Ex-G/F showing desire to be back, need advice

[gpastorelli]

This post may end of being long, a lot has happened...

 

I posted several weeks ago about my g/f breaking up with me while I was in Florida on business. Well to shorten this up a bit, I came back, and she came back to me 4 days later at 3am. She was crying and threw some rocks at my window as I got my clothes together for the next day. She ran to my room and played a Frank Sinatra song (I forget the name) we hugged kissed, etc. We got back together, we were together for maybe 3 days when all of a sudden when I went to pick her up one night she was like "I don't want to be with you anymore, I made the wrong choice..." I was heart broken and went thru a few days of not talking, talking, not talking, etc. Fast forward to Monday night...

 

I was at work, working late on a program for my job, while watchin television. I get an IM from her saying to turn on TNT and watch the movie. I don't reply. She calls and tells me about it and to just watch. She sounds a little strange, this is something she used to do, have me watch a movie that meant something to her. So I oblige and turn it on. The movies name was "Noel" and starred Paul Walker and Penlope Cruz. She called periodically to make sure I was watching it, I watched the whole thing. Anybody's whose seen the movie knows, Paul Walkers is a jealous controlling violent NYC cop whose engaged to Penelope Cruz, one day when he returns early to see a man in the apartment w/ his fiance decorating a tree, he splits the guys lip open. Turns out he was a "tree decorator" and as the man exclaims is homosexual. Well anyways she leaves him.

 

Paul Walkers character kinda described how I was and a lot of the reasons my g/f left me. She calls after the movie sounding like she was crying, just didn't admit to it. I figured this may have been a good sign, maybe she wanted me back. I ask her why she had me watch it she says "So you know why I left you. You always ask why." I told her " I know why you left me, the first time, but you came back and left for no reason and everything was fine." She replies, "I just can't believe someone like you can change so fast." This goes back and forth for almost half an hour. I open my heart out explaining how I didn't know how good I had it and how much I love her. She starts crying saying she loves me too, she's just scared and has some personal thinsg she needs to deal with. Mainly involving her lack of self image and self worth, feeling that she always leans on someone elses success (mine) and has nothing to show for herself, that if I ever left her while we were together she would have nothing.

 

I told her I understood and respected that, but if she wants to be with me and love me I wanted to know that when she was ready if she was coming back. She promised me she was. It made me happy but at the same time a little upset. Like, if you love me and want to be with me why not then?? We talked for maybe an hour about some related things and how to go about mending things. She mentioned there was one thing I needed to do for her so we could be together. But she wanted mem to find out on my own so she would know that I was sincere about my changes. I went crazy over what it could've been.

 

The next day comes and I call her from work. Make some small talk and try to gauge what it was. I was kind of frustrated with these "games" that she was playing. I thought it was some "wild goose chase". She just explained to me that it was something I said I'd never do but I could do and that she just felt I was too proud too. After a few minutes of this she blurts out and says "It has to do with my parents..." I went dead silent. That one thing, her parents. Her dad never really liked me, and I never went out of my way to try to make a relationship with him in the whole year and a half we were together we may have spoken 4 or 5 times (bad on my part). I was kind of silent, taken aback by it, she sensed that and said "Goodbye greg" and hung up.

 

I didn't talk to her at all that nite. The next day (yesterday) I speak to her and ask her why she hung up. She said b/c you were silent and it sounded like you made your decision. I told her that I was just thinking and that I was willing to do whatever it took. She further explained that it wasn't a game but just if we were to get back together she wants her parents blessing b/c if we ever got married they wouldn't come to the wedding and that was important to her. Sometimes it's hard for me to understand someone who is so family orientated b/c I was never close with my family, but she really is so sometimes I'm just insensitive to that and it shows. I'm trying to improve that. That nite we were supposed to hook up for dinner if she got out of babysittin her cousins early. She IMs me around 11:30 saying she just got in and all this. So I tell her I need to talk to her about somethings, b/c I need to know what details of our relationship and break up she told them, so I know what to address when I write/speak to them. She wouldn't call me b/c her only phone was in her parents room and her cell phone is broken. So i told her I'd drive up there, nope doesn't want to meet. After a while of pushing the issue (which yes I probably shouldn't have done) she logs of IM. don't speak to her at all

 

Today, I tried calling her this morning, no answer, called her this afternoon, same thing. I know she started a new job so I gave up after 4pm (when she started). It's 9pm and still can't get in contact with her. I did go to a florist today and did what a friend recommended and have a nice arrangement of her favorite flowers (Lillys) delivered. They'll arrive at her door on Friday.

 

Here's the thing, she told me she needed her space. I want to so bad and I know it's the right thing. I just can't resist calling her. It's like when I get so close, I get scared and can't let go. She even said that I "love choking the life out of everything" b/c I just can't let things ride. I know she's right and all my friends are too. I just want to know should I believe her that she wants to be with me? And if so how come she makes me feel, that although she says its important to her, this and me and still on the bottom of the totem pole? That everythign else she is doing is more important than getting back. All i want to do is see what she has said to her parents and what she plans on saying to them, b/c I can't just show up saying "Yes I'm in love wiht your daughter and want your blessing." and them to say "Last we heard she wished you were shipped to the moon." I just need some advice on the next step. I want so bad to have her back before Christmas so we can begin to rebuild our relationship.

 

Thanks for any and all advice

[Puma]

it sounds liek she does want you back..u have to talk to her more about her intentions though. i know that you are worried what she told her parents casue you dont want to feel stupid if you were to go talk to them. ask her what she really wants from this..and for the both of you..then based on her answer work towards that..and g luck to ya

[gpastorelli]

By intentions you think she has other reasons other than just wanting to be with me or you asking as far as intentions go with the parents?

Thanks for the advice

[Puma]

no im talkin bout intentions between whats gonna happen between you two..like what does she even expect from it in case you do go talk to the parents ya know what i mean?? kinda get a better feel for whats goin on in other words..dont just assume things, that wont get you nowhere and you'll get confused..by the sound of it she doesnt want to get hurt and if u hurt her in the relationship shes gonna want to take it slow..shes not just gonna want to get into it that fast again..she wants to make sure you makin steps at realizin who you are and that she can be happy with you if you are willin to put effort, understand?

[Charlane]

She has her own demons. Get off of that carousel until she figures it out.