Is my girlfriend MISTREATING me???

[Lumberjacked]

Hello. I'm a 26 year old male and my girlfriend is 24 years old. We've been dating for 8 months now. We have both agreed that we love each other and that one day we would like to get married and live together.

 

Let me take a moment to describe my girlfriend. She's a beautiful blonde. Loves to laugh and be silly. We share a common sense of humor. She can get quite jealous. She'll get mad at me if I talk to other girls in her dreams. She requires a lot of attention. She constantly wants me around. If she could she'd chain me to her bedpost. She's pretty darn bossy too. She's starting to order me around and its beginning to bother me which usually starts a fight. I don't like being told what to do or subjugated by ANYONE. She's self-conscious about herself (What girl isn't?). She sometimes scares me. For instance if she just found a girls name on my contacts list that she doesn't know I feel like she'd prob stab me in the throat with a pencil while I'm sleeping.

 

But something happened last night. We decided to take a trip to my friend's house and spend the weekend there. (Two of my other friends came along.)

We went out to a bar to eat/drink have a good time. Everything was going great. I went outside to smoke a cigarette with my friends and I received a phone call from my girlfriend. She accused me of "ditching" her to go to another bar with my friends. I explained we were just having a quick smoke and were going to come back inside. Nonetheless she was still mad at me.

 

Than we went to another bar and at this point in the night I was having a great time and so it seemed for everyone else. My friend and I were sitting down with our girlfriends. (technically they're engaged) I told my girlfriend that we were going to order some more drinks at the bar. We went to the bar and before we could order the drinks our other friends asked me if I wanted to have another smoke with them. So we all went out to have a smoke. As we were outside my girlfriend comes out all pissed saying things like "This is the second time you ditched me tonight, You left me alone, etc" and she gives me the finger and barges back into the bar. I did NOT leave her alone inside the bar. She was with my friends fiance talking. I even commented to my friend how well our girls hit it off. I thought everyone was happy and having a good time until she exploded on me like that.

So I go into the bar to find my girl and see why she's so upset. She wouldn't look at me and all she said was "don't talk to me". So I heeded her wishes and left her alone.

 

Eventually we all went back to the house to party a little more and go to sleep. She's still giving me the silent treatment. She said a FEW words to me but that's all. At one point she loaded a dating website on her phone and showed me she was going to create a profile. That really made me feel like a pile of dog crap. She than went to go to bed and asked if I was gonna go to sleep too. I told her i wanted to stay up and hang out with my friends longer. I rarely get to hang out with more than 2 of my friends so I wanted to milk it. I passed out on the couch. I get awaken by my girlfriend hitting me on the shoulder and whispering very loudly at me. I can't remember exactly what she said because I was drunk and half awake. All I remember is her saying the words "...drinking with your friends..." like it was something bad than turns off the TV and storms back to bed.

 

I wake up in the morning and look at my phone. She left me two messages. The first one reading word-for-word, "So glad I came on this trip. Got to experience a new side of you." The next message was "I hate you". I was completely blindsided by this. She was completely ignoring my physical presence that morning. I attempted to help her carry her bags into the car but she grabbed them from me and would not let me help her. I even showed my friends what she sent me via text and even they were shocked.

 

So that's the story. I tried hard to include all important details. My gut tells me to dump her but I'd like to be reasonable.

 

Did I do something wrong? Does she have a right to be treating me like this?

Edited October 6, 2013 by Lumberjacked
Change of title.

[Sparty97]

Dump.This doesn't get better for you if you stick around.

[M30USA]

In case you haven't learned the facts of life yet, a woman cannot mistreat or abuse man. If she APPEARS to be doing so, it's only because she was helplessly driven to that point or it was self defense. You won't get sympathy from anyone. All you can do is shut up, keep your head down, and get out if you can't handle it. But be prepared to be viewed as weak if you choose this route. You just gotta forget about what people think. Only you know what you're going through and only you know what you can handle.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, her behaviour is disturbing and goes far beyond any normal twinges of jealousy we all get now and then. What you're seeing is likely only the tip of the ice berg. What other warning signs have you seen?

 

I dated a man like her for a little while. He acted out like a child when my attention was diverted from him. He'd say and do things to intentionally provoke and hurt me. I walked on eggshells and felt totally smothered. I started to suspect that he suffered some emotional imbalances / instability. It didn't end well.

[M30USA]

OP,

 

The kind of jealousy your gf exhibits is irrational and not based on your actual actions. There is no end point to it. I moved 2900 miles to my ex wife's home town and we only saw my family once per year--yet she still got pissed at me if I wanted to go out with a friend during that yearly visit!!! It's absolutely bat crazy.

Edited October 6, 2013 by M30USA

[Mr. Lucky]

Hello. I'm a 26 year old male and my girlfriend is 24 years old. We've been dating for 8 months now. We have both agreed that we love each other and that one day we would like to get married and live together.

Uh...why? Love and sexual attraction are great but I've never seen a successful marriage that didn't have a solid underpinning of respect, consideration and friendship. In other words, you have to enjoy spending time together. Doesn't seem to be the case here.

 

Also, had you not included your ages in the post, I'd have guessed high school. Or younger. The whole dynamic reeks of a needy immaturity that sounds less than adult...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Silly_Girl]

She sounds like a nasty drama queen.

 

Are you serious about a future with her? Is that really what you want for yourself?

[Nocturnal]

Oh god, get away from her. I read that and I wanted to scream. I have had the exact same type of relationships and they start out great, until you ask for time alone, time with friends or any activity without her. Do yourself a favor and find someone with some independence. Or it will be the death of your social life as you know it.

 

Take it from somone who married someone like that. :/

[Ronni_W]

Maybe she felt as if you had "emotionally ditched" her?

 

Had she met these people before? Maybe she did not FEEL as comfortable with the other girl as it seemed or as you thought...or even, perhaps, as you hoped/wanted.

 

Maybe she had expected more of a romantic weekend get-away, or at least to have some quality time between just the two of you at some point? It sounds like it ended up being more of a "buddies weekend" for you...could just be you and she had different ideas, with neither having thought to discuss own expectations.

 

Did you tell her you were going for a smoke? Especially the second time, cos clearly she was troubled -- maybe feeling uncomfortable -- after the first smoke...but you don't seem to have noticed or cared to find out what exactly was the nature of her beef. I get you didn't think it a big deal, but you missed her very clear signal to you that something wasn't sitting quite right with her.

 

NOT saying that she did a very good job of expressing whatever was her problem. HOW she chose to communicate her concerns is definitely something she could work on...and you ought to express your own dissatisfaction about it. *IF* you each and both decide that there is enough in the relationship.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP:

Go with your gut....dump quickly. She not only is on a crazy train, she is driving the damn thing.

G

[Nyla]

One thing I love about my husband is that he refuses to put up with any bratty behavior from me. I have dated other men that I could chew up and spit out. Though my husband dotes on me and treats me like a princess, he also has no problem putting me in my place when I need it. I love him for that.

 

It sounds like your girlfriend may have BPD.

 

If you want to stay with your girlfriend, stop giving in to her tantrums. When she sees that her behavior will not get the attention or results she wants, your girlfriend may stop.

[dj572]

Dump her quickly. That is no way to live. Life is too short for that kind of drama.

[Keenly]

Your girlfriend is a blanking psychopath. Leave now.

 

She doesn't view you as an equal. You are her pet. Nothing more. Your feelings are not valid, your time is hers alone, and you cant even see your friends without her getting jealous over your attention.

 

 

Your seriously going to marry that ball and chain? You know what would go great with your wedding vows? Your testicles.

[Quiet Storm]

She's manipulative, selfish & she plays games. If you stay with her, expect your life to be filled with drama.

 

She's trying to control you and when it doesn't work, she punishes you. I don't think she has the qualities to be a good partner.