Awful night out, am I over worrying?

[alexjames]

I went out last night with my girlfriend (She is 18 and I'm 21) and a few of my mates for a friends birthday. Before the night out, we had a party in a local pub. I had a fight with my girlfriend because she told me a few nights ago that she can't guarentee that she won't kiss other guys if she's had a lot to drink etc. (I know, lovely thing to hear!). But last night when we got into town, it was hell. There were guys grabbing her bum all the time, guys whispering in her ear, touching her, cudling and other things. She didn't mind any of it (other than the man touching her bum as she moved away!). At one point, I moved a guys hand off her shoulder, which really annoyed him and her. (he asked her who I am later on in the night when they were outside TOGETHER and when she said I'm her boyfriend he told her to leave me and go with him!). I hardly spoke to her in the club all night. I kept looking over and see her dancing with my mates(which I have NO problem with) and dancing with other men all night (not just dancing near them, this was quite full on). She told me there was a guy who asked her to dance and she really wanted too, but she said no purely because I was angry enough at the time. She has said that she doesn't want to go clubbing with me again as she don't want to be constantly watched etc. She came round tonight for a couple of hours and she told me that I have to trust her and she just loves to dance and be a bit of a flirt etc, but nothing will ever happen and that she cant be with me if I dont trust her (she was crying when she said this). Do I just stop worrying because she has said this or should I have serious worries? I really like her and don't want everybody to just tell me to leave her!

[giblesp]

Looks like another casualty of the 'clubbing GF.'

 

You're clearly not comfortable with the way she flirts with other guys. And she's warned you she could cheat when she's drunk. How attractive.

 

Let me spell this out for you, she's a selfish spoiled little girl who wants the best for herself alone. Flirt with the men, kiss them when drunk and come home to you afterward.

 

And if you don't like it, you're untrusting, clingy etc.

 

Is that what you want from a relationship? Because maybe you deserve better.

[ExpatInItaly]

I went out last night with my girlfriend (She is 18 and I'm 21) and a few of my mates for a friends birthday. Before the night out, we had a party in a local pub. I had a fight with my girlfriend because she told me a few nights ago that she can't guarentee that she won't kiss other guys if she's had a lot to drink etc. (I know, lovely thing to hear!). But last night when we got into town, it was hell. There were guys grabbing her bum all the time, guys whispering in her ear, touching her, cudling and other things. She didn't mind any of it (other than the man touching her bum as she moved away!). At one point, I moved a guys hand off her shoulder, which really annoyed him and her. (he asked her who I am later on in the night when they were outside TOGETHER and when she said I'm her boyfriend he told her to leave me and go with him!). I hardly spoke to her in the club all night. I kept looking over and see her dancing with my mates(which I have NO problem with) and dancing with other men all night (not just dancing near them, this was quite full on). She told me there was a guy who asked her to dance and she really wanted too, but she said no purely because I was angry enough at the time. She has said that she doesn't want to go clubbing with me again as she don't want to be constantly watched etc. She came round tonight for a couple of hours and she told me that I have to trust her and she just loves to dance and be a bit of a flirt etc, but nothing will ever happen and that she cant be with me if I dont trust her (she was crying when she said this). Do I just stop worrying because she has said this or should I have serious worries? I really like her and don't want everybody to just tell me to leave her!

 

She totally contradicted herself. She's warned you where her head and heart are at, and for heaven's sake YES, you should have serious worries! How are you even questioning that? She flat-out told you that she might not remain faithful to you. You watched her get too close with other guys. What do you think will happen when you're not around?

 

Sorry, OP, but if you want a committed relationship, she isn't the girl to get it from. She's not ready for it and doesn't want to commit to just you. You say you don't want people to tell you to leave her. So, I'll tell you this instead: When (not if) she kisses another guy, expect her to say "I told you so!" You stayed when she warned you that she'll probably do this, and that part is on you.

[alexjames]

The thing is though, when I questioned her tonight about whether she can be trusted and if she would be unfaithful, she cried straight away and said that it hurts her to even think of her as unfaithful. I know that when girls go out together for the night, they are always going to get guys attention, that's just natural (and I'm not just saying this, but my girl is stunning. Blonde hair, size 10, really cute and I sometimes feel that I'm not good enough for her. ) so she is bound to get A LOT of attention. She said that when she is with her friends, that if a guy just asks her for a dance etc, then she will, just for a bit of fun and to enjoy her night, which is fine (of course I expect her to dance in a nightclub and with guys as it'll be full of them!). So the fact that she will be dancing with a strange guy I have no real issue with (once she leave the club she will probably never see him again!) and as she said, if she is with her friend and her friend is dancing with some guy, then she isn't going to stand there and dance on her own like a lemon! It's just how far things go that worry me. things like touching, hugging etc would be what gets to me. The thing is aswell, she knows that the guy she is dancing with wants 'more' but she only wants to dance, but after drinks he may be a little more persuasive in that respect. I know jealousy is VERY bad in any relationship and we've only been together a few weeks, so maybe I should just go with the flow for now, see what happens, take each day as it comes and not think too much about the future.

[ExpatInItaly]

The thing is though, when I questioned her tonight about whether she can be trusted and if she would be unfaithful, she cried straight away and said that it hurts her to even think of her as unfaithful. I know that when girls go out together for the night, they are always going to get guys attention, that's just natural (and I'm not just saying this, but my girl is stunning. Blonde hair, size 10, really cute and I sometimes feel that I'm not good enough for her. ) so she is bound to get A LOT of attention. She said that when she is with her friends, that if a guy just asks her for a dance etc, then she will, just for a bit of fun and to enjoy her night, which is fine (of course I expect her to dance in a nightclub and with guys as it'll be full of them!). So the fact that she will be dancing with a strange guy I have no real issue with (once she leave the club she will probably never see him again!) and as she said, if she is with her friend and her friend is dancing with some guy, then she isn't going to stand there and dance on her own like a lemon! It's just how far things go that worry me. things like touching, hugging etc would be what gets to me. The thing is aswell, she knows that the guy she is dancing with wants 'more' but she only wants to dance, but after drinks he may be a little more persuasive in that respect. I know jealousy is VERY bad in any relationship and we've only been together a few weeks, so maybe I should just go with the flow for now, see what happens, take each day as it comes and not think too much about the future.

 

A few weeks? Holy red flags, Batman.

 

Well, then....there's not much anyone here can offer you in terms of advice. Frankly, I don't see how her tears are relevant. You've gone from being rightfully upset at her disrespectful behaviour (and yes, openly admitting that you might cheat and actually getting annoyed when your boyfriend intervenes on your flirting session is disrespectful) to wondering if maybe you are the one with the problem. Good luck to you.

[giblesp]

I had a fight with my girlfriend because she told me a few nights ago that she can't guarentee that she won't kiss other guys if she's had a lot to drink etc.

 

Wake up dude, she's no good for you.

[crederer]

I saw a guy grab my girls ass one time. I'm not gunna say what happened after that because hanging a guy from a tree in front of his mother is frowned upon in this society...I'm just kidding I made that last part up. All I did was throw him off of the fourth floor balcony.

[candie13]

you're either a troll or incredibly naive. I think we have trolling case here

[a0009]

You have two choices, trust her or Dump her its simple as that. Go with your gut feeling

[todreaminblue]

i adore dancing but would understand a partner who didnt want em to go clubbing......not that i would do anything but it isnt uncommon for guys to get up close and personal i am normally pretty qucik and can avoid close contact when i dont drink

 

when i went dancing recently, there were girls there who said they were engaged and the way they were dancing and flirting you wouldnt know it......so yeah i understand why guys get upset.....if i was in a relationship[ i would only go dancing with my guy even then something could happen i woudl respect my partners wishes over a night of dance.....i can dance anywhere cant find a good guy anywhere....which si what i todl my daugher when i took her out............if i am not drinking which is what i prefer to do is just drink water i am in full control and a lot faster than drunk guys, but i do understand why guys get iffy about girlfriends clubbling seen enough and heard enough to know why......its justified......deb

[soccerrprp]

I went out last night with my girlfriend (She is 18 and I'm 21) and a few of my mates for a friends birthday. Before the night out, we had a party in a local pub. I had a fight with my girlfriend because she told me a few nights ago that she can't guarentee that she won't kiss other guys if she's had a lot to drink etc. (I know, lovely thing to hear!). But last night when we got into town, it was hell. There were guys grabbing her bum all the time, guys whispering in her ear, touching her, cudling and other things. She didn't mind any of it (other than the man touching her bum as she moved away!). At one point, I moved a guys hand off her shoulder, which really annoyed him and her. (he asked her who I am later on in the night when they were outside TOGETHER and when she said I'm her boyfriend he told her to leave me and go with him!). I hardly spoke to her in the club all night. I kept looking over and see her dancing with my mates(which I have NO problem with) and dancing with other men all night (not just dancing near them, this was quite full on). She told me there was a guy who asked her to dance and she really wanted too, but she said no purely because I was angry enough at the time. She has said that she doesn't want to go clubbing with me again as she don't want to be constantly watched etc. She came round tonight for a couple of hours and she told me that I have to trust her and she just loves to dance and be a bit of a flirt etc, but nothing will ever happen and that she cant be with me if I dont trust her (she was crying when she said this). Do I just stop worrying because she has said this or should I have serious worries? I really like her and don't want everybody to just tell me to leave her!

 

Am I too late?

 

LEAVE HER! SHE TOTALLY AND UNQUESTIONABLY DOES NOT RESPECT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS.

 

You look like the beaten-down FOOL in all of this.

 

Sorry.

[a0009]

look at this post

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/429697-girls-night

[PegNosePete]

I really like her and don't want everybody to just tell me to leave her!

Well, I don't want to go bald, die or have a losing lottery ticket every week. Looks like we'll both be disappointed

 

LEAVE HER.

 

She is not GF material in the slightest. She has absolutely no respect for you or for your relationship. What do you think she would do if you treated her how she is treating you? You would be out the door so fast she'd have to FedEx your shadow to you. Why would you allow yourself to be treated so badly? Grow some self respect and kick this woman out of your life, before you catch an STD.

[crepesuzette]

you're either a troll or incredibly naive. I think we have trolling case here

 

There are SO many trolls here...it is SICK to think with SO many people going through complete agony here that there are people posting out and out right lies. Possibly they want sympathy...possibly they wish their lives were truly going that way but because of insecurities and fear they post an illusion. Maybe to make people believe they are stronger then they truly are, but a TRUE reality can't and will NEVER happen until you reach acceptance and the fact that your life is not what you want...no matter how many lies you tell or how much you try to "will" it to be so. I know this because complete truth is what saved me four years ago.

[James-London]

if you really want to keep her, here is what you do - you need to recognise that she is treating you with disrespect and then you need to treat her the same way back. You should start flirting with other girls and dancing with them. Do it so she can see but not so it is obvious to get her attention. If you are not in a club, flirt with the waitress at the restaurant or any other female interaction.

 

I she doesn't react then you know she really does not care at all and you have no relationship to begin with. If she does react just feed her the same words back about how she should trust you... if you want to throw in a few tears for comedic effect all the better. But make sure that she is able to connect the dots about how you are behaving in the same way as her.

 

One big lesson I learnt is that relationships do not work when the two people do not respect or value each other equally. That is what is happening here. Whatever you do keep your expectations low about this relationship.

[crepesuzette]

Those in glass houses..What you brought around comes around most times back to you TEN fold....like a ton of bricks....some IC aren't worth the paper their degree is written on...I would suggest going back to IC with a new one...however true empathy can't be taught....I hope you find true happiness and peace...you have been through so much, your health can truly start to fail completely from all of this misery...I hope your family can help you once you REALLY do decide to move on.

Edited October 9, 2013 by crepesuzette

[MasonJarTeaDrinker]

Don't be a sucker, cut your losses and let her go now. You will only fall more in love and knowing the fact that all these dudes want her and obviously she wants them also will kill your self esteem. Plus you're always going to be worrying about her and that's really bad for your health (all the stress). So just let her go man there's a lot of other girls out there. You're gonna be fine.