Another girl goes quiet on me after the second date. Why do people choose to ignore?

[David_Marsh]

I've met up with two girls from online dating in the last month. Had two dates with both and both ended up in a similar situation where the girl has been ignoring me after the second date.

 

All four dates seem to go well in that we both seemed to enjoy each others company. I don't think there was any long term potential with both of them but I would have liked to have met up with both of them a 3rd time and then have an honest friendly chat where we could have settled on being friends.

 

I've got no idea why they are ignoring me rather than just telling me there not interested any more .. goodluck or let's just be friends etc.

 

Instead, I get delayed reponses to my texts (liek 48 hours) and very plain messages - showing no interest unlike before.

 

If you don't like somone then don't spend 4 hours hanging out with them twice only to just ignore them after.

 

I swear this is what usually women complain about .... guys going silent on them but it seems I'm getting this treatment myself.

 

Is this normal? It's bothering me now because next time I'm on a date which seems to be going well, I don't know what to make of it.

 

I'm a very friendly, honest guy and always expect the same in return. If you been friendly with someone and invested alot of time getting to know them over a month then it's classy to just have a chat and be honest.

 

How often does this happen to you? Why do people go quiet like this?

Edited October 6, 2013 by David_Marsh

[soccerrprp]

After two dates, no one is obligated to let you know. You're still strangers. It may suck and contrary to your philosophy, but many feel it's easier to simply ignore then to unnecessarily verbalize what they are truly feeling. Sad, but true.

[Joaquin]

They are just not interested in you as someone they wish to mate with.

 

You were also not interested in them in that way.

 

Maybe your pride is hurt. Get over it. Why you expect friendship is a bit unusual. Are you short of friends.

 

I would find this an ideal resolution. Saves awkward chats down the line.

Edited October 6, 2013 by Joaquin

[David_Marsh]

They are just not interested in you as someone they wish to mate with.

 

You were also not interested in them in that way.

 

Maybe your pride is hurt. Get over it. Why you expect friendship is a bit unusual. Are you short of friends.

 

I would find this an ideal resolution. Saves awkward chats down the line.

 

To be honest - yes, I don't have many friends at the moment. Possibly the main reason I'm still looking to be friends with them. I don't try to make every girl I meet online a friend. Just these two as we seemed to be getting along quite well even if there was no romantic connection.

 

The first one text me after one week of being quiet asking me to meet up. I text back saying I could not but we said we will talk later that evening. When I called, she did no answer and been quiet since. Surely, this is more arkward than simply sending a message or having that phonecall and just saying this is not gonna work out.

 

Yes, my pride may be hurt. I'm sensitive.

[Maxtor]

Maybe you are too much of a nice guy. Thats not sexy. Women unfortunately want a man, and a man is someone who, i guess, puts himself first of all, even if he hurts some people along the way.

[David_Marsh]

Maybe you are too much of a nice guy. Thats not sexy. Women unfortunately want a man, and a man is someone who, i guess, puts himself first of all, even if he hurts some people along the way.

 

I am a nice guy, but not toooo sensitive. I take the piss out of my dates in a playful way. For example, I was taking the piss out of her hand movements when she talks in a light hearted manner and this was making her laugh really loud. She was then taking the piss out of my accent and I was laughing. It was a nice friendly moment during the second date and one reason why I don't understand you can be like that with somone and then a few hours later want to ignore them.

[David_Marsh]

Possibly as I do not have many friends I'm getting attached to my dates quicker and easier than I should and I accept that. But still don't udnerstand why someone can't simply say they are not interested anymore.

[Lansing]

I understand what you are saying. I have had people in my life just "disappear" before....

 

Maybe YOU should make it clear that you enjoyed their company, don't see a romantic connection but still feel like you guys could get along as friends and suggest an outing of "mutual" interest....

 

I am thinking they are maybe unsure but at the same time they don't feel like putting in the effort either way...

[Ok Good]

I understand OP's frustration for the poor manners and lack of courtesy,

but I think that it goes beyond just the dating world

 

people are just not being well trained in consideration of others and think flaking is somehow appropriate

 

you can either just keep on practicing the golden rule and/or be the one to say to the flakey person, 'thanks but no thanks' once they've gone silent (at least you can get closure--if you need it)

 

This situation just happened with me with a guy that had been VERY interested in meeting me (OLD), and then after I spoke with him on the phone, I realized we just weren't gonna click (I was bored with our conversation and he talked almost the WHOLE time) and so I let him know we'd could just be friends--he was like ok, try to set up a 1st meet and then when I offered ideas he just stopped responding--oh well

since I didn't really like him I don't need to contact him to say bye

[365daysgone]

I for one cannot stand people doing this. I've had 2 girls in the past month do this. One was a friend that I hung out with 3 times...I bought her dinner and talked to her the next day. When I asked if se wanted to hang out on the weekend, she said she will let me know and then went silent. The other girl I met on OLD and I hung out with her everyday night for a week and a half then out of nowhere she all of a sudden starts ignoring me. Like really?!

 

I think people just try to avoid potentially akward conversations by choosing to simply ignore the other person but it still seems totally immature to me. How akward could a text saying "hey I just don't think we are connecting. This is just how I feel." be? I am tempted to just start telling every person I meet from now on that if they feel like we are not getting along or things aren't working to tell me rather then suddenly cut of communication with me. Honesty and open communication are the most important things o me so I hate when people don't have the guts to just TALK openly about things.

[Ok Good]

I am tempted to just start telling every person I meet from now on that if they feel like we are not getting along or things aren't working to tell me rather then suddenly cut of communication with me.

 

first, I'm sorry this has happened to you 2x in a month, that is not cool!

 

what you can do next time is when you're discussing past dating experiences just mention these situations and how you wish they would have handled it differently, anyone with brains will get your point

[gaius]

How often does this happen to you? Why do people go quiet like this?

"David, I had a good time on our date but I just can't see having sex with you. ______ about you kinda grosses me out. I need a guy who's more my ideal."

 

Feel better now that you know the truth? Just imagine it coming out of her mouth instead of mine. That's why people go quiet.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

OP, have you tried going for sex early on?

 

When I was single, I used to take girls back to my place on the first date. Sometimes, it led to sex. Sometimes, they shot me down. I did notice that they tended to respond more afterwards and show more interest in dating me if I at least went for it.

 

And, if they don't responded, well, at least you had sex with them.

[TB Rhine]

Also, lose the phrase "take the piss out of" if that's a part of your regular dating vernacular. I personally draw the line at only wanting to hear the word "piss" a maximum of three times during a date.

[Chocolat]

 

All four dates seem to go well in that we both seemed to enjoy each others company. I don't think there was any long term potential with both of them but I would have liked to have met up with both of them a 3rd time and then have an honest friendly chat where we could have settled on being friends.

 

I've got no idea why they are ignoring me rather than just telling me there not interested any more .. goodluck or let's just be friends etc.

 

 

Different styles.

 

You're not interested; they're not interested. The only difference is that you want a 3rd meeting so you can express your lack of interest in person and they don't.

 

Many people on dating sites already have a full complement of friends. Unless they put "looking for friends" in their profile, you can assume they are looking for a romantic relationship. If that's not happening -- and by your statements, it wasn't happening for either of you -- then they would rather just move on.

[Leigh 87]

I have friends but I also love making new ones. I would totally have agreed to be your friend!

 

You know, I am really friendly and I have travelled overseas a lot as a young person BECAUSE I love meeting knew people!

 

Geez people who already " have friends" lol.... Always something to learn from new people worth knowing! If not worth knowing, well, that is another story...

 

About fading/ disappearing? Well, personally, I think it is rude. I tell a guy if I am not interested.

 

Though I have, at times, not had the heart to say it, and act aloof and disinterested as these girls have done to you.

 

I never disappear though! And now I take the time to tell a guy I am not interested.

 

Two guys have done it to me recently, after MOREEE than just " two dates". I personally believe these people do not have a high degree of empathy.

 

Not unless the girl or guy in question goes batsh*t crazy and texts then 21989237849327 times a day or something off. Even then, after they sleep with you and u date them for some time, they should at least have the decency to say " sorry, not interested, please leave me alone"

[Woop1337]

Most women will not tell you how exactly you are turning them off. So you go, by their actions. Most guys don't even get a second date, so you must be doing something right. Then again, you are also doing something wrong. Because, you are not getting anymore attention from them.

 

Anyway, in dating you are going to miss more than you'll hit. That goes for most men. So don't sweat it man. Just on to the next one.

[Boggled]

I recently had a similar experience with a woman. Thing is we have been part of the same club for over a year now and had spoken quite a bit. I thought there was a spark between us and finally asked her out. We went on a date, chatted for hours and both of us said we had a great time.

We agreed to meet up for a second date and both of us said we had a good time. Then when I texted her about a third date I heard nothing back. After a few days I try to call which goes to voice mail, I leave a message and dont have a response weeks later. Im confused and annoyed at the behaviour. I would have been cool if she had just said its not going to work or something along those lines but this is just rude and as we are part of the same club she will have to see me again. I've been on the other end myself a few times but I've always been straight with the woman in question and told her when I had decided I didnt want to see her again.

Not the first time its happened though and I have moved on, not something I'd spend a lot of time puzzling over. I dont think being ignored can ever be a good sign and if she is one of those 'play-hard-to-get' types you're better off not biting the bait and just forget her.

[Copelandsanity]

Am I missing something here? I don't think they're choosing to ignore or actively ignoring you. It's more like exactly what you said. Neither of you are feeling it and there is no point to contact anymore. Time to move onto the next. That's what I would be thinking if I were you.

[Mascara]

It's rude of them to not let you know - I think that even after one date, if one party reaches out then it's polite to decline. But the fact is that they are simply not feeling it. So if you need closure, there it is. One date to meet, another date to give it another shot - confirmation that they're done.

 

 

Also, lose the phrase "take the piss out of" if that's a part of your regular dating vernacular. I personally draw the line at only wanting to hear the word "piss" a maximum of three times during a date.

 

I'm assuming the OP is a Brit or Aussie. The phrase "taking the piss" is totally acceptable for those cultures. It wouldn't be a jolt to hear it said pretty regularly.

[StanMusial]

OP, have you tried going for sex early on?

 

When I was single, I used to take girls back to my place on the first date. Sometimes, it led to sex. Sometimes, they shot me down. I did notice that they tended to respond more afterwards and show more interest in dating me if I at least went for it.

 

And, if they don't responded, well, at least you had sex with them.

 

LOL. My friend who was on POF was pumped and dumped so many times it was disgusting. She actually didn't speak to me for several months after I told her to stop giving it up so easy. Also cursed me LOL. Hey, if she's going to ask for my advice she better be able to handle it.

[Phantom888]

They are not interested, or they met someone new. This happens all the time in the world of Online Dating. People go on 1st/2nd dates with numerous people, and they weed out the less compatible ones. They can be having fun, and may even appear interested, but just know there is someone whom they are MORE interested in, hence you get the silent treatment.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong. Just no chemistry. It happens more often than not.