Picking up the pieces

[SpaceCoyote]

My girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me a week ago. I wanted to share here with anyone who might understand what I am going through because I am hurting bad.

 

I am 28 and though we were only together for a year, I have never been this deeply into someone before. Our breakup was not totally unexpected, but anytime we would talk about our issues, she always had encouraging words for me that made me believe our love for each other would overcome our obstacles. But obviously I was wrong.

 

When she broke up with me, she said a lot of things but mostly that she had lost interest in me. She still cared about me as a person and still loved me, but as the cliche goes was not "in love" with me. She said she knew that I liked her more than she liked me and that I would never let her go, so she had to end it even though she knew it hurt me and she didn't want to. She felt like it was going nowhere and she got nothing out of it. I wasn't the person she wanted to be with forever. She wanted to go out and socialize with new people and see other guys. She also made certain that I understood that, though she still loved me, I not construe that to mean there was still a chance for us. She said I needed to not hold onto hope and move on with my life.

 

So ever since then, my life has been a wreck. I am not the type who cries easily but I have every day. When my mind has any free moments, it is occupied with her, wondering what she is doing and who she is with. The worst part is how she has acted toward me ever since. Though she claimed we could still talk if I ever needed to, she won't answer the phone when I call. Though she claimed we would always be close, she has been standoffish and disinterested in speaking to me in the few times we have been around each other, like she can't wait to get away from me. I know she is trying to distance herself from me, but I am astonished at how easily she moved on and how her feelings seemed to shut off like a faucet. How does it not kill her to treat me this way, to know how much she is hurting me?

 

As Gloria Gaynor said, "it took all my strength not to fall apart/just trying to mend the pieces of my broken heart." I like to believe I will survive but right now its hard to see. This is the most miserable experience I have ever been through and each day passes with agony. I have never been heart broken like this before and I almost don't wan't to get close to anyone ever again and risk having this feeling ever again. I am trying to keep busy as recommended, but I have no motivation to do anything. I just desperately want this hurt to go away. I wish I could erase my memory - of the special times we shared, places we've been, her smiling face, times she made me laugh, things she said to me, all the in-jokes - because the thought of them makes the pain absolutely unbearable. She is gone and I just can't stand to be without her.

[Inovermyhead]

I don't have alot of advice, but I do want to say I am so sorry for what you are going through. I totally understand your pain. It is really hard to get past it. As you can see by my post, I am also struggling, even though I have moved on with my life and basically started over.

[burntout]

Originally posted by SpaceCoyote

My girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me a week ago. I wanted to share here with anyone who might understand what I am going through because I am hurting bad.

 

I'm right there with you bro. Sounds like a similar situation to mine, except I'm a little farther along. My ex had a new bf shortly after we originally broke up. It killed me, but there was nothing I could do but let go. And I did. Fast forward 6 months and while I still felt the effects of the break up somewhat I was doing well in life and 'moving on', well, at least to a degree. Out of nowhere, she begins to contact me again - I later find out her last relationship faltered. It started out via an occasional e-mail, and then a call here and there just to chat. One night she calls and completely breaks down, saying she misses me, that her lst bf didn't compare to me...... We then start talking regularly for hours, seeing each other all the time; basically reverting back to the ' good old days' After a couple of months of this, she basically says she's confused, doesn't know what she wants..... And, here I am today, basically back to not talking to her, with my head spinning and my thoughts on her constantly. Check my posts, if you'd like to, for my story. Anyways, what I've found is that there's no magical words or insight that will make you feel better. The only cure is time, and to lean on your true friends. I'm lucky, I have a number of truly great friends, they were there for me during the original break up, and are there for me right now. It may not feel like it right now, but sh*t will work itself out in the long run.

[Think too much]

I am sorry for your pain. I know how you feel. My situation was very similar to yours. The happy memories made me the saddest and they were the hardest to get out of my head. I know this sounds weird but every time a good thought of my ex popped in my head I made myself think something negative about him. I reminded myself of how he left me for someone else and the way he treated me. For some reason it felt better to be angry at him than to feel so sad and miss him.

 

The best cure is time. It will get easier with time. Hang in there.

[SpaceCoyote]

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. I know time is the answer... it's just so hard to see beyond what I am feeling now, which is horrible anguish and sorrow. I want so badly for it to stop...

 

Burntout: that's a tough situation man, to almost have to experience it twice. I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing though, so I understand what you went through.

[Jip]

It does get easier given time... I'm 3 months down the line. My reaction was exactly the same as yours... I cried at the slightest thing and the good memories are the hardest to bear as you don't know where it went wrong. I still cry most days or atleast get blue but I've found that now other things distract me which is good and perhaps I've started to accept the situation for what it is but it doesn't stop you wanting them back! Over the first month I'd have given anything to have fast forward a few months at the very least to a point where the hurt has lessened and a degree of calm comes back.... I'm at that stage now... part of the process I guess.

 

Everything does seem bleak during the early stages and still does some days but I agree with the others lean on your friends and family, talk about it til your sick of doing it (not quite there yet), take some anger and frustration out at the gym, do things you like doing - treat yourself - I know easier said than done when all you want to do is lie in your bed and cry but somehow it does ease... I think not seeing them for a while and realising that life goes on and the days pass by does it! Difficult when you do see them though.

 

All the best... we're all here for you as there's not a person on here that hasn't gone through or isn't going through what you are now... its tough I know, believe me, but just take a day at a time and you'll get some sort of peace back into your life! We all just seem to be walking the same road together at a different speed!

[on the edge]

i'm sorry spacecoyote...but your not alone. i'm 3 months down the road too.

i didn't want to hear "give it time, things will get better and easier" but it really does. the sun does come out from around clouds!

like jip said talk it all out of your system, wail on a punching bag at the gym. i personally would like to add a big ole margarita here and there!!!

hang in there and treat yourself well! you have alot of support here whenever you need it! *hugs*

[SpaceCoyote]

Wow...thank you all....you don't know how much it means to me to have understanding people to share with. Not that my friends haven't been understanding, but they aren't experiencing it right now themselves. I guess it shows you can always count on the kindness of strangers. I am smiling now as the tears roll down my face...

[on the edge]

Originally posted by SpaceCoyote

Wow...thank you all....you don't know how much it means to me to have understanding people to share with. Not that my friends haven't been understanding, but they aren't experiencing it right now themselves. I guess it shows you can always count on the kindness of strangers. I am smiling now as the tears roll down my face...

*passes the kleenex* your more than welcome! it really will be all alright. the road is not always easy, but you will survive the journey!

[Nick14]

Ya same here Coyote, its been alittle over 3 months since my breakup from a 2.5 year relationship who i was deep with. Its totally over, I know that cause she has not contacted me first since the break up and has not replied back. I stopped doing all of the emails and shyt back in early october and haven't done any contact at all since then. So, basically I got over it, as much as i didn't want it over with but I realized, what good is it, that I try to stay in contact if she is not willing. It doesn't accompolish anything and sure as hell doesn't get me anywhere. So, 3 months and basically its all her. My life has been good, I met someone else who I can see as potential g/f material, I am just taking things one day at a time and thats it. Do, I think of my ex still? Not as much as after the breakup aftermath, but I do out of the blue on somedays and thats hard but, thats the process and life goes on. Good things will happen, just gotta keep the faith man.

[SpaceCoyote]

I realized, what good is it, that I try to stay in contact if she is not willing.

 

Thanks Nick. This is an absolutely sensible thought. I mean really, what sense does it make to try so hard with someone who doesn't reciprocate interest at all? It sounds like a waste of time not to mention you make an ass of yourself in keeping up something so one-sided. Any self-respecting person deserves to be with someone who is equally into them.

 

The unfortunate thing is that right now I am not a sensible person. I can only think about her and us, and logic has no meaning. I guess this time will pass and I will start thinking more clearly about the situation....god I hope so. But until then, I will probably continue to be driven to say and do stupid things, as foolish as I feel to admit that.

[Nick14]

Well the one mistake I made thru the whole month of September (right after the break up), was trying to hold on and call her and leave voicemails, emails and etc.. I think thats only because I was in a "shock and awe" state and that I couldn't believe a girl like her, wanted to end something so great and that there were more things to come. It just didn't make sense to throw something away, so what did I do, I try to convince, convince and convince. I should of just walked away but obviously, **** happens. But, I know I'll be the one who comes out on top. Hell, you don't see me try to hook up with someone right after a break-up, like she claims she has. Even though I haven't see her with a guy yet, I just dunno and honestly now don't care. She's 22 and obviously she wants to go experience if the grass on the other side is greener. I was her first love and first with everything so...ya.