Invite the ex over for christmas?

[smile]

Well in spite of some of your advice I did have contact with my ex. He called and asked me to go to the gym and maybe grocery shopping. Funny thing, I always loved shopping with him... and so when he asked it was like "youre always the one to call for a good time.. grocery shopping"

 

he came over and we never made it to the gym. we talked .. for like 3 hours. He told me all about the girl he was with.. he said he wanted me to understand. She is crazy. Like certifiable..and the coplicated thing was that he thought she was crazy but felt so weird. He didnt want to be with her but he felt dumb breaking up with the second gf in three months. Boys

 

Anyway he told me how she broke up and how he cant be friends with her. He told her no way. Thats the first girl he has ever felt that way about. He apologized for so much. When we sat on the couch he kept pushing me off (playfully) and then picking me up and scooting me closer to him. He had a headache and I had no asprin so I told him about the massaging the inside of your hand thing.. he asked me to do it. Turned into hand holding and he put his arms around me while we "watched" tv.

 

Nothing happened we just talked. It was nice. Then we went shopping and had SO MUCH FUN! Played with the toys at Target and had play fights at the grocery store... he asked my advice like he used to.. it was so nice.

 

Then when he took me home he did something he NEVER did when we were together. He walked me to my door. To make sure I got home safe. Asked me for a hug and then said for me to call him sometime.

 

I know the feeling weird is no excuse for not breaking up with her.. but thats when he starting calling me again. We talked about stuff that was a problem with us and I explained stuff to him. I cried and he teared up a bit.

 

I was still gaurded tho. When I cried I was looking for my shoes so I didnt sit by him or have him hug me or anything.. even tho I am sure he would've. Then when we got out of the car I walked ahead of him and wasn't too into hugging him goodbye. I was afraid I would let go and fall apart in his arms.

 

We are friends and I love that. We can call and talk to eachother. We can hang out. It took a lot for me to get that he wanted to cuddle with me.. everytime he pushed me off I just sat somewhere else. He had to drag me back.

 

I am happy about us being buddies. I truly missed him. I am not too worried about my future right now... I am just happy that I have my best friend back in my life..

 

He told me his family was going to be gone for christmas. I said that was sad. He said his friend invited him for christmas with her family but ah he doesnt know. My family celebrates on Christmas Day so I used to spend xmas day with him. So do you think I should offer to hang out with him Christmas Day? Do you think he wanted me to ask him?

 

He is so christmas-y and he says he isnt in the christmas spirit this year. That is so sad. He talked about how crappy and crazy this year was. He even said the he knows I am not crazy I just had issues and he is so happy I could deal with them. He can see how much I have grown and how I seem more myself than I used to......

[TranslucentThoughts]

He wants to be with you at christmas. It seems like he does anyway. I think you should ask him. You're both good friends and you obviously have a lot of fun together, besides... he'll be lonely otherwise. Unless you think that something bad will come from inviting him... then, I say go ahead. He either accepts... or he doesn't... but at least you were friendly and offered.

 

You two sound really cute. Why did you break up?

[smile]

thanks. I thought we were cute too. wow we broke up because i was going through this major depression and I did not handle it well. Sort of like I expected him to fix it, he couldn't and I made him feel guilty for it. I didnt mean to ... and the more I did the more I hated me and the more insecure I became. I was so jealous and accusatory. But he never left because he knew I wasn't myself...

 

Then he went on tour and had a nervous breakdown... decided I was evil and he needed to get away. He came home and we talked it through.. the specifics are here somewhere...Anyway it is so amazing to me when I think about it.. that we are still friends.

 

After so much we still feel connected to eachother. Not even a question .. we know we are there for eachother. The greatest thing to come from this is we are both so honest with eachother right now. It feels insane and wonderful.

 

Last year I was making him a stocking but I didnt quite finish it.. this year going through stuff I found it. I think I am going to finish it. I was going to leave his present on his doorstep so he could find it christmas morning. Even thinking of writing "from santa" just so it wasnt too weird that i got him something.. make it funny instead of serious. But now that we have hung out and stuff I think the stocking is ok to finish...

 

Since he is going to be alone..and he has no christmas spirit I figured I would fill it with cheap fun toys... kid stuff. I want it to be fun and thoughtful.. not " i love you" stuff more like "you are special to me" kinda stuff.

 

I dunno.. but yeh I am going to ask him. You are right the worst he can do is say no.

[smile]

yesterday he went on and on about how depressed he was. i didnt initiate IM conversation.. in fact I was away and he left this sad msg. He said he was depressed. Then he went on about how he had to do this art project but he kept putting it off. I said oh ok I will go and not bug you.... but he was like nooooo dont go i am doing this while i talk to you.

 

i tried to cheer him up. said dumb things talked about stuff we liked. we had some silly conversations. then i said things would get better and he knows he will be happy someday. I said then just keep that in mind.. keep thinking about that and he said ... seriously i am. what does that mean?

 

then he was asking about new years . he knows i am going to disneyland and he was supposed to play a show. now he doesnt want to play the show... so he is like "what am i going to do for new years?"....after the xmas comment is that supposed to mean he wants me to ask him?.....

 

ugh boys confuse me...

 

but i enjoy his company..

[kodiak]

Smile-

 

It sounds to me that maybe you two are getting your second chance. I could relate to your story in some ways how things ended with my ex. mine was a LDR and i got really sad at times when she had to leave or i had to leave. For some reason this sadness made me feel insecure and jealous. I would always make stuff up in my head that would not be true and it began to cause problems. Six months later i hate myslef for ever doing this to such an amzing girl. I ruly thought that she was my soulmate and I still do, I guess im just not hers. It hurts still, you know? For the first 4 months we alked but now she never calls. The thing is our breakup was very hard because we both still loved each other but i was having issues that drove her away. So it wasnt a ugly breakup were anything hurtful was said, you know? I would do anything tio have a friendship with her but i guess she moved on. I assume that beacause she doesnt call anymore. I sent her a b-day card and i got no reply. That hurt. Anyways back to you. Liek i said i think you should take things slow and hang out with yoru ex. But take it slow. Sure hang out with him for x-mas but make sure you try your best to keep it as friends till you are both ready to go farther(if thats what you want). How long did you two break up for? How long together? How long did you go with NC? Anyways good luck to you. Evenn though you might just be friends atleast you have him for the holidays. I have my ex but only in my dreams. Take Care..................Kodiak

[smile]

You know I am so happy that we are grocery shopping, cable tv watching, IMing buddies again. I love him but like our relationship was basically that... plus some cuddling and hugging and kissing... etc... anyway I know I have chance here but I am not sure what it is a chance for... I guess I just dont want to jinx anything. We are talking so openly about how we felt before the breakup and how we felt after...

 

We were together for almost three years and we have been broken up since July... thats what 5 months? wow.

Um the nc thing was off and on for three months. we have a phone together so we had to talk at least once a month... we are really good friends and have kind of been there for eachother emotionally so when we broke up it was so hard... the lines were blurry between best friend and significant other.

 

He has been asking about my family a lot. How they are how much he misses them. He even said, of one of my nephews, "man I miss that kid... I wish I could see him again"... but he also keeps saying " i dont know" randomly... not about anything just " i don't know"

 

I don't want to talk about this stuff to my family and friends because I am either afraid it wont pan out and I will get "i told you so" s or I am afraid they will just tell me I am dreaming and being used and stay away. ... This is between us and I think we need to work it out before anyone else knows..... soooo I am glad I have this place to say stuff and share.

 

I had the same insecurity issues.. being with a bf in a band it was hard... he was at bars and stuff on friday/sat nights and I was here alone.. I felt left out a lot of the time.. but I was going through some emotional stuff so I was more clingy than usual. Now I see the beauty in him being gone so much... I had started to see it towards the end , but by then it was too late..

 

In our case lots of hurtful things were said. But it was more out of frustration than hate... we both apologized and I am so happy that after all of that we can communicate... even now more honestly than before..

 

Man I am longwinded... ugh sorry .....I do appreciate that I have him for the holidays tho.. I was thinking Christmas day with old movies and board games.. just fun and laid back. Maybe have a fire and roast some marshmallows