techgruv Posted December 1, 2004 Share Posted December 1, 2004 how much is to much contact? MY wife and I have been seperated now for only 2 months but still talk to eachother 2-3 times a week, yes we have kids but we dont always talk about the kids either and we do things together still with the kids as well, things we could do without the other. I continue to say things like: "I Love You" before hanging up or "Hello Babe" and I still let her know that I see us still together in the future and all she says is "I need to see change rather then hear words" and I know what she wants by saying that, also she doesnt seemed bothered that I still show her that I love her and want to be married to her or she us in the future. What does this mean and should I continue if she doesnt seemed bothered by it or stop? Im confused!!??? Link to post Share on other sites
seekingwisdom Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 It means you still have a chance with your wife. The difficulty is that you cannot push her to take express her feelings about taking you back or you will push her away. You say you know what she means regarding 'changing'. Are you willing to change? Two months is not a long time for you both to really assess if things have 'changed'. If she is acting 'not bothered' about your shows of affection, it is probably because she is trying to maintain some distance in order to heal and also to be objective regarding her assessment of how you both would get your needs met in the relationship. What changes does she want? What changes do you need? Link to post Share on other sites
sherell Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Are you in counseling together? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by techgruv how much is to much contact? MY wife and I have been seperated now for only 2 months but still talk to eachother 2-3 times a week, yes we have kids but we dont always talk about the kids either and we do things together still with the kids as well, things we could do without the other. I continue to say things like: "I Love You" before hanging up or "Hello Babe" and I still let her know that I see us still together in the future and all she says is "I need to see change rather then hear words" and I know what she wants by saying that, also she doesnt seemed bothered that I still show her that I love her and want to be married to her or she us in the future. What does this mean and should I continue if she doesnt seemed bothered by it or stop? Im confused!!??? You ARE confused. You have put her in the drivers seat. You should stay away as much as possible from her and only talk/see to her when it is about the kids. Don't say I love you and all that krap cause you are looking like a sap. I can tell that SHE asked for the seperation and not YOU. SHe won't start to respect you until you grow a backbone. Also, is she perfect? I;m sure there are a few things she could change about herself. Next time she asks to see "change" from you, then you tell her you'll make a deal. She changes this bout herself and you change this about yourself, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 It sounds like your wife hasn't given up on you. "I need to see change rather then hear words" Then stop saying the words & start working on the change. from Alphamale Also, is she perfect? I;m sure there are a few things she could change about herself. Next time she asks to see "change" from you, then you tell her you'll make a deal. She changes this bout herself and you change this about yourself, etc... There is no denying the wisdom there. Whatever has been wrong in your relationship there was always the both of you in it - she must have some changing to do of her own if you are to have a future together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author techgruv Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 So i should try to go with as little contact as possable and quit pursuing her even if she doesnt mind the"I love yous" and just let her contact me if she wants to talk, ohh and no Im the only one in counceling I do therapy for my own issues as welas therapy regarding the seperation and marriage. I just want her back and for my family to move on together but I know it may be over and that kills me cause even though I may have never showed it well. my family means everything to me. Also any ideas to help gain trust again ,besides just being honest? Thanx guys it means alot Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Trust takes a long time to rebuild and alot of effort. Not sure if you are trying to rebuild her trust in you or vice versa. If she doesn't trust you, then you will have to be completely open and honest with her and allow her to see everything she wants to see. Definetly cut back on the contact beyond your children, and don't say I love you. You need to make your actions and your changes show her your love. Link to post Share on other sites
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