answerman Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 In a nut shell ladies, heres my question. 5 years ago I purchase a diamond for someone I was going to ask to marry me. She said yes. After a year we decided not to get married and the ring was returned. For the past 3 years I have been dating someone that I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I intend to ask her if she would do the same. Here's the question. The diamond I purchased 5 years ago is wonderful and I put a lot of thought and time when choosing it. I choose it with care and I consider it a symbol of MY love. That being the case would it be ok to give this symbol of my love in a new setting to the women I would like to spend my life with. Or should I sell it and buy a new one? I am unsure if this makes any difference in your opinion but here is another reason I am asking. If I were to sell the diamond and buy another with the proceeds the new one would be smaller, with less clarity and cut. As an example The one I have now is 1.86 Carats, f color, vvs1, Ideal cut, Paid $ 15,000. As a private seller I would get less. The new one would be 1.5 Carats, g color, vs2, Idea cut Your thoughts ladies? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Dude, it's just a rock. Some child slave cut it out of a mine in Africa, it got cut, a few people murdered here, a few people murdered there, it made its way into the United States, and into a setting. Put it in a new setting, and give it to this girl. If she's the kinda person who wants you to go through the entire proccess again, you oughta rethink the commitment in general, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 First, I´m not really much into getting a diamond, BUT I wouldn´t want anything that was dedicated to another woman and was returned. I don´t know, call it pride, ego, etc., but I don´t want that. Nobody wants to be reminded of the past and if it´s avoidable, do it. If you think that getting a nice diamond is so important, then get a new nice one. You´ll still have to pay extra if you sell the old one, but hey, that´s the price of love. Link to post Share on other sites
heckno Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Listen to us women who have been there, please. I think it would make me rather upset to wear a diamond for the rest of my life, well, not just a diamond.. but an object that once signified your love and comittment for another woman. I'd often be reminded by it, and i'm not shallow or materialistic. The idea of wearing an important symbol, once intended for another, sends shivers up my spine. (unless it was my mothers or grandmothers, you get the point) A woman should not be blamed for wanting a different one. It's not wrong, it's not superficial. As a matter of fact i might rethink my relationship with a man if he thought he could pass off his ex fiancees ring to me, that'd be some nerve... Yes, you put a lot of time and effort into the first one, for the first woman. Start anew, with your new life, and let the old memories go with everything. If it means finding a cheaper rock, who cares? vvs2 is still great, and it's better than most women ever see in their lifetime. 31 less points is nothing to complain about from my standpoint. As far as selling the ring, is it mapped? If so, have you searched ebay for selling prices, or tried to trade it out with a smaller jeweler in your area? You might end up getting more even like that and get about what you have. Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I know this sounds shallow but. . . Your current flame deserves just as much as your first. If you spent all that money on a rock for your first fiance then you should get a new one that is just as nice for this girl. I know it's tough because that is a big purchase for anyone even if its just once but its unfair to your new (hopefully) fiance to give her a ring bought for another. If for some reason you are no longer in as good of financial situation as you were when you purchased the first ring then get what you can afford but I would definitely sell the old and buy new (or I would want my bf to). Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Definitely get her a different rock rather than the one you previously gave to another woman. Also, is it neccesary to spend $15,000 on a ring? I think it's the symbol of love that counts and not how much the diamond is worth. My boyfriend is going to buy me a diamond ring with 3 main stones, and then a few smaller ones engrained into the band on either side of the main stones. The total diamond weight among all the stones is only 1 carat and will cost him about $1700. I don't care about the price, but the symbol of love it represents. Heck, I even told him that he could buy me cubic circonia at Walmart and I wouldn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I'd rather have a smaller rock that I knew was picked out for me to wear instead of wearing a larger rock that had originally been intended for someone else. While you may consider it's only a ring and shouldn't matter who it was intended for, you should keep in mind that the only reason a ring is even involved is for the symbolism and therefore why it was purchased is just as important as purchasing it. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by Pocky I'd rather have a smaller rock that I knew was picked out for me to wear instead of wearing a larger rock that had originally been intended for someone else. Ditto. And I liked what heckno said too. Go get her a new rock, man. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Hunnhhhh? WTF? You want a smaller diamond just so it's not "tainted" with the love vibes of his previous woman? This I REALLY don't understand. Perhaps we better just agree that this is a PERSONAL preference. Now sure, I don't want a used ring and used setting from his beloved dead wife or anything like that. But just the STONE...in a beautiful new setting he selected for me, possibly with my assistance...bring it on! If my SO told me that he sold a bigger, better diamond because it had OW cooties on it, I would think he had a screw loose. Really. Link to post Share on other sites
Dakini Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Well, as for me, don't care too much for the diamond industry, but speaking from my Mom's experience: She is pissed off! and will continue to be pissed off throughout her life because she was given a an engagement ring and band (admittedly a family heir-loom on my Step-Dad's side) that was worn not only by previous wife number one but previous wife number TWO! So, (moral of the story) ditch the old diamond and get a new one! and make sure its certified clean. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 If someone is only concerned with the size of a diamond and not the symbolism behind the ring, then I could understand why they would want to just keep the larger stone regardless of who the intended person was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author answerman Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Not sure if the other post made it on. Thanks for your replys so far. A couple thoughts I would like to add 1. Yes I agree a new setting would be appriopate. Ring size is diferent and ring style wouyld be different because of the difference in their personalities. The diamond Does it really make sense to take the diamond back to the dealer and get an exact copy of it (no physical difference between 2 diamonds and the 3 C's ) and pay $2500+ (the 4th C) just to get a new reciept. Is that really the cost of love or is it just thowing money over your shoulder or at the dealer just for a reciept. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Does it really make sense to take the diamond back to the dealer and get an exact copy of it (no physical difference between 2 diamonds and the 3 C's ) and pay $2500+ (the 4th C) just to get a new reciept. Is that really the cost of love or is it just thowing money over your shoulder or at the dealer just for a reciept. Your answer to this question is obvious simply based on the way you worded the question. It's your diamond. It's your girlfriend. And you've already made up your mind. Do what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by answerman Does it really make sense to take the diamond back to the dealer and get an exact copy of it (no physical difference between 2 diamonds and the 3 C's ) and pay $2500+ (the 4th C) just to get a new reciept. No. It makes no sense to me. Come on, lets not be sentimental. Main thing is to make her happy right? So, I would say keep it and tell her you did change it in case she asks! And don’t tell anyone. No friend no relative. Only you know about it! It is not cheating it is being practical and smart. What if the dealer is selling you the same ring back. LOL Next thing you could do is talk with her about it and see what she thinks about. OO I expect an attack here. Too busy to answer people! Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
heckno Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by Anais No. It makes no sense to me. Come on, lets not be sentimental. Main thing is to make her happy right? So, I would say keep it and tell her you did change it in case she asks! And don’t tell anyone. No friend no relative. Only you know about it! It is not cheating it is being practical and smart. What if the dealer is selling you the same ring back. LOL Next thing you could do is talk with her about it and see what she thinks about. OO I expect an attack here. Too busy to answer people! Good luck. Hey, if it makes her happy that she's being passed the same rock that was intended for another then so be it. If your first was worth the search, so is this one. Agreed, who needs a 15k ring anyway. And hey, if she asks, don't lie to her. That's a wonderful way to start off the marriage. Not only are you passing your old flames rock on to her, you're also lying to her. Kudos. That will cause issues down the road. There's nothing practical about that scenario. YOu might find yourself out shopping for another "setting" in 10 years. Link to post Share on other sites
250r Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Let me start with "I'm a guy".... and holy cow! $15k on a ring!!! Anyways, I would just remove the diamond from the ring and get a new setting like you suggested. If you sold that you'd get a couple pennies on the dollar. Would she ever know that you gave that diamond to another before? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 It was silly to spend 15,000 dollars on something thats true value is in the low hundreds. If you were to take it back and downgrade it simply so that the, as SoleMate awesomely put it, "love vibes" were different--you'd only be being consistent with your silliness Link to post Share on other sites
Stinkerbelle Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 I would rather have no diamond at all, than one I knew my fiance had given to another woman. (Luckily I didn't have to make that choice! ) Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Keep the diamond, put it in a new setting. I think that is what makes the ring 'made for her'. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Just brainstorming alternatives...but are you sure that if you just TRADED the diamond to a dealer for one that was similar, you would have to take the same kind of price hit? Especially if you buy the setting from him? Unless you got majorly ripped, or the diamond has wear, it just be tradeable for something close in price. Don't lie to her about what you did with the stone. That's the coward's way out. Link to post Share on other sites
tigerskye Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 NO NO NO. BUY a NEW DIAMOND RING. I am sorry but no woman wants to be reminded of her man's past. It is bad enough knowing that your man has been engaged or married before and having to hear about the ex. But even worse to have to wear something that was for her. Everytime she looks at the ring she will not think about you and the love she has for you but rather the other woman and how much you loved her. You want her to look at the ring and think oh my gosh he spent time and effort into picking out this ring for me and it is truely respects US. You need it to respect you and her not you and your ex! If you TRUELY love the new woman you are with, you will spend even more time picking out her diamond ring. It is not about how much you spend on the ring(if you don't have the $15,000) but it about the moment, the thought, the care, and the love that goes into the ring. I promise you, she would rather have a diamond that is cheaper but was picked out for her not someone esle. If you give her someone's esle ring you will only be setting yourself up for trouble! BUY HER A NEW DIAMOND RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 23, 2004 Share Posted December 23, 2004 Originally posted by tigerskye Everytime she looks at the ring she will not think about you and the love she has for you but rather the other woman and how much you loved her. Wow, this hypothetical her sounds pretty vain, are you sure she's marriage material? If you TRUELY love the new woman you are with, you will spend even more time picking out her diamond ring. It is not about how much you spend on the ring(if you don't have the $15,000) but it about the moment, the thought, the care, and the love that goes into the ring. He'd already be putting effort into finding the unique setting. Picking an actual stone doesn't take any effort at all--it's simply how much you can afford of the four C's--the unspoken 5th C being the X factor: Cash. It's Christmas--Read this: http://www.auburn.edu/~vestmon/Gift_of_the_Magi.html Link to post Share on other sites
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