidly followed my friend's advice and asked her out when we were alone together, in front of her home.

 

"So, do you have some time next week?"

"To come out and play? ...let's talk next week, why don't we?"

 

Of course, having gone through this countless times, I correctly translated the above reply to "not on your life". (And we never did talk the following week!) I asked her if she was going to show up at the following gathering, she said yes... and she did, but showed up late. (Work reasons.) I definitely noticed that whatever rapport the two of us had were gone.

 

It was then I was clear-headed enough to see some hypocrisy in her words and actions. Without going to so much detail, let's just say that if you complain that there are no vegetarian options and then go out the same night and order a juicy steak, you don't have much ground to stand on.

 

Did I say clear-headed? I meant mopey and vindictive. I spent the following day weeping in my room and bitching to friends on the other side of the globe. They basically confirmed what I had suspected - that she was toxic and I should stay away from her. But one does not control whom one falls in love with, so residual feelings and awkwardness remained. I forced myself to take a break from her, but then I found myself encountering her on the street occasionally (this is a pretty small town), making me feel high and happy and then terrible again. She was like cocaine, and I was addicted.

 

Last week, when the other foreigner and I were hanging out, she came up to us with niece in tow. Of course, she was there to see HIM, playfully flirting and all, and she treated me as if I was invisible. I had never felt so crushed and slighted.

 

The other foreigner, who never actually invested any feelings in the girl, was going to leave very soon. (Today, in fact.) So last night, while we were hanging out, he gave her a call asking for something, and she obediently came like a little puppy, accompanied by her father.

 

Here's where the bombshell comes in.

 

During some flirtatious conversation, she let loose the fact that she had a boyfriend, he took her out earlier that day, and that they were getting married soon. I didn't find out how long they were together, but that wasn't important.

 

She had led not one but TWO men on. While being in an allegedly committed relationship.

 

Finding this out didn't crush me at all, despite how many would expect!! In fact, I couldn't stop laughing and ****-eating grinning. All along, I had suffered with my feelings for her, only to find out at the VERY LAST MINUTE that she wasn't even available AT ALL!! It was an incredibly liberating feeling, but at the same time... it really betrayed how she acted around people. To think I was going to chase this girl down and make her mine... but as people have said on this board, "if she's willing to flirt with others when she's with another guy, what makes you think that she wouldn't do the same when she's with you?"

 

When that boat inevitably sinks, I'll be on that iceberg chillin' and sippin' my liquor of choice. Really feel sorry for that guy, whoever he is.

 

(Incidentally, she offered to "take me to him to introduce each other someday". I ain't got nothin' to do wit' him - YOU take him to our gathering and introduce him to us!)

 

So despite some (very very) sour grapes, feeling used and having my time wasted, I'm not heartbroken at all. In fact, this has been a very important learning experience for me. The most I'll be open to her from here on out is probably only going to be some rebound sex, that is if I haven't found an honest girl who loves me by then.

 

The lesson here is this: No matter if you're a man or a woman, don't go out and play with the feelings of others, and be honest and up front about having a significant other. No one likes a tease.

[giblesp]

'But then she started to get pretty cozy with the other foreigner'

 

And that's where your life and her life parts ways. Many other girls out there.

[SeventhBase]

This girl quite clearly is not looking for a relationship.

 

Not even with her current boyfriend? I'd say.

 

(BTW, I'd like to thank y'all for reading the whole damn thing before jumping in with a reflexive response.)

 

Before I left to another country (where I'll be spending the next two weeks before returning there) I gave her a farewell message (which was a coded insult in English that went over her head ), but she tried to turn it into another conversation. Damned if I ever give her any attention ever again.

 

She mentioned having a stomachache. I'll give her a casual get-well message for the sake of not being a dick, but that's as far as I'll go.

[Chi townD]

Sorry dude. You weren't in love with her. I would say you had a very strong infatuation with her. But, if you really look inside yourself, I think you'll agree that what you were feeling wasn't love.

[James-London]

this girl is not committed to her boyfriend either. you were nothing more than someone to give her attention, which is what girls seem to really crave. if you want to get it on with her, think about what you could offer that her boyfriend is not, and why she turned her attentions to the other guy. maybe she likes the bad boys?