KungFuJoe Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 You guys are funny... Don't have sex until commitment, but be careful because guys will use the lure of commitment to get sex. Basically, just stand still and do absolutely nothing and you will be fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nyny123 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 There is nothing wrong with having that talk initially. Me and my recent ex fling had the talk right away. First time we met, we seemed to both be really feeling it and we were quiet close already, not through sex. He felt it to the extent to which he told me on the first time that he wouldn't be comfortable to continue seeing me if I was still online seeking out other potential dates, but he wished me all the best if that was what I wanted. He just wanted to see if I wanted the same thing as he did. I agreed:love: as I felt the same way about him. He is the only guy I wanted to focus on. The problem is getting too intense too early on. Nothing wrong with being exclusive from the first meeting even, since not every one WANTS to meet others when they are really into the current person... No one said anything bad about wanting to focus on one person at a time, and be "exclusive" In Australia we do not even tend to SAY " exclusive". Basically, if two people both seem really into each other, it is assumed, BUT the girl normally asks " so, are you seeing other people? I just want to check we are on the same page" Just make things official of you feel like it, there is NO too short of a time frame to. Just don't have talks about hopes and expectations as yet, wait until your feelings are stronger and things progress NATURALLY, before having any serious discussion about a relationship. Good point Leigh. Good answers everyone!! Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 In Australia we do not even tend to SAY " exclusive". Basically, if two people both seem really into each other, it is assumed, BUT the girl normally asks " so, are you seeing other people? I just want to check we are on the same page" I've heard this before. Is this also true among Europeans, other cultures? Is the exclusive talk more of an American thing? Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 You guys are funny... Don't have sex until commitment, but be careful because guys will use the lure of commitment to get sex. Basically, just stand still and do absolutely nothing and you will be fine. Yeah, nobody really knows what to do in that respect! My current bf was the only person I'd liked enough since becoming single last year to even consider it going any further than just FWB (and I dated a lot in that time so I know what's out there). I didn't want to have sex with him unless I knew how he felt even at this nascent stage about me, in case I ended up hurt. So when things got hot and heavy, I explained that... I wasn't really angling for the 'shall we be bf/gf?' talk, more to know whether he liked me enough and was open to a relationship. And I guess I felt like I needed to explain why I was putting the brakes on the sex. But that's where it came out that he wanted to get together. Could he have been lying to get into my pants? Sure... we slept together for the first time only a few weeks/a week after we 'got together'. But sometimes you go with your gut instinct and believe the best of somebody, while knowing that it could be a lie. Everything anyone says every day could be a lie. Turned out not to be a lie, but if it had have been I doubt I'd have been devastated to the point of no return, I'd just have chalked it up to having met a total prick and probably been even more cautious the next time around. I see people on these boards talk about how they lived together practically from the first date, or proposed after a week, so I don't really think the bf/gf title after a couple of weeks of intensively getting to know one another is that big a deal. I've heard this before. Is this also true among Europeans, other cultures? Is the exclusive talk more of an American thing? In the UK we still have the exclusive talk, although I guess many older people would presume exclusivity unless told otherwise if things were going well. I've multi-dated before and always made a point of telling guys before anything happened that I was open to and dating other people so that they didn't get the wrong idea. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Either the guy is over-anxious or he's playing a game.... OR the guy is REALLY interested in expending all of his energy into getting to know YOU and ONLY you. And this IS desirable. After a few dates and within 2-3 weeks, I always have the exclusive talk. Not b/c I think that it's going to be a LTR and we'll be together forever, rather, to simply communicate that if we're really into each other, let's focus only on each other and no one else and see where it goes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 No it's not too soon. It simply means exclusivity. This person isn't asking for marriage. You can end it at any time if it doesn't suit you. Pretty much all of my LTR have become official within a few weeks of dating. It basically just means "I like you, I don't want to date around with other girls, i want you, and not them". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nyny123 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 OR the guy is REALLY interested in expending all of his energy into getting to know YOU and ONLY you. And this IS desirable. After a few dates and within 2-3 weeks, I always have the exclusive talk. Not b/c I think that it's going to be a LTR and we'll be together forever, rather, to simply communicate that if we're really into each other, let's focus only on each other and no one else and see where it goes. Soccerrprp you're are correct. He said he doesn't want to date or have sex with any other girls. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Soccerrprp you're are correct. He said he doesn't want to date or have sex with any other girls. And such a response is what everyone should want to hear when dating someone you like to get to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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